Meating my True Self
by OceanSpiral
Summary: Bog Harbour wasn't a town listed in any "Top 100 Vacation Location" magazines. It was a place most forgot existed. But everything changes with the arrival of a tacit young boy and the sudden disappearances of middle school kids. Clueless locals and ineffective police means that Ken the Albino must step up, along with his crew of friends, to solve the mystery of Bog Harbour.
1. Prologue: The Wheel Turns

**Prologue  
The Wheel Turns**

Fog was the enemy of certainty. A blanket of humidity obscured what should have been an easy, familiar place. But like worlds glimpsed in snatches of sleep, he could, at best, only be half sure that this was real.

A slow whine echoed from the shroud of fog ahead of him. He raised his arm, held his hand in front and watched the fog greedily swallow it up. He stepped forward, feeling it nip and grab at his legs.

Seeing what lay in front of him, he wondered if perhaps he should have been more surprised to see a Ferris wheel rising out of the fog. Instead, he waited until it slowed and a compartment rattled to a stop. Weary and rusted, it looked almost sorry for itself.

With a billowing of acrid smoke, the door of the compartment unlocked with a _ker-chunk._ A woman stepped out, light spilling out from behind her. She wore a dress suit in deepest royal blue and her face relaxed into a gentle smile. He felt all the tension evaporate from him.

"Hello there," Her voice was soft and encouraging, the type you would automatically trust. "You must be the one we're expecting. Please, do come in."

With a friendly tip of her hostess cap, the blonde lady melted back into the soft light of the carriage. A shiver pricked at the base of his spine and he bundled himself deeper into his heavy sweater, watching goosebumps spring up on his chalk white skin. He followed. There was nowhere else to go.

"Good evening." Behind them, the door to the carriage slammed shut and it lurched back into life. The young man fought to regain his footing as the carriage lifted itself up and began a slow ascent. "And welcome to the Velvet Room."

Velvet Room? Wasn't that some sort of club middle aged women loved to hang around? The young man sucked in his breath. From the outside, this carriage looked ordinary enough. But inside, it was completely different. For a start, it seemed twice as large. It was clear someone lived here, judging by the plentiful supply of alcohol parked on a tray in the corner.

A man sat opposite him – the owner of this place, maybe? How could he not have noticed him earlier? He looked the sort of man you'd only see in graphic novels, with a long, slender nose poking between bulging eyes and a devious smile set upon thin lips.

"I am the one they call Igor." The man spoke in a deep and breathy voice, like he savoured the taste of each and every letter on his tongue. As he spoke, his fingers tapped together. "How interesting that you've been called to me. This normally only happens after certain… _bonds_ have been made."

The young man felt Igor's gaze sweep intrusively up and down his body. One gnarled hand waved in front of him and a selection of playing cards – royal blue backed with peculiar markings – materialised on the table that stood between them.

"Perhaps there is something that awaits you, after all. It seems as though you and Fate have been… intertwined."

The young man frowned. This was all becoming a little too strange. A man that spoke like a Shakespeare villain living on a Ferris wheel with an air hostess lady and a bunch of playing cards. Was this some sort of crazy fever dream?

The playing cards – six on closer inspection – had flipped over. Strange designs danced in front of his eyes, too intricate to make out properly.

"I sense an oncoming change in your life," Igor nodded knowingly. "One that, without proper precaution, may prove too much for you to handle. Do you believe in fortune telling, perhaps? A simple deck of cards mirrors life in such a simple, yet perfect way. Care for a demonstration?"

Without even moving his hands, the cards on the table seemed to shuffle themselves around at a blinding pace. Milliseconds later, the cards on the table were returned to their original position.

"Pick three, please."

Igor cross-hatched his fingers, and stared down his long nose at the young man. The boy gulped, looked around nervously, and extended a shaking hand towards the first of the cards. It and two others were flipped, and Igor's eyes flashed.

"How interesting… according to what I see here, you are in for quite an adventure. If you take matters into your own hands, and tread _very_ carefully, you may just be able to prevent matters of a catastrophic nature. But it won't be easy. You'll need to forge alliances, learn to adapt under pressure, and above all, assert yourself."

Their carriage squeaked to a sudden halt, and whatever was in Igor's glass spilled. The boy looked out of the windows to see lights looming in the distance. Of a city, maybe?

"Your destiny awaits you," Igor's grin widened. "And we will meet again soon."

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **So yeah, this is a bit of a thing. This Persona/Bob's Burgers fic is completely opposite from the usual Pokemon fanfiction that gets published on this site, but hey. It is what it is.**

 **To be totally transparent, this fic is co-written with my boy The Neverending Meep. It's on Ao3 on his name and FFN on mine so that's fair!**

 **With the two of us working on this, we should be able to update it fairly regularly (I do the cleanup work, he does the initial chapters) so please do look out for us in the future.**

 **And yeah, I know what you're thinking. The Belcher kids with Personas? How are you going to work that out?**

 **Please wait and see, my friends! I promise it'll be an experience! Please read and review if the inclination takes you, we'd love to hear your thoughts!**


	2. Tee for Two

**Chapter One:**  
 **Tee for Two**

The sickly, sour stench invaded his nostrils, forced its way inside until it felt like his whole body was filled with acrid rot. The young man span around, trying to locate its source. His steps, heavy and laboured, felt like a marathon's worth of effort. And then there was the fog. The deep, impenetrable fog that made it almost impossible to see further than a few inches. Something wasn't right. It wasn't just the smell or the terrible, oppressive atmosphere. The fear went right down to the bone.

The young man shivered as he felt his way around. Whatever was keeping him here, it sure wasn't making him feel welcome. Was he doomed to spend eternity here, like a lab rat stuck in a maze? His leg brushed up against something on the ground. Something heavy, solid. The first instinct told him to bolt, to run, to get as far away from whatever thing he had just happened upon. The smell had reached unbearable levels, one hand placed over his mouth and nose to block out the worst of it. Still its metallic tang permeated the gaps in his fingers, catching him at the back of the throat like a fishhook embedded in an unlucky catch.

His limbs felt heavier than ever, but the boy found the strength to kneel down, get closer to this mystery. A shaking hand stretched out and disappeared into the fog moments afterwards. His fingers came into eventual contact with something cold. Something that squished underneath his hand like mouldy fruit. A mixture of textures… of smooth, springy, rough. Then something that felt like fabric.

His trembling hand travelled further upwards. Then, the soft tassels of hair. Human hair. No. It couldn't be. His heart thudded faster and faster against the confines of his ribcage. His breath came in great gasping gulps. No. No! There's no way…!

He could forget this. All he had to do was take his hand away, turn around and pretend like he had never seen it. But as he withdrew, something cold and slimy closed around his wrist. He glanced down and saw blue fingers splayed across his arm.

With a thick, rattling breath, the body on the ground exhaled into the fog "Help… me."

* * *

Snorting and yelping with fright, the boy flailed awake. In a rush of senses, the world slowly pieced itself back together around him. Hideous purple and yellow seat pattern. The steady rhythmic trundling of wheels against pavement. The chattering of children congregated around one low buzzing handheld console. He glanced around, suddenly feeling foolish. Of course. It was just a dream.

Rubbing at his dry eyes and moistening his chapped lips, he looked out at the kaleidoscope of colours passing him by out of the bus window. How long had he been asleep for? Where was he? Nothing looked familiar here. The last thing he remembered was getting on the bus to… where was it again? Something… harbour?

His neck cricked in complaint as he turned it from side to side. His bag and half-eaten chocolate bar were still there, that was good news. An entirely unfamiliar landscape greeted him outside of the window however. The bus had just turned off of the highway and was making its way down more suburban looking streets. Blocks upon blocks of lifeless residential buildings, all in the same pastel shades of green, blue and orange. Just then, a loudspeaker screeched itself into existence;

"Atten… ev… one, we'll s…. app…"

There was another screech as the loudspeaker was cut off again.

"Urgh, dammit," the same voice spoke out aloud. "Attention everyone. The damn tannoy ain't workin' properly, so I'm just gonna have to shout at youse all. Lissen up. We're approachin' Bog Harbour. Those wishin' to get off at Bog Harbour get yourselves ready, ya hear?"

Bog Harbour? That fit the bill. This place was as good as any… right?

The bus slowly rattled to a halt and the boy could feel his heart sink into his stomach. Who was he kidding? He couldn't even convince himself that this place was worth his time. But his parents had insisted that he go, stay with this obscure relative of theirs because… reasons. Reasons he either didn't know or didn't bother to listen to. It didn't matter. Not in the long run, anyway. But he got the gist of it. Go stay with an obscure relative for a year, see how the other half live, go make friends! All that motivational poster crap.

The boy sighed. This was going to be a long year. He wasn't even off the bus and he hated it already. With a grumble, he collected his few belongings that were scattered around him, and rose to two shaky feet. As every other person on the bus began staring at him, it became quickly apparent that he was the only person getting off at this stop. Well that was encouraging. What next?

His legs were numb from all that sitting. The last thing he needed was to fall on his face in front of all these people. He stomped down the aisle of the bus, refusing to look at anyone. Even the driver regarded him with an expression that somehow managed to be both glassy eyed and stern. Did anyone actually want to be here?

"Best of luck, kid." The driver deadpanned at him as he dismounted the last step. He snorted once, took a lengthy draft of what looked like an energy drink, and then closed the door. The bus farted out a lungful of black smoke as it spluttered away, leaving the boy alone at the bus stop in an unfamiliar town.

If there was ever a situation where the phrase "At least it can't get any worse" was made for, this was it. The young man waited no longer than five solitary seconds before his attention was drawn to the side of the road.

"Well hello there!"

Speaking to him from a golf cart of all things was a man in the brightest white suit he had ever seen in his life. "You must be errm… yes, you must… be! Come here why don't you? Say hello to your second cousin's step…uncle! You can call me Calvin!"

The boy frowned, and turned around. There wasn't anyone behind him. Or nearby. The closest person was a bored looking man in a tracksuit loitering by an alley doorway. Then it dawned. The weirdo was definitely talking to him.

"Oh, now there's no need to be alarmed!" It kept talking. "You are here to help me redeem myself for a certain… misdemeanour, correct? I have some paperwork in here… somewhere… that you'll need to sign for me! Could you do that?"

The guy shuffled around in his golf cart for a pen and sheet of paper, before pushing the both of them onto the boy. "Therrre, you go! A thing! You should sign it, oh and print your name as well please! Just in case!"

The boy grumbled. This was already a pain. But, however bad this guy was, he was giving him a place to stay for the next year. That was worth a signature at least. With another short sigh, he found a hard surface, and scribbled out a signature onto the paper before handing it back.

"Why, thank you Ken, err… Shi…?" The man – Calvin, apparently – squinted at the sheet of paper. "…Ken! A marvellous name that I certainly remembered! Your signature, while barely legible, is much appreciated! And now I believe we should head onwards to my… our mansion. Wouldn't you agree?"

Ken glanced over to the man in his golf cart. There was room for him, and nothing more. Exactly how was he supposed to go with the guy? Chase after him?

But then he saw the sidecar and groaned.

"C'mon, Ken m'boy! I had this installed especially for you!" Calvin tapped on the metal shell twice. "After all, how would I prove that I am a fit caregiver otherwise? She's a bit slow with the extra weight, but we'll manage I'm sure! Plus, there's a bonus; croissants!"

Suddenly Ken was missing the bus. But this man was his legal guardian for the foreseeable future. So in the sidecar he went. It was literally just an eggshell of hollowed out metal with a solitary cushion for 'comfort', but it was an improvement on walking, that was for sure.

At least until it moved, anyway. Golf carts weren't exactly known for their speed, but this thing was so slow that they would've gotten there faster by walking. To make things worse, the sight of him and Calvin in the golf cart, speeding down the high street at maybe three miles an hour, became quite the spectacle for locals;

"Who's that with Mr Fischoeder?"

"He hasn't kidnapped another kid, has he?"

"Sshh, quiet! You don't want him to raise your rent do ya?!"

Meanwhile Calvin, the reason he was attracting all this attention, was buttering a croissant against the dashboard of his golf cart.

"Hum, de-dum… oh, I curse you for convincing me to get those racing stripes, Felix," he muttered to no one. "Because they most certainly are notworking! Why, as punishment I'll have to be-"

Suddenly his eyes widened, and he turned to face Ken without as much as a change of expression, like something out of a horror movie.

"Oh, Felix would be my brother! You'll meet him soon enough." He spoke, before returning his attention to his croissant. "Note to self, bring more butter next time."

The roads were painfully quiet as Ken and Calvin snailed along in the golf cart. Ken was bored within minutes, but he at least got to check around town as they passed. The mailman, who looked like he was about to sweep a handful of letters into the sewer with his foot, suddenly gasped and picked them back up with a flourish as he and Calvin rounded the corner.

"Oh silly me, such a butterfingers…" He laughed at nothing, "O-oh, good afternoon, Mr Fischoeder. You feelin' fine today?"

"Oh, rather adequate… mailman." Calvin's voice was suddenly harsher. "Ken, this is the local mailman, whose name escapes me."

"…Mike," the mailman deadpanned. "And pleased to meetcha, kiddo."

He offered a hand as they rolled past, which Ken supposed he had to shake.

"Ahh, of course," Calvin nodded. "Well, I'm sure you understand how mail works, Ken. Should you order something, Mike here will deliver it to you!"

"That's m'job," Mike the mailman's smile stretched thin. "You'll have to disable your security system if you want it in one piece though, Mr Fish."

"Non-sense!" Calvin laughed him off. "How else would Frank get his exercise?!"

"Release him back to Africa where he belongs?" Mike said.

"Hah!" Calvin's laugh grew louder. "As if!"

He caught Ken's eye once again, and explained. "Frank is my security ostrich. He runs the tightest ship I've ever known! But I'm afraid he does make a frightful mess!"

What felt like hours had passed since they left the bus stop, en route at last to what could only be described as a palace. The sun was setting by the time they'd reached the garden, and the towering structure in the distance was an intimidating sight contrasted against the dusk. The sheer size… it must've had at least thirty rooms.

"Well, this would be the place," Calvin offered a wry smile as he brought his golf cart to a clunky stop. "Fischoeder Mansion! That's my last name, just so you know. But you needn't use it, Ken. Only tenants call me that!"

Ken nodded. What else was there to do but be polite?

After muttering a quick thank you to Calvin, he collected his belongings, and wandered into the complex in search of somewhere that looked like a bedroom. All sorts of bizarre sights greeted him on his way through; medieval suits of armour, several marble busts of… some celebrity chef, a gong, a standing fire…

Finally, a bedroom. Or at least what could have passed for one. Ken had seen enough for today. He pushed his case into one corner, and fell backwards onto the four poster bed. He would've commented on how soft and comfortable it all was, were the light and warmth not suddenly drained out of the room.

It felt like he was just about to drift into the familiar embrace of sleep, when something changed in the room. The temperature plummeted but still, Ken broke out into a vicious sweat.

A chillingly familiar voice. "We meet again."

Ken sat bolt upright only to meet the sight of the Cheshire Cat grin that could only belong to Igor.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **I don't think I have much to say about this! Some setup to get things going, some atmosphere and some unanswered questions! Meep and I are spending our evenings working on this (in-between his study and my preparing lessons for my students)**

 **Thank you to our first reviewer (on FFN and Ao3) the lovely Shadow Serenity 57 who has been a stalwart reviewer of mine for (probably) years? And who gets so little appreciation for it! Thanks so much, friend! I hope we don't disappoint!**

 **Cheers guys, please read and review if you can!**


	3. You Had Me at Three

**Chapter Two  
** **You Had Me at Three**

Ken jerked awake as the unholy screeching of an alarm clock ripped through his eardrums. The mocking green face showed him 6:30 in the morning.

Hang on. When did he even set an alarm?

Questions tumbling around his mind, he was able to banish them – momentarily – with a sudden banging at the door.

"Good morning, Ken! It's me, Calvin! I trust you slept well?"

It didn't take Ken long to put two and two together. That weirdo of a temporary guardian of his must have snuck an alarm clock into his room at some point last night. While he was sleeping. An involuntary shudder crept down Ken's spine. No, there was nothing worrying about that at all…

Calvin, unperturbed by Ken's silence, continued to witter on. Ken found he had never been more grateful for a door – and a lock – in all his life.

"I'll take the silence as a yes! Why, I wish all children were this easy to communicate with! I appreciate that the alarm clock may have woken you a bit earlier than you may appreciate, however we have a busy day ahead of us! After all, it is time for you to start at your new school!"

School…?

Ken instantly felt himself deflate. So this wasn't just a yearlong vacation.

"…I guess."

"Grand! I like your enthusiasm!" Calvin remained as oblivious as ever. "I'll meet you downstairs for breakfast in…ah... soon! Yes, soon!"

Ken waited until he was sure Calvin had padded away – then gave it five more minutes to be sure. He hadn't brought a lot of clothes with him – logoed t-shirts, jean shorts, the usual stuff boys his age enjoyed. But suddenly, looking at it all laid out in front of him – Don't Eat Yellow Snow, To Err is Human and To Arr is Pirate… Ken felt very young and very foolish.

Eventually deciding on clothes that wouldn't offend him, or anybody else for that matter, Ken freshened up in the first bathroom he came across. Stumbling downstairs, he found Calvin already impeccably dressed in what was either the same pure white suit he wore yesterday, or an exact duplicate.

"Now now, Frank, do calm down," the man chuckled, holding a large bowl at arm's length as an absolute monster of an ostrich lurched through the open window.

Ken watched in a bizarre combination of fascination and alarm. Calvin had somehow strapped one of those rotating police lights to the poor thing's head, which was flashing about all over the place as it impaled the veritable mountain of seed Calvin had provided.

"My, you are making a mess, Frank." He tutted the giant bird as more seeds and pellets flew everywhere. "Ah Ken, perfect timing! I should introduce you to Frank! I mentioned him yesterday remember?"

Frank the ostrich lifted its head out of the bowl of seed, and snorted. It turned to face him slowly, and Ken could've sworn it was glaring. Despite his best efforts, the cold stare did send a shiver down his spine.

"There are occasions when I'm not available to feed dear Frank here, so I may have to rely on you for that. I'd be ever so grateful if you could, Ken? Whaddya say?"

Ken felt his foot betray him and take half a step away. How was he going to feed that thing without losing a limb? It looked… murderous.

"Before you ask, I cannot ask my brother Felix to feed him. The two haven't gotten along ever since the eggbeater incident…" Calvin explained. "So perhaps you'll be able to ease my burden, dear boy. But enough about that! I'm sure you'll do wonderfully. Onto breakfast!"

Frank the ostrich released a weird sort of purring noise, knocked over his bowl, and then took off in a flurry of feathers to somewhere else on the grounds. Ken simply shook his head at the giant dumb creature as it fully disappeared behind an obviously disregarded hedge.

Trying to put thoughts of eggbeaters, murderous ostriches and clones of white suits as far out of his head as he could, Ken dutifully followed in Calvin's footsteps. If he was a different kind of kid, one who cared about his surroundings, he probably would have been somewhat intimidated by the long, sprawling corridors, immaculately polished and garnished with paintings of long dead Fischoeder relatives. Probably.

After what felt like an age, Ken emerged into a dining room. Well, it could have been anything, really. A grand hall for a banquet was probably more apt. After all, the table in it was about half a mile long, and loaded with entirely too much food for two people to eat in a day, forget one sitting.

"Ah, you found me. Excellent!" Calvin called from the other side of the table. "Please, do help yourself to whatever you wish from this spread. I have all the things a young boy like yourself should enjoy for breakfast, including pizza, ice cream, and chicken nuggets! Scores of chicken nuggets! Though I'm afraid we'll have to eat on the move today, young Ken! Otherwise we won't have time to get you registered!"

Ken sighed. So he was serious about sending him to a school. What were the kids in this dingy, backwater town even like? He hadn't yet seen one, forget spoken to one.

But nevertheless, he had to do what his temporary guardian said. So he grabbed a couple of pop tarts – they seemed like a sensible option – and followed Calvin out of the building, where it took another excruciating ride in the golf cart back towards the town itself.

The sun had properly risen by the time they arrived, and Ken had heard enough rumours about Calvin (or 'Mr Fischoeder' to the locals) to last a lifetime. What kind of shady dealings did one have to participate in for a town to be this scared of him?

"Here we are, Wagstaff School!" Calvin announced to the immediate area with his arms spread out wide. "This is the institution in which you shall learn… things, for the next year! Are ya excited, Ken?"

"…sure," Ken clambered out of the sidecar. If it gave him back some sense of normality in his life, then he supposed it wasn't so bad.

"I may have to pull some strings… yes, I believe that's the 'hip' phrase you youngsters use nowadays," Calvin said, "But if all goes well, you may even be able to start today! Wouldn't that be swell?"

Calvin threw his half-eaten croissant over his shoulder, where it landed squarely on the driver's seat, and led the way into the building. Upon his flourish through the front doors, once again the gaggle of students traversing the hallways turned to stare at him. As if he'd drained all of the colour from the surroundings, what Ken could presume was a tired, Wednesday-ish sort of atmosphere had been replaced with a cold, sterile one. Like the doctor was about to tell you some bad news.

And Calvin paid absolutely no heed of this. Were he used to it or wilfully ignorant, Ken wasn't sure. But all of the kids shuffling out of their way was convenient. That much he had to be thankful for.

* * *

"G-good morning, Mr Fischoeder," a particularly hapless looking man greeted Calvin with a sweaty handshake. "I… I see you've brought a young man with you. May I ask… why?"

"I'm starting an improvised hip hop group, and was looking for talented youngsters!" Calvin dropped both hands onto the desk separating them. "…you foolish fool. Care to hazard a guess?"

"Okay, okay…" the man dabbed at his forehead. "You want to… enrol him?"

"Yes, and I'd like to have him start today." Calvin smiled.

"T-today?" the man spluttered, "But that's not possible, M-Mr Fischoeder sir! We need to run things through administration, and inform Principal Spoors, a-and-"

"I'd really appreciate it if you could."

"B-but-"

"Very much so."

"…right!" the sweaty man spluttered. "Well I guess we could work out the details at a later date, couldn't we? Hello there, young man! I'm Mr Frond, and I'm the school's councillor. The school's Principal Spoors couldn't be here today, so I'm afraid you'll have to put up with me instead. But don't worry! I don't bite!"

This Mr Frond tittered nervously, and took great care in shifting a collection of crocheted dolls from his desk before sitting at it. "S-so, could I ask that you sign this? Any other legalities will be taken care of with your… guardian? A-another time. So just sign this, and we'll get you into class!"

Once again, Ken found himself signing his name away. The ink was still glistening when Mr Frond whisked it from him, and beckoned the lad to follow.

"So you're how old, Ken? About eleven I'm guessing?" He asked, walking briskly.

Ken nodded.

"Speak up, please!"

"…yeah."

"Good good, Sixth Grade. We can work with thaaaat. Let's see if we can squeeze you into… this class!"

The cheap wooden door rattled as Mr Frond merely pushed it open, and cleared his throat. "Ahem, Ms. Twitchell, if I could have a moment?"

At the front of the classroom, a tall lady with dark hair drawn back into a long ponytail had obviously been in the middle of something, and frowned at him.

"Why good morning, Mr Frond. I guess you can, if it's important enough to interrupt homeroom."

"E-heh, sorry," Mr Frond tittered again. "I just… I'm a little nervous this morning, because-"

"Your important thing, Mr Frond?"

"…oh yes!" Frond remembered himself. "Ahem! I have, uhh, this boy here! His name is Ken, and starting today he'll be in your homeroom class! Okay, okay bye!"

Before Ken could even register Frond shunting him into the room, the man had turned tail and fled down the hallway. Ken supposed arguing with him wasn't a likely scenario.

"Well then…" Ms. Twitchell just let her gesturing hands flop down in obvious exasperation. "Ken, was it? I won't force you to introduce yourself if you don't want to. Just go and find a seat, honey."

With a quick nod to the teacher, Ken glanced across the classroom to locate an empty seat. There was the one in the back corner, the front centre, or the one on the third row near the window. Windows were good. You could get distracted by them.

Third row it was. Ken kept his head high, avoiding the glaring stares of other pupils on his way to his new seat. He had no books, no pens, no… anything, really, but he was at school now. He was going to have to run with this for at least the next few hours.

And no sooner had the chair squeaked under his weight had the whispering started. Ever since his meeting with Calvin, they'd been practically constant. Maybe it was time to start blanking them out like white noise. They'd be a lot easier to ignore that way.

Suddenly a new surprise was pushed under his nose. It wasn't nearly as unpleasant as the awful rumours that had already started spreading about him – apparently his parents were cannibals now? – but it was still pretty unexpected.

"Take it!" A voice hissed from exactly one chair behind to the right. Ken looked down at the 'offering' and frowned; a cold mincemeat taco? Of all things?

With a shrug, Ken accepted the taco, and turned to face whoever gave it to him. Teetering dangerously on one chair leg was a chubby young boy with thick black hair and a bright yellow shirt.

"I'm Gene!" The boy whisper-yelled across the divide. "Welcome to Wagstaff! Enjoy your honorary Taco Tuesday Taco!"

Confusion struck like a slap to the face. But it was Wednesday. Why was he being given a taco from yesterday?

Ah well. It was free food, at least.

Ken gave this Gene a short thanks, just as Ms. Twitchell was wrapping up her homeroom speech.

"Well that should cover it!" She said. "Someone, please help Ken find his way around the school, and have a good day, kids. I want you on your best behaviours, got it?"

There was a murmuring of agreement from the gaggle of kids, and a shrill bell rang shortly after. Must've been time for first lesson. How exactly was he going to blag his way through this entire day?

* * *

Shockingly, the day seemed over before he knew it. It seemed that none of the staff cared that there was a new kid in their classes who possessed none of the required materials to learn the things they were teaching. It probably wasn't the best idea to rely on that first day luck, though. Ken made a mental note to pick himself up at least a pen and something to write in. Calvin probably had some just lying around.

"So, how was your first day here, Ken?" That Gene kid from earlier slapped a hand on his back, as if they were best friends already.

"…good I guess," Ken mumbled. "Not sure I really learned anything."

"All the better!" Gene grinned. "We try not to learn anything here. Education? What is that noise?"

Gene led Ken through the school's twisted hallways and out of the building itself, where fresh air and sunlight greeted his skin at last.

"Oh, Gene, there you are."

Standing at the steps outside were two young girls that both bore a striking resemblance to Gene. One obviously older, with the thick glasses and visible awkwardness of a teenager attempting to find her own way in life, and one younger, with a bright green dress and pink bunny-ear hat. All three shared the same dark glossy hair.

"Yeah, where've you been all day?!" the younger one cried. "Burnt fishsticks in the cafeteria, and no Gene?!"

"Burnt fishsticks come and go, Louise! Gene didn't miss a beat. "But new kids are forever! This is Ken! He is my friend now!"

"…oh. Well that's alright, I guess," Louise fiddled with her dress, "You better not brainwash our brother into learning and contributing to society, you hear me Ken?"

Ken frowned, and looked to Gene.

"She likes you." He grinned back. "So, you like food, Ken? We know a place!"

"We live there," the older sister smiled.

"Don't tell him that, Tina!" Louise screamed at her in protest.

"…either way!" Gene brought conversation back. "Come with us, Ken! Your company would be greatly appreciated! Mother would adore you!"

"…sorry, I can't tonight." Ken shook his head.

"Well walk with us then! We can part ways!" Gene's enthusiasm was infectious. Despite himself, Ken found a smile escape his depths. With a nod, he agreed, and followed the three siblings through the town, where they separated outside a run-down looking restaurant.

"Seeya tomorrow, Ken!" Gene called, hanging half out of the door. Ken sighed, feeling the happiness and warmth evaporate from his body as he turned to face the intimidating sight of Fischoeder mansion in the distance.

"How the other half live, huh?" He chuckled to himself.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

 **Hi to the... three of you reading this? Here's another quick update. It's nothing special as it's just establishing characters, world-building and setting up the plot.**

 **So, there's a fair number of future confidants been brought in this chapter! I can't wait to reveal who they all are! (Especially the arcana!)**

 **Sorry for the lame chapter title - we genuinely couldn't think of anything better!**

 **Thanks again to Shadow Serenity 57 for the lovely review. To answer your question, all of the characters so far and about 98% of the upcoming (aside from Frank the Ostrich and a couple of minor OCs) are all characters from Bob's Burgers.**

 **Right, thanks so much for reading and hopefully, if you can drop us any feedback, that'd be grand!**


	4. Fools Rush In

**Chapter Three  
Fools Rush In**

Of all the issues Ken expected to come up against after his move here, having reasonable access to a pen was not the one he thought would give him the most trouble. After Calvin disappeared into the bowels of the mansion that night, Ken took his chance. It took a good few hours but eventually he came across a substantial horde of pens – all branded identically from what looked like a shady pottery business – hidden in the fireplace of a converted guest room.

Life's supply of free pens acquired and stashed carefully in the corner, Ken finally settled down for the night. But his sleep was fragmented – interrupted several times by the ghost of a grin lurking in the far corner. When he blearily blinked awake the following morning, thankfully without Calvin's wakeup call, he reasoned perhaps he might need to swap rooms.

Breakfast was another needlessly extravagant affair. When Ken trudged downstairs, Calvin was bent over the breakfast table, an entire grapefruit speared at the end of his fork.

"So, you feel like you're getting to know the town, Ken?"

"I've been here two days." No one could learn the ins and outs of a town that quickly, could they? Maybe Calvin actually did have standards…

"Ahh, very true,"Calvin was now slicing chunks off of his grapefruit with a carving knife. Ken tried not to watch. "Either way, I figure the best way for you to learn would be to get out there and explore it, yes? So you would be comfortable making your own way to school and back from now on?"

Ken shrugged. This town was designed like a giant waffle. Blocks upon blocks upon blocks of right-angle corners and crossroads. It would take some serious dedication to get lost here. "I guess."

"Grand!" Calvin beamed, "I like a lad that gets stuck in! Really gives me hope for the next generation! And speaking of getting stuck in, would you mind feeding Frank for me? I would, but I'm afraid my hands are occupied with tiny fruit!"

Ken looked up from his fruity-o's – he only picked them because the spoon that came with said 'cereal killer' – and noted that Calvin's attention was being held hostage by a mobile phone. His sliced grapefruit now lay abandoned on the kitchen table – replaced by… pixelled fruit? His fingers zipped across the screen and Ken saw images of fruit sliced, diced and chopped go flying in a bizarre barrage of colours.

Ken's cereal had gone soggy. He looked around for a bin, even just a sink to place it into. He had the vague idea he would come back to it later. But there was nothing. Nothing he could see, anyway…

"Don't worry about the cleaning, Ken. My maid Inga will get that for you at some point or another. Probably. Frank's feeding bowl should be in the kitchen."

Calvin was still immersed in his dumb game, so Ken shrugged, and placed his bowl back on the endless table. The enormous bowl of seeds and pellets waited for him ominously in the next room, so it was all just a matter of getting it, and taking it to the hulking ostrich… wherever it was.

No sooner had Ken wrenched the bowl off of the kitchen countertop, was there a shrill squawk followed by the stomping of feet. Ken barely had time to turn around before a pair of beady eyes were staring him down outside a nearby window.

"Ohh, it appears Frank has spotted you!" Calvin didn't take his eyes off his phone. "He is quite wary of strangers Ken, so I would be too. But you have his food. And there is no better way to an ostrich's heart than with food! Mr Tom Hanks can verify that!"

Ken gulped. Like that one scene out of _Jurassic Park_ that had haunted him for years, Frank the ostrich snorted against the window, leaving a trail of condensation. That thing could end his life in seconds if it wanted. And he was supposed to _feed_ it?

Ah well. He'd had a good life. And at least "mauled by an ostrich" would give somebody in the morgue a chuckle.

Ken nervously stepped towards the window. The beady eyes of the ostrich outside never left him. The idea that only a thin pane of glass separated him from 260 pounds of pure rage and muscle was enough to set him trembling. Eventually, he slid the window open. Frank dashed his neck through the open gap with the speed of a bullet. Ken's arms nearly buckled under the weight as the ostrich pecked at the full bowl of seed like a drill. It was over in seconds and Frank disappeared back into the depths of the garden.

"Atta lad!" Calvin called from the other room. "You've not been injured, I hope? Good, that means he likes you!"

With a roll of his eyes, Ken plonked the heavy bowl down on the nearest surface. He could feel a rush of energy from within, soothing his manic heart rate and lifting his spirit. A tiny stab of bravery sure did wonders for one's morale.

"And now I suppose it's time for you to be toodle-ooing, isn't it?" Calvin walked into the room, mobile phone in hand. "A thanks is in order for your help, dear Ken. And on that front, I award you with this!"

From the breast pocket of his suit Calvin retrieved… another mobile phone?

"Staying in contact is imperative in our day and age, Ken, and it shows the world that I am a suitable guardian by remaining in contact with you," Calvin handed him the phone. It was one of the latest models, with the touch screen and everything, too. "You needn't worry about adding me – I've already done that part! But I do request that you play _Salad Samurai_ with me on occasion! It's deadly fun!"

Ken looked over _his new phone._ The only other one he'd ever had was one of those ancient flip models, so this was a huge step in the best direction. Calvin had attached one of those plastic cases to it already – with a picture of Frank the ostrich on it, how charming – and just like he'd said, his name and number were already listed in the contacts list.

"Now, I shouldn't need to tell you how to use a phone, should I Ken?" Calvin wittered. "After all, this is the technology of your generation! Kids these days are practically _born_ with cell phones, eye-pogs, and wee…fee? Anyway! If you need to get a hold of me for any reason, do feel free to call!"

"Sure thing, Calvin." Ken muttered, and shouldered his schoolbag. "…thanks for the phone."

If Calvin had even uttered a response, Ken didn't hear it. After navigating the endless hallways to exit the building, there was only the matter of Frank dashing past him like a blur before he left the grounds to contend with. He had to jump the fence to avoid the crane-like neck of the monstrous bird.

Tracing his way backwards from yesterday, Ken weaved his way through the many streets of the unfamiliar dingy town. For all his bravado earlier, when it came to actually navigating the streets, it was quite easy to second guess himself. Relying on what little he could remember, the ocean breezes, the bus stop Calvin had picked him up from, the giant carnival in the distance, he slowly pieced together a route he _hoped_ would bring him to school.

Following these clues as they cropped up, Ken somehow found himself outside the very restaurant the Gene and those other two had entered yesterday. Was this where they lived? Did they sleep on the restaurant floor or was there some sort of… living quarters upstairs? Ken very suddenly felt grateful for the many rooms of the Fischoeder mansion

Waiting for them was probably a good idea. Assuming they hadn't left already. They went to the same school, so it was the polite thing to do. He and Gene were even in a lot of the same classes, so it would be silly to just walk straight past and shun the companionship. Even if they were weird.

Ken pressed his face against the window of the restaurant. The man behind the counter was determinedly rubbing at something on the countertop with a washcloth, and aside from one guy wearing a beanie hat opposite him, the place was empty.

With a bell's tinkle, Ken found himself walking into the restaurant. Immediately his senses were assaulted by the pungent stench of grease, fried meat and… grilled cheese?

Both of the men in the restaurant turned to face Ken as he entered. The moustached one behind the counter stared for just a moment longer than he should've, and even took a step back.

"Err… hi there," he spoke, dropping the washcloth and paying Ken some attention. "What can… I getcha?"

Ken took his moment to look around. The place was a bit less run down and shabby from the _inside_. Classic red and yellow colour scheme, with a good balance of bar stools and booths, could maybe seat twenty something people, though he was seriously doubting there had ever been that many people in here at once.

"Umm…" Ken stammered. Gene and those other two did live here… right?

"If you're looking for recommendations, our Burger of the Day is the 'Ehh, Macaroni'," the man behind the counter chuckled. "It comes with a layer of mac and cheese. Sound good?"

It was only then that Ken noticed the chalkboard. It looked as if it had been erased and re-written on hundreds, if not thousands of times, and today's 'special', apparently was a burger with mac and cheese in it? Was that really a thing here? Was it really a thing _anywhere_?

"Hmm, maybe not," the man seemed to notice Ken's expression. "You are here for… food, right?"

"I am always here for food, father!" A familiar voice burst into the room. "Oh, hey there Ken! You remembered where I live!"

"You didn't shut up about it on the way home yesterday. How could he?" The little one with the bunny ears chided. What was her name again?

"Who remembered?" The older sister with the equally forgotten name chipped in. "Who's… oh."

Her glasses shone as she locked eyes with Ken, and suddenly the eldest of the trio withdrew into herself, then looked away.

"Wait, you all know him?" The man behind the counter asked.

"He's my new friend from school!" Gene threw an arm around Ken's shoulders.

"Yeah _dad_ , stop trying to take him away! STOP STEALING GENE'S FRIENDS!" Bunny ears yelled.

"Louise…" their dad groaned. So _that_ was her name…

"Bobby…!" Another voice called from the hallway. Onto the restaurant floor walked a tall woman with ostentatious red glasses, and the same jet black bangs as all of her kids. "The delivery's here! Gonna get it?"

"Already?" 'Bobby's eyebrows knotted together. "…alright, I got it. Kids, go to school."

"We're going!" Louise screeched back at him. "What, you think we're just standin' here, stalling for time?!"

"Isn't that kinda… what you're doing, Louise?" The eldest one said.

"Tina…!"

Another name remembered.

"You guys should listen to your father," the other voice, presumably their mother, said as she came onto the restaurant floor. "Otherwise you'll be l-heyyyyy…!"

She and all of her tallness got down onto one knee, and looked Ken in the eye. "Hey there, stranger! You friends with my little babies?!"

"Mo-ommmm…!" Louise sounded even more annoyed now, tugging at the hem of her bunny ears and pouting.

"And there's my babiest baby…!" The mother cooed. "Come here, give your mommy a hug!"

Louise made a screeching sound, not unlike that of a startled bird. Before Ken could so much as register movement, she was already halfway out the door.

"I'll take that hug!" Gene volunteered, and was smothered immediately by arms.

"Mmmm, mwah mwah mwah mwah!" The mother planted about a dozen kisses on Gene's forehead. "Alright you three, have a good day at school! And you," she turned to face Ken. "Any friend of the kids is a friend of Linda's!"

"That's her," Tina pointed to her mother.

"OBVIOUS, TINA!" Louise shrieked.

"KIDS, GO TO SCHOOL!" Bobby yelled from somewhere in the back.

"WE'RE GOING TO SCHOOL!" Louise hollered in retort.

"WELL GO FASTER!"

"FINE!" Louise exited the building and began stomping down the path to the right.

"We… better go follow her," Tina walked out the door next.

"Alrighty then." Gene shrugged. "C'mon Ken, let's go _learn_ things!"

"Ken? That's your name?" Linda smiled at him. "Alright Ken, you be good to my Genie."

In a surprise move, she wrapped her long skinny arms around Ken and hugged him. "Such lovely hair…" Ken heard her mumble as he followed Gene out of the door. A positive thing. About him. That was a first.

On their arrival back at Wagstaff, the first thing Ken noticed however was that his lovely seat by the window, with all its distraction and see-through-ness, was taken. By some ash-blonde girl Ken didn't recognise from yesterday.

"H-hi Gene," she slurped on her necklace, "How are you to-hey, who's your friend?"

"Hello, Courtney," Gene's voice instantly dipped. "This is Ken. He's new here, and he's _my_ friend, not yours."

"Hello Ken," this Courtney gave him a little wave.

"You'll have to take one of the other seats, buddy," Gene said. "That one's hers. She just wasn't here yesterday."

Ken shrugged. "Fair enough."

And the usual hushed whispers began flocking about as Ken made his way to the spare seat two behind Gene. Nothing he wasn't used to, of course, but these kids were acting fast, even for gossip-mongers. Maybe there wasn't much to do in this town. Even so, he got the usual slew, including,

"What's with the hair? Who just _dyes_ their hair gold?"

"The red eyes too? What are they, contacts?"

"He's like some kinda, ghost…"

But aside from a few furtive glances from that Courtney girl, nothing much happened in Homeroom. Science class came however, and the ponytailed teacher – also the school's gym coach, apparently – was quick to test his knowledge.

"Alright, who to ask…" he tapped a pen against his lips. "How 'bout you, new kid? What percentage of the planet is water?"

Ken flinched as if he were struck by lightning. Already the eyes were upon him, ready to pounce on his inevitable failure. It sucked being the new kid.

But a sneaky thumbs up from Gene in the corner of his eye gave him courage.

"Uhh… seventy?"

Coach Blevins narrowed his eyes. And then smiled.

"Close enough, I'll accept it."

A wave of relief washed over Ken, and he could feel the clamminess just dissolve away as the usual gossiping continued. This time however they seemed more positive,

"Wow, the new kid's actually smart?"

"Did he read that somewhere? No one just knows that, right?"

"Does he need a study partner?"

Ken allowed himself a secret smile before lowering his gaze and getting stuck into the work that was set for them.

* * *

Rumours seemed to be the flavour of the month in the school halls. Some were typical and benign, like that Mr Frond guy knitting all of his dolls so that he had someone to talk to, or that the school receptionist let a burrito explode in the microwave because she couldn't reach it from her chair. But some seemed a lot more despairing, like the kid in Gene's year – Peter something or other – who apparently disappeared?

"Yeah, apparently the cops are clueless," Ken heard one student whisper to another in the lunch hall, where he, Gene and his siblings ate together. Gene seemed overjoyed at the thought of hotdogs, but Ken dismissed this as a normal occurrence, because surely this wasn't the first time he'd seen hotdogs. Louise was quick to affirm Ken's cynicism, and Ken was forever grateful that the rest of the school day was over quickly. At least with a pen and couple of books he was able to take notes, and that made the lessons go so much quicker when you didn't have to stare out of the window for entertainment.

"Another day over!" Gene shouted as he charged out of the school gates, "and then there's only one more day, and it's the weekend! Any plans, Ken?"

"…don't know yet," Ken answered as honestly as he could. Who could make plans with Calvin 'looking after' him? The man was about as consistent as a roll of a dice.

"I see!" Gene was still peppy despite it all. "Well, in any case, if you need somewhere to hang out, why not at our place? Mom already likes you, and you've got us!"

"And we're awesome." Louise had appeared out of nowhere.

"We are?" Tina was right on her heels.

"Well maybe not you, Tina."

"Ohh…"

"Anyway Gene, what're you doing inviting strange people around our house?"

"We could _never_ have enough strangers in our house!" Gene flounced his way across the playpark.

"We are pretty strange," Tina concurred. Louise shrugged in what Ken had to guess was agreement.

"Anyway Ken, grab a pen!" Gene had suddenly pulled back the leg of his pants, "Oop, wrong leg! Here, write your number so we can call you!"

"And text." Tina added.

"And ignore," came Louise.

"You've got a phone, right?" Gene's eyes widened.

"Uhh… yeah." Ken suddenly remembered. After scrolling through all the settings to find out what it was, he tried in vain to scrawl the number onto Gene's leg.

"A-ha! Gotcha!" The boy smirked. "Well, I'll contact you later on tonight, okay Ken?"

Gene slapped Ken on the back in some makeshift means of appreciation, and Ken could feel a strange warmth radiate from within. Light a pulsating burst of something he couldn't quite grasp, he felt his whole body lighten, almost as if lifted by something. But then all the happiness suddenly turned chilling, when an all too familiar voice began speaking directly to his mind, it seemed;

 _"I am thou,_

 _Thou art I,_

 _Thou hast acquired a new vow,_

 _It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,_

 _With the birth of the Fool Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"_

* * *

 **End of Chapter Stats** :

You have been able to feed Frank the Ostrich. Your **Courage** has increased!

You got the question correct! Your **Knowledge** has increased!

Your Fool Rank is currently at: One.

Acquired: Cell Phone.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Here we go, some more actual Persona stuff!

Just an FYI - any time Ken does anything such as gain a stat, rank up, etc., that'll be put in an End of Chapter Stats section like the one above.

We've got this thing started properly now so hopefully that'll mean updates should roll out quite frequently.

Thanks to those that read and to those who bookmarked and favourited. It really honestly is appreciated.

Thank you and see you next time!


	5. Crate Expectations

**Chapter Four  
Crate Expectations**

As the words chimed in his head, a flare of goose bumps prickled across his skin and Ken found himself wide awake. Ahead of him, almost luminescent in the dark, he picked out the maniacal grin of the man he had come to know all too well.

"Good e-vening," Igor spoke, his sonorous voice seemed to fill every inch of Ken's body and the darkness around them. "I have summoned you back here. Be not afraid, you're still asleep. I am merely contacting you via your subconscious."

Igor's words made next to no sense to Ken. Like a jigsaw puzzle with a million pieces, he wondered how the hell it all fit together so he could understand it. Instead, he took in his surroundings. That same exact Ferris wheel from when these nightmares first started. But in so much more detail than before. His senses seemed heightened, he could pick out every crack of the cheap leather seats, and every wrinkle in Igor's aged skin. It frightened him for reasons he didn't truly understand.

"It seems as though you have forged a bond, dear boy. And because of that, the wheels of fate have begun turning." Igor explained.

"A bond?" Ken croaked out. "You mean…that boy from before?"

Another voice chimed in Ken's mind. " _He's new here and he's my friend!"_ Gene's face came to him and he felt a faint warmth in the fluttering of his heart.

"Indeed." Igor seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "Can you hear his voice now?"

"Yes…" Ken's voice was barely a whisper.

"The strength of your bonds will determine your potential. Can you hear them reaching out to you?"

Ken's mind was invaded with voices. Chattering and bubbling like boiling water, they consumed his thoughts. He couldn't pick any out that he recognised.

"Each one's power is limited. But bring them together, and well… you have the potential to do great things. Of course, whether you wish to take control of it is entirely your choice. But either way. I shall be keeping my eye on you."

Reeling from the voices, Ken felt his stomach churn and his body weaken. The last thing he heard was Igor's voice ringing, clear as a bell, above the din of chatter.

"Farewell."

Ken's surroundings melted away, the voices ceased, and he was left only with the impression of the manic grin, stamped in the darkness before him.

Hours passed. Ken's slumbering fell back into a peaceful rhythm until the sun peeked over the horizon, bathing the sleepy town in hues of tangerine and pink. Fridays were good days. Reminders that the battle was almost over, a single eight hours now separating you from two days of blissful freedom.

Yet, as Ken quickly found out, that knowledge made it no easier to get up. His back grumbled in protest – you would think Calvin for all his riches could afford a better mattress - as he pulled on some clothes, barely caring for what they were. Forget colour, brand, logo… Clean was as good as it got on a Friday.

Yawning and stretching to negotiate his aching limbs into use, Ken trudged down the stairs into the dining room. The usual grandiose spread was already awaiting him, as was Calvin, seated comfortable at the other end of the table.

"Ahh, good morning Ken!" Calvin was insufferably chirpy for the early hour of the morning. Did he ever sleep? "Don't worry about feeding Frank this morning, I've already taken care of that. Instead, please take care of this!"

Ken assumed Calvin was not in fact referring to the giant steak he had skewered on his fork. Who even ate steak for breakfast anyway? After a moment's digging about, he brandished a book at Ken. Great, extra reading on top of everything else? He took it reluctantly. Leather bound, with an embellished strap to keep it secure and pocket-sized. It was actually quite nice looking. When he opened it up to read its title, he found it blank.

He looked up to Calvin for an answer.

"Yes, a journal for you, Ken!" Calvin was now waving his steak around instead. "Or a diary, if you'd rather. Either way, I'd like it if you could record some activities in it, when you find the time. After all, it helps me prove that I'm taking adequate care of you!"

Ken felt the pressure land on him like a ten tonne weight. The life of a school student wasn't exactly filled with tragedy and romance. Not unless you were one of those popular kids. Which Ken had never been. Exactly what was he supposed to put in it?

"If you're feeling reluctant, there's some motivation tucked within the pages, boy." Calvin winked. Ken took the bait, and flipped through the pages. Every tenth page or so, there was a crisp ten dollar note.

"I realise that things cost money in this world, dear Ken," said Calvin. "So here's a few _greens_ to keep you healthy!"

With that, Calvin smiled. The first genuine smile – or at least the first one Ken believed – since they had met a few days ago. Ken felt warmth stir in his belly that soaked through the rest of him like he had just eased himself into a hot bath. Igor's voice delivered familiar words that ran like background noise through his head.

" _I am thou,_

 _Thou art I,_

 _Thou hast acquired a new vow,_

 _It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,_

 _With the birth of the Hierophant Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"_

"Anyway, I suppose it's time for you to be on your way, isn't it Ken?"

Ken crashed back to reality with Calvin's not-so-subtle hint. With a nod, Ken simply grabbed a lukewarm pop-tart from the veritable mountain, and shouldered his schoolbag. The first page of his diary held an advance payment – ten whole dollars all to himself. Even his parents never gave him that much money in one go. Sometimes he felt like the only kid in the universe who didn't get an allowance.

He thought – very carefully – before he closed the diary again. Maybe other kids would act differently, maybe he was too much of a goody-two-shoes, but he decided to follow the honour system. Money had worth after all and worth came from _earning_ it. He would take the $10 when he reached the page in the journal – not before. But still, a whole $10 richer than before. He could feel it and its worth burning in his back pocket. Now that he could suddenly afford things, they all felt just that much more tempting. After all, what was a kid with $10 of their own money going to do? Spend it responsibly?

There was a corner store halfway to school. A small shop with a bored looking twenty-something as the only cashier. Their candy section was woefully meagre – and Ken suspected overpriced. Yet he bought the most appealing thing he could find – a box of chocolate drops with a jolly looking astronaut on the front cover.

So absorbed he was in reading the slogan – _they're out of this world!_ – and the supposed… health benefits of them, he barely even noticed Gene and his two sisters as he ambled by their place.

"Oh! Ken! Good morning!" Gene waved to him. "Are we gonna walk to school together again? Don't make me run!"

"Speed up, Ken! _Make_ him run!" Louise immediately countered.

"But then we'd have to run too." Tina was, as always, the deadpan of reason.

Ken grunted, and turned around, at last noticing the trio of siblings behind him. The magical hypnotic powers of chocolate loosened their grip, and he saw Gene speed-shuffling towards him.

"Chunky Blast-offs?!" The lad suddenly spluttered, and next thing Ken knew, Gene was two inches away from his face, with eyes as round as dinner plates. "I _love_ Chunky Blast-offs!"

As much as Ken wanted to, he couldn't avoid staring into those enormous, shining eyes. The longer he looked, the wider they grew, and he just knew he wasn't getting out of this without surrendering his chocolate. Ken sighed, and handed the half-empty box to Gene.

"Ngah?! Thank you thank you thank-wuam-nam-nam-nam!" Gene had already emptied the box, noisily swallowing down the two dozen or so pieces of chocolate. "Mmm, that really hit the spot, didn't it, belly?"

"What, all twenty of them?" Louise frowned.

"Yes! They all hit twenty different spots!" Gene beamed back at her. "I am so pumped, and ready for a day of _learning!"_

Ken shook his head fondly. The four of them made the short walk to Wagstaff in a pleasant bubble of noise and chocolate induced hysteria. Their first class of the day was World Geography which apparently promised a round-the-world knowledge of cities, countries and cultures. But the World Geography class didn't contain a globe or even a world map. Instead, Ms. Labonz, a teacher with glasses and a gravelly voice, pulled down a dog-eared map of the US for them all to stare at.

"Alright kids, can anyone tell me what the capital of Iowa is?" She barked, clearing her throat and snorting for good measure. Understandably, no one dared breathe, forget volunteer to answer.

"No one? Fine then, I'll pick… you. Fat kid."

Gene flinched like he'd just sat on a Lego. "Uh oh."

Somehow Ms Labonz didn't notice as Gene twisted around. "Ken! Ken…! Do you know the answer? I was _not_ listening!"

Ken just frowned back at him. How was he supposed to know what the capital of Iowa was? His last geography teacher had once tried to convince him that Alaska was an island. But then a lightbulb flickered in his head. Wasn't that the one with the really French sounding name? Really out of place because it wasn't in the Deep South?

Ken gulped, and whispered an answer back to Gene, who parroted it to Ms Labonz.

"Err… They… moines?"

"…Close enough," Ms Labonz rolled her eyes. "It's pronounced ' _Des Moines',_ and it was not the first capital of Iowa. That was Burlington, which was then changed to-"

Gene beamed back at Ken, practically radiating appreciation. "Thanks buddy!"

Ken could feel the awkward heat pool in the back of his neck of all places as, once again, countless eyes began staring him down.

"That new kid's too smart for his own good."

"He should've just let Gene drown!"

"Must be nice, having your own lap dog…"

Maybe it was best just to keep his head down for the rest of the day. Ken shifted his gaze to the textbook and did his best to listen to Ms. Labonz hack and cough her way through the hour long period.

But no matter how hard he tried to keep a low profile, the rumours and gossiping waged on. Three lessons later, they were still rife. Ken was used to this – being weird came with its own penalties – but there was only so much that even he could take, and their cruel rumours were starting to take their toll. Too worried to even so much as raise his head, he refused to mutter anything more than a "present" or a grunt in response to any teacher. His head and jaw both ached from the force of gritting his teeth to help him keep it together.

It was in the middle of another vicious tirade of whispered insults that Ken felt somebody hissing in his ear. "Psst! Wanna skip class?"

Ken could barely focus at this point, but Gene's weird voice cut through the static like a knife. He found the energy to turn his head, and saw the lad looking at him, almost pleadingly. It was a good thing _someone_ had a speck of empathy in here. His eyes watering from the pain ricocheting through his head, he focused, and grimaced, and forced a nod.

"Alrighty!" Gene whispered, before releasing a loud, overtly theatrical groan and falling off of his chair. "Ohhh-OWWW…!"

Their math teacher stopped writing on the chalkboard, "Something wrong, Gene?"

"Y-yes, Miss Jacobson!" Gene gasped. "I uhh, I don't feel… very well. Could someone take me to the nurse's office?"

He staggered to his feet and clenched two hands to his stomach.

"Hmm, I guess you'd better," Miss Jacobson was already signing a hall pass for him. "We don't want a repeat of last time, do we Gene? Could someone help him there, please?"

A smattering of hands rose up in the air, and Ken severely doubted that any of them were actually wanting to help Gene. But Gene cleared his throat and knocked Ken's table, giving him the _look_. So Ken also put a hand in the air.

Of course though, someone had to outdo him.

"I'll take him, Miss," that Courtney kid lisped. "I-I'm not feeling too well myself, so-"

Gene grimaced. "B-but what if you're sick too, Courtney?"

"I'll take that risk, Genie," she smiled up at him, and by God it was creepy.

"Well I can't, I'm afraid, Miss Wheeler," Miss Jacobson had her hands on her hips. "If you want to go to the nurse's office too, I'll have to have someone escort you both. Umm… new boy, Ken, was it? Do you know where the nurse's office is yet?"

Despite the fact he most definitely did not know, Ken nodded. The quicker he got out of this room the better.

"Alright, good enough," Miss Jacobson filled out two more hall passes, and Ken helped Gene out of the classroom, with Courtney following behind them.

The moment they were out of earshot, Gene bounced back, all smiles and sunshine.

"Hah! Great work, Ken! For the next ten minutes, the school is ours!"

"Wait, so you're not actually sick?" Courtney's voice was acidic. "That's not very nice, Gene. Some of us have congenital heart defects!"

"Well I was trying to get Ken out of there, _thank you_ Courtney!" Gene was suddenly venomous as he barked back at her. "Couldn't you hear all the nasty things the other kids were saying about him?"

"A-a little…" Courtney withdrew, "But isn't that what being the new kid is all about?"

"But it shouldn't have to be!" Gene cried. "Ken's a good kid, and they're just making fun of him! All 'cause he looks a bit funny!"

"Funny?" Courtney frowned. "I-I don't think he looks funny?"

Ken started as if he had been shocked. Thankfully, nobody noticed as Gene and Courtney were still too busy bickering. He looked across at Courtney as if seeing her for the first time. She didn't think he looked funny. But that was impossible, wasn't it? Everybody thought he looked funny. Even his family, even the kids he had known since he was in kindergarten thought he looked funny. He considered this girl could simply have been lying, but what reason would she have for that? She had seemed totally genuine. A rush of gratitude warmed him and he felt some tension leave his body. Sure, everyone said she was annoying, but it seemed as though her heart was definitely in the right place. Congenital defects and all.

"C'mon Ken!" Gene threw a hand over his shoulders. "Let's go get some early lunch! There are _three_ fish sticks with your name on them!"

"But wait, aren't we supposed to be going to the nurse's-"

"You can go if you want, Courtney!" Gene forestalled her. "But _we_ are getting fish sticks. Don't worry about the queue Ken! I know a gal!"

With that, Gene scarpered down the hallway, surprisingly fast on his chubby legs. Ken glanced back at Courtney and after a moment's exchange, the two of them followed in his wake.

* * *

"Alright, we're down to the last few burgers in this batch," Bob muttered to himself. "Lin!" He called up the stairs. "Could you cover for us for a while? I gotta get the new batch started!"

"Sure thing, Bobby!" Linda's sing-song voice rang back down. Moments later his wife was skipping down the stairs. "Cov-erin' for Bobby, for just a little while, he's gonna grind up, some meat an', then squash it into bur-gers! And then we're gonna cook 'em, and sell 'em, nah-nah-na~"

Bob shook his head fondly, and disappeared into the basement where the meat grinder was. There were two whole customers in the store at the moment, and both had already been fed, so it was _pretty_ unlikely that anything weird was going to happen.

"Hey there, meat stock," he smiled down at the crate that had been delivered yesterday. "You having a good day today?"

" _Pretty good Bob,"_ he parroted back to himself in a high-pitched, squeaky voice. _"Though I was getting bored down here, all alone."_

"Well then, I've got some great news for you," Bob grabbed his crowbar, and started prying the crate open. "Because I'm gonna turn you from Grade A Beef, into Grade A Burg-huh?"

He popped the top of the crate fully off and instantly stopped in his tracks. Eyeing the contents suspiciously, he paced circles around the crate. "What…the…?"

He squatted down to get a closer look.

" _What's wrong, Bob?"_ He squeaked to himself.

"Well it said on the crate that you were Grade A Beef," Bob's eyes narrowed. "But you don't look much like beef! TRAITOR!"

" _I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"_ He continued squeaking to himself. _"I'm still good meat, I promise!"_

"…you're right, it's not your fault, meat stock." Bob sighed. "It's your supplier's! They will feel my wrath! WRAAAATTHHH…!"

Suddenly there was a hammering on the basement door. "Bobby?! Bobby what's wrong?!"

"Oh uhh… nothing, Lin." Bob called up to her. "Just remind me to call the supplier when I'm done here, got it?"

"Sure thing, Bob…" Linda deflated. "Geez, I never knew a man who liked to play with his meat so much…!"

"I dunno, Hugo maybe?" Bob chortled back, but it fell on deaf ears. "…oh. Too late."

" _Well I thought it was funny, Bob."_ He said to himself. _"Am I still allowed to be burgers?"_

"Ugh, I guess I don't have much choice, do I?" Bob shrugged. "It's your lucky day, meat stock."

" _Yayyyy!"_

* * *

The restaurant remained slow throughout the day. Bob worked dutifully with the grinder and Linda watched the clock until finally it ticked around to three-thirty. The doorbell tinkled, signalling the kids' return from school.

"Oh, kids! You're home!" Linda cried, and ran around the counter to hug everyone. "Oh, and you brought Ken with you! Hi, Ken! You stayin' for dinner?"

"Mom, mom, take a step back already!" Louise flailed at her. "Don't mom him all up! He'll forget where he lives or something!"

"Yeah, where _do_ you live, Ken?" Tina asked."I just realised we hadn't asked you that yet."

Almost cheesily on cue – like an episode of some low budget sitcom – the bell to the restaurant tinkled again and in walked Mr Fischoeder himself.

"Hello, Belchers!" He announced. "And how are we all tod…eh?"

Calvin's flourish was interrupted immediately when he clapped eye on Ken, standing in the middle of the restaurant and looking just as confused as he did.

"…why Ken. Hello there." Suddenly his voice had lost all vigour. "I didn't know you knew these err… people?"

"Hey there, Mr Fish," Linda stood up to greet him properly. "You know Ken? He goes to the same school as the kids! He's in Gene's class!"

"And he is my friend!" Gene raised a fist into the air.

"F-riend…?" Calvin spoke, as if he didn't quite recognise the word.

Ken grimaced, waiting for the inevitable fallout. Calvin didn't seem like the type of person who would object, but his mind was still instantly filled with thoughts of being dragged home, shoved into his room and forbidden from interacting with the "normal kids" ever again.

Yet Calvin's face suddenly broke out into a wild smile. "…grand! It's good to see that you're making friends, boy! And with the Belcherlings, too! What a wonderful coincidence! Perhaps it would inspire them to pay their rent on time!"

Calvin stopped, and glanced around at all the stunned expressions in the room. "Ahh yes, perhaps I should explain. Ken here is a distant relative of mine, so I am taking care of him for a year. You can tell that we're obviously related, because look, we have the same hair!"

Ken had to admit, their hairstyles were actually very similar. But he doubted that was any _real_ proof of relation. He wasn't even sure he was actually related to the man in the first place.

"…oh," Linda was surprisingly accepting of all of this. "Well, that's wonderful news, Mr Fish. I'll go get Bobby for you, is that why you're here?"

"Get me for what?" Bob's voice called from the basement, moments before he himself appeared behind the counter. "…oh, hey Mr Fischoeder. What can I get you?"

"Well, I was going to request some _business_ from you, Bob," Calvin fluttered his cape to one side. "But it seems as though you have all befriended my Ken! And that is worth far more than any amount of outstanding rent money, wouldn't you agree?"

"I… yes! Yes I would agree!" Bob saw an opportunity and seized it. "Ken is always welcome here, day or night!"

"Graaaand!" Calvin laughed, "Well, I best be going then! Do come home at some point, okay Ken! We have salad to slaughter!"

Before Ken could gather his thoughts to give any sort of coherent reply, the enigmatic man had already left the store and was pootling down the road in his stupid golf cart.

"…well that was weird," Linda mused. "So you're stayin' for dinner, Ken? We don't have food as fancy as Mr Fischoeder, but you're welcome to stay?"

"Stay a while, Ken!" Gene encouraged. "We have things!"

"Like family TV night," Tina added.

"And, uhh, walls?" Louise shrugged.

"And thanks to you, little 'Get out of jail free' card," Bob ruffled his hair. "A reprieve on the rent! Oh, and speaking of TV…" Bob's attention was diverted for a moment. He fished around for a remote, and dialled the volume up on the ancient TV set they had in the top corner of the restaurant.

" _-tinuing with the ongoing investigation,"_ The announcer spoke into her microphone. _"Local police are baffled with little evidence to work with. What are your thoughts on it all, Sergeant Bosco?"_

" _Welp…"_ The mic was turned to a dark haired officer with greying sideburns and a strict nonchalance. _"These disappearances are obviously being committed by some guy… or some girl. Maybe lots of guys and girls. Either way, we know that they're taking young kids, ranging from about ten to thirteen. If you're a kid from about ten to thirteen, then stay inside, don't go about loitering, and above all, behave! Oh, and if you see anything suspicious please report to the local police."_

" _Thank you for your thoughts, Detective Bosco."_ The announcer spoke. _"You heard it here, folks. Keep your kids inside, where it's safe. This is Olsen Benner, reporting from Bog Harbour."_

The news report then fuzzed away into a weather report, and Bob stroked his chin. "Weird…"

"Ten to thirteen?!" Gene yelped, "That's roughly my age!"

"Mine too," Tina looked down.

"HAH! Not mine!" Louise looked a little too pleased about it.

"Alright, alright, calm down you three," Linda shushed her kids. "No big mean kidnapper is gonna nap our kids!"

"Yeah, because we only take naps in the daytime!" Gene shouted. "So c'mon Ken, I'll show you around the house! This is the restaurant, where food is served! These…are stairs! You _climb_ them!"

"He knows what stairs are, Gene." Louise sighed at him.

"But not _our_ stairs!" Gene didn't miss a beat.

Ken smiled and allowed himself to be dragged in every conceivable direction by the three Belcher kids. Whatever happened, it promised to be a fun evening.

* * *

 **End of Chapter Stats**

Your Hierophant Rank is currently at: One

You gave Gene the correct answer! Your **Charm** has increased!

You spent a precious moment with Gene. You feel your relationship has grown stronger!

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

 **Hello readers!**

 **So here we have the birth of a new bond, an emerging plot and some fun Bob and Linda dialogue!**

 **We're very excited to get this plot rolling so any words of encouragement, comments or questions, please send them our way!**

 **Scotland is in the middle of an unseasonable blizzard so we've got nothing better to do than write! So please look forward to more chapters soon!**

 **Thank you all very much!**


	6. A Mist Opportunity

**Chapter Five  
A Mist Opportunity**

Time at the Belchers seemed to fly by. Excusing himself tactfully as the clock ticked around to six o'clock, Ken mooched back towards the Fischoeder mansion, already feeling the effects of his good mood evaporate. He hadn't seen Calvin for most of the day, so decided to take some time to socialise with him before bedtime. It seemed Calvin had been playing against himself on that _Salad Samurai_ for months, if not years, and he was apparently overjoyed at finally getting an opponent in the flesh. Ken was no match though, and had his score quadrupled by Calvin's dexterous efforts.

It wasn't as much of a wasted hour as Ken thought it would. In rare moments, he found himself liking, even relating to this eccentric character. Half the town seemed terrified of him, for reasons he was a bit too afraid to ask, but at least he seemed a willing, if not over-eager, caregiver.

Falling into bed that night, he experienced the first night of luxurious sleep since he came here. Igor's manic grin wasn't waking him every couple of hours, and short of one heart-wrenching moment in which a mottled green, decaying face briefly permeated his thoughts at around 3am, the night was relatively nightmare free too. Things finally seemed to be on the up.

If Fridays were good days, Saturdays were the _best_ days. Sunday was full of preparations for school, last minute homework, and the impeding feeling of a wasted day. But Saturdays were a whole other affair. You could be as irresponsible as you wanted and still have time to recover if necessary.

A whole day stretching lazily out in front of him, he deciding to venture into town. Remembering to feed Frank and say goodbye to Calvin, he decided to take the slow route. See the sights, maybe.

And it came to no surprise that the town's other residents were just as weird as the ones he'd met so far. There was the guy who wore nothing but a speedo and a pair of roller skates, several people who seemed to willingly dress in brightly coloured horse costumes, the town's very own biker gang, and a herd of raccoons that lived down an alleyway just behind Bob's Burgers.

Bob's Burgers. Ken's stomach gurgled as the smell of grease and cooked meat beckoned him from inside. Lunch was beginning to sound like an attractive option after all that walking. He was barely in the door before Bob noticed him, "Ken! Come in!"

It was as empty as ever, with just the one customer, but Bob seemed as exuberant as ever. Ken noticed that the Burger of the Day had been changed, just like it promised. This time it was the 'If You Like Tikka Masala' Burger, which obviously included tikka masala. Some dusty archives in the back of his mind told him that this was chicken of some description.

"So you're here for Gene, or… Louise or Tina or… someone?" Bob asked, and Ken answered with a simple nod, suddenly feeling awkward about ordering in such an empty restaurant. "Alright then, head on up. They're… definitely there."

Ken thanked him. Behind the counter, he found a humble set of carpeted stairs separating home and business. It was a strange feeling, really. In the short hours Ken had spent here the day before, he had already been made to feel more at home than Calvin ever could in the several _days_ he had spent at Fischoeder mansion. Of course, Calvin wasn't without trying, and Ken was far from begrudging from those efforts, but a fifty room mansion just felt so cold and sterile, compared to the three-and-a-half bedroom shack above a burger restaurant. It smelled of some beast that was grease combined with ketchup, but the Belcher residence boasted a familial warmth that Fischoeder mansion couldn't even attempt. Ken felt like he knew all five members of Gene's family already, but he hadn't yet met Calvin's elusive brother, Felix. The contrast really was too much…

"Hmm?" A voice heard him shuffling up the stairs. "Who's there?"

Ken followed the voice into the sitting room, and found Linda splashed across the couch with a glass of wine and a lopsided smile.

"Ohh, Kenny Benny…!" Linda had already nicknamed the poor boy. "Are you doin' okay? Payin' us all a visit?"

Ken gave a slow nod. He felt awkward. None of the kids were around and it would've been pretty weird to be socialising with their tipsy mother.

"Ken?" Another voice drew him back out into the hallway, where Gene was stood with a bowl of orange gloop that Ken couldn't even hope to identify. "Ken!" He threw his bowl into the air in his excitement and its contents spilled onto everything in sight. "Noo, my chicken satay!"

"Ken?"

Two more voices sounded from down the hallway. Louise's head poked out of one room and the other door, presumably Tina's, opened a slight crack. But the more concerning thing was seeing Gene scraping his chicken satay back into its bowl, leaving a horrendous orange stain on the once reddish carpet.

But that still didn't stop him eating it with his bare hands.

"Mm-nam-nam-nam…" he swallowed it down. "Who would've thought carpet fluff would improve it?!"

"No one. Ever." Louise had finally come out of her room.

Ken's stomach churned as Gene continued to swallow it done. All of a sudden he didn't feel so hungry. He looked to Louise to save himself feeling even sicker. She almost looked sympathetic. "You've timed it badly, Ken. We've gotta go downstairs to help with the lunch lull. Unless you wanna chill with mom for a couple hours."

"Yayyyy~" Linda hiccupped from the sitting room. "Come stay with Linda!"

"Seriously, you wanna help us downstairs," Louise whispered to him.

Taking the hint, Ken followed Louise downstairs. Tina wasn't far behind them both, and Gene took up the rear, half covered in chicken satay, and wearing the bowl on his head like someone out of a cheap samurai movie.

No sooner had they stepped into the restaurant, Bob rounded on them."Gene, take that off and clean yourself up."

"Never!" Gene held onto his bowl tighter.

"You're just gonna create more work if you walk onto the restaurant floor like that…" The burger meat on the grill sizzled as Bob buried his face in one palm.

"More work?!" Gene suddenly yelped. He threw his bowl to the ground, and dashed into the 'employee bathroom'.

"I wanna see you sparkle before you get outta there, Gene!" Bob shouted over the clattering and sputtering of various bathroom noises.

"I _always_ sparkle!" Gene retorted instantly.

"Ugh…" Bob flipped two burgers on the grill. "He's gonna be a while. Ken, mind if I ask a huge favour of you?"

Ken took his hands out of his pockets, and looked Bob in the eye. Ever since coming back down the stairs, he'd resigned himself to helping out, so he gave the man an affirmative nod.

"Great, glad you can help. And sorry for dragging you into this," Bob sighed. "Look, basically, it's lunchtime and we actually get busy sometimes at lunchtime. Louise is helping in the restaurant, shifting plates, keeping tables keen, yada yada. Tina's helping me out in here, chopping vegetables and preparing ingredients. But I need someone to take orders. Normally I'd ask Gene, but he's busy _sparkling_ ," Bob gave a grandiose jazz-hands. "And Lin's probably had a few too many wines. So I need to ask if you can take the orders for me. Could you do that for me, Ken?"

Bob retrieved a notepad and pen from the pocket of his apron, and handed them to him. "There's a free burger in it for you?"

Ken looked to the notepad in his hands, then to Bob, and back to the notepad. His stomach woke itself back up again and gurgled in appreciation. All he had to do was write down stuff and he got free food? Even if he got it all wrong, he was getting a free burger out of it. Plus, he noticed with a pang of sympathy, Bob looked like he was actually in a bit of a bind. What else was he going to do? Stand there and watch them struggle?

As he ruminated, the bell tinkled, and two more customers entered; a middle aged man and a slightly younger looking woman. Ken made no assumptions, but they did take a seat opposite each other in one of the booths.

Ken looked back to Bob and gave him a quick nod.

"Atta boy!" Bob gave him what looked like a genuine smile. "Alright, Gene, you've been replaced for the day!"

"WHAT?" Louise screeched at him amidst a clatter of plates and utensils. "If that's all it takes, I'm gonna take a ketchup bath!"

"No, Louise!" Bob cried back. "Just… focus for me."

"Fiiiine…" Louise groaned, and collected plates from the counter. "Alright Teddy, you stayin' or goin'?"

"Eheh, you know me Louise," this "Teddy" character replied with a deep, thick voice. "I'll take another Burger of the Day!"

"Don't ask me, ask our guest waiter," Louise pointed towards Ken, and instantly he clammed up. Teddy, with his blue dress shirt, brown pants and placid smile, simply waited for him.

"H-Hello?" Ken tried his best to sound polite. Talking to strange people was bad enough, but listening to them, writing down what they said, parroting it back to Bob… He suddenly felt very small and like he was on show for everyone to see. Ken exhaled slowly, to calm his nerves. Thoughts of a free burger flooded his mind. Free burger, free burger…

"Oh, hello there!" Teddy seemed pleasantly surprised by Ken. "And who might you be?"

"That's Ken, Teddy. And he's helping out today instead of Gene." Bob explained.

"Oh. Well it's good to meet a fellow helper!" Teddy beamed at him. "I'll take another Burger of the Day, just as it comes, please!"

"Burger… of the… day," Ken scribbled some notes down on his pad, and approached the next customer at the counter. A thin, unassuming forty-something with greying hair badly hidden underneath an obvious wig.

"Oh, hello there!" He smiled. "I'll just take the soup today, if that's alright?"

"Soup," Ken noted it down. He took another deep breath; just three customers to go.

The young woman in the booth on her own asked for a cheeseburger without the tomatoes, while the middle-aged man in the next booth took 'the usual' with a beer, while his accomplice on the other side wanted asked for a basic burger, but with a side salad and a coke.

"H-h-here," Ken trembled, and handed the notepad back to Bob.

"Great work, Ken. Thanks for all the help," Bob barely noticed his presence. He flipped through the couple pages of the notebook, and frowned at it. "Hmm…"

A few moments later, he looked despairingly back at Ken who felt his heart plummet to somewhere in his stomach.

"…sorry Ken, I can't make heads or tails of this. I don't suppose you remembered what everyone wanted, do you?"

Ken didn't blame the older man but he still felt a skelf of shame. Even he struggled reading his own writing sometimes. Complete with his nerves, and the pressure of the whole situation, he was surprised it even came within the range of legible.

"Err… T-Teddy wanted a Burger of the Day, just as it comes."

"Sounds like Teddy." Bob nodded, and squashed his spatula down onto a burger. Fat and grease oozed out of the meat, and Bob flipped it just as Tina prepared the salad and Tikka masala.

"Order up!" Bob dinged the bell, and Louise ducked under the counter before collecting it, and handing it to Teddy.

"Alright, good start Ken. What did Mort want?" Bob looked to him again.

Ken supposed that was the guy with the wig. "H-he wanted the soup."

"Gotcha. One soup for Mort. And the others?"

Ken took in a breath, sent his mind back and shut his eyes to concentrate. "The lady on her own wanted a cheeseburger, while the guy wanted 'the usual' and a beer, and the lady with him wanted a normal burger and a… coke?"

As those words left his lips, he immediately wasn't sure on them. An unusual tang in them that he couldn't identify, the feeling sank to his stomach and just sat there, like a rock thrown into a pond.

"Got it," Bob nodded, and scraped down the grill before adding a fresh batch of burgers.

Something still felt alien, almost out-of-place to Ken though as he watched Bob and Tina working hard. One by one, orders were placed up on the counter, and Louise would deliver them to the respective customers. All seemed well, and Ken dared to hope maybe he was just overthinking it all, until the young woman at the booth who – at the insistence of the guy opposite her– approached the counter.

She mumbled something to Bob, all the while fiddling with the hems of her cardigan, and Bob frowned back at her.

"…side salad?"

The bottom dropped out of Ken's stomach. The rock sank and buried itself in his gut. The free burger disappeared from his mind in a cloud of tantalising smoke.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" Bob immediately apologised to the young lady, "It must've gotten lost in the order or something. Here, we'll get you that side salad, ma'am…"

Bob's limbs were practically a flurry as he threw a salad together, complete with some fancy looking dressing, in under a minute. "A-and to say sorry, this one's on me. Don't worry about paying for it."

"…thank you," The young woman accepted her salad from Louise, and then shuffled back to her seat in the booth. Bob grabbed a cloth and swept his brow, then let out a long, low sigh. "Right, that should just about do it. Kids, you can head on back upstairs if you want. Oh, and Ken?"

Ken felt as though he'd been struck by lightning. The fact that Bob's voice didn't sound at all angry somehow made it worse. He turned to face the man, and grimaced, waiting for the fallout.

Instead a hand clapped down on his shoulder. "Thanks for your help buddy, you really… helped. Little dicey on that last order, but hey, we all make mistakes. Don't let it get to you, huh?"

With a rush of butterflies in his stomach, Ken's body relaxed and a feeling of pride encompassed him. He'd done it. By the skin of his teeth, maybe, but he'd done it. It had been a long time since he had felt helpful to anyone. He looked up at Bob, towering over him like some kind of moustachioed yeti, but felt a strange, yet familiar warmth emanating from his genuine smile. Not only did Bob cover for his screw-up, but helped him feel confident even _afterwards._

"So what were you wanting in that burger, Ken? S'on me, remember?"

And then like a lightbulb, it clicked;

 _"I am thou,_

 _Thou art I,_

 _Thou hast acquired a new vow,_

 _It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,_

 _With the birth of the Emperor Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"_

A smile broke across Ken's face. First they were making him feel welcome, now they were giving him free food _with_ the benefit of having him felt like he'd earned it. Calvin would simply pile the table high with a smorgasbord of mass produced crap. But this glistening burger patty, steaming and all the best kinds of greasy, that he'd _earned_ , was sitting between two buns with its complementary slather of tikka masala. It was plated, and handed to him, and officially _his._

Ken inhaled the steam coming from it, and immediately felt himself start to salivate. The food he was given at Calvin's, while plentiful, just couldn't compare to decent, high quality stuff. Faced with the masterpiece of a burger before him, Ken was immediately wondering two things; how Bob stayed in business, and simultaneously why business was so bad. A little publicity would do this place the world of good…

"A-anyway, I'll leave you to it. Thanks again for your help, Ken." Bob gave him a nod, and started with the post-rush clean up. Tina and Louise had already disappeared back upstairs it seemed, and the smattering of customers had since departed as well, leaving the place a ghost town once again. So Ken shrugged, and took a seat in one of the far booths.

He smiled at his free lunch, and grabbed it with both hands. However, before it could even reach his mouth, a burst of chatter struck him like a punch to the face.

"Hi Ken! Thanks for covering for me!"

Gene had finally emerged from the employee bathroom and was now sparkling clean, just like he'd promised. Albeit still wearing his bowl like a hat.

"It took longer to sparkle than I thought it would," Gene collapsed into the booth opposite him, much to his father's visible chagrin from the kitchen. "But I'm here now! Start the marching bands!"

The restaurant remained quiet – to no surprise.

"Gene, get off the table."

"You get off the table, father!" Gene retorted instantly.

"I'm not on a – ohh, I see what you're doing," Bob deadpanned. "Ugh, I need a break. That restroom better be useable, Gene!"

"It took all of my sparkle!" Gene hollered after him.

It took all of a moment for Bob to groan with indignation upon entering the employee restroom, leaving Ken and Gene alone in the restaurant. No customers, no Bob, no Louise or Tina… no anything, really. It was almost too quiet. Perfect eating atmosphere, really.

So Ken shrugged, and finally succeeded in taking a bite out of his free burger. The soft, moist burger patty contrasted so well with the tangy tikka masala and the wholesome-

"Give _me_ a bite!" Gene insisted, and stole the burger out of Ken's hands. Before he could even object, half of it was down Gene's throat.

"Ohh, yeah, that really hit the spot," Gene patted his stomach and let out an impressive burp.

Ken rolled his eyes, and swallowed down his one mouthful that he'd worked so hard for. But no sooner had it slipped down his throat, a weird feeling enveloped him. At first he thought it was like those weird pains you get when you've finally eaten after a long time, but they always passed quickly. These pains persisted. Almost like pins and needles, they pricked at his insides before emanating outwards. Ken grasped at the table to try and bear the pain away but he couldn't. The feeling spread quickly and now he felt like he was being stretched out and compressed, all at the same time.

Reality suddenly warped, as if he were staring at it through a kaleidoscope. Then everything took a chill as hauntingly familiar fog billowed into his senses.

"Where… are we?" Gene's voice sounded both right next to him, yet also far away. What was once the restaurant had been replaced with a hollowed out, washed out replica. The fog was so thick that Ken could barely see his hands in front of his face. He was only vaguely aware that he was still sitting down.

"Are we in a _Wham_ music video?" Gene muttered, and stumbled out of the booth. Or at least it sounded like he did, which was comparable to a sack of potatoes falling out of the back of a delivery truck.

"Ken! Come join me! I can _not_ see a thing!"

Ken groaned and rose out of the booth. Something told him that leaving the safety of the booth was a bad idea. At the very least, then they knew where they were… sort of. Not only that, but all this fog, the freezing temperatures – though that was probably the fog's fault – and all that crap that Igor said would happen… it was making him a little nervous. Yet Gene seemed completely oblivious to it.

But being lost and confused together was definitely better than being lost and confused alone. So with a sigh and a shiver, Ken found his way towards Gene, who was doing his best to stumble into everything, it seemed.

"No _wonder_ George Michael wore those glasses," He seemed as blindly optimistic as ever. "Should we… go outside, Ken?"

Ken's hand found the smooth glass of the shop's front window. In doing so, the doorbell tinkled, a menacing semitone lower than it usually did, and sent another cascade of ice down his spine.

"…I guess so." Ken supposed. Where else was there? This world was obviously some weird dystopian mirror of their own, and whatever happened, it brought them here for a purpose. So now they were going to have to find out why that was.

The doorbell tinkled again – four separate, distinct chords – as the two young boys ventured outside. Somehow, the temperature dropped even lower, and Ken made sure that Gene was within reach. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was watching them, so if worst came to worst, the pair of them would be harder to eat than just him.

Every now and again, something would whoosh past. Was it the wind? Maybe something a bit more sinister? Ken hoped it was the wind. The wind couldn't maul them.

This fog just was never ending. He and Gene crept forward, along what could have been any stretch of road, or path, or… anything, really. Everything just felt the same with his numbed senses.

But still, there was that ever-present, lurking feeling. Like something was breathing right down their necks. Ken swore something solid just lurched across the peripheries of his vision, and definitely did _not_ imagine the glinting red eyes that lit up for all of a split second.

"I do not like this place, Ken." Gene whispered to him. "I suggest that we go back, get snacks, and maybe return later!"

"You think there's food in this world?" Ken asked, and could _feel_ the panic set in with Gene.

"Then I suggest leaving and not coming back!"

"H-hang on," Ken shivered. "I think I see something."

Gene released some weird, screechy noise, and Ken ignored the sensation of heavy breathing to inspect what was in front of him. It was definitely a solid mass, he could tell, but this all seemed just too familiar. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, ready to burst through his ribcage and make a bid for freedom. His breathing was so heavy against this awful, thick mist that he felt he might faint at any moment. But he swallowed down his fear, his nerves, his apprehension, and grasped for the mass on the floor.

Whatever it was, it was squishy, and felt only loosely connected, like a huge ball of dough or something. Things only got worse when it _leaked_ on him, covering his hands with a foul smelling liquid. Ken grimaced, and gave the thing another tug. It lurched, resistant to his limited strength, but he persisted. Whatever it was, it was obviously why they were here.

But then a head tipped forward.

* * *

 **End of Chapter Stats**

You spent a precious moment with Calvin. You feel your relationship is going to grow stronger soon!

You beat your high score on Salad Samurai! Your Proficiency has increased!

You fed Frank the Ostrich! Your Courage has increased!

You almost got the orders right! Your Proficiency has increased!

You got a free burger from Bob! You feel as though you appreciate him more! You felt a faint bond between you and Bob.

Your Emperor Social Link is currently at: One


	7. Mortal Recoil

**Chapter Six  
Mortal Recoil**

Ken felt his insides shrivel and his knees give way underneath him. With what limited strength he had, he scuttled away, like a crab evading capture. His body hit against something solid – a wall? – but there still wasn't enough distance between himself and… _that._ There couldn't be even if he walked for a thousand miles.

The thing didn't chase after him. It stayed wrapped up in the fog ahead of him. Just as he felt he was a bit safer, the ghastly sound of Gene violently throwing up reached his ears. His stomach wrenched and churned like there was a fist grasping inside. The burger he'd worked so hard for was clawing its way back out of him like some kind of monster. He couldn't take the lurches any more.

Hunched over, Ken felt all the strength drain from his body as the contents of his stomach unleashed themselves into this nightmarish world. His hands shook beneath him, digging into the sharp granite, and Ken could barely managed a spluttering gasp before his vision went blurry.

Whether he had passed out or this was all just the product of some horrific hallucination, he didn't know. But before he had the chance to come to his senses, he and Gene were back, bent double in the back alley next to the restaurant, equally ashen-faced and clammy.

"What… was that?"

Ken's body was so exhausted he could hardly stand. But the vile smelling vomit splattered all over the alleyway told him that whatever had just happened was not a dream. It sounded so stupid – the stuff of graphic novels and Japanese video games – but there really was some kind of alternate reality, maybe, on the other side of this tiny seaside town. One full of monsters, and shadowy creatures, and…

 _It_ reappeared in his mind. Greying, mottled, foul smelling and sinewy. The touch of its rotting flesh and seeping liquid still echoed on his hands. His stomach twisted again but nothing else would come. He slumped down, trying to regain his strength, just enough to make it back inside. He beckoned to Gene, and the pair slowly shuffled their way back towards the restaurant. The doorbell gave its usual, cheerful jingle as they entered and Ken flashed back to the warped impression from the doorbell on the other side. The noise sent an icy shiver down his spine.

"Evening you two," Bob spoke to the onions he was chopping up rather than to the two boys.

Evening? That wasn't right, was it? Ken looked outside again, and only now did he realise that the sun was beginning to set. Where had the day gone?

"Where've you been all day? Out having… fun?" Bob finally looked up, only to see two pale-as-a-ghost, clammy youngsters collapsed into the booth opposite him.

"Y-yeah… _so_ much fun," Gene wrenched a quivering arm into the air.

"Geez, you kids look exhausted." Concern actually showed on Bob's face. He backed up a few steps, and hollered up the stairs, "Lin! Cover the restaurant a while! I'm gonna take Ken home real quick!"

"Pff, I wouldn't worry about getting Mom," Louise rounded the corner. "It's not like we're gonna have any cust-HOLY CRAP!"

"Heyyy Louise…" Gene mumbled.

"What the hell happened to you two?!" She cried.

Ken found the strength to lift his head, just as two glasses of water were plonked down in front of him.

"You look like you need something to drink."

Ken could nod and not much else. He forced a trembling hand forwards and wrapped it around the cool, cool glass. With a tentative mouthful, the awful, acidic taste of vomit was washed away by clean, refreshing water.

"You two are burning up," Bob's rough hand pressed against his forehead. "Alright, I'm getting you home, Ken. Can you walk?"

Ken gulped down some more water, and stood on shaky legs.

"Atta boy." Bob encouraged. "Louise, see if you can help Gene to his room, got it?"

"Uggghhhh…" Louise drew out the longest groan. "Fiiine! C'mon Gene, get up already! Bedtime!"

She made a spirited attempt to tug him out of the booth by his arm, however he simply fell where gravity took him and remained an immovable mass on the floor.

"Just… try your best, Louise. Recruit whoever you need." Bob sighed, before bustling Ken outside. Next thing he knew, he'd been ushered into Bob's car.

He rested his burning forehead against the cool glass of the window. Bob started the car and vibrations pulsed through his head. It was almost comforting. As the car pulled away, Ken finally allowed himself a moment of relaxation.

Bob drove against a backlight of evening sunlight, burning a charcoal silhouette against the town. Occasionally he spoke, but Ken didn't always take it in. The words were slowly filtering into his mind like water through sand, but he couldn't muster the energy to answer or even comprehend them. The blurry expression on Bob's face grew slowly more concerned as the journey progressed.

Time slipped by in huge dollops. One moment it seemed like he and Bob were outside the restaurant, the next they'd left the town behind them, a blurry lattice of houses. Before he knew it, Fischoeder mansion had loomed out from beyond the horizon, and Frank the ostrich was busy trying to force his head through the gap in the window.

"Back! Get back!" Bob had decided that shaking his finger at the giant bird would do the trick. But Frank just blinked twice and continued his attack on the door.

"Ohh, godddd…!" Bob groaned, and resorted to beeping the horn. It might as well have been an air horn for the damage it was doing to Ken's ears, however it did what Ken presumed Bob wanted it to; it drew Calvin outside.

"Now what's this?" He muttered, stepping outside with what looked like a flamethrower in his hands. "Oh? Bob! And goodness, Ken! What on earth happened, boy?" Calvin crunched across the gravel, and flailed hands at his security ostrich. "Away with you, Frank. Bob is not a food _or_ an intruder!" he paused. "…yet."

"What was… what was that you muttered under your breath, Mr Fischoeder?" Bob could finally step out of his car, and dashed around the front to help Ken.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Calvin dismissed him with a wave. "I think you should show more concern as to the state of my temporary dependee!"

"I don't know how it happened, sir. He just came back to the restaurant after hanging out with Gene for a while, then got all clammy and faint. Might be heatstroke or something I… guess."

"Nonsense, dear fool! He has clearly been influenced by your maladaptive spawn into eating filth! Look! He's foaming at the mouth!"

"He's just not feeling well, Mr Fischoeder. And don't say things like that about my kids, please."

"Semantics. We'll discuss your punishment later, Bob! In the meantime, perhaps you should go to bed, Ken. There will be no more tiny fruit for you tonight! Just a glass of water and a bedtime serenade!"

Ken found the strength to look his guardian in the eye. A serenade? Really?

"A-hah, perhaps not, then." Calvin looked a bit ashen. "That's the _last_ time I take your advice, Felix. Perhaps a glass of water for you Ken, and a glass of schnapps for me!"

Calvin placed a hand on Ken's back, and led him into the mansion. "I'll take it from here, Bob. Return to your shack, if you will."

"…fine," Bob sighed. "I'll swing by tomorrow to see how you're doing, okay Ken?"

"There will be no swinging, Bob! I have a child present!" Calvin shut him down instantly. Ken didn't have the energy to unravel that argument. His feet were lead weights as he dragged them up the stairs, with Calvin following closely behind him. He couldn't help but feel grateful towards the man. After all, he was actually giving half a damn, and it didn't seem forced.

Ken managed to remove his shoes before falling into bed, but as far as the rest of his clothes were concerned, they were his pyjamas for the night. Calvin returned moments later to usher in an entire pitcher of water, accompanied by a tiny glass that held barely a mouthful of water.

"I apologise for the tiny glass, Ken," he said. "But it is rare that I have guests who wish to drink something that is not alcoholic! So if it pleases the court, and by the court I mean yourself Ken, please help yourself to as many virgin martinis as you can handle!"

There was another clank of china on wood, and Ken had to take a moment to process the plate of olives that Calvin had plonked onto his nightstand. Who actually ate olives? Anyone, ever?

Despite it all, Ken felt soothed. Calvin was doing a good job at taking care of him – even if it was this occasion only. He felt he should thank his impromptu guardian but the words wouldn't come. Instead he looked up at Calvin and smiled at him with as much strength as he could muster. The man returned him a sage nod and then ducked out of the room, leaving it bathed in the soft glow of dusk.

Ken gulped down a martini's worth of water and couldn't help but chuckle at the silliness of it all. As the water settled, along with his stomach, a pang of energy burst from somewhere deep within him. Had Calvin slipped something in his water? Some sort of medicine maybe? He inspected the rest for particles or cloudiness but found nothing.

Whether it was medicinal or just a genuine feeling of comfort, Ken didn't know. But at least he could look upon Calvin now and feel something a little closer to what he felt when he went to the Belcher's house. Was it just that? Feeling a shift in how he felt towards the eccentric old guy? He didn't know. But anything felt better than just wanting to throw up again. With a frown, he massaged his aching head. He was too tired for this. Things would be clearer in the morning.

Bundling himself up in the bedsheets, he buried his face in the pillow and allowed sleep to take him.

* * *

That thing was in his dreams again.

The dreams had always been bad. Worse than any night terrors he ever remembered having when he was younger. But now it was like they had gone up a gear all over again. Now the source of his fear had a face and it could chase him, with its rotting flesh and rattling breath.

One of the worst things about nightmares was the complete lack of control you had over your body. And this meant it was all too easy for _it_ to catch up. No matter how he ducked and weaved, no matter how sly he thought he was, the creature seemed constantly on his tail. Something sharp slashed at his leg and he stumbled. The rotting fiend towered over him in seconds. It took in another deep, rattling the breath, the sound of it causing Ken's entire body to freeze. He searched the monster's face, looking for any shred of decency, any sense of humanity remaining in its grim caricature of a living person.

Ken's searching gaze instead found a pair of glowing, blood red eyes sunken in the monster's collapsing face. The creature stretched out its hands and pounced…

But nothing happened.

Ken suddenly felt as he was suspended in mid-air, limbs dangling uselessly by his side. Cold sweat dripped uncomfortably between the blades of his shoulders and settled at the base of his spine.

"Good evening."

He was awake now. He had to be. It took him a moment to realise where he was and he looked upon the hook nosed eccentric sitting opposite him with a note of gratitude. As strange as Igor was, at least he was nowhere near as scary as the monster.

"Do not be alarmed," Igor said. "I thought I would… pop in. See how you're doing. You're not sleeping well, it seems?"

Ken's heart was still beating tragically. His breathing came in such rapid hitches that he thought he would faint again if he didn't pull himself together. He was back in that Ferris wheel carriage again. Granted, not the best place in the world to be, but infinitely better than that nightmare. As he took in the familiar deep hued surroundings, he noticed that, curiously, the pitcher of water that Calvin had brought him was still there.

He could see farther out of the smeared windows now. The town that lay somewhere in the distance sat solemnly against the inky black. As he watched, the silhouettes of buildings seemed to warp and shift. Lights flickered on and off like candlelight fighting against a cold wind. It made Ken feel nervous although he had no idea why. Was it just his imagination – or were those buildings seeming closer?

Igor was still waiting for an answer, which Ken supplied in the form of a curt nod.

"So I thought," the man tapped his fingertips together. "Well, I suppose that is the issue with nightmares. Sometimes reality is far worse than anything the mind can conjure. But do not fret, dear boy! Perhaps you can make use of this curse, and unlock your true potential!"

Ken grimaced at him. What was this old guy on about? Exactly how could he make use of horrifying, gut wrenching nightmares?

As if he had read his mind, Igor chuckled. "Remember, Ken. No matter how awful your experiences may have been, you came back out alive. Others… were not so lucky,"

Ken's stomach turned. Igor's grin widened with the delivery of his last sentence. Who wasn't so lucky? The poor person that lay dead in the other side of that world? Or was Igor hinting at something much worse?

Igor snapped his fingers and Ken's vision began to fade, like white noise on a badly tuned TV. Words chimed in his head.

"Perhaps, you should listen to their stories…"

* * *

 **End of Chapter Stats**

Your relationship with Calvin has grown stronger!

The Hierophant is now at Level: Two

* * *

 **Author Notes**

Short and sweet chapter here! We had a choice of giving one far-too-long chapter or one short and one normal length chapter, so I elected to do it this way so nobody got too overloaded!

As such, the next chapter should be up really quite soon! Hopefully it'll be enjoyable and we can get this story properly kicked off!

See you next time!


	8. The Body in the Alley

**Chapter 7  
The Body in the Alley on the Other Side of the World  
**

Ken's eyes shot open. A small yelp escaped him as he took in the sights of an ordinary Sunday morning. No oppressive bluish glow, no weird piano music, and no Igor staring at him out of the corner of his eye. Relief washed over him like the new tide. He was back.

Rubbing his eyes, he felt around for the glass of water left by Calvin. The plate of olives left alongside it was now suspiciously empty. How curious…

His thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing coming from his jeans pocket.

"Huh?" It took Ken a moment to remember why he was still wearing jeans in the first place. Much of yesterday had been mercifully forgotten on his immediate awakening, but with the realisation he was still dressed, everything came rushing back to him. The memory of that _thing_ lying dead. The mysterious other world he and Gene had found themselves in. Along with the memories came the pain; the splitting headache and sore joints reared their ugly heads all over again.

The buzzing kept going. Ken fumbled for his phone, blinking and shaking his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

 _From: Unknown Sender_

 _hello ken this is gene. r u filling better? we should meet up and talk about that thing._

 _Sent: 10:12am_

Then another appeared right underneath.

 _Bring weapons_

 _Sent: 10:13_

So Gene _did_ have a phone. Writing his number on his leg hadn't been just some weird cry for attention. As he read the text over, a fresh surge of pain erupted in the back of his head. Pinching his nose to try suppress as much as he could, he tapped out a response to Gene. Pocketing his phone again, another thought poked its way unpleasantly to the front of his mind. Convincing Calvin to let him visit the Belchers' again was not going to be easy.

First things first. He needed a shower. He could smell himself – a mix of salty sweat and unwashed bedsheets and he was covered in a film of moisture, sticking to him in all manner of unpleasant areas. Shedding his grotty clothes and stepping under the warmth of a shower, he felt the worst of his headache evaporate and the heat soothe his aching limbs.

Feeling altogether more human, Ken made his way downstairs. He half-hoped Calvin wouldn't be there. In truth, he felt somewhat embarrassed the older man had seen him in such a state, and if nothing else, not seeing Calvin meant he could slip out to the Belchers' unseen.

No such luck. Calvin was perched on his usual spot and no sooner had Ken's feet touched the carpeted hallway, his voice rang out like a bell. "Good morning, Ken! You're feeling better today, I trust?"

Ken considered his answer carefully. His stomach was still tight and gurgled a warning every now and again, so eating was probably a no-go for at least a little while. But with a shower and a lesser degree of pain, he felt considerably better than he probably had a right to. And if he admitted he still had a funny stomach, Calvin would be even less likely to let him out. He compensated by just nodding swiftly at him.

"Uh huh…" Calvin didn't seem all too interested in his response. "Say, what's a good descriptive word? Shoddy? Despicable? Unconscionable? Or how about the old classic, poopy?"

Only now did Ken notice that Calvin was writing something, or at least attempting to. He looked about as familiar with a pen and paper as Ken was with Latvian pottery, but he was clearly doing it for a reason. Ken's stomach turned over again.

"I'm asking because of last night, dear boy," Calvin explained, his voice sounding surprisingly dark and dangerous. "So how badly would you say they treated you? Astonishingly so? I will reflect based on what you say and raise their rent accordingly!"

Ken felt himself back into the wall, where an ugly portrait of a Fischoeder relative groaned at him in indignation. Calvin was going to raise their rent? Because of what happened last night? Now he knew why the town feared him.

The unfairness of it all tasted bitter. A scowl tugged down the corners of his mouth. "…t-they didn't."

"Didn't? Didn't what?" Calvin glanced at him. "Didn't… treat you properly?"

"N-no."

"Aha! Then it's settled! A ten percent rise seems about fitting, wouldn't you say K-"

"No!" Ken shocked himself at his own volume. Even Calvin looked taken aback. "T-they… they treated me fine." Ken picked his words carefully. "I was just… out in the sun too long, that's all."

"Out in the sun too long?" Calvin gave him a blank look.

Ken flinched under Calvin's gaze. Looked like he wasn't as good a liar as he thought.

"That… makes…perfect sense!" Calvin was suddenly ecstatic. "Why, with skin like yours, I imagine you'd burn up in minutes, don't you! Such a relief, too, because I rather enjoy Bob and those hairyarms of his! They are a _treat_!"

Ken could feel the tension dissipate, like someone slowly letting the air out of a balloon.

"…so no rent rise?"

"For now at least," Calvin screwed up whatever he was writing into a ball, and threw it behind him. "So I suppose you'll be visiting them again? Letting them know you are not dead?"

Ken gave a slow nod. "…if that's okay with you?"

"Of course, I don't mind!" Calvin's smile was hollow. "Though admittedly, I would have appreciated a moment or a few with you. A man can get lonely, spending all weekend on his own. After all, Felix is only any good for throwing firecrackers at…"

Ken hesitated. Gene sounded serious in his text and Ken _had_ promised to be there as soon as he could. On the other hand, Calvin's kindness from yesterday hadn't gone unnoticed and he had just agreed not to raise the Belchers' rent. That was worth some time, surely?

Ken decided to compromise. He'd spend enough time to satiate Calvin and to fire through several more rounds of Salad Samurai. It was an addictive game and the fact that it was free-to-play was a positive. How the companies made money, Ken would never know. His confidence and speed grew and he finished his final game a respectful 1000 points behind Calvin. He had a feeling his guardian was going easy on him, but it didn't lessen the sweetness of achievement.

Calvin agreed that he could head out just before midday. As Ken stepped out, he remembered something peculiar about Gene's text. Something he probably ought to have paid more attention to before now.

" _bring weapons"_

What exactly was Gene planning on doing? Mounting an attack on something? Then again, weapons were generally used for one of two purposes. Attacking or protection. Was there something that Gene wanted to protect himself against? His mind ticked back to the body in the alleyway on the other side of the world. Could it be something to do with that? Did Gene plan… on going _back_ there?

The thought made him want to turn around and hide forever in the Fischoeder mansion. He hadn't for one minute thought that Gene would want to go back there. Assuming they could even figure out _how_ to get back there.

It was strange the power of obligation. Especially when it was someone that you had known for less than a week. But it was that feeling of not wanting to let Gene down that sent him back into the Fischoeder mansion to hunt for something that could be called a "weapon". Thankfully, it didn't take him long. Calvin was a collector of all sorts of eccentric things and weapons, hopefully imitation ones, were among his assortments. So many, in fact, nobody would notice if a couple went missing…

* * *

Some ten minutes later, the door to Bob's Burgers opened with a tinkle.

"…oh! Good mor…noon, Ken! Is that a, is that a spear?" Bob smirked at him.

Ken looked to Bob, and then to the weapon in his hand. "It's fake, don't worry."

"Allrighty then," Bob dismissed it all with a shrug. "Just keep it away from Louise, okay? Want me to shout one of them down?"

Ken nodded, and Bob backed away from his grill before hollering up the stairs. "KIDS! KEN'S HERE!"

There was an instant clamouring of noise from above. "Ken's here! Ken's here!" Gene bounded down the stairs, surprisingly mobile for someone who couldn't even more yesterday. "Ken! Happy Sunday! We should celebrate with waffles!"

"We don't have any waffles, Gene." Bob deadpanned.

"That's what you think, father!" Gene smirked, and strode into the restaurant bathroom. Both Ken and Bob couldn't help but stare as the young boy emerged just moments later with not one, but an entire stack of waffles perched precariously on a too-small plate. Complete with syrup.

"Oh god… where were you hiding those?" Bob grimaced.

"Trade secret." Gene held the plate close. He held a hand to his mouth, and 'whispered' to Ken. "Toilet cistern. Sshhh!"

"I heard that," Bob frowned at him.

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I – ohh, forget it. Ken, you're looking a bit peaky. Want some food?"

Bob gestured to his blackboard, where it stated that today's Burger of the Day was the 'Hotel Kale-ifornia'

"I'll take a Burger of the Day?"

Bob gave a double take, but recovered quickly. "Alright, comin' up. Gene, you gonna clean up those waffles when you're done?"

"I will lick the table clean, father!" Gene was taking an absurd amount of care in arranging his waffles into the shape of a castle or something. Bob rolled his eyes at the notion, but busied himself preparing Ken's burger. $5.95 was a bit pricey, coming out of the remains of his $10 budget. A few minutes later, and his burger was prepared, ready and steaming on the counter.

"The walls of Waffelopolis are impenetrable! Nothing can break them!" Gene cried at the booth table as Ken sat opposite him. "Nothing except the Gene!"

In the several minutes it took for him to painstakingly sculpt his masterpiece, it took him barely thirty seconds to destroy and devour it, splashing maple syrup everywhere.

"You were violently throwing up all night, and now you're fine again?" Bob asked through the serving window.

"I was making room!" Gene didn't miss a beat. "And now, to clean the syrup off the floor!"

"Gene, no. Get a mop."

" _You_ get a mop!"

"Ugh, fine… watch the store for me then."

Bob audibly groaned, and stomped away down into the basement, leaving just Gene and Ken alone on the restaurant floor.

"Well isn't this super de ja vooey?" Gene was crouched over a puddle of syrup. "Did you bring weapons, Ken?"

Ken cleared his throat, and tapped the four foot long spear against the floor.

"Oohhhhh…! I thought that was a fake!" Gene exclaimed. "But I'll need something too! Just a second!"

Into the bathroom he delved again, returning after just another moment with what looked like a keyboard?

"What?" He shrugged. "It was all I could find!"

"In a restaurant full of knives?" Ken frowned.

"You trust me with knives? Wow!" Gene looked taken aback.

Ken sighed. This was beginning to get a bit ridiculous. "Gene, what do we even need weapons for?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Gene looked wounded. "We've gotta go back there!"

"Are you serious?" Ken gasped. "You… you did _see_ that thing there, didn't you?"

Gene grimaced, looking uncharacteristically grim. "Sure I did. It was _not_ cool. It was somebody… once." He said carefully. "They oughta be back here."

"I mean, I guess…" Ken felt strangely ashamed at Gene's expression of morality. He lowered his voice. "Did you tell anyone?"

"Nuh-uh. I figured you and me ought to go."

"Yeah, but how do we _get_ there?"

"Hm," Gene rested his chin in his palm in an exaggerated fashion. "I do _not_ know."

"What were we doing before it happened?"

Both boys had to admit they couldn't remember. The memory of the alley on the other side of the world and the body they had stumble across had eclipsed everything else that had happened. They sat, feeling defeated, in relative silence until Bob stepped out with Ken's Burger of the Day.

He still didn't feel able to eat properly. The depressing conversation from earlier hadn't helped. He took a knife and severed the burger into two equal parts. Wordlessly, he pushed one half towards Gene. The younger boy grabbed it without hesitation, swallowing it with chewing, like a duck. Ken took a moment to savour the kale, whatever that was. His mind told him it was just fancy cabbage, but the satisfying crunch added to the moist, chewy burger in a welcome contrast. The kale tasted almost meaty and substantial and made Ken almost forget that he was eating vegetables.

No sooner had it slipped down his throat, he began to feel unwell. Maybe his body wasn't tolerant of food yet, or maybe it was the presence of vegetables – the natural enemy of any young boy.

"Gene, where's the customer bathroom-?" He gasped, looking up.

But Gene's face was a similar shade of white. A sudden feeling of vertigo struck him and he felt unsteady, like he was a thousand feet off the ground rather than sitting in a raised booth. The room around him began to spin, the bright yellows and reds of the restaurant interior bleeding like watercolours running down a canvas. The temperature plummeted and as the colours faded out, like grains of sand, the familiar fog rolled in. Ken shut his eyes against the harshness of it all until the spinning sensation stopped and all was quiet.

"Hmm," Gene sounded pensive. "What happened to my keyboard?"

Ken dared to open his eyes. Having to squint through the fog at first, he finally was able to pick out Gene. Gene's keyboard certainly _was_ different – in that it wasn't even a keyboard anymore. Instead, slung around a thick strap, was a tall golden harp that measured from the top of Gene's head right the way down to his ankles. Ken was suddenly reminded of the spear he had stashed under the booth. He was disappointed to see it had remained exactly the same.

The place had changed since they entered yesterday. Visibility was far better, to the point where Ken could actually see the opposite walls of the restaurant, but there was a lot more activity as well. Enormous, lumbering masses roamed the streets outside. They looked almost gelatinous and deep purple in colour, like spilled wine, with narrow slits of glowing red eyes.

"I… I kinda, _don't_ wanna go out there." Gene gulped. "Those monsters look scary, and I don't wanna get eaten!"

"We have to," Ken muttered. "You were right, Gene. This world exists for… for a reason. And we have to find out why."

"Okay…" Gene's voice was hollow. "It just all seems like a really bad idea?"

Ken swallowed down his fear. This was a really bad idea. There were no two ways about it. And there was no certainty on how long they would be here for. Maximising their time sounded like the best option. Just staying in the restaurant wasn't going to accomplish anything.

Ken grabbed his spear with both hands and the pair of young boys shivered towards the front door. The doorbell released those same four chilling notes as they made their way outside. Even the air felt different. What had existed as a vague, almost mysterious ambience before had been replaced with something that felt thick and hostile, like the claustrophobic embrace of a straitjacket.

Several of those enormous purple creatures lurched across the roads, the pavements, the back alleys… everywhere. Ken found himself pulling closer and closer to Gene. Sure, the creatures didn't look friendly, but how likely were they actually to attack? And if they did, the truth was he and Gene were two inexperienced kids with no real means of protecting themselves. What good were an imitation spear and a _harp_ going to do if they suddenly got jumped?

Ken signalled to Gene, and the pair of them crept towards the nearest, smallest one. That way they would at least have some idea of what they were getting into. Every inch closer the shuffled felt like half an hour. But then the ground had the foolish idea of making a noise. It was only a little noise, the tiniest 'tap' of Ken's foot against pavement, but the damn thing _heard._ With a grunt, it span around, and threw long, ropey arms towards them as it gave chase.

Understandably, both boys turned tail and ran. Gene released some high pitched squeal, akin to someone far younger and girlier than himself. For every pair of footfalls, the creature doubled their efforts with ease, and had tracked them down before long.

The boys were knocked down, and the monster stood above them, breathing heavily. Its eyes brightened, and it took on a darker, almost velvety hue, before splitting into two separate shadows and cackling. The darkness faded away to reveal two golden creatures. Both were teardrop shaped, perhaps either half of a yin-yang, and sported eerie, empty eyed facial expressions.

Before either of the boys could find their feet again, one of them had suddenly lit itself on fire. As if this wasn't weird enough, moments later the fire was launched at Gene!

The flames grazed at the arms Gene threw up to protect his face. He cried out in pain, the noise searing through Ken like it was him that had just been burned, and he fell back, vulnerable. There was another burst of flame, this one getting much closer. The scent of singed flesh hung in the air. But Ken couldn't move. Not even when the creature's pupil-less eyes bulged and its cohort joined in, more bursts of flames spiralling in Gene's direction.

Ken stuttered. He couldn't shout, couldn't move, couldn't do _anything._ Here he was, standing uselessly with a spear in his hands, but try as he might, he just couldn't will himself forwards. What was a pointy stick going to do against these things? They could summon fire at will! He had a stick! There just… was no match.

The pair of creatures had circled around Gene, taking it in turns to spit fire at the cowering boy in the middle of them. He had his face covered, thankfully, but at this rate, his friend wouldn't last long.

His friend. His _friend._ The first person his age in years that had shown any interest in him. Shown him any kindness. His friend that took him home to his family and made him feel more a part of something than his own guardian and his own _family._ He didn't deserve that kindness. Especially as now he was standing here, watching Gene, watching his _friend_ suffer at the hands of those things. What sort of a friend was he?

His breath started coming in hitches. Despite it all, an incredible energy was building inside of Ken. His fear was melting away, and his limbs began shaking vigorously. The energy was welling up more and more, and he could've sworn he was glowing or something, because even the weird things with the faces had taken their attention off of Gene.

Ken's spear fell to the ground as he raised his hands up, grasping at his hair to suppress the sudden burst of mind-numbing pain. Sweat was cascading from his brow, and he felt as though his eyes were about to burst from their sockets. A sudden wind blew up from nowhere, eliciting an almighty scream from Ken's depths. At the point where his lungs were ready to burst, all fell calm.

Ken exhaled. "Per… so… na."

* * *

 **End of chapter stats:**

 **You played a good game of Salad Samurai! Your Proficiency has increased!**

 **You spent some time with Calvin. Your relationship with him may improve soon.**

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **Finally a wee bit of action! We'll get into the actual Persona stuff soon which I'm super excited for.**

 **I hope you continue to enjoy this story! Please don't hesitate to leave any comments or reviews, they really make my day!**


	9. The Winds of Changeling

**Chapter Eight - The Winds of Changeling**

Born from the gales it seemed, a creature floated before Ken. Like the most visceral of unions between a gremlin and a witch, it was a small, baby-sized blue thing all shrouded in what looked like a black cloak. It had two pointed horns, unnaturally huge eyes, and more wrinkles than even the goblins and orcs from fantasy novels. Ken simply marvelled at it. The throbbing pain in his head was only amplified the longer he stared at the thing, so he still had to ask himself if it was even on his side.

Suddenly, a voiced emanated from… somewhere, speaking directly into his mind. Eloquent, even posh, it communicated;

' _I am Changeling. As you mature, thus shall I.'_

The thing blinked at him, with its overlarge, creepy eyes. Ken still didn't know if it was a friend or foe. Even if it had just introduced itself, it still could've wanted to kill him. That was what all the bad guys from cheap 80s movies did. How else were they going to carve out their legacy?

This Changeling thing suddenly began glowing, and Ken braced himself for assault, but then there was a shriek of pain as one of the golden teardrop monsters was swallowed up by a tight, spiralling vortex of wind.

It fell to the ground, twitching, and its comrade immediately followed. The Changeling's glow ebbed away, and again it stared him down, blinking slowly. Its gaze slowly travelled across Ken's body, and downwards to the discarded spear on the floor. Ken's eyes followed its, and then the both of them were staring at it. Was it… hinting at him?

Ken's knees trembled beneath him as he knelt down, and picked the spear back up. At least now he knew the thing was on his side. He still wasn't confident that it wasn't going to eat him when this was all over, but as Gene still lay on the ground, singed and shaking, Ken's priorities were somewhere else.

The spear rattled in his hands as he edged closer to the downed monsters. They were still reeling from the Changeling's wind attack, it seemed, and in no mood to get back up. It was now or never.

Ken gulped, and grimaced, and shuddered. He tightened his grip on the spear, and felt the creature's skin burst open like an exceptionally thick balloon as it was impaled. It groaned in obvious pain, and its golden colour was blanched out to a mottled greyish mess before the thing burst into a cloud of soot and smoke.

The other creature was shaking more vigorously. Gathering its strength for a counter-attack, maybe?

Ken took a breath, and readied his spear again; he couldn't give it that chance. Viscous bile surged in his throat as his weapon pierced the creature's membrane. A sizzling, oily liquid oozed out of the thing as it too went pale, before exploding into dust…

Everything felt twice as heavy as Ken's spear clattered to the floor. He slipped to one knee, his breath coming in hitches. The sweat poured from him, and his limbs had begun shaking violently. Was it exhaustion from doing all of this? Disbelief at what was going on? Guilt, over having just _killed_ something?

His mouth was dry. He'd just killed a living creature. _Two_ living creatures, even. Disfigured, nightmarish hellspawn or not, that was life he'd just taken. They were dead. And he was responsible for it.

Tears bubbled in his eyes. Even if it was to save Gene, was that the right thing to do? Maybe they should've just run away instead?

He frowned at nothing. No, that was an even dumber idea. Even if Gene could run, they would've just gotten chased down by another one, and have to go through all of this again.

"…Ken?"

A voice. Ken shook himself out of his daze. The Changeling disappeared in a gust of wind, and Ken noticed out of the corner of his eye, that Gene was stirring again.

"Wh-what happened?"

Ken scrambled towards Gene, and made an attempt to help the lad up. Somehow, his body had avoided any major damage, with only the occasional scuffmarks on his arms or legs. His shirt was sporting obvious burns though, which was going to be… _difficult_ to explain.

"Did you… save me, Ken?" It was the first time since their meeting that Gene had sounded sincere. "I remember that we were getting chased by some shadowy thing, but then it all went dark, and I could smell… bacon!"

Gene's eyes lit up. So much for serious mode. Ken rolled his eyes, and nodded.

"…yeah."

"Oh. Well I'm not sure what happened, but I owe it to you, buddy! No one's ever stood up for me before! That's amazing!" Gene was suddenly elated. He somehow found the strength to jump into the air, but froze instantly in reaction to a deep growling from behind him.

"M-maybe we should get outta here…?" He mumbled.

Ken was inclined to agree, of course he was. But exactly how did they get out of this world? Last time they were forced to throw up, which worked at least, but it was far from an ideal solution. They'd have eating disorders within a week if they had to puke their way out of this world every time.

"…back to the restaurant for now." Ken said.

"Y-yeah, good idea," Gene agreed. "After all, I'm allergic to being killed, and _Flashdance_ is on TV tomorrow, and I don't wanna miss it!"

Ken regathered his spear, and the pair of them crept back from whence they came. The fog seemed a bit thinner now that they'd been in it for… however long they'd been here, and finding their way back seemed easy by comparison. Once again, the doorbell sent shivers down Ken's spine, but they were back in the restaurant. Safety. A good, important thing right now.

The two young men took seats opposite each other in the first booth, and only now did Ken notice just how stale the air was. Like nothing had lived here for tens, if not hundreds of years, the place just felt… saddening.

"So… what do we do now?" Gene asked.

Ken shrugged. "Find out how to get back?"

"Hmm…" Gene raised a hand to his chin.

Ken rest his head against the cold table, and pondered. There must have been some way to leave this place without throwing up. Maybe it was just coincidence last time, and there was a time limit? If that were the case, they probably would've left by now. He couldn't be sure, but he certainly felt as though he'd been in here longer today than he had yesterday. Maybe it just felt like a longer stretch of time because of all that had happened.

His stomach seemed to agree with a timely gurgle. A spongy sort of feeling emanated from his depths, almost like a soda can decompressing.

"Whooa," Gene belched. "My stomach is talking. It demands food!"

The thought of food seemed to stir another gurgle from Ken's stomach. His vision lost focus for a moment, and then suddenly the room was spinning. Ken suppressed the weird, dissolving sensation in his gut, and tried his best to stay serene as colour was breathed back into the room. Like a bucket of paint had been dropped onto the building from above, the vibrant reds and yellows of Bob's Burgers restaurant slowly filtered back in.

Ken scrunched his eyes shut to deal with the swimming feeling in his head, and suddenly reality hit like a slap to the face. There was the chinking of metal on wood as Ken's spear fell against it, followed by what sounded like a dog barking?

"Keyboard! You're back!" Gene hugged his instrument.

"…oh, you're back. How long have you two been there?" Bob frowned at them from behind the counter. "And… where did you go? I asked you guys to watch the restaurant for a minute like four hours ago, then you disappeared."

"We were fighting monsters in a dystopian alternate universe!" Gene cried, and Ken felt his stomach twist as Bob was clearly thrown a curveball by the answer.

"…huh. A-and you didn't watch the restaurant because…?"

At that moment, Louise popped up from… somewhere.

"Yeah, 'cause we were _mobbed_ in the one minute you two weren't there!" She exclaimed.

"Wouldn't that be why dad wanted them to cover?" Tina missed the sarcasm entirely.

"Oh, it's okay T, they left like immediately after." Louise smirked back at her.

"Oh. Well that's a relief."

Ken shook his head fondly. It seemed that, despite there being people in the restaurant, they were still able to slip back into the real world unnoticed. And for whatever reason – he didn't know why, and he wasn't sure he wanted to – but the burgers from this place seemed to be the trigger. A tacit exchange of looks told him that Gene was also pondering about this, even if he seemed more interested in making fart noises with his keyboard.

Ken spent a few more hours at the Belcher's, complete with a dinner of… something grey – Linda wasn't the best cook it seemed. But after the long walk back to Fischoeder mansion, Ken found himself entirely too tired to humour Calvin with another game of _Salad Samurai_. Or anything at all really, if he were completely honest. He hadn't noticed at the time, but the vitality seemed to just drain out of him since leaving that other world. Was it the atmosphere there? Was it putting an extra strain on his body?

Then again, it could've been the life or death combat, he supposed. Calvin was strangely understanding of his fatigue, and let him away to his room. Never before had he felt so appreciative of carpet, but the moment his shoes were kicked off, and his feet could breathe, it was sheer bliss by contrast. All that trudging around in shoes was doing a number on his heels, and much like the rest of his body, just felt sore and heavy from his experiences today.

Ken could barely register his lament at the still setting sun in the evening sky, his eyes were that heavy. His phone buzzed in what must have been a text from Gene, but before he could find the strength to respond, his energy had left him for the night.

It seemed like mere moments had past when the screeching of his alarm clock had dragged him awake again. Feeling so strained and tired that even his eyes hurt, Ken could register each and every body part he owned complaining as he tapped out a blurry answer to Gene on his phone, then forced himself out of bed and into clothes. He didn't care what, as long as they fit. It was a Monday after all; no one cared on a Monday.

Gene looked as tired as he felt as they met up at the usual spot on the way to Wagstaff. Lacking his usual fervour and a shade paler than usual, the young man managed a smile and a half-hearted looking wave, and not much else. The look in Gene's eyes held a tacit question that Ken didn't even need to answer; they were going back there tonight.

 _How_ was a good question, and it gnawed at him all the way to school. If indeed it was the restaurant's burgers that sent people to the other side, that would've meant another $6.50 coming out of his personal funds, and he currently had less than half of that, thanks to his previous food investments of yesterday's burger and a box of chunky blast-offs.

Both of which Gene had 'helped' him finish.

The question weighed on his mind all through school, to the point where he could barely concentrate. It wasn't exactly paramount however, with the climax of the school day being science, where Coach Blevins presented three bananas.

"This, is a banana," he deadpanned, holding one of the three yellow fruit in a gloved hand. "And this, is a container. _Inside_ the container, is some stuff called liquid nitrogen. It's super cold, and can freeze stuff instantly, like this."

With a double check on his glove, Blevins dipped the banana into the container of what was essentially smoky water. He lifted it out again a few seconds later, only for it to come up crystallised and pale.

"Voila, frozen." Blevins didn't even adjust his glasses. "Now, as you can see on the table, we've got three bananas. And three choices; a hammer, a knife, and a vice. Since there are three…"

Like a jet engine, excitement suddenly exploded among the kids. Ken was snapped out of his thoughts, only to get caught in the mania of young kids jumping about and screaming.

"Me! Me! Pick me, Coach Blevins!"

"Alright alright, simmer down, kids," Blevins raised a hand to try and quiet them all. "You'll all get to see, don't worry. I won't ask for volunteers, 'cause you'll all wanna do it, so instead I'm just gonna pick. Okay first up… new kid. Ken, was it?"

The energy and excitement was quickly washed out, and replaced with a dense, almost brusque ambience.

"Why's the _new kid_ get to do it?"

"What makes him so special?"

Ken could feel the heat of their glares on his skin, almost like it were intensified through a magnifying glass, but steadied his nerves and approached Blevins. The gym coach gave him a curt nod, and gestured to the three implements between them.

Ken took a moment to consider; which would be most fun?

The hammer: Obvious destruction, no question. Great power, but over in seconds.

The knife: Less exciting, but more varied in the approach. A stabbing action or a sawing movement could both work, and probably some other ways he hadn't thought of yet.

And the vice… Ken wasn't exactly sure what would happen with that one. It was one of those self-powered things, meaning he wouldn't get any actual control over it. What was the point in gratuitous destruction if you had to surrender that power to a machine?

Eventually, Ken decided that the satisfaction of the knife would edge out the instant gratification of the hammer. Someone with a shorter attention span could get that one.

"...Knife?"

"Surprising," Blevins frowned at him. "A-anyway, I'm not supposed to let you use these things, but it's Monday, and you kids looked a bit dead-eyed this morning, so… be super careful and wear goggles, okay? Long as your eyes are safe, your parents can't sue."

Ken held back his scoff at 'parents'. Feeling stupid long before he strapped the goggles on, where the elastic snapped and stung at the back of his head, he took a moment so his eyes could adjust, and felt around for the knife. It was a simple butter knife, but with the state the banana was in, Ken doubted that would've made a difference. With little effort, the serrated edge pierced, and the fruity flesh crumbled from the contact, shattering into little chunks as he worked the knife through. Ken took the knife out again, and tried a sawing motion in a different part, where the 'layers' of banana fell away with ease.

The class seemed entirely unimpressed by it all though, so Blevins sent him on his way with a few half-assed claps.

"Alright, good work Ken. Note how the banana peeled away in layers, kids. That's real important. Okay, next up…"

Suddenly the crowds began to whirr in excitement again.

"Gene. Your turn."

Immediately the excitement withered. But Gene himself was understandably ecstatic. Ken didn't even need to guess which one he would pick. Before Ken could even process movement, Gene had already grabbed the hammer from the table. Blevins had barely placed the frozen banana onto the table when Gene had buried the hammer into it, shattering the fruit and exploding yellow mush all over the place.

"…you were supposed to put on the goggles first, Gene." Blevins sounded more surprised than displeased. "Ehh, long as you didn't hurt yourself. For the last one… how about Courtney?"

"Huh?" That blonde girl from the other day piped up. With the locket from her necklace well and truly in her mouth, she toddled forwards. "M-me, Coach Blevins?"

"…if you wanna?" Blevins shrugged. "Course, I can just offer it to one of the other kids if you don't," he gestured to the animated crowds behind her. "I'm sure they'd be more than willing."

Courtney stole a glance at her peers, and the smallest of smiles curled at her lips.

"Ugh, here we go…" Gene muttered to Ken.

"Okay," she slurped. "But I'm not very good at lifting stuff, because I have a-"

"-congenital heart condition!" Gene echoed her lip movements. "It's like she can't breathe without sayin' it…"

"Well actually I _can't_ breathe without help sometimes, _Gene_." Courtney had obviously heard him. Ken frowned. A heart condition that affected her ability to breathe?

He was no doctor, but that sounded fishy.

Blevins had finished submerging the third banana into the liquid nitrogen, and then placed it on top of a metal platform.

"Don't worry about lifting anything, Courtney," he explained. "I called it a 'vice', but it's basically a hydraulic press, and it can crush pretty much anything. So we're really kinda wasting it on a banana, y'know? Anyway, just push this button here and that's all you gotta do."

"Oh? Well that's easy." Courtney deadpanned, and hit the button. A little red light began flashing at the top of the metal contraption, which slowly closed in on the banana beneath it. Eventually the two panels squashed together, and banana slush spilled out in a horrible, viscous mess. A loud, resounding 'ewwwww!' escaped the many students, with a couple awed gasps peppered in.

"…and that's how you make a huge mess of the science lab," Blevins adjusted his glasses. "Right, hope you kids learned something today, otherwise I've just wasted a lesson destroying bananas. Those of you who volunteered, thanks for your help,"

Ken felt a little bubble of pride burst within him at Blevins' mention.

"-and we'll recap… tomorrow? Wednesday? When do I see you next?"

There was a vague murmuring from the class.

"You don't know either?" Blevins' forehead creased. "Well uhh… next time. We'll recap next time."

The gaggle of students slowly filtered out of science like sand through an hourglass, and smoothly transitioning into lunch. Gene seemed oddly excitable today, Ken noted, and even stranger, didn't line up at the cafeteria, rather just bee-lined for the nearest table.

"…not having sloppy joe?" Ken mustered up the effort.

"Nnnnope!" Gene extracted a brown paper bag from his backpack. "I've got something even sloppier and joeyer for lunch today! Da, da da daahhh!"

Like some cliché out of a movie, Gene pulled one of his dad's burgers from the bag.

"I asked dad to make me one," he explained. "He asked why, but I got around that by just saying I didn't 'feel' like sloppy joe today! Then he said 'whatever' and made me one! I forget what's in it."

Ken took a moment to stare at the innocuous burger in Gene's hands. Once was nothing; twice, a weird coincidence. If the same thing happened a third time, there would be absolutely no doubt that these burgers – who cared why? – were their ticket to the other world.

If that were the case, Ken was going to have to start making some serious money. He couldn't afford $6.50 every day, dammit.

"W-we're doing this here?" He asked. The school cafeteria was literally full of people, with almost every table taken up with at least one or two lunch-goers. Even Louise and Tina could be spied, shuffling their way through the serving queue.

"Sure!" Gene's ambivalence was astounding. "It'll be cold, but that's fiiiine!"

Ken grimaced. That really wasn't his concern.

"Oh, and it also kinda works as a test!" Gene suddenly sounded knowledgeable. "I-if it even works at all, that is. Isn't it weird we always start at the same place when we go over there? Well what if we go to a different place from here? A-and what if we can do this in a crowded place without anyone noticing?"

"…but what if they do notice?" Ken had to address that elephant.

Gene slowly lowered his announcing finger, and then curled it around his chin.

"Hmm…" he mused. "Well, if that happens, we'll cross that bridge as we come to it! Now are ya with me, partner?"

Gene had acquired a knife from somewhere, and cut the burger into halves. He handed a half to Ken, and the pair of them shared a glance before taking a bite.

The room distorted for a moment, and then both young men were gone.

"H-hey Gene, d'you mind if I sit with," Courtney began, walking up to the table where they once were, "…you?"

She looked up from her tray, and then around. "Wh-where'd he go?"

No matter where she looked, neither Gene nor that new kid could be seen.

"What the hell?"

Courtney span around to find both Louise and Tina standing behind her, also with trays in hand.

"Where'd Gene and Ken go?!" Louise spluttered, staring daggers at their abandoned table.

"I-I was just asking the same thing…" Courtney lisped.

She, Tina and Louise shared the same confused expression.

"…well, time to find someone else to sit with, huh T?" Louise nudged her sister, who took the hint. The Belchers turned tail and away, leaving Courtney alone and staring at the same table.

"Weird. It was like he just… disappeared."

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **Chapter stats:**

 **You understood the teacher's lesson! Your Knowledge has increased!**

 **Hey guys, another wee update for you. Bit of a transitional sorta chapter, with some foreshadowing where Courtney and the sisters are concerned. Now that Ken and Gene know how to get both in and out of the other world, the plot can progress a bit more.**

 **Thanks for reading, and feel free to leave feedback if you've got a moment. :)**


	10. Snakes on a Plane

**Chapter Nine - Snakes on a Plane**

After a few moments of distorted confusion, both Gene and Ken were vomited out into the haunting, familiar greys of the 'other world'. But, as Gene had somehow predicted, they hadn't entered into the 'other' restaurant. Instead it was the hollowed out, dilapidated shell of Wagstaff cafeteria. Broken chairs and stools littered the floor, peppered in with smashed glass and a thick, oppressive atmosphere that made the hairs on the back of Ken's neck stand up.

"Hmm. A big improvement." Gene raised a hand to his chin. "I _especially_ like the – oh, hey, Keyboard!"

Only now did Gene notice that he had his keyboard – or, harp – sitting on a nearby table. That was convenient at best and terrifying at worst. Ken noted that his spear was there too, oddly enough. Certainly couldn't be written off as just a fluke. Just what _was_ this world?

They weren't alone in this endless greyscale, however. Just like last time, those awful purple _things_ lurched the hallways and classrooms. Now armed with his helpful little Changeling, Ken had to admit that they seemed far less scary than before. But he still didn't want to be trapped in a dark room with one of them.

Spear in hand, Ken gave Gene a nod – it was amazing what surviving mortal peril could do to a friendship. It was almost as if the two boys could read each other's minds. They knew exactly what to do. Clutching their weapons, they crept down the long, dank corridors. The less attention they drew the better, after all.

He couldn't help but notice that these purple shadow creatures varied in size. Some of them barely reached his knee in height – he estimated, of course – but others were towering behemoths, scarcely fitting within the walls of the room. Were the bigger ones stronger? Or was that all just a clever deception? Either way, he didn't want them chasing him down like last time. If there was going to be any fighting involved, he was going to initiate it.

While their backs were turned, of course. It wasn't cowardice, it was opportunism.

These creatures seemed intimidating, but thankfully none too bright. So long as he and Gene stayed out of sight, didn't make too much noise, Ken reasoned that they'd be able to make a fair distance without getting caught. If they were... well, he had a spear. That was better than nothing.

"Do you think that this world is the same as our one?" Gene hissed the loudest whisper Ken had ever heard. A shadow monster thing grunted in response, and its 'eyes' floated over towards the wall that the two young men had just crouched behind.

Ken pressed a finger against his lips. "Sshh…!"

"Oh, right…" Gene nodded. "I just think it might be worth mentioning…"

Ken contemplated Gene's 'idea' in his mind. It did hold some weight, after all. Everywhere they'd been in this world was an exact, albeit dystopian, mirror of the real world. Logic dictated that-

Suddenly, a crack beneath his foot. Ken's train of thought came to a sudden stop as he realised it was glass under his weight. Only a tiny piece of glass, yet the crack it produced was like a gunshot, it was so loud. Loud enough that Gene yelped, and loud enough that it attracted the attention of a shadow creature from the next room. It grunted, and started slithering towards them, throwing out heavy arms in their direction.

Ken half-choked, and then swallowed it down instantly, flattening himself against the nearest wall. Gene flailed on the spot for a moment, but followed in Ken's footsteps with his harp at the ready. Ken had never noticed just how badly his hands shook until recently, but now, when he needed them the most, they quivered like a falling leaf. He cursed himself inwardly at how bad he was under pressure. Life or death situation, sure, but harden up dammit!

The shadow creature loomed past the doorway and into the hall where they were crouched beneath the window. Its glowing red eyes slowly scanned the area in front of it. _Don't turn right, don't turn right…_

Ken's heart was in his throat. He could feel the pulsating blood splintering his scalp with every beat his feeble organ forced out. Every second felt like hours as this monster sniffed them out, like some kind of terrifying bloodhound. But Ken thanked his lucky stars when the thing turned _left._

His spear rattled in his hands. It was now or never.

With a gulp and a tremor, he tightened his grip on the weapon, and thrust it into the monster's depths. It recoiled, and writhed, then split into two separate shadows.

Gene and Ken took their positions in the middle of the hallway. The two creatures that came from the original one didn't look much different, Ken had to admit. Somewhat resembling a really angry slug, the two bright green blobs of matter stared the two boys down. But unlike the last time, they weren't immediately on the offensive. Why, if Ken didn't know better, he would've said they were confused and reeling. Did they really have the upper hand here?

Suddenly a huge amount of pressure had been lifted. There might have been two of them compared to just him, but he could even those odds with a mere summon of his Changeling.

But then another question sprung up; how?

His eyes widened a little. Last time the Changeling just appeared when he seemed to need it most; after all, Gene was getting attacked, and he didn't want to lose his only friend in this world. So what was the trigger? Was he just going to have to bank on it randomly turning up? That was not a very efficient strategy.

Out of the corner of his eye, Gene shot him a worried look. Yep. It was official. He was making an ass of himself.

Ken looked him back, tried to tell him it was all okay without words, because these things probably could smell fear or something. He then dug his hands into his pockets, because what else could he do? If he was going to have to rely on some supernatural being to fight for him, he had to learn how to reliably summon it and quickly.

Ken cursed internally. A manual would've really been useful right now. He wouldn't read it, but he could at least have it, and complain about it when things didn't go well. Like right now.

All sorts of things tumbled out of his pockets; loose change, a ball of fluff, folded up paper… nah, deities probably didn't deal in origami. But then a little cardboard box clattered to the ground, and something inside of it rattled.

"Huh?"

Ken knelt down, not taking his eye off the nearest of the slimy creatures, and picked up a box of chunky blast-offs of all things. Huh. Looks like Gene didn't eat them all. Half a dozen or so rattled in the box when he shook it, and instantly Gene perked up. But interestingly enough, so did the Changeling. Almost cheesily on cue, the little blue goblin thing appeared in a puff of smoke. Weirder still, the thing looked to him, then the box of chocolate, and then to him again. Deities and demons really traded their power for candy? Not souls or something?

 _'Something shared, is something gained'_ the creature spoke to him. That didn't answer anything. All it did was remind Ken of that guy from the space show. Why would this thing have the same voice?

He reasoned, it was speaking to his mind, and maybe it was his subconscious creating a voice he recognised in order to make it sound friendlier, thus…

Ken shook his head and frowned. It probably wasn't that deep.

But still, this goblin thing was expecting him to 'share' his candy with it, and those slimy things weren't going to wait around forever. He looked into the box and shook at again. Ah well. Six attempts to get it right.

He shook two out of the box, handed one to Gene, and tossed the other into his mouth. Sweet, sweet chocolate cuddled his palate for mere, blissful moments, yet the Changeling seemed entirely unimpressed by it all. Looks like that wasn't the way.

Out of the box tumbled another chunky blast-off. Ken held this one into the air, where it quickly faded away into nothing. Was that it?

The Changeling blinked, and began glowing a soft greenish colour. Suddenly, a vortex of wind exploded from nowhere, surrounding the nearest of the slimy creatures and knocking it back.

"S-stay back, Gene," Ken insisted. He didn't want his best friend getting injured again. Not without something to defend himself with. Gene obviously didn't need telling twice, as the boy was at the end of the corridor about as quickly as he could shift his chubby legs.

"I'll cheer for you from afar!" he hissed back.

Ken frowned, and turned back to see both the slime creatures staring him down. Oh yeah. Those.

With a gulp, he summoned the Changeling once again, and had to dive out of the way as the first of the slimes tried to headbutt him. It missed horribly, but its cohort was more successful, connecting and knocking him back.

Ken blinked away stars. This wasn't good. Even with the Changeling supporting him, he was still outnumbered, and he couldn't take these sort of hits forever. These things were made of some seriously painful stuff.

But the Changeling had his back, countering with another blast of air and vanquishing the first of the two slimes. The other one lunged at him and missed narrowly, allowing Ken to slash at it with his spear. The creature seemed unfazed by the physical assault however, and it even had the gall to counter-attack, fixing Ken with a decidedly evil glare. What it was supposed to do, he wasn't sure, but the piercing glare of those acid green eyes had him transfixed. Next thing he knew, the thing had propelled itself into his stomach, doubling him over.

His spear scraped across the ground, and he fell to one knee, wheezing. A vile, metallic taste exploded in his mouth, and his vision was spotting. This was bad.

His laboured attempts to stand back up were interrupted by a strange blue glow, emanating from Changeling. The glow pulsed once, and faded away, and then Ken immediately felt his strength returning to him. Suddenly he could breathe again, and the awful taste of blood was gone. He admittedly stumbled as he stood back up, but nevertheless could wield his spear again, which was something. Gripping it with both hands, he slashed at the slime, which at least seemed to damage the thing, pushing it back a bit. It again swung itself forward to attempt another headbutt, but this time missed, and Changeling struck again with another wind attack, exploding the slime into black smoke.

Changeling blinked, and disappeared in another burst of light. Ken felt the vitality drain from him almost instantly, now that the adrenaline of battle had gone. Were things always going to be this exhausting?

Anyway. Time to find Gene again.

Wiping his brow, Ken span back around. If memory served, Gene had ran off that way, to 'cheer for him from afar'. Yeah, that was it. So it stood to reason that he'd still be over there.

Fortunately none of those weird purple shadows were nearby, so Ken could be a bit less subtle with his creeping about. But no matter how many corners he poked his nose around, Gene was nowhere to be found. Ken groaned. Surely he hadn't gone too far? Surely he had the brain cells needed to realise that maybe he shouldn't wander off in a place this dangerous?

But then again, Ken supposed he wouldn't have to be looking for him if he hadn't wandered off. What was he thinking?

What felt like eons later, with some cunning shadow dodging, he eventually stumbled across the young man, staring off into the distance down the end of a corridor, unmoving.

The hair on the back of Ken's neck stood up. No matter how much he wanted to vent at Gene for disappearing on him, there was definitely something wrong here. Something almost palpable in the air. Gene was _never_ still. Yet here he was, not moving a muscle.

"…Gene?" Ken finally whispered. "Is… is that you?"

"Gene?" He spoke. Except his voice sounded wrong. Less tone, and more arrogant, like a smug lecturer. "Yessss, I've been called that."

The young man turned around, and Ken couldn't hold back a gasp when their eyes met. This Gene had bright yellow eyes, compared to the brownish something or other than Ken was used to, and a far more slender, almost scaly sort of face. What on earth?

Ken's grip tightened on his spear. Was this one of this world's tricks? Weird, evil sounding clones of everyone? Did that mean he had one?

"Oh, Ken! There you are!" Came the familiar voice from behind him, making him jump. Gene – that is, the actual Gene – caught up to him. "I've been looking _everywhere_ for you in this desolate waste… land?"

Gene shuffled to a halt, and a frowned creased his features. Harp casually under one arm, he glanced to Ken, and then the yellow-eyed clone of him opposite. While one looked confused, the other continued to sneer back.

"…is this like that hall of mirrors down at the Wonder Wharf?" He asked. He raised his free arm, obviously expecting the other Gene to do the same, and his frown deepened when the other one remained unmoving.

"Hmm." He looked pensive. "Are you my brother…?"

"On the contrary!" 'Gene' spat back. "I am you, or rather, the one you keep insssside!"

The other Gene snickered, and Ken could've sworn he spied a long, thin, forked tongue escaping his mouth.

"You're… inside me?" There was a definite quaver in Gene's voice now. "Like, like my heart or something?"

"Not… quite." The other Gene scorned. "Tell me, _Gene_. What do you fear?"

"Fear?" The real Gene was clearly thrown a curveball there. "I uhh, I dunno? What _do_ I fear? Clowns? Mermaids? Bill Murray?!"

A rattling noise brushed past the two young men however, and Gene gave a yelp of fright after looking down to see what it was.

"Snake?!" He jumped about three feet into the air, dashing away from the rattlesnake so quickly that he was almost a blur. "S-snake, snake, SNAKE!"

"Oh, you don't like these?" The other Gene snickered. He knelt down in front of the rattlesnake, where it coiled itself around his arm and slithered up his body, then across his shoulders like a scarf made of silk and leather.

"This is no time for a fashion statement!" Gene's back was against a wall. "Liberace would be ashamed of you!"

"Deflecting, are we?" The other Gene chuckled softly. "How fitting for you. Toxic, deceiving. Very snakelike."

"N-no! I'm nothing like a snake! They're all creepy and slithery, and they don't have any arms or legs!" Gene cried. The poor kid was cowering in a corner as snakes of all kinds crawled across the floor. Ken wasn't even sure where they'd all come from, but was afraid to even move for all the snakes on the floor. He had to help Gene somehow, but… how?

Since meeting Gene, Ken had noted just how unusually placid the boy was, seeming entirely unperturbed by just about any situation. But right now, that casual dignity he typically radiated was nowhere to be seen. Arms wrapped tightly around his knees, with his head tucked in for safety, easy-going, unflappable Gene looked well and truly terrified.

"No no, I'm not afraid," he muttered to himself, peering out from behind his knees and then burying himself further. "They're just s…snakes, just snakes! Not afraid… n-n-not afraid!"

"Not afraid? Hah." The other Gene taunted. "Show me how not afraid you are!"

At the point of his finger, the rattlesnake across his shoulders leapt forward, meandering towards Gene. Its tail rattled melancholically as it closed in, rearing up, baring its fangs…

Gene picked entirely the wrong time to look out from behind his knees again. For he was staring into the beady eyes and gaping maw of a hungry rattlesnake. Some kind of noise escaped him, and he swung his arm at the snake, "N-not afraid!"

But out of his hand shot a flurry of ice, which coated the snake and shattered it!

"Huh?!" Gene looked more surprised than anyone. The flowing river of snakes on the floor began rippling away from him, and the boy found his strength again, shakily getting back to his feet. In front of him, a strange, cold energy began to glow, and from it burst a creature. A decidedly wet looking monster, seemingly a mound of seaweed with glowing, yellow eyes. Strangely enough, it carried some stringed instrument with it. A violin? A fiddle? Either way, not important. Gene had just summoned a weird seaweed monster that could shoot ice. Go figure.

"Hmm." The other Gene seemed entirely unimpressed. Maybe because his scarf snake had just been killed. "So you're ready to face your fears? Prepare yourself!"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

 **Hey there everyone. Firstly, sorry for the long time between updates. Both OceanSpiral and myself have been pretty busy as of late, what with her becoming a teacher and me (hopefully) getting into uni. Secondly, sorry for the poor excuse for a title. I couldn't think of anything better lol.**

 **Anyway, feel free to leave some feedback. It's always appreciated. Over and out. :)**


	11. Snakes on a Plane Part 2

**Chapter Ten**

 **Snakes on a Plane part 2: The Sequel No One Asked For**

The writhing mass of snakes on the floor that separated the real Gene from the Shadow Gene froze, just momentarily. Ken's heart allowed itself a brief hope before it too was dashed. The snakes started to grow, doubling, tripling in size. Then, they bean merging together, slowly fusing with the body of the other Gene into a wealth of ominous black.

Taking his chances, Ken darted across to where Gene was still frozen in fear, the creature he had summoned swaying lazily in front of him. He grabbed Gene, figuring the weird seaweed thing could take care of itself.

The snakes continued to fuse together. Occasional bursts of light would escape from the dark nova, accompanied by an uncomfortable, rough _,_ squelching noise. With a sound like damp sandpaper, it continued to grind with every wriggle and thrash that emanated from the pulsing shadow. The energy eventually dissipated to reveal a solitary figure. Surprisingly humanoid and painfully thin, Ken was surprised by how little it surprised him that the figure was that of a woman. It struck him that maybe he'd just gotten used to bizarre in the few days he had been here.

Tall and skeletal, this woman had skin pale and ashen, with a viciously prominent jawline. Her long, glistening black hair ran smooth until halfway down her back, until shiny, leathery scales started to encroach, complete with a hissing snake at the end

Ken didn't have to consult any history or mythology books to know who this was.

Medusa's eyes remained firmly shut. This was without a doubt a good thing. In fact, Medusa hardly seemed to move at all. The only thing that seemed to move was the snake at the end of her hair. It must be communicating for her, he mused, as the snake coiled around her shoulders and neck, its forked tongue flitting in and out.

Ken glanced and Gene and gave him a firm nod. His face was still pale and twisted with fear, but he shouldered his harp nonetheless. Even Ken's spear felt slippery in his hands. As the two readied themselves, Medusa's snake fixed its yellow beady eyes on them and hissed. Both boys nearly dropped their weapons.

"Not afraid of snakes… n-not afraid of snakes!" Gene kept muttering to himself, harp quivering in his arms as he struck a few chords.

Multi-coloured notes fluttered out of the instrument, before suddenly taking speed and launching themselves at the snake. Its eyes dilated, and it hissed again, recoiling up and launching a counterattack by stretching itself out to an impossibly long length, clearing the several metres between Medusa and Gene in mere seconds. Ken saw a flash of white teeth sink into Gene's shoulder and he moved as if someone else was pulling the strings. He dashed forward while the creature was still embedded in Gene's shoulder and slashed with his spear. The spear met the sinewy body of the snake and with a determined, but clumsy, hack, Ken felt the snake's flesh splinter and tear. With a spurt of crimson, the part that was still attached to Medusa thrashed wildly for a few moments, while the head shrivelled up and fell to the floor.

A scowl touched at Medusa's face, and she opened her eyes, assaulting the boys with her chilling, bright yellow gaze. Ken wanted to yell out a warning, knowing immediately they were in trouble, but he found he couldn't. Both boys were completely transfixed at her cat-eye stare, and next thing anyone knew, there was a sudden snapping sound, followed up by an icy spell identical to the one Gene had used earlier. It shattered on Ken, who was thrown back by the impact.

Ken winced, and rubbed at his sore elbow. That icy attack left his fingers trembling, and his touch feeling hot, cold _and_ numb at the same time. He was shaking so badly that he could barely even grip his spear. So instead of a physical assault, he summoned his Changeling, who did the work for him and attacked with a spiral of wind.

"Uhh… how was it that you did… that thing?" Gene had the audacity to ask.

Ken dug about in his pockets and he retrieved the box of Chunky Blast-Offs from earlier. Gene grabbed at them, Ken having a vision of him emptying the entire box down his throat. So instead, he took a step back and tossed his friend a single Chunky Blast Off. Gene's look of betrayal thankfully lasted only seconds as he lifted the tasty snack into the air. It disappeared in a flash, and the bipedal mass of seaweed suddenly returned. It stared into Gene's depths with its lifeless, yellow eyes. Without seeming to move, a long, deep chord was struck from the creature's fiddle – if that's what it even was – and suddenly Medusa was knocked back from the impact.

Gene let out a cry of triumph but Medusa didn't seem bothered by his effort. She smirked, and raised a lazy arm. She snapped her fingers again, and Gene was lucky to dodge another flurry of ice. Both boys were on the front foot this time, where Ken struck her again with his spear, and Gene's creature had the genius foresight to illuminate Ken with some bright sparkly stuff. Suddenly invigorated, he could feel his strength returning to him, and even the pain in his elbow seemed to dissolve away.

"How did you do that?" Ken asked in amazement.

Gene could only shrug in return. The snake, split in two for the second time, fell to the ground in pieces. Ken shot Gene an eager smile, his grip tightened on his spear for a follow up attack, but they were interrupted by a flash of blinding light. After it faded, the two boys saw Medusa standing completely still, eyes shut. Her snake-hair strand lit up, and began growing again, but instead of simply re-forming into another snake, it split and formed two.

"Wait, _two_ snakes now?" Gene trembled. "That's double not good! One was bad enough!"

The two snakes hissed in unison as they stared the two boys down. One lunged without warning, again stabbing two fangs into Gene's shoulder. The same shoulder he had already taken a hit to. He predictably flailed, and knocked the head away again, but that left him wide open to the other snake, which came flying in to attack his flailing arm. With a noise like a tyre being punctured, the snake seized Gene's arm. Blood splattered across the floor.

"Uuurrrrgh, I'm not supposed to lose that!" Gene yelped, and clenched his fist, finally shaking the snake free. A crimson ribbon streaked down his arm, and he shivered from the sight of it. "S-seaweed buddy, help!"

His creature appeared again at his command and summoned the weird healing sparkles, which quickly mopped up Gene's injury. Ken seized his chance, slashing at one of the two snakes with his spear. Deep wounds tore into the snake's skin, but it remained stubbornly attached this time. Both snakes stared Ken down this time, with the first attacking with its fangs, and the second releasing a bizarre, purple gas. Ken made the mistake of inhaling it, and instantly felt his organs wither. His lungs felt as though they had turned to lead, a solid block of pain within his chest, while his skin broke out in clammy itching.

Ken gulped down what tasted like bile and vomit. He couldn't throw up here, else all this hard work would go to waste. With a deep breath, he grasped at his spear, and stumbled towards Medusa, plunging his weapon into one of the snakes. It flailed from the impact before splitting off almost immediately, falling to the ground and turning to ashes.

Again, Medusa's eyes opened, and the two boys were subjected to her piercing gaze.

"Agh!" Gene flinched away from her stare, and struck a crescendo of strings on his harp as he did so. Again the rainbow hued notes rose out of the instrument, before launching themselves into Medusa. Each of the several hits knocked her back a few inches, but she seemed just as healthy as ever. Medusa sneered at the both of them, before clapping her hands together. A wave of energy radiated from where she had clapped, and whooshed towards Gene. Before Gene's expression could so much as change, the energy around him stiffened.

And then so did he (Still Gene). His entire body froze up, a lifeless husk. Unblinking, unmoving, un... anything.

That was a concern. Was he still aware? Alive, even? Either way, Ken needed to figure out how to fix it, else join him. And there was no way they were solving this big mystery together if they were both petrified. At least that was the assumption. This was Medusa after all.

Ken gulped, and wrenched his gaze away from the immobilised Gene. There was still a snake lady to deal with, after all. Changeling appeared at his summons and shot a vortex of wind at her, while Ken braced himself for another blast of ice in return. Medusa snapped her fingers, and the all too familiar flurry shattered across his body. Again, angry bile reared up in his stomach, and he stumbled. By the time he could prop himself back up with his spear, Medusa had closed her eyes again and her hair was aglow.

Ken's vision was going spotty. He was starting to feel weak and dizzy. As he tried desperately to regain himself, he saw a second, then a third snake sprouting from the stump.

but that didn't stop a second, and then a third snake sprouting from the stump.

The ground beneath him was starting to wobble. Whatever that purple gas was from earlier, it was taking its toll now. Ken drew his spear across his body, barely fending off the first of three snakes as it ended up lunging his spear instead of his body. That trick only worked once though, with the second piercing his shoulder, and then the third puncturing his side.

His limbs were trembling now. He could barely lift his left arm anymore, and a thin veil of purple was invading his vision. He knew he shouldn't be questioning if these snakes were poisonous, but his thoughts were becoming foggier by the minute. If he didn't finish this soon, he was going to end up like one of those rotting corpses from his nightmares.

With what was left of his strength, he wrenched his spear and tore at one of the snakes. He felt something rip, and another snakehead fell to the ground. Just as he collapsed, his wrist taking the full impact.

His breathing was sharp, coming in hitches. The spots on his vision were practically glowing now, and what little he could see was flickering. His fingers, splayed out beneath him, were blurring in and out.

Ken tried to summon the strength to stand back up, but it just wouldn't come. Whatever he had left in the tank seemed to be enough to keep him conscious, and little else. Suddenly, there was a sharp clap, and every muscle in his body stopped trembling. As much as he willed it, he couldn't move or even blink.

His mind was buzzing overtime. This must've been what happened to Gene. But what now? Were they both fated to die here? Discover a new, mysterious alternate world, only to never solve the mystery and instead end up becoming a part of it?

His thoughts twisted and writhed about themselves, and he could feel his eyes wanting to well up over it all. For a moment, he was grateful his body was frozen. At least that way no one would see him like this, all pathetic and crying on his deathbed.

But then his ears pricked up on a voice;

"N-no! You leave him alone!"

By some miracle, it seemed like Gene was able to move again. Was there a time limit on this petrifying spell? Could Medusa keep only one person frozen at a given time?

Either way, he was past caring at this point. Staying conscious was enough of a struggle. A sudden explosion of cold knocked Medusa back out of his peripheral vision, followed by a barrage of what Ken could only assume was hits from Gene's harp, what with the stroke of each note quickly followed by a sharp smacking noise. Medusa screeched in pain, a snapped her fingers, retaliating with what must have been another flurry of ice in Gene's direction. But the assault seemed to barely even faze him, as the young man was on the counterattack almost instantly.

"I'm... not..." a whole slew of notes were plucked from his harp, "afraid... of... snakes!"

The consecutive salvos of notes struck Medusa in a crescendo of noise and light. There was a sudden explosion of heat as something ignited, and Ken felt some strength return to his limbs. He wrenched his aching head upwards just in time to see bursts of light explode across Medusa's body. Her snakes went up in flame, burning down to mere cinders, and with a piercing shriek, the snake lady evaporate into nothing.

"I'm fed up with snakes on this plane!" Gene cried, lowering his harp at last. Suddenly, his sensibilities kicked back in. "...! Ken!"

He scrambled to pick his buddy up off the floor.

"...plane?" Ken managed to choke out.

"Yeah, you know, plane! Like, plane of existence?" Gene explained. "Hm, maybe now I can actually watch that film, since I faced my fear, and I beat up some lady, and I-"

But Gene was stopped mid-sentence. With Medusa's disappearance, the mist had begun to thin out, and both of them clapped eyes on a dishevelled figure in one corner.

"...I think I preferred the snakes." Gene whispered. But Ken swallowed down the bile in his throat, and staggered over towards it. That snake's venom must've been wearing off or something, because he could find the strength to lift his limbs, even shuffle forwards. The nausea was still there, strong as ever, but he wasn't coughing up vital fluids any more, which was a good thing.

"K-Ken, wait!" Gene threw a hand out to stop him. "What if something bad happens?"

"You said it yourself, Gene." Ken took in a deep breath through the mouth. The stench radiating from this corpse was enough to make his eyes water. "This world exists for a reason, and we're the only ones who know. S-so we gotta fight... fight for those who can't."

"B-but that was just to sound inspiring!" Gene flailed. "That is not a person!"

"...but it was once." Ken touched the decaying figure's shoulder, and grimaced as it oozed on him. "With a family, and friends, a-and dreams. How would you feel if this was you? Or one of your sisters?"

"W-well I would very much mind being dead!" Gene insisted. "And that is in spite of all the world's best musicians being dead! Except for the immortal Ringo St-"

"Gene."

"...oh yeah," Gene lowered his arm again. "Sorry Ken, I got carried away. You... you're right, buddy. We can't just let them rot here. Where's the dignity in that?!"

Ken nodded. "So we're taking them back?"

"Are you sure we can?" Gene frowned. Ken shrugged in response. He was really hoping he could let go of this rotting body as soon as possible, but as far as his knowledge of this world stretched, physical contact was the only way he'd be able to take the body with him. And he didn't even know if that would work. So he supposed he just had to stand there, holding onto a dead body and feeling incredibly stupid all the while.

Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long before the telltale rumble in his stomach. With an unfortunate belch escaping his depths, he again felt woozy as colours began to bleed back into the world. This time, instead of the reds and yellows of Bob's restaurant, it was the greys of tarmac and asphalt, and the off white, slightly mouldy looking pastel pink shade of what looked like an office block.

The two boys found themselves down some alleyway in the middle of town, with the dull blare of traffic offending the ears. Suddenly, the gravity of his situation sunk in. Ken retched, and let go of the decaying body he'd been holding onto for the past who knows how long. He couldn't cover his face because both of his hands were filthy, and there wasn't exactly a place to wash his hands nearby, so that left him with only the option of standing there and flailing, as his eyes streamed from the sheer stench.

"H-hold on Ken! I'll go get someone!" Gene cried. Next thing Ken knew, people were clamouring around them like they were a zoo exhibit, each uttering a clatter of mutters which simply escalated into an incomprehensible noise.

* * *

The phone was practically vibrating, it was ringing that fervently. A clammy hand slowly reached for it, and answered with a pointed sigh. "...yeah."

The chair creaked underneath his weight as he twisted around and whistled. The speaker on the other side was just interesting enough to keep his attention.

"Dead body... two young boys... alleyway on Jackson Street?" That one actually caused a rise. "...right. I'll make my way there. Probably."

The man put the phone receiver back down, and made sure to polish his badge.

"About time something happened in this dingy town."


	12. Making a Meal Of It

**Chapter Eleven:  
** **Making a Meal Of It**

 _Snap!_

The scorching glare of a desk lamp flashed on, dazzling Ken. Heavy footsteps stomped towards him, through the haze of bright lights obscuring his vision. Rubber soles on wood. A chair opposite him creaked as someone sat down.

"…so," a gravelly voice spoke. "Gonna tell me what you know?"

Ken strained his eyes trying to make out any features of his company. He could scarcely make out a dark-haired figure beyond the lamp's searing beam.

"…wh-what?" he stammered. His mind was frying like bacon thanks to that damned lamp, along with the scrambled egg of his thoughts.

"You heard me," the voice warned. "You heard me loud an' clear, kid. See this?"

The guy behind the lamp gestured to something about his middle.

"Uhh… no." Ken had to be honest. He couldn't see his own nose right now, forget whatever this guy was pointing to.

"…huh. Fine then." The man groaned. "It's a badge. Know what that means? That means I'm in charge. And see this? It's a gun. That means what I say goes. And see this? It's a sandwich. It means I'm hungry. And when I'm hungry I ain't in the mood for games. Ya hear me? So I'll give you one more chance. Tell me what you kn-"

There was the clinking of metal against wood, and suddenly more light came flooding into the room as a door was opened in the distance.

"Err, chief?"

A hand slapped about on the wall for the light switch, and the young lady in the doorway groaned. "Oh God… what're you doing, chief? Interrogating the kid in the dark? You know that'll give you nigh-"

"I'm interrogating in the dark to project a menacing ambience, dammit Sandra!" The chief barked back at her. "Now close the goddamn door! You're screwin' up my feng shoo-ey!"

"Sorry chief, but the kid's parents are here to collect him… or something…" Sandra drawled. Ken's heart gave the smallest of jumps. Did Calvin somehow learn of his predicament, and had now rushed here to save him-

But then it was Bob whose face popped round the side of the door, looking especially tired and weary. Gene was literally hanging off the man's arm, which answered a whole bunch of questions at once. While he had to concede the pang of heartache, his supposed guardian once again proving hopeless, Bob wasn't exactly a disappointment.

"Argh! And I was this close to breakin' him!" The police chief growled. "…fine, get him outta here. But I'll be keeping a close eye on the both of you, ya hear me?"

The chief snatched a bit of paper from somewhere, followed by a pen, and scrawled a few words down on it. "The name's Bosco. Sergeant Bosco. We're gonna be seeing a lot of each other from now on, got it kid?"

A sudden chill blew over Ken, and a familiar voice echoed through his head;

"I am thou,

Thou art I,

Thou hast acquired a new vow,

It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,

With the birth of the Sun Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"

The confusion was mounting. Exactly how was this a 'bond'? He'd just been threatened, mentally abused, probably abducted, by some cop he had never seen in person before. At least with Calvin, Gene and Bob, the strange happening was almost justified. They were nice people and he could see themselves being friendly. If he were honest, the last few hours were little more than a blur, so he was happy to get the hell out of there.

A quick exchange and a few slammed car doors later, and Ken was amidst an awkward ride back into town with Gene and Bob. The silence was so thick it was practically sentient, and it only swelled with every hanging second. Even the scenery outside seemed eerily silent, as if the whole situation were holding its breath.

"…so," Bob eventually spoke, coming to a stop at a traffic light, and Gene literally yelped from the shock of it. He tapped two index fingers against the steering wheel, and stole a glance at his son in the passenger seat. "Any…one wanna tell me what happened?"

The awkwardness filtered back in like mist and Ken gulped. They had to tell him something. He'd just picked them up from the police station and it was the second time they'd both been caught doing something suspicious in just a few days. Bob seemed like a pretty reasonable guy, but basic courtesy told Ken that maybe he shouldn't push his luck here. Ken cleared his throat, ready to answer, however,

"We… found a dead body." Gene cut in. But his voice lacked the usual energy that Ken had come to know him for.

"…w-well yeah, I know that much," Bob set off again with the green light, "But I've got the feeling there's… more to the story than that. I mean, that Bosco guy was really goin' at it with the interrogation thing."

Ken felt the groan escape him. He was still seeing spots from that damned lamp.

"So… there anything more?" Bob probed again. "You don't just wander down a dirty alley and find dead bodies… right?"

The tension thickened once again, and both boys looked away from him. Bob grimaced, and let out a sigh.

"…alright, we'll just… leave it at that. You two've had a horrible day, so maybe we'll talk about this another time?"

Gene gave a noncommittal grunt in response, and Bob rolled his eyes. That'll do, he supposed.

Bob pulled up outside his restaurant, and the three of them disembarked. There was a moment's pause as Bob dropped his keys on the ground, then strained to pick them back up, and finally wrestled them into the lock. The door had barely creaked open when Linda bulldozed her way down the stairs, waving her arms like an excited Italian and spouting just as much gibberish.

"Oh my baby baby babies!" She flung herself at both Gene and Ken, wrapping her long arms around both boys and practically crushing them. "They called us on the phone and they told us the whole story and I got real scared because it sounded real dangerous and then I got worried when Bob went to get you both and now my feet are tired from all this pacing!"

Bob literally took a step back from the siege of words Linda had just barfed at him.

"It's true. She wore a trench in the floor." Louise was hovering in the stairwell. Not concerned or anything. Of course not.

"Ohh, you two had me so worried!" Linda still had the boys squashed between her arms. "Was it horrible? How did it happen? Are you stayin' for dinner Ken?"

Ken flinched. That was sudden.

"W-well, errm…" he stammered. He looked around to Bob, then Gene, and even Louise for answers. It wasn't his decision to impose on them for dinner again, was it?

Then again, Calvin still hadn't made an effort to contact him. He wasn't expecting miracles, but surely the bare minimum? His phone hadn't even buzzed.

"It is… about dinner time." Bob scratched at his chin. "Meal for a story? Sound like a fair deal Ken?"

Ken looked the older man in the eyes. They deserved the truth, or at least a revised version of it. He and Gene shared a knowing glance, and next thing Ken knew, he'd been accommodated with a bowl of hearty soup. The identity of the meat floating in it was questionable at best, but the rich broth, crusty bread and soft, tangy vegetables had him warmed to the core in no time. The chilling ambience that had following him for the last several hours was slowly dissolved away as he tried his best to explain the situation to Gene's parents. He left out the whole 'other world' detail, because that probably wouldn't have helped their case, but otherwise it was solid. Kids just randomly found dead bodies all the time, didn't they?

"Ugh," Linda retched, "that sounds horrible. What were you doin' all the way out there? There's nothin' that kids'd be into? Unless you like fryin' pans?"

"I love frying pans." Gene chipped in. "They can be weapons and they provide food!"

"Well, they don't provide food, Gene. If anything, you need to provide food for it." said Bob.

"Well… it does kinda make sense?" Linda shrugged. "Least it explains why you two kids were out in the middle of nowhere! Oh, you poor babies, finding a dead body out in some alleyway! Eugh! That's nasty! Are you sure you're okay?!"

The two young boys shared another glance. Ken was first to nod, and Gene followed him up with some positive words. That must have been enough to convince her. After a couple of hours spent at the Belchers' – there was still no response from Calvin – Ken eventually decided that he had to return home. The mood almost palpably dipped as he tucked himself into the passenger seat of Bob's car again, being shunted back to the looming, empty mansion where he supposedly lived. Even the grounds were eerily silent as the enveloping purple of twilight crept up on them.

"Well… no ostrich this time. That's definitely a good thing." Bob sounded more than just relieved. "Now Ken, you're sure you're okay? You can come back and stay the night if you want. I know it's kinda stupid that I'm offering you this now instead of half an hour ago when we were actually there, but the… offer's open if you want."

Ken opened the door, and felt a bizarre combination of familiarity and lament wash over him in the breeze. The inexplicable smell of pineapples, and the sprawling corridors of Fischoeder mansion. Whether he liked it or not, he was home. He muttered his thanks to Bob, who echoed the sentiment before trundling away.

Ken sighed, and let himself into the empty shell. Immediately the heavy bass of trance music thudded against his eardrums, followed up by the velvety tinge of strobe lights. It got louder with every step he took. Whatever this was, it must've been what was keeping Calvin busy all damn day. Ken followed the noise into what just that morning was the dining hall. It seemed like eons ago, the last time he'd shared a meal with his supposed guardian, but even though in reality it was just a few hours or so ago, the stark difference made him feel like he'd been away for years, not hours. A bright red carpet runway had been literally nailed into the floor, while Calvin and a bunch of other highly groomed weirdos in suits sat about the room in chairs. There were exactly nine disco balls hanging from the ceiling, as well as a giant inflatable mammal of some description. Suddenly, a portly man with thick, heavy glasses and a grade B combover burst out of… some hallway or another, garbed in a skin tight, zebra print leotard. It, combined with the enormous fluffy slippers, gave the corpse in the alleyway some serious competition.

After the first guy had strutted every curve he possessed across the runway, and then back out again, things only went from bad to worse as Frank the ostrich stomped out after him. Somehow also wearing a zebra print bodysuit and slippers, it hissed at the man as it trotted past, but obediently did a lap of the runway, head bobbing with every step. The suited weirdos gave a half-hearted show of applause, but then a disco ball snapped from its tether and fell to the floor with a crash. Frank gave an almighty shriek and rocketed out of the room, knocking over one of the suits on its way. Strangely enough, this seemed to delight them, and then Calvin himself stood up to take a bow.

"Thank you one, thank you all!" He cried. "I hope you've enjoyed my 'Man Dresses Wild' fashion show! We thank you for your patronage! I have set up a GoFundMe on the interweb for those considering donating! Those who send us twenty dollars or more will receive a complementary Frank bobblehead!"

Calvin dug something out of his pocket. "Look at that little feathery man bobble! He can be yours for just twenty bucks! Do I have any takers?!"

The inexplicably perfect model of Frank had bobbled for barely a moment before the room was green with money. The toffs in suits were digging fistfuls of cash out of pretty much everywhere. Weirder still, Calvin didn't even seem slightly perturbed by this sudden demands for bobbleheads. He merely raised his hands to calm the madness, and sauntered over to the other end of the room. He opened a cupboard and pulled out armfuls more bobbleheads. The room suddenly exploded in cheers again.

Ken had to remember himself and stepped out of the way just in time for the two dozen or so suited weirdos to make a hasty exit from Fischoeder mansion. Ken shook his head, rubbed his eyes, and walked back into the room, where only one suited man was still engaging in enthusiastic conversation with Calvin.

"An excellent display Calvin, very excellent, rather," the man grabbed Calvin's hand with both of his and wrung it fiercely. "Hm hmm! That's the best thing about large birds! The more feathers you pluck, the funnier they look!"

"A-ha!" Calvin chortled back. "Yes, Felix attempted that once. It did not end well. Why, every night I had to dose him with – oh, Ken my boy! H-how long have you been standing there?!"

Ken shuffled in the doorway. "…long enough."

"Well, then!" Calvin and his friend had turned about to address him properly. "Nothing to worry about, Ken! You just walked in on one of my many money-making endeavours. And this here is an old friend of mine, Randolph Brackenbrown! Go on, introduce yourself!"

"Aha, so you are the one taking up Calvin's time!" This Randolph also wrung Ken's hand, practically tearing it off at the socket. "Yes Calvin, excellent thinking once again. Children! The future in a pliable, fun-sized package!"

Despite the apparent delight in his voice, Randolph's eyebrow arched condescendingly and Ken couldn't help but distance himself from the weirdo. This guy made Calvin look tame.

"Yes indeed, Randolph!" Calvin cut in just in time. "But I'm afraid you cannot take this one, for I am taking excellent care of him!"

"Blast it all," Randolph's eyebrow was still impressively arched. "Oh, I suppose I'll have to go find one or something. Where did you get yours from, Calvin? Gas station? Internet?"

"My second cousin Matilda, I'm afraid." Calvin merely shrugged.

"Fantastic! I will have her provide more!" Randolph pumped a fist into the air. He gave Calvin a sage nod, another to Ken, and then marched out of the room.

"Shouldn't you… be worried about that?" Ken pointed after him.

"Oh, he's of no concern, Ken. His words may be fancy, but he'll never find her! The slightest whiff of paraffin and he's hopeless! Now, how has your day been?"

Ken looked up to his supposed guardian. Then he looked around the ruined dining room or whatever they were currently both standing in. The red-carpet Calvin had tacked down had been torn in multiple places, there were dozens of bobbleheads littering the floor, and the fallen disco ball from earlier had smashed into hundreds of tiny pieces. Did he really want to add to his guardian's stress levels with a far-fetched tale about finding a dead body in an alleyway?

On the other hand, Calvin was one of few people who might have believed such a tale. Ken stared at his feet for a moment, pondering.

"…ehh," he forced a shrug. "Slow day, really. Smashed a frozen banana?"

"Ahh, bananas. The foulest of all the fruits," Calvin smirked. "Good thinking, Ken! Speaking of fruit, would you wish to slaughter some more with me?"

Ken looked to Calvin's warm smile and suppressed the sigh that was bubbling from within.

"…sure thing. Who was that other guy from earlier?"

"Ohh, that was my brother Felix! I'm surprised you hadn't met him by now! He and Frank do not get along, you see, so I have to keep them separate where possible!"

Ken indulged his guardian for a few hours, working together with the older man to slice up imaginary fruit on his phone. He knew that, deep within, perhaps he should have told the full story that night, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

* * *

 **Chapter Stats**

You feel a faint bond between you and Sergeant Bosco. Your Sun Social Link is currently at: One.

Bob seems to care about you. You feel your relationship could grow stronger soon!

You played a good game of Salad Samurai! Your Proficiency has increased!

* * *

Evening guys. Just to keep you up to speed, here's a summary of all the stats of this chapter:

 **Stats** :  
Proficiency: 6  
Courage: 5  
Charm: 2  
Understanding: 0  
Knowledge: 3

 **Social links** :  
Fool: Rank 1  
Hierophant: Rank 2  
Emperor: Rank 1  
Sun: Rank 1

As always, feedback is very much appreciated. Due to the both of us being obligation free over the holidays, we're much more able to get chapters published. Seeya soon!


	13. A Disappearing Act

"Good morning Bog Harbour. This is Olsen Benner reporting. In a shocking turn of events, there has been a sudden development in the disappearance of young children in the area."

A bleary-eyed Ken crunched on his toast, blinking at the TV's glare.

"Local police forces have recently spoken to two eyewitnesses, who cannot be named for legal reasons, regarding the discovery of a body in the downtown area of the city. An official report has not yet been released, however there is reason to believe that it is the body of local student Phoebe Cramb, who was reported missing two months ago. There is a feeling of worry among the local residents, especially with another child reported missing last week. Wagstaff student Peter Pescadero went missing between the hours of 3pm and 6pm when he failed to return home after orchestra practice. If you have any information, or know of anyone between the ages of 9 and 14 who may have gone missing in the past few weeks, please contact us on the number at the-"

With a sigh, Ken switched the TV off again. The 'missing' poster of some redheaded boy faded away into static, and he got up and stretched.

It had been a… turbulent few days, to say the least. It was one of the first times that Ken was glad to be living at Fischoeder mansion, because none of the media people dared go near it. That didn't stop them blowing in and out like gales whenever he tried to do anything else, like go outside, or visit the restaurant, or go to school, or look out the window, but within the walls of the mansion at least, he was safe from their piercing and… bizarre questions.

The media, at least, would get tired eventually. Ken knew this. He just had to put up with it for a few more days until something else happened in the news. This might've been a sleepy town, but something more exciting was surely going to happen soon. Just a little while longer, and the media gargoyles would eventually back off.

Weirdly enough though, the media weren't the worst part. They could be stopped by the school gates. It was the constant mutterings, hushed voices and whispered accusations that followed Gene and Ken like a bad smell. That, and the weight of Sergeant Bosco's threat from the police station. He hadn't seen him recently, but it didn't stop him from feeling nervous every time he rounded a corner.

Then, of course, there was Courtney.

"H-hey Gene! Hey Ken!" She slurped, jumping out on them for what must have been the ninth or tenth time that day. "Me and Julia were gonna go watch a movie today! Did you two boys wanna come wi-"

"Urgh!" Gene literally headbutted his locker. "I've told you already Courtney! I do not want to watch a movie already! Go and ask someone else!"

"But I don't wanna ask someone else," Courtney lisped. "I wanna ask you… and Ken! It could be a double d-"

"-don…t!" Gene steamrolled his point in. "Even say it, Courtney! I don't want any double D's out of you! Ever! It'd be a double D-saster!"

"But what if I-"

"Gahh!" Gene cried. Without so much as another word, he simply grabbed Ken's arm, and ran for it. Ken never knew the boy possessed such agility. The school was quickly reduced to a blur of lino and metal as the two of them zipped down the hallways, miraculously avoiding the fleshy mirages of other students, and even Mr Frond's frantic "No running in the halls!" came in all echoey and distant, as if time itself were stretching. Gene eventually crashed to a halt via the door to the boys' restroom, collapsing onto the floor like a sack of turnips and gasping for breath. Ken made a half an attempt to move the boy, but he might as well have attempted to part the Nile. Two and a bit tugs was more than enough effort.

"You sure you wanna lie on the restroom floor?" He eventually had to ask.

"I'll lie on anything if Courtney's not there, and I'll end up going home covered in pee anyway." The heaving mass groaned. "No Courtney, no pepperoni,"

"Paparazzi," Ken corrected.

"Hunh? Then what do I eat on a pizza?"

"…gummy bears?"

"Then what do you eat on a pizza?"

"I don't like pizza."

"…huh. Well either way, no Courtney, no weird people with cameras asking weird questions. As far as Gene is concerned, this place is heaven. Belinda Carlisle was right!"

"Welp, she sure took mah breath away!" Another voice came from one of the stalls. There was a flush, followed by the squeak of the door, and a burly, dark haired figure stood over Gene to wash his hands in the sink. "I love that one where she's standin' on a plane, an' it's super windy! I forget the name. Anyway, what're y'all doin' on the floor, Gene?"

"Huh?" Gene grunted. "I just said like a minute ago. We're hiding from Courtney Wheeler."

"I hear ya," the older boy muttered, "Like there was this one time where m'dad 'n' me were hidin' from the poh-leece, least we thought we was, but it turnt out it wus just Halloween! Also, hey there new kid. Name's Zeke! I'ma check on outside for ya, see if it's safe!"

Suddenly a crushing grip wrapped itself around Ken's hand and wrung it. The experience was over almost immediately as this Zeke character disappeared past the confines of the bathroom. The door opened again, and a single arm waded back through. The fingers of the hand beckoned forwards twice, and he withdrew his arm again. That must've been a cue or something.

"C'mon Gene," Ken nudged at the lump. Gene scrambled back to his feet, and the two of them followed Zeke. The halls were barren upon their return to normality. Had they been in hiding for that long?

The next lesson must have started already. Because of Courtney, their entire recess had been spent hiding in the restroom. But things were looking up, because lunch was around the corner, and there was just one lesson sandwiched in between the two. It was Ms LaBonz too, so there was every chance she didn't even notice that he and Gene weren't present. Both boys bid farewell to Zeke, who gave a casual wave back, and converged outside the door to Ms LaBonz's geography classroom.

"Sshh…!" Gene put a finger to his lips, and both listened intently. Ms LaBonz had just finished muttering something to the students, and this was followed by the soft, timely clacking of obvious chalk on chalkboard. Gene gave Ken the nod, and they made their move. Ms LaBonz seemed to be chalking up an entire essay on the board, which was conveniently enough time for both of them to take their respective seats. Someone coughed, but it looked like they'd gotten away with it, just about.

"…and that's the water cycle, kids," LaBonz grunted, stepping away from the blackboard to reveal elaborate drawings of clouds, rain, mountains and the coastline. "Nice and simple. Oh, and Gene?"

Gene flinched, "Y-yeah?"

LaBonz moved like lightning. Before Gene could even react, something grey and rectangular had smacked him in the forehead. A cloud of chalk dust exploded from it, and Gene topped backwards from his chair.

"That'll teach ya for turning up late," LaBonz smirked. "You too, new kid. Bring me back my eraser."

Gene groaned, rubbed his forehead, and clutched onto a nearby desk to steady himself. Staggering back to his feet, he locked eyes with a certain blonde.

"H-hey Gene," Courtney smiled. Gene whimpered and flopped back down to the floor.

The drudgery of school slowly melted away, with the events of geography confined to hushed whispers throughout the corridors as Ken made his departure from the school grounds with the Belcher kids. Courtney was still following them around like a shadow, but Gene seemed to lack the energy to fend her off any more, reduced to little more than an occasional grunt of disdain.

"I know something you don't, I know something you don't," she trilled, skipping around him like some kind of irritating wood nymph.

"You probably know a lot of things he doesn't," Louise grumbled to their left.

"She's right, I don't know anything!" Gene whined, slouching so low that his hands were practically dragging across the ground. "Why can't you make her go away?!"

"That involves touching her, Gene, and I'm not prepared to deal with that." Louise polished her knuckles against her dress. "I can't clean up every mess you make, you know?"

"But there's so much…!" Gene was barely even moving now. Courtney was still circling him with almost rhythmic timing, and to make things worse, who had to roll up in their police cruiser than officer Bosco himself.

"Hey, you kids," he spoke into his megaphone while following alongside them at two, maybe three miles an hour. "Just a friendly reminder, I'm watchin' you. You puke, I'm there with a sick bag, you hear me?!"

Before anyone could answer, the supposed professional police officer floored it and sped off down the street.

"No one tells me when I can puke!" Gene shook a fist after the departing police car.

"Oh c'mon, at least take this with you!" Louise thrust two arms at Courtney. "She's a public menace! A scourge to society!"

"…what's a scourge?" Courtney lisped back at her.

"…good question!" Louise didn't miss a beat, "Go find out and get back to us! It'll be in the dictionary somewhere!"

"I can't do that, on account of my congenital h-"

Gene literally fell backwards onto his butt and groaned. Even Louise started twitching in frustration.

"Well go find it on the internet then!" She barked. "Just GO AWAY!"

With a two-armed shove, Louise thrust Courtney several feet away from them. The blonde's eyes bulged, and her breathing started coming in short bursts. She grasped at her chest with both hands, and her knees began shaking.

"You owe me one, Gene." Louise grumbled.

"Oh, thank you thank you!" Gene cried, wrapping his chubby arms around Louise and lifting her into the air.

"AHH, GET OFF! GET, OFF!" Louise screeched back at him, flailing every limb she possessed. After several kicks to the chest, Gene eventually got the hint and unhanded her, where she recoiled like an angered cat and distanced herself. "Don't touch the Louise!" She narrowed her eyes at him and turned her back to the two siblings. "…let's just get home already. You coming Ken?"

The three Belchers looked towards Ken, who was in turn still looking at Courtney. Her limbs were still shaking, she hadn't said anything in ages, and her hands were still clutching at her chest. Was her heart thing… actually serious?

"She's just doing it for attention Ken. Move it or lose it." came Louise's deadpan. Her expression withered quickly though, and she'd given up on him before long.

"Agh, to hell with ya. Seeya tomorrow,"

"Bye, Ken!" Gene called out before Louise could steer him away, which Tina echoed. The siblings disappeared around the next corner, leaving Ken with Courtney. She was still twitching and shaking. If this was an act, she was seriously dedicated.

She gave another tiny yelp when Ken put a hand on her shoulder. "…you okay?"

"Wh-wha?" Courtney stammered, slowly turning to face him. "K…Ken? You're st-still here?"

"Wanted to make sure you were okay," Ken mustered up a smile. "Don't want anyone else dying on me this week."

Courtney sniggered just a little. Either that or she'd started convulsing. But a smile curled at her lips, so it definitely seemed like an improvement?

"I-I'm not… gonna die, don't worr-y," she wheezed, and massaged her chest again. "I-it was just a shock when Louise pushed me, a-and my breathing got super tight. I… I know I make lots of excuses at school," She averted her gaze. "…but I really do have a weak heart. I've had more hospital trips than I've had birthdays…"

There was a feeling in Ken's own heart that he couldn't quite put into words.

Courtney gave him another weak smile and began to toddle off in the other direction. "I'll…. See you at school tomorrow?"

Ken caught up to her in moments with another hand on the shoulder.

"I'll… walk you home?"

"B-but I live far away," Courtney forestalled. "A-and you don't wanna walk w- "

Suddenly she winced and clutched at her chest again. Immediately Ken swooped and tucked himself under her arm before she could collapse.

Barely another word was spoken as the pair of them slowly waddled home. Courtney would occasionally mutter directions, and Ken would grunt in response. Every wobbly paving stone felt like miles, they were moving so slowly, and Ken couldn't help but hear every wheeze and sniffle that came out of her. Something moist dripped into his hair… was she crying?

Ken didn't dare ask. He knew just enough about girls to know not to ask that sort of thing. The result would only be pain and anger.

After about sixteen years, the pair of them eventually happened upon an ordinary looking house among several other identical ones. But lo and behold, a balding man who was peering out the window gasped at them both, then dashed out of the front door moments later.

"Courtney, oh gosh you're okay!" He immediately swaddled her, "What happened? Why didn't you call me, let me know you were gonna be – oh, and who's this young stranger?"

"O-oh, this is… Ken." Courtney mumbled. "He helped me out. My heart went funny and he… helped."

"He did?" Her father gasped. "W-well, that's very good of you, Ken! It's so good to find the genuine article in this day and age. And you're so young! Why, what an upstanding young man! Would you want to join us for dinner tonight?"

"Umm…" Ken checked the time on his phone. It was already getting late, and the vague memory of a promise continued to buzz in the back of his mind like a lost fly. "…s-sorry, I can't tonight."

"Rain check?" Courtney's dad gave him the creepy finger guns. "Alright, no biggy! We can reschedule! After all, it's not every day Courtney brings a boy home with her!"

"Dad?!" Courtney squeaked, and turned beetroot in colour, just as alarm bells began ringing in Ken's head. This guy was getting the wrong idea. Sure, he didn't hate Courtney, but conclusions were being jumped to, and then stomped flat. He needed to straighten this out, and-

"H-he's just… just a friend, dad." Courtney was able to calm the situation down and reached out towards Ken. He obliged and stepped forwards, but next thing he knew his phone had been swiped out of his hands.

"…send me lots of messages?" She gave a tiny but glowing smile and handed the phone back. The familiar burning sensation in the back of his mind came once again;

"I am thou,

Thou art I,

Thou hast acquired a new vow,

It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,

With the birth of the Priestess Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"

Ken's eye twitched. This new 'persona' thing was making less and less sense. Was literally everyone he met going to somehow forge some weird link with him? He stared at the number she'd just tapped out, and pocketed the phone "s-sure, I can do that."

It had been a day. A bizarre amount of nothing happened on his long trudge back. What happened to all the paparazzi, he wondered. Had that Bosco guy done something to keep them away? Either way, he couldn't help but feel grateful for the breathing space. Gene and his siblings were great, but being around them for too long could sometimes feel like one of those disco things. A kaleidoscope of loud music and bizarre imagery that left you half deaf. Courtney on the other hand was somehow even louder by phone than she was in person. Ken could barely look away from his phone by her constant text responses. There would be eight, ten seconds at most after sending a text that his phone would buzz again and he'd have to reply about things he often had no answer for, like his favourite potato chip flavour or duck species. It did help the time pass, however, and it felt like only moments had passed before the daunting spires of Fischoeder Mansion beckoned.

Frank the ostrich stared him down as he made his way across the grounds. The bird didn't move a muscle, but Ken was assured that both parties knew exactly where each other stood. One foot wrong and the bird could end his life in an instant. Frank snorted and began trotting off in the other direction once it seemed satisfied.

"…phew," Ken wiped his brow, and pulled aside the heavy front door. Being inside this house rarely failed to sour his mood, what with the lifeless hallways and endless paintings on the walls making it look more like a museum than a house, but the timely buzzing from his phone let him separate from the depression and actually do something. Playing that Salad Samurai game seemed to be the height of entertainment, as far as Calvin was concerned.

If Gene could see him now. Pleased to receive texts from Courtney. Sure, it was a desperate effort to stave off boredom, but it was still enjoying contact from Courtney. But hell, what else was there to d-

"Hello there, Ken!" Calvin's voice echoed from some distant part of the mansion. "Come and find me in the game rooooom!"

…game room?

That was new. When did that happen? Was this another one of his hairbrained schemes? And how did Calvin even know he'd arrived home?

Ken mentally shoved that last part to one side and went to investigate. It was definitely more interesting than his previous plans of staring at the walls for a few hours and then going to sleep. He followed the source of the noise through the sprawling corridors to eventually come across what looked like an entirely new addition to the building. Looking like it had been literally duct-taped on to the rest of the mansion, everything about this room was different. No mouldy beige walls, random stone pillars, or pointless dedications to family members past. Even stepping through the doorway, Ken already loved it.

Within the confines of the room was Calvin himself. He and the combover guy from the fashion thing the other day were sat next to each other in life-size go-karts, acting as if they were actually driving the things. In front of them both on the opposite wall was a TV screen bigger than an average room, lit up with some brightly coloured video game of sorts. The display was split in half and showed two slightly different versions of the same events, where about fifteen little characters in karts tore along the dirt track, throwing bombs and the like at each other. Ken couldn't help but smirk. So Calvin did actually know how to have fun. Between screeching tyres and explosions on screen, and the bickering between the two old men, there was just too much noise for Ken to even think straight, forget register what was actually happening. Then the world was thrown into silence as their game was paused with an ear splitting noise of some kind.

"Ken my boy!" Calvin greeted him with the usual energy, "We were just wondering where you'd gotten to! How are you liking the new addition to the house? A bit pricey, but all in a day's work as they say!"

"…you did this in a day?" Ken frowned up at him.

"Imagine what I could do with seven," Calvin winked back. "Either way, I felt it would help stave off boredom within these four walls. It's all part of being a sufficient guardian, no? Also I think it's time to officially introduce you to my brother, Felix! He helps out with my landlording sometimes! Need a bathroom? He'll get someone to make you one!"

This Felix moved to get out of his kart but lost his balance and tumbled almost immediately. "I uh, believe we met the other day, but I did not get a proper chance to speak thanks to a certain ostrich," he gritted his teeth. "But yes, yes, everything my dear brother said is true. You want a bathroom, I'll hire people to build you the crap out of a bathroom!"

Ken raised a hand to shake Felix's. The younger brother's smile was even creepier than Calvin's, and he wasn't breaking his wide-eyed stare. He had to say something, else this was going to get really awkward, really fast.

"…and what about things that aren't bathrooms?"

"Huh. Talk about a curveball," Felix pulled a literal sock from the breast pocket of his suit – did everyone in this family live in suits? – and wiped his brow with it. "Well I… guess I could try and pay a guy to build you something else, but bathrooms are my thing, so I can't guarantee such a high level of success!"

It didn't take long for Ken to learn that Felix was even weirder than his brother. His moods seemed to shift from dejected to furious, with the happy medium proving rare and elusive. However, those sudden mood swings did seem to depend on how well he was doing on the racing game, so Ken decided to hold back on judgement until he could get to know Felix a little better. The hours melted away far faster in the games room than they ever would've otherwise, so Ken couldn't help but feel grateful for Calvin's innovation there. It actually didn't feel creepy at all, playing video games until the night settled in with two middle aged brothers who did little other than bicker. Maybe now he would actually be able to invite people to his place, instead of going to theirs. With a goodnight text to Courtney, he fired off an identical message to Gene and made a note to ask him about the whole visiting thing tomorrow.

The following day passed by as little more than a blur. It was the usual smorgasbord of hushed whispers, halfhearted attempts at teaching and avoiding Courtney. Kids were exchanging rumours about the missing kid, Peter Pescadero, like they were trading cards. These ranged from him being recruited as a spy for the British intelligence agency, being kidnapped by an improv group, and worryingly so, that he was in some way responsible for the death of Phoebe Cramb and had fled the country to avoid capture. The longer he thought about it, the more concerned he came. Two kids going missing in a small town in two months. The appearance of a strange new world only he and Gene could access. The liquified body turning up in the back alley. He had to remind himself, more than once, as he trudged towards the restaurant with Gene, that there had been no official identification of the body yet. For all he knew, there could still be a perfectly reasonable explanation for things.

Gene interrupted his thoughts with a loud belch. "Ahh! Thursday burgers are the best burgers!"

"Remember, you're only having one so you can tell me how it is," Bob called from the kitchen. "This is the 'Car, Caraway Burger', and it hasn't had many takers today, so I'm wondering if maaaaybe it's a dud. I asked Teddy but I'm pretty sure he doesn't have any taste buds, 'cos I saw him eat a sponge once."

"All food is good food when Gene is around!" Gene squashed the tender burger in his hands. Seconds later though, the "delicacy" was already down his throat, and he was eyeing up Ken's.

"Oh my god, do you even chew?" Bob scoffed. "Ugh, forget I asked, Gene. What about you Ken? Wanna give it a try?"

Ken felt pressured now. It may have been a free burger, and what young boy could ever turn one of those down, but Bob was expecting feedback from him. He wasn't exactly a food critic and wasn't even sure he knew what caraway even was. But then again, Bob had been good to him so many times recently…

Ken tapped out a quick message to Courtney – something about what he was up to – and took a hesitant nibble from the burger. The moist, fresh bun, juicy beef patty and tangy cheese were all pretty normal, however there was an odd tang he couldn't quite identify. Whatever it was tasted on the sweet side, his unaccustomed tastebuds could identify that, but the weird, earthy texture to it seemed lost somewhere between fruity and planty...?

"Liquorice?" Ken smacked his lips. It wasn't a pleasant flavour, he'd be the first to admit, however there was an addictive quality to it, and before he could stop himself he was going in for another bite.

"Y-yeah, that'll be the caraway," Bob explained. "I ground up some caraway seeds and worked them into the burger patty, so it shouldn't overpower. It's a taste called anise, and yeah, liquorice is where most kids'd know it from. Is it… good?"

Ken chewed his words carefully. But went for a third bite regardless. "It's… odd. Like it doesn't know if it wants to be sweet or savoury? I dunno, maybe it needs a sauce or something…"

"Sauce…" Bob rubbed at his chin in thought, "Huh. Maybe I can throw together a tomato relish or something? Reckon that'll work?"

Ken nodded to himself, "Could be pretty good. Ketchup would probably be too strong?"

"A-hah!" Bob snapped his fingers in triumph. "Tomato relish, comin' up. Hey, you're pretty good at this Ken. Thanks for the help!"

Ken nodded his thanks, and Bob disappeared further into the kitchen, presumably to work on the tomato relish or something. That left the two boys alone in the restaurant.

"So uhh… you wanted to ask me something?" Gene stirred up conversation.

"Y-yeah," Ken tapped out another response to Courtney on his phone. "Was just wondering if you'd wanna visit mine sometime soon? We've just had a games room installed, a-and-"

His phone buzzed, derailing the train of thought. Ken frowned at it and sent another hasty response. "…maybe another time. Courtney says she's coming to visit."

"Huh? Now?!" Gene yelped. "S-she'll never leave if she knows where I live!" He burst up from his seat and began darting around the floor of the restaurant like a trapped animal. "N-no, can't go outside, she'll see me…!"

But as Gene panicked, a familiar gurgle bubbled up in Ken's stomach. He should've seen it coming, really. He did just eat one of the restaurant's burgers, after all.

"Uhh, Gene…?" He made an attempt to grab Gene's attention.

Gene peered up from under the table, and an audible growl from his own stomach spoke louder than any words. While all this was going on, a streak of blonde appeared outside the restaurant and beamed inside at them. Her timing couldn't have been worse.

Courtney bashed the door open. "Hi there Gene and Ken!" she cried, the bell ringing cheerfully. But no sooner had she crossed the threshold, an eerie pulse of energy burst through the restaurant. As the door closed, a slow, mournful tinkle of bells sounded.

"H-h-hey there…!" Bob panted, dashing back to the restaurant counter in the nick of time. "Good afternoon, how can I serve… you?"

Bob frowned. The restaurant was empty. But the bell rang. But… no one was there. Not even Gene or Ken, who, in every parent's worst nightmare, had been there only a minute ago.

"What… the?"

* * *

 **End of Chapter Stats**

You spent a long time in the game room! Your Proficiency has greatly increased!

You tried a strange ingredient in Bob's Burger of the Day. Your Courage has increased!

You feel like you understand Calvin a little more. Your relationship is going to get stronger soon.

Bob appreciates you more! Your relationship is going to get stronger soon.

Happy new year everyone. Figured I'd get a chapter up in honour of that. It's another two weeks til I'm back at uni, and I'm gonna try and get as much done as possible in that time, fic wise. It's finally gaining a wee bit of traction, so might as well capitalise huh?

As always, feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading. :)


	14. Down with the Sickness

Once again, Gene and Ken found themselves in the misty other world, sat opposite each other in the hollowed-out shell of Bob's restaurant. The two young boys shared a knowing – if exasperated – look, however their mutual cynicism was shattered by a piercing scream.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god…!" The high-pitched, obviously terrified voice repeated to herself, but strangely enough for Gene and Ken, there was no one to be seen.

"What… the?" Gene muttered, standing up from his seat at the booth, "I-is someone else here?!"

"Huh?!" The other voice gasped. "Wh-who's there?!"

"Wait, you can hear us?!" Gene cried, and Ken rose to his feet too. "…Courtney? Is that you?!"

"G-Gene!" Courtney's voice echoed towards them. "I-I can hear you! I… I can sorta see you too, but not really? It's kinda like I can… sense where you are?"

"You can sense us?!" Gene's gaze fell flat. "Perfect," he muttered. "Hang tight Courtney, we're gonna find you…"

"Be careful…! There's a lot of dangerous monsters everywhere!" Courtney's voice called to them, and Ken was no longer sure if she was actually speaking, or just talking directly into their minds, or honestly what was even happening any more. Why her of all people? Why any of them? Nothing made sense!

"You can… see those too?" Ken spoke up. Even as he spoke, an enormous purple shadow lurched past the front window of the restaurant. It didn't turn to face them thankfully, however it seemed to take an almost purposefully long time swamping past, as if it knew exactly where they were.

That was when he noticed their weapons conveniently propped up against the counter. Had they always been there? Either way, he wasn't complaining. That meant he didn't have to go and find wherever they'd gotten to last time, and then go and find Courtney after that. Their problem was already halved.

"But how did she even get here?" Gene groaned. "I don't even know how we got here! I thought we had to eat one of dad's burgers, which is a terrible business model, but apparently you don't now? What is going on?!"

"Let's… figure that out later," Ken chewed his lip, and crept up behind a hulking shadow. With a nod to Gene, he seized his moment and plunged his spear into the monster's depths. It gave out a roar and split into three separate shadows. The first of them bore the resemblance of a tall, blue-skinned lady, seeming lost in constant pirouette. Its two companions looked like pumpkins that wore capes and carried glowing lanterns. At least there was one obvious inspiration here.

Ken nodded to Gene and took his 'turn' first. A quick delve into his pockets retrieved the little box of chunky blast-offs, which strangely still had exactly six tiny chocolates inside of it. Weird. He could've sworn that he and Gene had eaten a few of them during their last visit here. Didn't their actions here affect those in the real world? Wasn't that the whole point of this world's existence?

Ugh, he groaned internally. Another thing they had to figure out.

"Changeling!" Ken cried, and his little goblin monster thing appeared in a whoosh of air. It in turn fired a miniature cyclone at the blue lady, who was knocked back and fell to one knee from the assault. Ken clenched a fist in victory, and tried again, where Changeling threw another blast of air at one of the jack-o-lanterns. This one too buckled from the impact, however unlike the blue lady, it did not seem at all fazed by the attack, rather just… a little hurt.

Ken frowned. There was some obvious system going on here. Like other video games he'd played, it seemed to be the case that everything had a weakness, and it was just a matter of finding it. He noted how Gene seemed especially vulnerable to fire attacks. Was that because his persona thing could use ice attacks? Fire and ice being polar opposites seemed feasible? Some dude wrote a bunch of books about it after all. So what was the opposite of wind? Earth? Water?

While Ken was puzzling, Gene took initiative and summoned his weird seaweed thing. It released a scratchy noise from its fiddle, and then struck one of the jack-o-lanterns with a flurry of ice. The candle in its hand was extinguished, and the creature fell to the floor, however the monster itself didn't dissolve into nothingness like others had done before. One more attack maybe?

Ken was about to mention this to Gene, however his seaweed monster had already acted, striking down the other jack-o-lantern with an ice attack. That left all three monsters downed, and two young men staring at each other awkwardly.

"W-well… now what?" Gene shrugged. "Do we attack them again, or…?"

Ken pondered. Their enemies were on the ground, helpless. He could even see the little stars circling their heads. If he wanted to attack them, what exactly could they do to stop him? Opportunity had come knocking, and he knew he had to take the chance.

"Y-yeah," Ken nodded. "Both of us, a-at once. C'mon!"

"Huh?!" Gene yelped, however followed Ken's example and charged into the midst of the 'field' with him. And just like one of those old cartoons, an enormous smoke cloud billowed up around them as they both went nuts with their weapons. There was an awful cacophony of slashing metal and heavy thuds, peppered with occasional pained roars and grunts. The smoke dissipated, and two young men found themselves baring weapons at each other, but no monsters. They'd been defeated!

"…huh." Gene withdrew his harp. "A qualified success! Good work, Ken! How'd you know to do that?!"

"I uh, didn't, gotta be honest," Ken shrugged. However, his attention was taken up by another bizarre sight.

"That was like something out of Looney Tunes or something, huh?!" Gene was oblivious for all of a moment, before noticing it himself. Both boys simply stared at what, for all intents and purposes, looked like a roulette wheel made of playing cards.

"Interesting…" Gene tucked his harp under his arm again. "So we… pick a card? Or stop the thing? What does it do?"

"Dunno…" said Ken. He stretched out a shaky arm and prodded at the spinning wheel of cards. It lit up in reaction to his touch, and the spinning slowed down, eventually coming to a halt. The card closest to him flipped over, and landed in his hand, where he noted the picture of a bearded man holding a… goblet?

A searing warmth burned inside his jeans pocket, and he hastily scooped out the source of it all – the chunky blast-offs?

Things were only getting more confusing by the second. Ken flipped open the lid of the chocolate box to find not four, but nine candies inside it now. His memories were stirred, back to when that Igor guy said something about cards affecting his fate? Was this an example of that? Collecting cards with weird pictures on them and somehow benefitting?

The card in his hand burst into flame, forcing a yelp. Well so much for that. Truth or not, he supposed it was just another thing to add to his teetering list of things he had to figure out. It wasn't like the pair of them were about to happen across some wise old sage who conveniently knew the ins and outs of this world.

But then he was reminded; there was someone who, against all logic, did seem to know about this world.

"…Courtney?" he spoke to the endless nothing in front of them both, "A-are you there? Can you hear us?"

"…I can hear you Ken!" Courtney's voice reverberated back to them. "Are you two okay?!"

"Was just about to ask you the same thing. We're trying to find you. Think you can help?"

"I uhh, I dunno…"

"What?! How do you know where we are, but not know where you are?!" Gene raged.

"Well I don't really know where you are…!" Courtney echoed back. "It's like there's some kinda map thing in my mind, and it shows me where you are, a-and where I am, but only as like little dots?"

"…like a sonar?" Ken frowned.

"What's a sonar?"

"Like those things you get in submarines?"

"Uh, maybe?"

Ken pinched at his nose. "Just… try and guide us towards where you are, got it?"

"…okay, I'll try!" Courtney's voice quivered. At her instruction, the two boys navigated their way down barren streets and misty alleyways, carefully dodging away from the more dangerous looking shadows. Occasionally fighting one seemed inevitable, but between her mish-mash directions and the boys' fighting abilities, a semblance of teamwork was forged.

"W-watch out for one on the left!" Courtney gasped, and Ken shuffled to a halt just in time for a shadow monster to swipe out in front of him. His pummelling heartrate eased, and the creature locked eyes on him, just in time for Gene to bash it with his harp. The shadow grunted and split into two humanoid creatures resembling green-haired young women in red dresses. The first of them giggled, then extended an arm and whacked Ken across the face with it. The second followed in its cohort's footsteps, and Ken was lucky to dodge the second assault. His cheek stinging, he summoned his Changeling, who nodded to him and created a spiralling whirlwind. However the windy attack seemed to do very little when launched at the creature, who seemed unfazed, even unbothered by it. With a giggle and an impish smile, the first one fluttered a length of her long hair and struck Ken down with a bolt of lightning. His weight crumpled beneath him, and the creature's eyes glowed as another sickening lightning bolt seared Ken's body. Every joint he possessed suddenly felt like someone was attempting to dig a claw hammer between them, and no force on earth could persuade his body off of the rough asphalt.

"Ken!" Gene gulped and ordered his seaweed buddy to help out. The familiar bluish glow illuminated Ken, and the throbbing in his joints was softened to mere thudding, however the penance was only momentary as another crackle of lightning thundered down on Ken, with Gene taking one as well, just for fun. Ken could barely move any more, and yet there was still no mercy from the creatures, with continuous lightning attacks keeping him grounded.

"Ohh, no no…!" Gene cried. "S-seaweed buddy, heal Ken up again pl-"

"N-no!"

"Huh?" Gene's mouth fell open. Ken was practically roadkill right now, yet he didn't want healing?

"A…ttack them…!" Ken choked out.

"But I-"

"Healing w-won't work!" Ken grit his teeth. His limbs felt like they were trying to separate themselves from the rest of his body now. "You ha-have to attack! It's the only way!"

"Uh, uhh…!" Gene's hands clasped around his head. Both creatures were staring Ken down, their lightning attacks at the ready. Could he really take that risk? What if his attacks didn't damage them either?

Gene swallowed. And nodded.

With a blast of icy cold, the first of the two creatures was sideswiped by the flurry, and knocked to the ground. Its cohort screeched in indignation at the assault but was powerless to stop another icy attack. Both creatures were grounded and vulnerable from Gene's attacks.

"Nyuh…!" Gene whimpered. Harp in hand, he crept towards the two creatures. Hand prone, he was fully prepared to strum these monsters to death, however his seaweed creature appeared again. It stared down both creatures opposite it, before launching forwards and swiping with its long, skinny arm. The first let out a yelp of pain before disappearing in a veil of blank smoke. The second one's eyes dilated before it received the same treatment as its partner. The seaweed creature folded its arms and let out an audible 'hmph!' before evaporating into nothingness itself.

"What… the?" Gene muttered, before his senses snapped back into place and he dashed to help Ken back up.

"You okay buddy?! That was rough!" He cried, dragging a stumbling friend back to his feet. Each movement was jittery and slow, almost like he was lagging, but Ken was at least standing up again, with every lungful of air he could suck down improving his condition.

He knew what the opposite of wind was now, at least. Wasn't exactly the way he wanted to find out, but there you go. Ken collapsed against a wall, gasping and choking, just as a bright golden glow illuminated the area. He just about found the strength to raise a twitchy hand and point to it, and Gene eventually noticed.

"Ohh, another one of those! What do we do, Ken?"

The cards were not spinning like a roulette wheel this time. Instead, they were rapidly swapping places with each other. Once the swapping had gotten so fast that the cards themselves were blurred, all of them suddenly stopped, and the entire display pulsed.

"So I… pick one?" He asked. Ken offered a shaky thumbs up in response.

"Hmm…" Gene pondered. There were eight cards in total, arranged in a four by four pattern. Each one would pulse gently in turn, and Gene sunk his index finger beneath his lower lip in thought. After some time, he eventually picked the one from the bottom right, which span around, revealing an image of the woman in the red dress they'd just vanquished?

"Huh?!" Gene gasped, as the card shot through the air, and landed smoothly in Ken's limp hand. "What does that mean?!"

Ken focused his vision just enough to make out the image on the card. 'Silky…' a voice echoed in his head, before there was a noise like shattering glass, and this card too burst into flame.

"S…Silky?" He stammered. Shuffling forwards, his exhausted frame could support his weight at last. But he was ready to jump back again in shock when the same creature materialised in front of him.

"N-no! Again?!" Gene exclaimed, just as the creature locked eyes with Ken. It extended an arm, and he braced himself, readying for another slap, however the touch was soft. With a reassuring gaze, the creature stroked his cheek as if it were a doting mother, and a blue glow illuminated Ken. Something inside him swelled, and his strength returned to him in leaps and bounds. The pain in his joints melted away like butter on a hot plate. The Silky's eyes glittered merrily, and it disappeared again.

"Hunh?! What was that?!" Courtney's voice thundered. "I just felt this huge like, burst of energy an-and then you guys got stronger or something?"

"…close call, but we're fine now." Ken said.

"Phew, well that's a relief," Courtney's voice softened. "S-so you're still gonna find me? I think you're getting close?"

"Of course," Gene deadpanned, and the two boys continued their journey. Down hallways and up rickety stairwells, through abandoned buildings and over bridges – wait, there were bridges in Bog Harbour? That was a new one – Ken and Gene battled their way through thick and thin to reach Courtney.

"How did she even… get this far?!" Gene cried, collapsing at the top of a set of stairs. "She gets lost in homeroom!"

"No I don't Gene, I just sometimes pick the wrong seat…!" Courtney's voice protested. "And another thing! I – oh, wait! I can see you!"

"You can?!" Gene span around on the spot. "Great! We can leave this place!"

The boys ran across one last empty room and down a hallway to spy the blonde in the flesh at last. With a meek smile and a little wave, she toddled towards the pair of them. "Th-thanks…"

"Don't mention it," Ken offered a smile. "Now maybe we should get somewhere safe before-"

He span around and found a pair of bright yellow eyes staring the three of them down. "…oh."

"Yes, thank you for saving me, Ken!" The yellow eyed creature leered. With the same manic grin as Gene's version, it was obvious that there was a link here. "After all, I have a congenital heart defect," the 'other' Courtney drawled, "And you saved it, Ken! You're my hero!"

The real Courtney's eyes bolted open. "W-what do you mean…?!"

"You know exactly what I mean," the other Courtney chuckled, and let out a nasal, raspy, yet still chilling laugh.

"Err…" Gene pointed and frowned. "Did… did I do this?"

"Pretty much," Ken hissed back, as the 'other' Courtney continued to laugh. There was no struggling for breath or anything from her, however, and if anything, she seemed stronger than ever.

The manic grin returned, and her yellow eyes flashed;

"I am a shadow, the true self," The other Courtney cackled. "This heart defect… it's all super convincing, huh? Makes you wonder… would all these friends stick around if you didn't have it?"

Courtney's back was already against the wall. One hand tugged persistently at her necklace, while the other shook at her side.

"I-I don't… I don't know what you mean!" She spat back at her 'other' self. "I-I… I don't have lots of friends, I know that! But they like me for me, e-even if I am kinda weird!"

The other Courtney's grin widened. "Oh? Are you super sure on that? Tell me, would they miss us if we just… disappeared?"

The real Courtney gasped, and clutched at her chest. Suddenly the entire corridor surrounding them pulsed inwards, and flushed a deep red. Every couple of seconds the room would pulse again, shaking the very foundations like some sort of localised earthquake.

"You have a weak heart?" The other Courtney spoke, however her voice had grown deeper and more demonic. "Would your friends still like you if you didn't?"

"…yes!" Courtney gasped, her breath coming in hitches. "Y-yes they would!"

There was another pulse, however this time everything remained blood red. Only the dimly lit silhouette could be seen of the other Courtney, an ominous shadow in the distance. Even Ken found himself taking a step back as the creature slowly, twitchily elongated itself, like something out of one of those cheap Claymation movies. Two gaunt, spiky looking arms stretched out from the central body, with the dark backdrop of what looked like a cape fluttering behind. Then the face elongated outwards like a beak, and with another disorientating pulse, was illuminated to the three.

"Your heart…" the plague doctor's voice was thick and conniving. "…belongs to me!"

"Oh, hell!" Gene was surprisingly the first to leap forward. "J-just stay behind us Courtney! We'll keep you safe!"

Courtney shuddered on her hands and knees behind the boys, who readied their weapons. A toxic, vile looking gas spewed from the plague doctor's depths, shrouding both boys before they could so much as move. The poisonous gas absorbed into Ken's skin, and he felt his knees tremble under his weight almost immediately. The foul, life-sapping poison was what almost got the better of him against Medusa last time. If they didn't find out a way to heal it, they wouldn't last long at all.

Ken's eyes widened. That Silky creature. He somehow summoned it, and it healed his paralysis earlier. Could it do the same with poison?

It stood to reason. But then there was the question of summoning it again. Did that work like with Changeling?

There was only one way to find out. Ken took in a breath, gulped down his nausea, and said thickly. "…Silky."

In a burst of what he could've sworn was flowers, the dainty lady in her red dress appeared, just like she had done before. With another gentle caress of his cheek, Silky gave a warm smile, and Ken could feel the toxic vitriol from within his body evaporate.

"Wait, so she's on our side now?!" Gene looked aghast. Ken simply shrugged back at him.

"Ohh, nothing makes sense anymore!" Gene groaned and summoned his seaweed creature. It gave him an understanding nod and launched a cloud of ice at the plague doctor. However, the frozen blast was barely enough to ruffle its cloak, forget damage it.

The plague doctor snorted, and extended a long, skeletal arm towards Gene. He whimpered as the limb crept closer, and started visibly sweating when a bony forefinger was pressed into his forehead, but the attack didn't seem to actually do anything…?

Ken frowned. Maybe there was some hidden effect to the attack that they were unaware of, but if that were the case, he would have to wait for it to manifest or whatever. With a cough, he ordered Silky, who struck the plague doctor with an electric attack. But again, like Gene's ice attack, the creature didn't even flinch.

And then there was Gene himself.

Hands clamped about his head, doubled over, wide eyed and staring. If it weren't for him moving on occasion, Ken could've sworn that he was frozen again, like with Medusa's spell. Ken waved a hand in front of him, and barely got a reaction. But Gene didn't look like he was about to do anything any time soon.

He groaned. This was not ideal. Meanwhile the plague doctor stretched an arm out towards Ken. He tried his best, but his feet felt rooted to the floor. The digit burned against his forehead, and immediately everything he possessed just felt slimy and hollow. Like a graveyard at night time, everything just felt like the colour black. Ken gathered himself, and focused, just enough to shake off the worst of it. Another chance to get this right.

Electricity wasn't doing anything, nor was ice. He pondered, what about wind?

"Changeling," Ken massaged his throbbing head. His little goblin baby appeared in a whoosh of air and blinked at him. Without a word, the creature generated a little spiral of wind, and shot it at the plague doctor. It was lost in the vortex for a few seconds, but yet again, no real damage seemed to have been inflicted. And yet again, Gene seemed unable to do anything. This time however, Ken could better understand his situation. Whatever that evil touch thing was, it felt awful.

The plague doctor puffed out its chest at the two of them, and Ken could've sworn it even looked proud of its achievements. However, like a flash, the thing leapt forward, and whacked Ken across the face with the staff it was holding. There wasn't a lot of strength behind it, but it was still a whack from a big stick, and it knocked him off his feet. Ken wrestled himself back up but couldn't find the mental state to ready another attack. A drawn-out grunt to his left however gave hope, as Gene began moving again at last.

"Ugh…!" His voice sounded heavy, but any action was better than nothing. "Magic doesn't seem to be working, Ken! What can we do?"

The words filtered into Ken's mind like they were sinking in through a viscous, fat jelly. Gene might as well have been speaking another language for how much of it Ken understood. He heard his name, but that was about it?

From the endless blackness in his vision came a beacon of hope though. Three or four brightly coloured notes fluttered up from nowhere it seemed and launched themselves at what Ken could only assume was the plague doctor. With every hit, the blackness thinned out, and Ken's senses returned to him just in time to find the creature stumbling to the floor. Basic physical attacks? Those were the key?

He rubbed his forehead and considered for a moment. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense; this was the manifestation of Courtney's ill health after all. It only made sense for it to be frail and weak.

Gene shook off the evil touch and battered the plague doctor with his harp once again. It bounced back almost immediately however and lunged forward, wrapping its long, skinny fingers around Ken's head. With a red glow in its eyes, the creature lifted and shook violently, before simply dropping him and returning. The strength to get back up just wouldn't come. Like a helpless lump on the floor, Ken could barely grip at his spear. With half an attempt to attack his opponent, his efforts failed miserably, followed by a strange burning in the side as punishment.

"Ken…!" Gene cried, rattling off another crescendo of notes from his harp. Each one knocked the creature back, and again left it vulnerable. Gene didn't hit it again, though. Instead his seaweed creature illuminated Ken with its healing spell.

It seemed utterly pointless, Ken muttered internally, but he managed a weak thumbs up anyway. The pointlessness of it all was proven further when the plague doctor bounced back yet again and readied its staff. However, instead of a strike across the face this time, it was a stabbing action right in the chest. Ken gasped, and something thick and purple splashed out of his back. Moments later the nausea returned, and what little strength he had recovered was sapped away again. What had he done to deserve this, he groaned.

Luckily though, Silky was there to help. The creature not only healed his ailments but was kind enough to help him back to his feet. Ken took in a deep breath, and looked to Gene, who knew exactly what to do. More notes sang from his harp and struck the plague doctor down, and then both boys piled on. Once again the cartoony fight cloud appeared as the two boys beat this thing black and blue. When they finished up however, the creature was still there.

"Uhh…?" Gene gave Ken the warning look. Ken shrugged back at him. Didn't that move finish things off? And wasn't this one especially weak to physical hits? It didn't make any sense!

The plague doctor lifted itself from the air and rubbed its hands together. A bright energy suddenly encompassed Gene, who collapsed amid it. Said energy then made its way over to the plague doctor and was absorbed into its body. Was it… draining his health?

Ken slashed at the plague doctor with his spear, knocking it back, and then gave it another hit for good measure, and Gene countered by healing himself, however it was Ken's turn to take the draining move next. His vitality was sapped away from him almost instantly, and the plague doctor was only looking stronger with every attack. Gene gave it a combo of hits from his harp, and then made sure to heal up Ken, but the cycle wasn't breaking because the thing seemed to be healing itself faster than they could damage it, even with its frailty.

The plague doctor rubbed its hands together again, and both boys braced themselves for impact, but there was no impact this time. Ken opened his eyes again, only to find a clear, glassy barrier surrounding both of them. He looked around confused and noticed that Courtney had thrust both her hands at them?

"What… the?" Gene cried, and Courtney struggled back to her feet.

"Y-you… you leave them alone!" She gasped. With a limp forwards, she launched the shield she had somehow created at the plague doctor, which surrounded and trapped it. Atop the barrier, something small and feathery appeared. Not unlike just an ordinary bird – maybe a heron or something? – the creature flapped glowing wings, and suddenly a blade of light pierced into the barrier. Three more followed, impaling the plague doctor at every angle, and then suddenly it all exploded, with a bright burst of light leaving the plague doctor in tatters on the floor.

"I c-can… I can fight my own battles!" Courtney gasped, a hand against her chest. There was another, feeble grunt, and the plague doctor seemed to implode in on itself, leaving behind a pile of robes and a cracked mask.

"…huh!" Courtney's victory seemed short lived, as she collapsed from the effort almost immediately. Strangely it was Gene who leapt forward, attempting to catch her and instead just cushioning her fall as she landed on top of him.

"Ughhhh!" Gene groaned, flailing under Courtney's dead weight. "C'mon, get up already!"

"Y-you… saved me Gene?" She mumbled.

"Yes, now get offa me!" Gene crawled out from under her. "And let's get outta here… Ken?"

"Wh-where'd he go?"

Ken was at the other end of the hallway. After all, it was pretty strange that the plague doctor didn't just disappear, rather leaving half of itself behind. Was there something else back here, he wondered.

A strip of fabric leading down the grotty corridors certainly seemed to suggest so. Ken crept along the hallway, following after the unravelled robes. There had to be something…

"Ken?!" Gene's voice echoed after him, followed by the heavy clapping of footsteps, but Ken edged a door open and immediately fell away from it.

"Ken! Where'd you… go." Gene caught up to him, with Courtney a few feet behind. His eyes followed where Ken was staring, and the colour drained from his face too.

"Wh-what is it, what's the prob-" Courtney began, but then she saw it as well.

A pair of legs.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Hey there everyone. Sorry it's taken so long to update. Both of us have been really busy with real life stuff, so productivity has slowed. However, here's a chapter, and it's a really big one, so hopefully that'll make up for it?

Some more world building stuff, a new Persona user (if that wasn't obvious already), and a new boss fight. Also about twice as long as the rest of the chapters lol. As always, feedback is both welcome and appreciated. Thanks for your patience. Over and out. :3


	15. Split Decisions

The first one was bad enough. Ken had come to accept that. He had also prepared himself for some unpleasant sights in this world ever since Igor's warnings. He had since revised his expectations when he and Gene had found the first one.

This one might have been okay… if the legs were still attached. Unfortunately for the three young kids, they had to discover a body that had been separated about the middle. There was no cartoonish suspension of disbelief, with just and pair of legs and just a torso lying a few feet away from it. That might've been funny in a different light. This separated body had the misfortune of trailing a dark ribbon of guts, organs and various other viscera along the floor. With his shirt over his face, Ken crept the five metres or so separating the two halves, to see if he could bless the poor soul with an identity. The gnawing in his stomach only worsened when he made it to the upper half though, where an all-too-familiar face stared up to the heavens. The young man's eyes were wide and bulging, while his mouth hung agape, and his skin had gone all waxy and sallow.

It was the kid from the news, there was no doubt about it.

"Oh god, it's Peter Pescadero!" Gene spoke thickly from Ken's right, meanwhile a very green looking Courtney hovered about the edge of the room.

"…well now we know what happened to him at least," Ken was feeling sicker with every breath. Peter wasn't in nearly as bad a shape as that other kid but had obviously been here long enough to saturate the very air with the stench of death. He wasn't one of those CSI guys or whatever, but it must've been a couple of weeks at least.

"So we're… taking him back?" Gene gulped, and Ken gave a solemn nod in response, before the conversation was hijacked by a wheezing Courtney.

"W-w-wait!" She gasped. "This-this is all… normal for you two?! You turn up in some weird other world and then fight monsters a-and find dead bodies?! Wait, does that mean-"

"Yes Courtney, it does." Gene couldn't even afford his usual resentful tone. "And it looks like it'll be the same for you, too. Because you activated your weird powers too."

"I did?" Her eyes widened farther still. "W-wait, was that what the thing was with the weird lights a-and the bird and stuff?! I thought that was all a dream or something! H-how-"

"Trust me, you know about as much as we do," Gene dismissed her panicking. "Alright Ken, so let's decide who's taking Peter back. The old-fashioned way sound good to you?"

Gene curled one chubby hand into a fist and pointed it at Ken. "Rock, paper, sci-"

"-someone's gotta take Courtney back too." Ken interjected and could've sworn he saw Gene's spirit evaporate away into the heavens above.

"Uuuuugggggh…!" Gene groaned. "I really hope they start payin' us for this!"

Taking just enough care to rest his harp against a nearby wall, he stomped over to where Ken was standing and grabbed hold of Peter's clammy shoulder with barely a flinch. His face set to a determined deadpan, Ken wondered how Courtney didn't feel at least a little insulted by this.

With a shrug, he paced his way back to Courtney, who was understandably keeping her distance from all the 'action'.

"Time to go home," he offered a polite smile and a hand.

"Wh-wha?" Courtney stammered, so Ken just grasped at hers and immediately felt stupid.

"To-Do list," he muttered over to Gene. "Find out how this world works, learn about the spells and stuff,"

"The thing with the cards," Gene added.

"The thing with the cards," Ken echoed him, "uhh… maybe learn the names of these persona things? You can't keep calling yours 'seaweed buddy'."

"Uhh, does that mean lots of reading?" Gene was already whining. "'Cause I don't wan-"

"I'll do it…" Ken rolled his eyes, and instantly his cohort perked up. He was getting the impression that it was going to be him doing the heavy lifting in… whatever this was. A subtle glance at Courtney to his left, holding onto his hand, only added to this belief.

"So uhh, how do we go back?" Gene gestured with his free hand. "If it's not dad's food, then what?"

"Time, maybe?" Ken shrugged back.

"You, you don't know?" Courtney asked.

"We're still working things out, I guess." Ken felt himself deflate. Just when he thought he was getting a hang of things in this world, several more issues sprung up like some kind of impedimentary hydra, and then the one issue he thought had been solved turned out not to have been solved at all. Irritating wasn't the word.

"Errm…" Gene shifted about awkwardly and itched his side. Everything took so much longer when you were waiting for it. Exactly how did they get out of this world then? If it was time sensitive, then it would be really inconvenient and annoying to have to wait for it every time they were done doing whatever, or even worse, returned to the real world when they weren't done doing whatever, potentially ruining the day's progress. And if that wasn't the solution, what else were they supposed to do? Wish upon the stars for their safe return?

Ken could feel the anger rising from within. However they got in and out of this world, they needed to learn how to control it, otherwise every damned visit to this place was just going to be a lot of annoying waiting-

"Damn it!" Ken threw his spear to the ground and ran his fingers through his hair. It was bad enough that they had to be involved with this hellscape in the first place, but to get thrown in the deep end with exactly no information, and then just expected to figure things out by some faceless, sneering supervillain? A little bit comic book, he had to admit, but it fit the bill.

A gentle squeeze of the hand interrupted his internal ranting, and he spied Courtney's smiling face.

"It's okay!"

Her voice was weirdly soft. It made a huge change from the usual jeering or screeching he'd gotten used to from her. The sheer contrast was enough that he was able to forget about his slowly worsening mood for a moment, and next thing he knew, the surroundings were getting blurry. It was with another twinge of annoyance that Ken couldn't feel the discomfort of hunger within – yet another wrench in the works – but that was to be filed away for later, because reality was seeping back in, and now they were going to have to come up with a lot of excuses. And quickly.

Colours bled back into the surroundings, grotty greens and blotchy browns as opposed to the reds and yellows he'd gotten used to. At first glance, Ken would've assumed they were on the ground floor of one of those apartment buildings, with tacky carpeted hallways sprawling in each direction, various garbage literally dumped in any available corner, and a peppering of mouldy looking doors every few metres or so. But regardless of how… rustic this place was, it was only a matter of time before someone stumbled across the three of them. Holding onto a dead body.

"…okay, okay," Ken massaged his forehead, "We need to sort this out. Courtney, can you… call the cops for us?"

"Awha? Me? Why?!" She spluttered. "C-c-can't you guys do-"

"I'll explain later," Ken forestalled. "But we can't be here, so just… trust us, okay?"

"Uhmm…!" Courtney's hands were trembling fiercely. "A-alright, I-I guess. But you better give me a super good explanation, g-got it?"

"You're a lifesaver," Ken gave her a quick hug of appreciation. Gene seemed all too happy to let go of the rotting corpse, what a surprise, but even he wrapped an arm around her before taking off after Ken.

"Good thinking Ken! Now she can take the fall for it!" Gene's enthusiasm increased with every step away from her.

"She's covering our butts, idiot," Ken couldn't help but grin. "Who knows what that Bosco guy would do to us if he found us with another dead body?"

"My butt doesn't like the sound of that!" Gene placed both hands behind his back, and the pair rounded a corner, just as Courtney's voice echoed after them.

"H-hello, police? I um, uhh… have something t-to tell you."

* * *

 _'Oh, so thats wat it was'_

-Courtney, received 17:39

 _'Does that mean u found that other kid too?'_

-Courtney, received 17:40

 _'Yeah. Now you've gotta delete all these messages okay? Just to be safe'_

Sent, 17:42

 _'Oh, do i have to? I kinda wanted to keep them'_

-Courtney, received 17:43

 _'Yeah, please. Just in case. I'll tell you the rest in person'_

Sent, 17:45

 _'Aw, ok then. ill see u at school 2moro'_

-Courtney, received 17:45

Ken pocketed his phone and sighed. It took a few attempts, but the message seemed to finally sink in. He and Gene had picked their way back through the town, avoiding the main streets just in case, and Ken made sure that Gene washed his hands at a public restroom, despite his objections.

"They don't smell like bacon anymore," Gene sniffed at his hands and grumbled, meanwhile Ken could only shudder. "Why did you make me wash them, Ken…?!"

"Because they were touching a dead body!" Ken's voice was barely a hiss. "But anyway, that's Courtney taken care of. I think she gets what's going on, but just in case I'm gonna-"

Out of the corner of his eye, Ken barely stopped in time for a car door to sweep open in front of them, and a large figure to lurch out from it. Blocking out the very sun itself, the person stared them down.

"Hmhm," Bosco of all people grunted to himself, and Ken could've sworn he just broke out in goosebumps. "…oh, it's you two. Keepin' outta mischief I hope? Don't want you kids findin' any more dead bodies, y'hear?"

"Eheh, a-are you sure?" Ken found himself being snarky. Why was he being snarky? To a cop no less!

"Wellll, I won't lie, it'd be kinda cool if you did, 'cause then we'd have someone to throw in the slammer," Bosco jammed his keys into the lock, and twisted. "But unless you're willin' to do that, and I don't think you are, it looks like I'm gonna have to do my damn job and find the real killer. So until that day comes, I'm like a cold wind on a summer day, hear me kids? I'm watchin' you."

Bosco turned heel and stalked down the pavement in front of the boys, who had enough time to exchange a look before things only got worse, and the detective strolled into Bob's restaurant. Exactly where they were headed.

"Ugghhh…!" Gene groaned next to him. "Now what?"

"I-it'll be fine," Ken didn't believe himself, forget expect Gene to. "He'll only be here for a few minutes, I'm sure."

"Ooookayyy…" Gene's voice wavered, and the two boys ducked into the restaurant after Bosco. The detective's head turned for just a moment, before he took a seat at the bar. "Evenin' Bob. Deal me."

"Hey there, detective Bosco. What can I getcha?" Bob was quick to reply.

"Oh iunno, just… something," Bosco shrugged.

"Huh. Well, if you're up for it, the Burger of the Day is the 'Car, C-"

"What in the hell is a caraway?" Bosco grimaced at the chalkboard. "I've already decided I hate it Bob, so just gimme a normal burger, got it?"

"…comin' up." Bob's voice sounded hollow. The boys slouched into one of the booths opposite each other, just as Bosco reacted to a crackling sound at his waist. He unclipped a walkie talkie at his belt and just stared at it for a moment.

"…Bosco." He grunted. A mixture of ramblings and radio static garbled back at him, and he narrowed his eyes, nodding back at it on occasion.

"Uh huh?"

"Mhmm…"

Bob came back out onto the restaurant floor a few moments later, complete with a steaming fresh burger on a plate, and placed it in front of Bosco. "Here you go, one regular."

Bosco gave him the nod and returned to his listening. Bob then turned around to address the boys.

"So, you two have fun today? Must've found somewhere pretty awesome to just disappear like that?"

Both boys just looked at each other, and then to Bob. Gene opened his mouth to respond, however his sentence was stolen by the shadow – and slow, gentle squeaking – of a police chief swivelling around on his bar stool.

"I'll say," Bosco cut in. He clenched his fist, and the walkie talkie in his hand crackled quiet again. "So guess what kids? I've just been told there's another dead body been found in another deadbeat part of town. Wanna tell me 'bout this awesome place you disappeared to?"

"Whoa, hang on Bosco, I was just asking," Bob tried to disarm the situation.

"An' now I'm just asking," Bosco looked up at him. "Another body's turned up, my prime suspects are right here, and they were conveniently not right here, right around the time the body was found. Call it a hunch!"

"But you… just got the report, right? With them right behind you." Bob rationalised. "Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure kids these days can't run that fast."

"Or at all!" Gene piped up but backed down after a sharp look from his father.

"Be that as it may," Bosco stood up, and hitched his pants. "We've got a temp in right now, and she just happens to be real lazy, so as far as I'm concerned, you kids are still… ahh, forget it. I came here to get away from work, and I can't even eat a damn burger in peace."

Bosco gave the two boys a harsh stare. "You're off the hook for now, got it kiddos? But keep your damn noses clean, 'cause I hate cleaning kids' noses."

There was a bizarre, steely look in Bosco's eye. Not one of anger, or even the usual mild resentment Ken had come to know. Suddenly the police chief looked twice as greying and wrinkled, and for just a moment, Ken could've sworn there was a pang of empathy between the two of them.

"I'll take my burger to go, Bob." Bosco spoke thickly and turned for the door. Bob had already wrapped it, and Bosco received it off him, slapping town a crumpled $10 on the counter. "Keep the change."

The bell tinkled, and Bosco disappeared into his police cruiser. He seemed to wait for just a moment too long before starting the engine and strolling away quietly.

"…so you definitely weren't involved?" Bob eventually muttered.

"N-nope," Ken shook his head back. He hoped his invariable monotone was convincing enough. That was one can of worms he really didn't want to open if at all possible. He excused himself from the Belcher residence and headed back to the lofty but unquestioning spires of Fischoeder mansion. While the company was definitely preferable, there was absolutely no chance that Calvin was going to ask him what nefarious things he'd gotten up to. There was a momentary altercation where Frank just stood in the doorway and glared at him, but eventually things just dissolved back into normality, namely a pointlessly grand feast for 'dinner', and Ken getting his butt kicked on Salad Samurai. He retired to his bedroom a little earlier than usual because of the day's 'events' and sent a quick goodnight text to both Gene and Courtney.

His aching body wasn't allowed rest, however. The moment he closed his eyes, an icy chill numbed his senses, and all of a sudden, he was back inside Igor's carriage thing. Was this day ever going to end?

"Good e-vening." Igor spoke. "You're showing promise, I see. Evading suspicion, forging alliances… it's all rather auspicious, wouldn't you say Penelope?"

The woman in the air hostess' outfit – who Ken had completely forgotten about if he were honest – gave him a warm smile.

"You are progressing at quite a clip, young man," she tipped her cap. "And we feel that perhaps we can trust you with details more complex. You have learned the means of how to acquire additional Persona, have you not?"

Ken simply nodded. Just how much did these two know about him? Were they watching his every damned move?

There was a glint in Igor's eyes. It did absolutely nothing to convince Ken that these two weren't monitoring everything he did.

"Encouraging." This Penelope somehow spoke both simply and elegantly at the same time. "Now, if we could take a look at Silky and Changeling for a moment?"

As the words left her lips, a pain burned in Ken's right hand. He swore, then wrenched at it with his other to try and suppress the ache, only to find that he was holding onto two cards. When did they get there, he wondered. On the cards were the aforementioned Silky and Changeling.

He didn't have the energy to figure this out. With a shrug, he handed both cards to Penelope, who received them and tipped her hat again for good measure. She in turn handed them to Igor, which seemed like an entirely pointless middle-man scenario as far as Ken was concerned. Igor nodded to himself and drew rings around the two cards with his index finger. The rings lit up, an almost poisonous looking blue, and slowly combined into a sideways eight. It then unravelled, and the two cards merged together in another burst of light. Igor picked up the card, blew the light from it, and revealed it to Ken, where the character on the front of it resembled his old Changeling but… older?

Instead of a creepy blue baby, it was now a creepy blue toddler. Great. Another thing to figure out.

"This is a process we call Fusion," Igor floated the card in his hand, allowing it to spin gently while in mid-air. "As you mature, so shall the Persona you hold in your heart. Fusion is a, shall we say, streamlining of sorts. By Fusing, you can combine the abilities and strengths of many Persona, as you may notice."

The card was floated back to Ken, where he plucked it out of the air. As he did so, a collection of tables and charts blooped onto the table between them. Ken assumed it must've been stats or something, however there were a few words he could pick out of the myriad of symbols;

'Garu'

'Lunge'

'Amrita Drop'

"…huh," Ken muttered. Were these like abilities or skills or something? Something told him he wasn't going to find this out in a book or whatever.

"Yes, Fusion is a powerful ability indeed," Igor tapped his fingers together. "Strengthen your bonds, strengthen your Fusions, and strengthen yourself. With some luck and hard work, the fate of this world may yet be rewritten."

Igor took a draught of whatever was in his glass and flashed a grin.

"Thank you for your help," Penelope put her hands together and bowed.

From nowhere, an increasingly familiar wind blew, and Ken felt the heat pool in his stomach;

" _I am thou,_

 _Thou art I,_

 _Thou hast acquired a new vow,_

 _It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,_

 _With the birth of the World Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"_

Ken grimaced. Things were beyond confusing now. Did this lady even exist in reality? Did this entire world? Wasn't it all some recurring dream? And yet he'd forged some bond with this Penelope over Fusion?

Ken sighed to himself. Another thing to add to the pile, he supposed.

"On your next outing, it would be wise to stay away from those pesky nose nipping devils. Or better yet, befriend one." Penelope winked. She snapped her fingers, and Ken was lost to the land of dreams once again.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Chapter Stats:  
Your Social Link with Sergeant Bosco has increased! Your Social Link is now level two!  
Your World Rank is currently at: One  
You played a decent game of Salad Samurai! Your Proficiency has increased!  
Calvin appreciates you! You feel you may become closer with him soon!

Hey there people. Another update for you all. Basically the aftermath of Courtney's Plague Doctor experience, and dealing with it all. Some more character stuff with Bosco and Courtney too, if that appeals to anyone. Thanks for reading and, as always, feel free to drop a review. Seeya on the next one. :3


	16. Same Mould, Same Mould

Never before had Ken been more annoyed about the next morning. Not only had his damn alarm clock torn him from the peaceful snatches of sleep, but he couldn't so much as move without his joints protesting. Even the joys of Friday couldn't permeate his bad mood as he pulled on indiscriminate clothes and slouched down the stairs. Calvin was sat at his usual seat, and Ken made half an effort to greet his guardian before grabbing a couple slices of toast and stumping off into the grounds. Frank the ostrich didn't give him any trouble – preoccupied with something maybe? – as he made his way through the tedious front lawn. Since moving in with Calvin, he'd never seen another person in these gardens, so it did beg the question how the copious number of hedges and plants and things were kept so immaculate. Moonlighting, hedge trimming ninjas, maybe?

Despite it all, a smile did curl on his lips at the thought. Must've been a pretty niche business, he had to admit. Even if Frank had found and mauled one of them, people would've just found a dead ninja hanging somewhere and assumed they'd died awesomely. It was a win-win!

The idea was so ludicrous that it kept his mind wonderfully foggy for most of the morning. Barely remembering to stop outside Bob's restaurant and wait for the Belcher kids, his distraction was only finally shifted when his phone buzzed at him in the middle of Math;

'hey ken its courtney im sick today so i wont be at school'

-Courtney, received 09:32

Ken frowned at his phone and tapped back a quick response before looking up again, only to find half the class staring at him.

"…huh?"

"Looks like your phone is more important than my math lesson?" Miss Jacobson had a hand on her hip. "Question on the board's been waiting for you for a while now."

"…sorry," he mumbled, and then squinted at the board. Her faded chalk writing, combined with the morning sunlight coming in at exactly the wrong angle, did a great job at obscuring most of the board, but after a while the question revealed itself;

'18 kids are going on a picnic. If 4 of them can fit in a car, how many cars will be needed to get all of them there safely?'

After a moment, the lazy cogs in Ken's mind started to click. Was this question simpler than it initially seemed? Eighteen kids, sure, but if four of them can fit in a car, did that include an adult who could drive the car? Were they one of the four? Or separate from this? Cars generally seated four people including the driver, didn't they?

Ugh. Ken rubbed his forehead. Maybe he was overthinking this. The numbers were all there. Just use those. Eighteen divided by four was four and a half. But you can't have half a car, so…

"Five?" He muttered.

The stern expression on Miss Jacobson's face softened into a smile.

"Okay, you got there eventually. This is a question that trips people up because you don't know whether or not to count the driver, so good work! Now put your phone away and focus for the rest of the lesson, hmm?"

Ken nodded and pocketed his phone. The usual hushed whispers began to flutter about the room, but he'd already tuned out again, eyes glazed over as Miss Jacobson tapped out more math problems on the chalkboard.

The drudgery continued on through until lunchtime, where he, Gene and Louise had found themselves a table, and each had a tray piled high with tater tots.

"Where's Tina?" Gene garbled through a mouthful of them. "She's gonna miss her 'tots!"

"I dunno, probably fixing her boobs or something," Louise scoffed, precisely spearing a single tater tot on her fork. The words had barely left her mouth however, when Tina herself screamed past the window, throwing violent gestures at some blonde girl Ken didn't recognise.

"Who's that?" Ken pointed the pair of them out, drawing Louise's attention.

"Hmm?" Louise crunched on her tots. "…oh. Tammy Larsen. C'mon Gene, this is gonna get ugly."

"Hunh?" Gene was still shovelling down tater tots. "H-hang on, I just gotta… n-no, wait a minute!"

Despite Gene's protests, Louise successfully managed to drag him across the cafeteria, but couldn't prevent half of his tater tots spilling everywhere in the meantime.

"Ken! Guard my tots!" Gene cried out to him as Louise forced him around the corner. Ken glanced at the three empty trays. Was there even a point?

A few moments later he'd met up with them both, where the three of them witnessed Tina confronting this Tammy girl.

"Ugh! Why did you ask him that Tammy?!" Tina stomped her foot, glaring daggers at the blonde opposite her.

"Pff, all I did was say what he wanted to hear, Tina." Tammy barely acknowledged her presence. "Why don't you stop being such a boob punch and let him ride the Tammy train?"

"Uhhhh…!" Tina groaned. "J-Jimmy Junior and I are approaching a crucial stage in our relationship, and I don't want you ruining things by saying stuff like that dammit!"

"Relationship?" Tammy snickered. "Don't you need to, like, go on a date with someone to be in a relationship?"

"I-It's a beta relationship!" Tina stammered. "A-and things were going well, so I was gonna ask him out for real soon and now you've ruined it, argh!"

Louise, Gene and Ken appeared around the corner, Gene holding about twenty 'tots in his arms.

"Can't ruin nothing, Tina Barfer." Tammy smirked at her. Without waiting for a response, she simply sauntered away.

"I'll turn you into barf!" Tina raised an arm. Before she could advance though, a flash of green lunged forwards and held her back.

"Tina no!" Louise cried. "It's not worth it, trust me! You'll turn into trash like her!"

"And then you'll get barfed all over!" Gene provided no help at all, slowly munching through his armful of tater tots.

"Uhhhhhh…!" Tina strained against Louise's grip on her arm. "B-but I, but she…"

Tina fell to her knees and sniffled. "She doesn't even like like Jimmy Junior. She's only doing it to annoy me…"

"Well don't worry about her, okay T?" Louise squatted down beside her. "Look, Tammy is a scum sucking harpy, and you're better than that. Even Gene is better than that."

"Hey, I am much better than that!" Gene insisted through mouthfuls of taters.

"Forget about her Tina. This'll all come back to bite her in the butt. You'll see." Louise was strangely rational about all this.

Tina whimpered to seemingly nothing on the ground beneath her. "…I hope so."

After another half an hour or so of Tina sobbing into her tater tots, lunch eventually dried up, leaving just two hours separating Ken from the glory of the weekend. His brain had more or less checked out at this point though, so there was nothing a blurry Coach Blevins could do to keep his attention. The school's intercom squawking painfully managed it though;

"Attention everyone," Ms LaBonz barked over the loudspeaker. "For the next five days, this school will be getting fumigated because someone found a nasty type of mould in the boys' bathroom. So, until Thursday, the school will be closed. Enjoy your long weekend, I know I will. Also Mr Frond is sick. Infection or someth-"

The intercom cut out with another screech, and immediately excitement buzzed among the classroom.

"…welp, you heard her kids." Blevins had already given up attempting to teach them anything. "No more school til Thursday. Have a good one."

He gave the nod, and kids were falling out of the classroom in their bid to escape. Ken joined up with the three Belchers as students and teachers alike burst out of every crevice, evacuating the building like workers from an anthill.

"Week-end, week-end, week-end!" Gene continued to chant, throwing both fists into the air in his jubilance.

"And it's not even a normal weekend!" Louise cried, "it's like, four weekends at once!"

"Two and a half," Ken corrected.

"Ugh, dammit Ken! No math outside school, okay?" Louise was quick to retort. "Either way, it's a miracle!"

"I knew eating mayonnaise packets in the bathroom would come in useful!" Gene literally jumped for joy.

Amid the lively conversation, it took a while for anyone to notice the depressed undertone.

"Uggghhhhhh….!" Tina slowly stomped along behind the rest of them. Slumped low and barely moving, she was staring lifelessly at the ground as she stomped, her glasses threatening to drop at any second.

Gene and Louise shared a knowing look, before Louise's lips tightened and the pair stopped in their tracks.

"One of us has gotta do it. She's like the world's most depressing Roomba." Louise sighed.

"Crossed with Mark Wahlberg." Gene agreed. Both of them curled a hand into a fist, then bumped them against each other.

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

"…dammit!" Louise cried. "Fiiiine…"

Louise floated back a few steps and clapped a hand on Tina's shoulder. "Heyyyy, T! How ya feeling? C'mon, chin up, it's the weekend! No school til Thursday!"

Tina didn't even flinch. She just continued to groan ever so softly.

"…well, I tried," Louise shrugged. "Your turn Gene."

She couldn't get away fast enough, and Gene pointedly held back for an attempt.

"Uhh, hey Tina," he wasn't as direct as Louise. "You know who is sorely underrepresented in the erotic fanfiction community? The Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz! Interested…?"

"'Oh Tin Man, you do have a butt!'" Louise called after him in a southern sounding voice.

"Erotic fanfiction…?" Ken whispered to her. That was… novel.

"It's a thing she does. Who knows why." Louise hissed back.

"The Tin Man's butt would be cold and empty and metal, like my heart…" Tina mumbled, barely even lifting her feet any more.

"Look, Tina, just tell us your damn problem so we can go home already!" Louise was obviously losing patience.

Tina ground to an actual halt this time, her fists clenched and quivering like an overstimulated cat. "I-I feel guilty about what I said to Tammy! What if she stops liking me because of it?"

"Doesn't she have to start liking you first?" Louise scoffed, only for Tina to start groaning again. "O-oh, c'mon T, don't be like that. Tammy's always treated you like dirty laundry. You're better off without her, trust me!"

"B-but we're friends, Louise! And friends don't do that to each other!" Tina cried.

"Yeah. Just listen to yourself Tina. If friends don't do that, why did she?" Louise literally held her sister's face and looked her in the eye. "Because she is not a good person, Tina. That's why. So you just drop her like the sad old potato she is, and let her rot. Okay?"

"If you love her you should let her go!" Gene added.

Tina glanced from one sibling to the other, and back again. And then to Ken, then both siblings again.

"…okay," she sighed, her voice thoroughly squashed between Louise's hands. "I geff it wa' a lil' s'oopid."

"A lottle stupid," Louise smushed Tina's cheeks a few more times, just for fun. With another short sigh, Tina followed her siblings home.

Ken decided against staying with them for the evening. His heart sunk the moment the words left his lips, but it was no shocking revelation that he occasionally needed to go back to the house he lived in. Even the town seemed halfhearted and lamenting as he trudged down the monotonous, pastel apartment blocks. To make things worse, there was even a paper bag from one of the nearby grocery stores, blowing across the street like an urban tumbleweed. Stranger still, it seemed to wait for the green light. But wouldn't you know, his ever-deflating mood was improved by the look on his guardian's face as he came in through the door.

"Ken! Welcome home, my boy! And so soon as well! How auspicious!" Calvin was practically glowing. He seemed genuinely happy that the boy had come back, even if the rest of their day amounted to no more than a few games of Salad Samurai. Ken was still getting his butt kicked each and every time, but his scores were slowly creeping closer to Calvin's, which he did feel a little proud of, if he were completely honest with himself.

The night eventually wore down, and Ken went to bed for a good night's rest. With five whole days away from school, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to actually enjoy himself. What with all the school and otherworldly demon fighting, he suddenly realised that he knew barely anything about the town he was staying in.

'Saturday, March 7th' he scrawled into the diary Calvin had 'gifted' him with. 'Got an extra few days off school. Gonna try and use them productively. There's that new weird store that's opened up next door to Bob's restaurant. Might check that out.'

* * *

And that was when Ken found himself standing outside of the store. Like every other store in this odd little town, it shared an affinity for puns, though he couldn't quite figure out exactly what 'Titfer Tat' meant. Wasn't tit for tat some kind of revenge? Last he checked, revenge wasn't really something you could market, unless they were like assassins for hire or something.

Ken shrugged. Welp, just standing outside wasn't gonna solve anything. With a deep breath, he waded into the unknown and was immediately straining to see from the darkness of it all. Whether they hadn't paid their bills yet, or just decided that the natural light outside was enough, Ken could barely see his hands in front of his face. His struggling eyes could sorta make out that there were shelves or something either side of him, only hemming the darkness in further, but also dozens of ominous silhouettes dotted around the room. They stood about as tall as himself, maybe a bit taller, but remained devastatingly still.

Fear prickled down the length of his back. Maybe this place somehow was an assassin for hire business, and his entrance into the building was already a test of… something. And now his ears were deceiving him it seemed. Was that someone breathing heavily in the distance? Some saboteur, ready to threaten his life at any given second?

He couldn't afford to get kidnapped. Or worse. Calvin probably wouldn't even notice if he went missing, which was a real concern. His foot betrayed him and edged back towards the entrance, only for something to brush up against the back of him.

His voice betrayed him, escaping his lips as a pitiable squeak. He'd fought and killed countless supernatural monsters, yet a darkened room had him scared stupid?

How sad.

"Whoa, whoa, sorry there eh?!" A thick, deep voice emerged from the shadows, giving Ken another reason to jump. Bright lights splashed across his vision and he blinked away the stars to find… just some old guy, standing opposite him. Wearing a straw hat and scarf indoors, with two feet of beard, triangle-shaped glasses and no discernible chin, it was clear to Ken that he'd just disturbed either a hipster or some brand of cryptid. He could almost hear Gene's voice yelling 'Crypster!' in response to it.

"Yah, sorry about the dark there," the stranger continued. "Artificial light ruins the merchandise, so I try to keep 'em off."

Ken frowned at the weirdo. Even worse. A Canadian. His eyes had finally gotten used to the glare of the lights, so he looked around to find… hats. Shelves of hats. Scores of hats. So many hats!

"You sell… hats?" He had to ask. Surely there wasn't a market for this.

"Ohboy, I sure do!" The man seemed all too proud to admit. "Best second-hand hats you'll find this side'a Saskatoon!"

Ken's eyebrows rose higher still. "T-there's another used hat store out there?"

"Yessir, whole chain of 'em. Call it a, uhh, family business, eheh. This's the first one stateside though, so I'm hopin' we're gonna break some new ground!"

Ken's mind just felt like a popcorn machine. If this store was an assassin for hire business, he could simply know this and be on his merry way. But what was he supposed to do with this information? Who bought used hats? New hats were cheap and accessible enough. Maybe there was something he wasn't seeing here.

"Oh, where are my manners," the man suddenly extended a hand. "All this talkin' an' we're still strangers! Call me Jacob! S'a nice neighbourhood ya got here!"

"Ken," he shook the guy's enormous, hairy hand.

"Oh, there ya go. Good strong name there." This Jacob smiled at him like some sort of terrifying gnome. "So uhh, feel free to sample my wares, buddy. Got a fittin' room oat back an' everything."

Ken could literally feel his brain cells decaying in this madhouse. All the stuff he'd seen since coming to Bog Harbour, and this was the weird one. He had to get out of here and fast.

With Jacob the Canadian watching his every move, he riffled through the endless hats on the shelves. Fishing hats, top hats, beanie hats, baseball caps… what was he even doing? He wasn't a hat person. He didn't even know anyone who wore hats. The closest was Louise with her bunny ears, and he had literally never seen her without them. Come to think of it, had anyone?

Ken groaned. He pinched his nose, c'mon, concentrate…

After what felt like about six weeks of searching through hats, he eventually came across a beanie that was good enough to justify a purchase. It was blue, which was always a good colour, with some spirally symbol on the front he didn't recognise and what looked like ninja throwing stars either side?

Ehh, who cared. If it got him out of here it was worth it.

"Have ya picked one then?" Jacob was ready and waiting behind his counter. "Ooh, she's a nice one. I'll just ring y'up, give us juuust a moment."

He punched in a few buttons on the cash register and said, "That'll be $2.89."

Ken handed him three dollar notes out of his dwindling supply, which was soon lost to the cash register for good.

"Whoo! First customer!" Jacob, for seemingly no reason, rang a bell that was beside his register. "Alright, lemme just get that change for ya. O-oh, gosh the money's so weird here…"

It took him a painfully long time to locate eleven cents' worth of change in the cash register and hand it to Ken. "Hats all, folks!" Jacob gave him the most sickeningly sweet smile he'd ever seen.

"…thanks," Ken managed to stammer out, before clutching his eleven cents and the beanie hat he didn't really want and shuffling towards the door for a hasty exit. But the torment had to continue;

"A-aren'cha gonna try it on?"

Ken literally felt the shudder ripple through his system.

Why.

He didn't even want the hat in the first place, and now some weirdo was gonna insist he wore it?

Maybe he was too nice for his own good.

With a grimace, Ken pulled the woollen nightmare over his ears. He was immediately itchy with it on, and random clumps of hair stuck stubbornly out from underneath it. But the hat was on. That should satisfy him, right?

"Lookin' sharp!" Jacob was immediately ready with the compliments. Ken gave the obligatory thumbs up and hightailed it out of the shop. The moment he was out of sight from the shop he tore the beanie from his head. That was enough adventuring for today.

* * *

 **Chapter stats:**

You solved the Math problem! Your Knowledge has increased!

You feel you know Tina a little better.

You're getting better at Salad Samurai! Your Proficiency has increased!

You bought an Old Hat. It may come in useful later.

You survived the ordeal of the hat store. Your Courage has increased!

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Hey there everyone. Thanks for your patience with the chapter updates. Life got busier for both of us, so naturally chapters have slowed down. But in other news, this chapter here officially marks the start of the 'filler' season you typically get between rescues in Persona games, meaning more social links, stat boosts and random filler crap. :D

Pretty standard stuff in this chapter. Some foreshadowing, little bit of humour, etc.

As always, feel free to drop us a line if you've got feedback of any sort. Thanks for reading!


	17. Scattered Thoughts

Sunday, March 8th' Ken scribbled into his diary. 'Yesterday was too much adventure, so today I'm gonna be lazy and unproductive and just play video games all day. Probably.'

He could barely believe he was already breaking the promise he made to himself. Literally yesterday he said he was going to try and use these extra days off productively, try to learn more about Bog Harbour, try to cultivate some of the weird friendships he'd made. So much for that.

But with every turn of the steering wheel controller thing, every squash of the brake pedal, his eyes glassed over just a little more, and he found himself caring just a little less. Some guy just got eaten by a shark on the game he was playing. He wasn't sure what a shark had to do with a kart racer, but hey, it was awesome.

Ken smirked at his achievements. For hours he remained, unmoving, as the day literally revolved around him. A thin beam of sunlight peered through the gaps in the curtains, attempting to break through, but like a lion stalking its prey, it never made the lunge. Its efforts had waned and died off all but completely before there was the sudden smashing of glass that finally snapped him out of his daze.

"…huh?" He grunted at the intrusion. Rubbing his eyes, he fell out of the giant go kart he'd inhabited for the last… ten? Twelve hours?

Who knew. It was a Sunday, and he had no idea what time it even was. Ken staggered back to his prickly feet and wobbled off to a bathroom, suddenly remembering that his bladder existed. A further journey into the dining hall uncovered the source of the noise;

"No no! Get away!" Calvin's weird brother seemed to be protecting a hotdog of all things, while Frank the ostrich had literally smashed the nearby window in his attempts to get it. Glass shards were littered across the floor, while a ragged and bleeding Felix was doing all he could to keep Frank away from the hotdog.

Sadly though, Ken couldn't excuse himself from this sorry situation in time, as Felix's eyes had already clapped upon him.

"Y-you! Kevin wasn't it?!" He cried, as Frank snapped at his arm in another attempt to get the hotdog. "Could you be a lamb and feed this… creature?! This is my hotdog and I'll be damned if I'm giving it up!"

Ken frowned at the sorry situation. Was a hotdog really worth all this? Surely he could've just gotten another one instead of ending up covered in glass and blood. It wasn't his business though; Felix genuinely did seem to need his help. He took the long way through the dining hall to make sure he didn't step on any glass, and through to the kitchen where Frank's bowl waited. By the time Ken had picked up the box of pellets, Frank was already pecking on the window outside. The way he was stomping about and fidgeting, Ken could've sworn he was starving or something. Had… no one fed Frank today?

He plonked the heavy bowl in its usual place and opened the window, so Frank could get his head through. Sure enough, like the world's angriest woodpecker, Frank got to demolishing the pellets at record pace.

Guilty bile surged through Ken's system. If he hadn't spent the whole day playing dumb video games, then Frank would've gotten fed, and Felix wouldn't have gotten injured. Sure, it wasn't his responsibility to feed Frank, but Calvin did specifically request it of him whenever he wasn't there. And Calvin wasn't there. So he supposed it was his responsibility after all. One he'd neglected.

Burning with irrepressible guilt, Ken peered back into the dining hall to find Felix mopping at the cuts on his arms and face with a suspicious looking amber liquid. His hotdog was still stubbornly clutched in his right hand as he dabbed with the left, flinching at every contact.

"Ah! Ow…! Ohh, thank you for your help there, Kevin! Y-you… REALLY got me out of a tight spot there!" Felix said again, wincing as he dabbed at another cut above his eye.

"…Ken." He replied.

"Who's Ken?" Felix grimaced.

"I am."

"Ohhh, right. Sorry there. Was kinda preoccupied with the giant evil bird tryna steal my hotdog!" Felix shook his hand in Frank's general direction.

"Shouldn't you… go to the doctor's?" Ken glanced around.

"Hah! Naah, no need for that," Felix downed the amber liquid he was dabbing his cuts with. "Not when there's a perfectly good scotch right here!"

"But what if you got broken glass in a cut?" Ken had to address the elephant in the room. There was glass everywhere. Odds are he had some of it in him.

"…you know what? You're right!" Felix was in sudden agreement. He took a victorious chomp from his hotdog, then immediately winced and extracted a shard of glass. "…whew! Close one!"

"Okay, time to stop eating that," Ken reached for the hotdog, only for Felix to lift it out of his reach.

"Oh c'mon, it's practically just street meat like this." He protested. "You can't tell me you've never eaten a glassdog befor- no! NO! I fought an ostrich for this! I'm not letting a kid take it from me!"

Ken rubbed at his temples. "Fine. But it's not my fault if you get a bellyful of glass."

"Hah! Never heard that one before…" Felix wheezed.

After making sure Frank was happy, Ken led a still bloodied Felix out of the Fischoeder mansion, across the identical looking streets of Bog Harbour. He thanked the heavens above that he actually did know where the doctor's surgery was. Felix rambled about anything and everything as they walked, from his experiences hiring people do to handiwork, to other disagreements he'd gotten into with various wildlife, to the other times he had gotten glass removed from his body.

Ken had to double back on himself there. Times?

Something told him the man was a bit starved for attention. He could tell that Calvin and Felix weren't exactly best friends, but the rate Felix was wittering on, it must have been weeks since he last hosted a decent conversation. Or rather, lecture. Ken could barely get a word in edgeways.

"Alright, I can take it from here," Felix stated once they'd arrived at the doctor's surgery. "I'll make sure to square it all away with Calvin, so you needn't worry about the details, okay?"

"B-but what about the win-"

"-App-p-p-puh!" Felix forestalled him. "Like I told ya, I'll explain it all to my brother, and get a guy to fix it all, the whole nine yards. So just you run along now, 'kay?"

Ken opened his mouth to object, but his thoughts were side-tracked by a familiar face walking past. He tore his gaze away from Felix for all of a second – that was all it took – and looked back, only to find that the younger Fischoeder brother had disappeared into the depths of the surgery. Ken sighed to himself – these Fischoeders sure were skilled at escaping – and turned back to ask the familiar face from earlier.

"…Courtney? That you?"

The blonde flinched and dropped a whole armful of little plastic bottles. They fell to the floor with a concerto of rattles, with a couple splitting open and scattering pills everywhere.

"O-oh! Oh dear…!" She gasped, immediately swooping down upon them to retrieve the wayward medicine. "H-hi Ken. What're… what're you doing here?"

"Taking a uh, relative," he chose his words, "to the doctor's. He got beat up by a uhh… mugger?"

"Oh, that's scary," Courtney had scooped her bottles of pills back into her arms. "Well, you can guess why I'm here, ahah. Can't keep it a secret any more…!"

Ken held out his hands in offer, and Courtney happily dumped several bottles on him.

"These are… heart meds?" He asked no one really. Bit of a dumb question if he were honest, but it kept the conversation flowing.

"Y-yeah, and some other stuff." Courtney itched at her leg with her opposite foot. "Dad likes to get them in bulk 'cause it saves trips. Speaking of which, where is he?"

She bundled the bottles to her chest, and slowly peered down the road one way then the other. Unsurprisingly, no car rounded the corner.

"…huh. He said he'd be here by the time I was done," She muttered.

"To be fair, he wouldn't know exactly when you'd be done." Ken sidled up beside her. Courtney's lips tensed as she continued to stare off into the distance. This issue didn't look like it was going to fix itself, he sighed. Might as well resign himself to it.

"You know where you live from here, yeah?"

"Huh? W-well yeah, it's just a few blocks down that way," Courtney nodded in the direction she was facing.

"Walkable?"

"Um, maybe?"

"Wanna… do that instead?"

Courtney shifted her boxes of medicine out of the way to fix Ken with a stare. For a moment she said nothing – a rare bliss, he'd learned – and continued to stare at him, her emotions and intentions completely intangible. Was she angry? Surprised? Happy, even?

A soft wind enticed her blonde locks to the side, and Courtney glanced off towards the setting sun once more. Then a smile curled at her lips.

"…o-okay then."

The chilly dusk slowly stalked as two tweens wove their way through the twilit town. With her purple shirt and crimson complexion, Courtney mirrored the skies above. Cars passed on occasion, and there was a pair of crows fighting over a discarded sandwich in the park opposite them, but their journey remained eerily quiet. Ken didn't know whether to count his blessings or not.

"So, err… should probably explain that thing from the other day huh?" He eventually broke the silence. Something needed to be said, and it was better she knew the full story before she blurted out half of it and caused problems. With Bosco breathing down their necks, Ken could see it happening.

"Hunh?" Courtney mumbled, frowning at him for way too long before suddenly realising. "…OH! O-oh yeah, that thing."

"Mhmm," Ken pursed his lips. Even if Bosco were hiding in some bush or another, half the town must've overheard that holler. Ken was already doubting his decision.

"…yeah, that." He made sure to keep his voice low. "Right, you know what we saw? A-and how Gene and I asked you to call the cops?"

"Uh huh…?" Courtney nodded slowly after his every word. "I kinda thought it was weird, 'cause you have a phone too? W-why couldn't you call the cops or something?"

Ken nodded, then cleared his throat. This needed to be worded properly.

"You see, like I said in the texts, Gene and I… found the other one. A-and the chief of police kinda interrogated us about it. If he found out that we were connected with this body too, then we would've gotten thrown in jail or something for sure. So… so that's why I had to ask you to do it. You weren't connected to it in any way."

"But I am now… right?" Courtney chewed on a question she'd obviously been waiting a while to ask.

"Sadly, yeah. Couldn't be avoided. But we go to the same school and stuff, so it won't be weird for us to be seen together… I think."

"That's a relief," Courtney sighed. They rounded the corner to a street Ken finally recognised, after several blocks of identical apartment complexes. Courtney looked like she was about to say something, but her face fell when she clapped eyes on her home. There were still lights on inside, and her dad's car was still parked in the driveway. This was definitely a man ready to pick his daughter up from the doctor's.

"…well, thanks for taking me back Ken." Courtney's voice was hollow. "Looks like my dad wasn't going to."

And speak of the devil, just as Courtney stepped up to the front door, it opened. Behind it stood her dad, holding a set of keys in one hand and a glass of something reddish in the other.

"O-oh, there you are my honeyflower!" He fooled no one. "I was just getting ready to come get you! Don't tell me you walked all this way by yourself?!"

"…sure, dad." Courtney took one look at the glass in his hand. "A-and no, I had a friend walk me home."

"And so you did!" Her father suddenly exclaimed brightly. "…you're her little friend from the other day, aren't you? Mr Rain Check, am I right?"

Ken simply nodded. He gestured to the armfuls of medicine he was holding, and her dad had just enough initiative to put his glass down and receive them from him.

"I'll… seeya another time, huh Courtney?" He asked.

Courtney nodded back at him, momentarily lighting up before glancing back to her dad and sighing again.

"Y'know Ken, I umm… I wouldn't mind if they did see us together a little more." Her voice was soft yet… strained somehow.

"Yes yes, thank you for all your help!" Her father rushed the conversation along before closing the door in Ken's face. Another rain check, he supposed.

Ken turned tail and stomped off back home in the twilight. Despite it all however, there was a little flutter of something he couldn't quite grasp in his stomach. It felt as though there was a side to Courtney he was learning about here, and no one else knew of it, almost like a forbidden fruit. Was there a reason Courtney sought out all this attention? She was genuinely ill it seemed, but she exaggerated her condition for sympathy and friends?

Ken was so entrenched in his thoughts that he wasn't seeing where he was going and almost bowled someone over.

"Oh?! What the! Owww…!" Another familiar looking blonde stumbled backwards. "Who's there?! I don't have any moneyyy…!"

She lowered her arms and revealed herself. Wasn't that one of Tina's friends?

"Ohh, it's the new kiiiid…" She drawled. "Like, hi there. I'm Jocelyn. From like, school or somethinnng…"

"…Ken." He spoke simply. No point in going over niceties with a relative stranger.

"Like hiii…" this girl seemed to draw out every other word for no apparent reason. "Like, I dunno, maybe you can help meee? It's my friend Tammy's birthday soooon, and I have to plan a partyyyyy. Do you like, know where I can find party stuuuuff?"

Tammy? Wasn't that the girl Tina got into a fight with? Ken frowned to himself. He wasn't aware that this Tammy had friends. All he'd seen of her had suggested otherwise.

"Party stuff?" Ken echoed. That was pretty vague. "Y-you mean like fancy dress or whatever?"

"No no, not dressesss, like things you can wear that aren't dressessss!" This Jocelyn protested. "Like party clooothes!"

"…huh." Ken didn't take that bait. But then the lightbulb flickered. If he had to suffer it, then so did someone else.

"There's a place that sells novelty h-"

"Novel…tee? Is that like some kinda weird tea? Ewww, that's grosssss…"

"…hats. They sell hats. Like party hats and stuff. That work for you?"

"Hat party? Ooooh, that sounds fuuuun…! Where are theeey?"

Ken felt as though his brain was about to fall from his left ear. How could someone be this dumb.

He gave this Jocelyn girl directions to that weird hat place next to Bob's, said that they might be closed for the day – he couldn't afford to take risks with someone this stupid – and waved her goodbye. With every step, he felt the stupid levels dissolve away back to 'normal' levels. Ken massaged his numb forehead, to try and revive his brain. Some of the kids at Wagstaff sure were stupid, but that one took the cake. Who didn't know what fancy dress was?

Either way, it wasn't his place. People can't help their biology after all.

Another half hour of trudging back in the dark, and the daunting spires of Fischoeder Mansion loomed back into place once again. Surprisingly enough though, Ken's sporadic guardian was awaiting his return.

He felt his stomach drop. Was Calvin about to yell at him for the incident with Felix and Frank? As carefree as Calvin always seemed, Ken did not like the idea of reaping consequences for something that was barely his fault. If he wasn't going to be there for a full day, he should've said something, let him know in adv-

"Good evening, dear Ken!" Calvin gave a long, exaggerated wave. "A fine day, I trust you've had?"

"…could say that," Ken kept his voice low, waiting for the inevitable punishment. Calvin hadn't yet punished him, and if he were honest the prospect was a little scary. Who knew what manner of torture this man was capable of.

"I hear you and Felix had quite the adventure today." Calvin's voice was dangerously non-threatening. He didn't sound angry or saddened or anything, and that was arguably worse. At least if Calvin shouted at him he'd knew where he stood. Part of Ken wished he would just get it all over with. The tension was stifling.

"…s-sorry about that," He owned up. "I-I… I spent all day playing video games, and didn't know that no one had fed Frank, s-so he and Felix got into a fight over a hotdog and I'm… I'm sorry."

Meanwhile Calvin simply tapped fingers against his chin. Ken grimaced, readying himself for the fallout.

"Ahh, so that's why Frank has been so energetic today. You fed him too, I presume?"

Ken nodded before letting the words actually sink in. "…hang on what?"

"Frank is a master of many things, dear boy," Calvin explained. "Speed, security, horticulture, deception, and irritating my brother Felix, to name a few. Do not be ashamed, he simply exercised his skills on you both. Pick a fight with Felix, win a free meal. Ohh, he is a talented ostrich, wouldn't you say?"

"Y-yeah," Ken stared at his feet. So much for that Jocelyn girl being an idiot. He just got outwitted by a bird. A bird known for its stupidity.

"So don't you worry about a thing, dear Ken." Calvin clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Inga has cleared up the mess, Felix will be fine, and I'm sure Frank has taught you a delightful lesson. Now, a proposition for you, young man. How would you like to spend the next few days productively, and earn some cash while doing so? I have a perfectly nonsuspicious suggestion!"

Nonsuspicious? Ken narrowed his eyes. Why would someone immediately state that their mysterious plans weren't suspicious? Calvin was infamous in this town for his shady dealings in the first place. How could Ken not be suspicious of him now?

But regardless, this man was his guardian. A little family bonding wouldn't hurt, and he really could use some cash. Money could be used to buy things after all. Morally grey activities with his temporary guardian didn't seem like the wisest means of spending his spare time, especially with Bosco breathing down his neck, but Calvin hadn't given him any real reason to not be trusted… had he?

"Err… sure?" Ken eventually answered.

"Fantastic, my boy. It would be great to have some company." Calvin seemed genuinely elated. "After all, landlording is a lonely, lonely profession. Literally no one is happy to see you, and oftentimes you'll end the day depressed and empty."

"Like Wil Wheaton?" Ken scoffed, and immediately chastised himself for uttering something so stupid. Gene really was leaving an impression on him, it seemed.

"Wil… Whe – oh ye-e-e-sss, that's exactly right my boy," Calvin actually laughed. "He is a poor, poor disappointment of a man, isn't he?"

Calvin chortled to himself for a couple moments longer. "Well, we have an early start tomorrow Ken. I'd be ready by eight in the morning, ideally. But until then, would you care for a few rounds?"

Ken felt a smile break out across his face, as he indulged his guardian with a game or two of Salad Samurai before heading off to bed for the night.

* * *

 **Chapter Stats**

ou spent most of the day playing video games. Your proficiency has greatly increased!

You helped Felix out of a difficult position and fed an angry Frank the Ostrich! Your courage has greatly increased!

You walked Courtney home. You feel you learned more about her. Your Understanding has increased!

Your Social Link with Courtney has increased! Your Social Link is now at Rank 2.

You gave Jocelyn advice and directions. Your Charm has increased!

You feel like you understand Calvin more. Your Social Link with Calvin has increased! Your Social Link is now at Rank 3.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Hey there everyone. A busy day today, with stat boosts and social rank ups and all that jazz. Bit more insight into the people around Ken, particularly Courtney, who I always felt suffered from her dad's yo-yo parenting. Plus Jocelyn and foreshadowing, and some fun with Frank, because Frank. Coming up next, a few days' working with Calvin and his landlording. As always, feel free to leave feedback of any sort. 😊


	18. Counting Sheep

**Chapter 18**

The moment the alarm went off, Ken was regretting his decision. He'd been _gifted_ these three extra days off school. The hands of fate themselves had granted him freedom, and he ruined it all by agreeing to get up early anyway.

Whose good idea was this again, he grumbled to himself on the forage for clean clothes. Sure, money was nice, but was it really worth getting up early when he didn't have to?

It was still better than school, he supposed. He was getting up at the same time too, so as long as the time spent with Calvin was _tolerable_ , it was still a net gain so to speak. Relative boredom and money. He could survive a couple days of that, maybe.

"Good morning, Ken!" Calvin gave him the cheeriest greeting as he made his way down the stairs. "You're as punctual as ever. How fortuitous!"

Ken sat opposite his temporary guardian and couldn't bring himself to anything more than a confused frown. Did this man sleep? How was he always so peppy?

He was past the point of no return now. He could've just gone back to sleep and 'forgotten' about today. But there was no getting out of it any more. He was going to be stuck in that eggshell of a sidecar for most of the day, and there was nothing he could do to avoid it any more.

But on the other hand, Calvin seemed genuinely overjoyed about the situation.

"Oh, it's going to be great. To have some _company_ during a shepherding…" he smiled.

"…shepherding?" Ken had to ask.

"Oh yes, that's just the handy dandy phrase I use for a rent run!" Calvin explained. "Many of my tenants are much like sheep you see, Ken. They waddle aimlessly, they bleat at me to repair their dwellings, and they respond well to kind words and false promises! I, however, am the bloodhound of the landlording variety. I chase them down, corner them and, if necessary, _shake_ the money from them. But they are mere sheep Ken, so by the time the next month rolls around, they've already forgotten. Foolproof, wouldn't you say?"

"Err… sure." Ken mumbled. At least he had a perspective on how Calvin viewed the locals now. Concerning, if he were honest, but as far as he knew Calvin wasn't in any way _dangerous._ Just… quirky.

Yeah, that was a word for it. The positive side of crazy.

Calvin continued to potter about the house while Ken fed himself something breakfast-y, and then got Frank a bowl of pellets. He seized his chance and grasped at a book from one of the house's many shelves, just as his guardian rounded the corner with a welder's mask and a cattle prod. As if things weren't odd enough already.

"Now, what do you say we round up some sheep, eh Ken?" Calvin grinned. He flicked a switch on the cattle prod, and Ken could've sworn the lights dimmed as the prongs on it began to glow.

"Is… that safe?" Ken gulped.

"Of course, dear boy. I haven't lost a sheep yet!" The glint in Calvin's eyes was a little too manic for Ken's liking.

"And as today's guest of honour, you can give it a spin if you'd like?" Calvin 'hinted'. Ken felt it necessary to back off immediately and leave absolutely nothing to chance here. Earning some money, sure. Assaulting random pedestrians, not so much.

"No? Aw, for shame. Felix delights in it." Calvin withdrew his 'offer'. "Well, never mind then Ken. Your mere presence will brighten my day!"

After a few acrobatic poses with his cattle prod, Calvin strode out of the mansion, Ken following after. For the first time since he'd arrived, he actually witnessed Calvin _locking_ the door. What this implied for Felix, Ken wasn't sure. But he decided against asking. Something told him he was going to meet his fair share of insanity today, and his reserves were already running low.

The eggshell was comfier at least. Calvin had replaced the cushion with a bigger, softer one, and padded the outsides of it so that Ken didn't just rattle about inside of it any more. Hopefully, anyway.

Calvin took a seat in the golf cart beside him and tucked his various equipment in the little side compartment thing. "Brings back memories, eh Ken? Just like your first day here!"

"Except backwards," Ken forced a grin. That day wasn't exactly full of pleasant memories…

"Oh! Yes indeed!" Calvin grinned. "You'll be pleased to hear that I've fixed our little speed issue, too."

Firing up the engine, Calvin revved it two or three times for no apparent reason, and there was actual oomph when the little vehicle propelled itself forward. It still wasn't _fast_ , but it was a huge improvement on the absolute crawl it went at last time he suffered it.

"Much better, yes?" Calvin asked from his left. "It was a little pricey, but I'm sure we'll put this turbo to good use!"

With another rev of the engine, the golf cart choked and spluttered, but accelerated to speeds that could've actually be considered roadworthy. In relative comfort, with the cold morning wind rushing past to keep him awake and the option of something to do should boredom bite… this wasn't so bad.

Ken felt like he was being a lot more productive doing this rather than just staying in bed for another couple of hours. Trundling past, attracting the occasional weird stare from passers-by, it was about the bare minimum he could've been doing. What's better, he was getting paid for this doing nothing, and all he had to do was occasionally listen to Calvin's various oddities;

"And _that_ , my boy, is why the Japanese should never have unleashed their _anime_ upon the western world!"

Right on cue, Ken was expected to respond as if he had any sort of idea what his guardian was saying.

"W-well it's not so bad," He blurted out what he hoped was an acceptable response.

"Hm," Calvin pondered, almost as if his answer meant something. "I suppose so. After all, we in the west have released just as much tripe, if not more! You ever watch _Family Guy_ , Ken? Absolute horseradish! Oh, and speaking of which, here's our first stop for the day!"

Ken's thoughts crashed to a stop with the cart. What did horseradish of all things have to do with his tenants?

Maybe they were a farmer or something, he supposed. But this was the middle of town. Why would a farmer live in an apartment block _this_ bad in the middle of town? That made even less sense than the complete lack of context with horseradish.

Calvin fired up his cattle prod – with some enthusiasm, it was worth noting – and rapped on the door. Ken's confusion was sated, but only slightly, when he saw who answered. What started off as a polite smile quickly disintegrated, and instead an irritated looking man in a bright purple horse costume just stood in his doorway.

"And a good morning to you, Shee…tenant." Calvin caught himself just in time. "I'll assume you know why I'm here. Your rent, if you please."

"At least call me by my name…" the horse man mumbled, digging around for what Ken assumed was a wallet or something.

"That would involve having to learn it, Tenant." Calvin picked at something on his suit. His tenant continued to shuffle around their house on the lookout for rent money – at least Ken assumed what he was doing – meanwhile an absent-minded looking Calvin was staring down his cattle prod. A lazy breeze blew past, barely ruffling his hair; even the wind was bored.

Ken supposed he was to just sit in his egg and stay quiet at this point. Something told him that disrupting Calvin's 'landlord' persona could have consequences. With a sigh, Ken could feel the sneaking tendrils of boredom already approaching. The soundtrack from some TV show he couldn't place had started playing in his head. In his urge to shut it out before it could plant roots, he pulled the book from earlier out and glanced at it. It was a mint green in colour and gave the impression of maybe a journal of some sort. On the front was an image of a middle-aged man wearing a plum purple suit holding the fattest chicken Ken had ever seen under one arm. The title read ' _The Avian Authority's Guide to Conquering Wildfowl'._ Ken groaned. This must've been what Calvin was using to train Frank. Had he really picked up a bird manual for the day's light entertainment?

Suddenly there was a bright surge of energy from somewhere, and Calvin yelped in surprise. "Whoa!"

Ken tore his vision away from the book to find his guardian patting down a singed tuft of hair.

"A-hah! A close one…!" Calvin laughed to no one. "I apologise for such a slow start to the day, Ken. Some tenants can be rather stubborn!"

"No problem," Ken dismissed, and cracked open his 'entertainment'. He was already along for the ride. What did it matter to him how long it took?

Finally the horse man returned, with a literal fistful of crumped up notes and what looked like a vase.

"I-I'm… a little short this month, Mr Fischoeder," The horse man muttered. "I uhh, recently got laid off work, and I had to choose between tickets to this year's Equestra-con or rent for this month, and I uhh…"

"Made a poor decision, clearly," Calvin's cheek dimpled. "How short are you?"

"I got uhh, $800 here and about thirty bucks worth of change in this here vase," The horse man shook the vase in his hand, accompanied with the cheery jangle of change.

"So you're about $75 short," Calvin twiddled the cattle prod in his hand. "Roughly the price you'd pay for a ticket to a popular convention, correct?"

"Y-yes sir…" The horse man moped. "I-I'll get you the rest of it next month I sw-"

"Don't make me taze you, tenant." Calvin's face did not change. "I believe that you'll get the money back to me, honestly I do. However, I feel you need motivation. So I'll be taking care of that ticket of yours until then. Sound fair?"

"B-but Equestra-Con's next week!" The horse man spluttered.

"Then I suppose you have a week to make my $75, don't you?" Calvin smiled. "I don't care _how_ you make the money," he forestalled his panicking tenant. "Finding another job sounds like a wise idea. I also hear lemonade stands are all the rage! Just do your best, okay tenant?"

"…okay." The horse man's voice was hollow. With a noted difficulty, he handed over the ball of money, the ticket, and the vase full of change. Calvin simply left.

"H-hey wait! That vase belonged to my grand-"

"-It belongs to your _land_ mother now, tenant!" Calvin dismissed him with a wave of the hand. The horse man visibly whimpered and closed the door, leaving Calvin with his 'earnings'.

"Ugh. A horrible start." Calvin muttered, dumping it all into his golf cart. "Oh well. Free vase at least. You enjoy pottery, Ken?"

"Not… really," Ken had to admit. Aside from people in 80s romance films, did anyone? "Did you have to take all his stuff?"

"One has to have an iron fist to survive in the landlording business, Ken," Calvin straightened out his suit. "And thankfully I have this," he shook his cattle prod again, "so I can do all the iron fisting I wish!"

Ken shuddered. He wasn't sure those words meant what Calvin thought they did. Either way, their first day of landlording had finally begun. As the day snailed along, Ken learned more and more about his temporary guardian's influence on the town. Of all his dozens of tenants, it seemed that very few actually respected him. Most either feared or hated him, and would resort to any means necessary if it meant keeping him away from their building.

"Pff. Amateurs," Calvin shook his head, nudging his way around a literal bear trap that had been half buried into the ground. "If you're going to beartrap me, at least provide nibbles. Do people know nothing of etiquette nowadays? Watch yourself, Ken." He warned, lowering his welder's helmet. Ken felt it wise to heed that warning, and tucked himself deeper into the eggshell.

With a knock on the door, it swung forward, and Calvin didn't even flinch as a toaster of all things bounced from it.

The toaster clanged to the ground and Calvin simply chortled. "A nice attempt, I'll give you that. But you know the rules! You throw it at me, and I get to keep it! Your rent please…!"

This tenant, a lady in her thirties, swore repeatedly as she counted out about a thousand's worth of notes, and then threw them at him as if to make a point. Ken supposed her apartment looked at least slightly nicer than the horse guy's, aside from the broken window and overgrown lawn. Calvin claimed the woman's wayward toaster for himself, and got back into his cart.

The next stop was no less eventful, where there was a thundering metallic noise, and even Calvin had to duck as a spray of actual bullets ricocheted from the golf cart, followed by the whooshing, farty noise of a tyre deflating.

"Oh, for the love of…" Calvin groaned. He clambered out of the vehicle and shook his head despondently at it. "Have you no shame? I have a child present!" He called to the desolate looking bungalow across the way and engaged in a particularly fervent staring contest with some oily looking man opposite. The man in return pointed to both of his eyes, then back at Calvin, glared, straightened his bandanna, and clicked open a switchblade.

"…looks like we're in the clear!" Calvin was strangely jubilant. "I'll be back in a jiffy, Ken!"

Not one, but five denim-clad roughnecks appeared at the doorway as Calvin made his way down the cracked pavestones. One narrowed their eyes while another grimaced, and a third tightened their grip on the baseball bat in their hands. It even had the classic addition of barbed wire, Ken noted.

"Good morning, gentlemen." Calvin glanced at his fingernails. "Oh, and lady." He corrected with a wink. "I trust you'll be civil, now that you've shot at both me and young Ken, not to mention my golf cart."

"Umm, w-well, ya see the thing is, Mr Fischoeder sir…" the roughneck seemingly in charge muttered. "Gen'rally the people we shoot at tend to drive away from us, so you've got us in a bit of a bind here."

"And whose fault is that?" Calvin was somehow intimidating five people at once. "I'll think you'll find it agreeable when I say I'll be adding the charges to your next month's rent. Pro tip, men; if you want to scare motorists away, perhaps you shouldn't shoot their tyres."

"Well, with all due respect…" The lead roughneck rubbed at the back of his neck. "We weren't aimin' for your tyres, sir."

"Ahh. Then perhaps work on your aim." Calvin pointed to his forehead and winked. The lead roughneck muttered something under his breath and whacked a youngish looking boy in the back of the head. Calvin nodded knowingly, but nonetheless held his hand out for the month's rent. The gaggle of bikers pooled some money together and Calvin took a lengthy time counting out each and every crumpled note before turning to leave again.

"Err, Mr Fischoeder," the leader stopped him. "I was uhh, thinkin'… maybe we could come to some agreement on your vehicle?"

"Hmm…" A smile slowly stretched across Calvin's face. "You do, do you? I trust you'll be prompt?"

"S-sure," the leader's eyes lit up. "Just give us a-a… a few hours, an' we can have it lookin' better 'n' new."

Calvin pocketed the money. "That seems reasonable. Now, allow me to introduce you to the young boy you almost shot."

Without so much as a change of expression, Calvin simply beckoned towards Ken with a wave. He supposed he had to comply.

Something told him it was Calvin's plan to use him as an emotional bargaining chip all along, what with the gusto he was introduced to these hairy bikers.

"This here is my protégé, Ken!" Calvin slapped a hand on his shoulder. "I'm taking care of the boy for a few months, and I can't very well do that with you shooting at us both, can I?"

"I-I umm… can't apologise enough, sir." The roughneck leader crumbled in front of him. "S-sorry for shootin' at ya, young'un," he grasped Ken's hand and wrung it. "S'nothin' personal, we just don' like company much."

"I-it's okay." Ken shook his hand free.

"Name's Critter. I tinker with stuff." The roughneck leader introduced himself. "Y'ever need a tinkerin', talk to the One-Eyed Snakes. That's us by the way. First one's on me, as a way of sayin' sorry for shootin' at ya. Won't happen again Mr Fischoeder, I promise."

"I'll hold you to it, tenant." Calvin nodded. Meanwhile Critter handed Ken what looked like a photo of a snake. Their emblem?

"That's our symbol, little man," Critter explained. "Long as you hold that, ain't none of us gonna hurt you, or anyone close to ya. That convincin' enough for ya, Mr Fischoeder?"

"Perhaps, tenant." Calvin said plainly, turning on his heel. "Come Ken, it looks as though we're walking the last stretch."

Ken turned to follow after him, but Critter cleared his throat.

"Hey uhh, Kid?"

"Hmm?"

"Listen. We do more 'n' just tinkerin'. Y'ever need anythin', on the umm… down low?" Critter kept his voice deathly soft. "Make sure 'n' come to us. Lotsa sweet benefits workin' with us."

Once again, the chilling wind blew, and the involuntary goosebumps prickled their way across his skin:

" _I am thou,_

 _Thou art I,_

 _Thou hast acquired a new vow,_

 _It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,_

 _With the birth of the Chariot Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"_

Ken gave him the thumbs up. "O-okay."

After retrieving their stuff from the golf cart and watching a few members of the One-Eyed Snakes roll it into their garage, he and Calvin carried on by foot. He wasn't sure exactly what help those guys would be, if at all, but given his situation it definitely wouldn't hurt to have a few friends in low places. But as he and Calvin continued with their 'shepherding', his guardian remained oddly quiet. Was he still angry at getting shot at, Ken wondered. Maybe ashamed that he'd been reduced to walking?

Either way, the man wasn't saying much. Just occasionally checking the folder he'd tucked under his arm, and the cross-checking his location. Even when they stopped for lunch at a local diner, he said very little, slowly chewing his club sandwich with little more than the occasional muttering of niceties.

"Is… everything okay?" Ken eventually had to ask. Getting him to stop talking was normally enough of a chore, so this prolonged silence was nothing short of alien.

"Oh, I suppose…" Calvin sighed into his sandwich. "It's just… a little strange, being without my golf cart. She took me everywhere, you see. Without her, I'm supposed to use my own legs like some commoner. It's depressing, wouldn't you say?"

"Err…" Ken faltered. A stark reminder of just how highly Calvin viewed himself. "It's… good exercise though?"

"Indeed," Calvin's voice hardened. "I'll have to eat an entire wedding cake to make up for it. Exercise, pah. Never got anyone anywhere."

Ken frowned. That was obviously the wrong thing to say. Calvin did seem a little better off as the afternoon dripped by, however. The two of them were still on foot, however the tenants were giving him less trouble too, with only one having the gall to throw a bag of sugar at him. Ken had to wonder if this was the reason Calvin had so many random things just littered about his mansion. All part of his arbitrary 'if you throw at me, I get to keep it!' rule?

"Oh, excellent!" Calvin laughed, smoothly catching it in mid throw. "I was running low, as well! Thank you for your contribution!"

Calvin merely stood in the doorway and didn't even need to speak. The defeated looking tenant just groaned and dug into his pockets, handing him a width of cash.

"Ahh, another day, another many dollars." Calvin stretched. "I apologise for having you walk so much, Ken. Thanks to those ruffians shooting up my golf cart. Again…"

"Don't worry about it," Ken waved him away. "I'm used to walking."

"Aha yes, I suppose you are," Calvin smirked. "Still, tomorrow should be different, assuming they have it fixed. You're free to do as you wish for the rest of the day, however I'll be heading back to check on my golf cart. Would you care for any of the day's spoils, Ken my boy? I can offer you a toaster, a vase, a bag of sugar, or a ticket to some creepy horse thing. The choice is yours."

Ken's face fell into confusion. This was a bizarre offer, even by Fischoeder standards. While he supposed Calvin had little to no use for any of them, aside from maybe blackmail, did _he_ even have use for them?

He looked over his choices again:

The toaster. A little rusty, but it probably still worked. Worst case scenario he could take it apart and use it for spare parts, or maybe just sell it for a buck or two.

The vase. Ken could assume that the $30 or so of change wasn't included, but it was a pretty vase at least. Did anyone he knew like vases?

The ticket to Equestra-con. This one seemed like a bit of a long shot. Some weird convention with a bunch of middle-aged guys who willingly dressed up as brightly coloured horses? Probably a dud.

And then there was the sugar. What the heck was he going to use this for? He wasn't exactly the tea party sort, and something told him it would backfire if he just let Gene have it.

"Err…" Ken faltered. Was there even a good choice here?

He cleared his throat and made a decision.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **End of Chapter stats:**

 **You feel like you're getting to know Calvin better. Your relationship may grow stronger soon.**

 **Your Chariot Rank is currently at: One**

 **Here you go guys, another update. We figure the One-Eyed Snakes would make a fun Social Link, as they provide various services and situations that could benefit Ken and his friends.**

 **Now as you may have noticed in the chapter, it ended on a bit of a weird note. That's because we're trialling what's essentially an 'interactive' chapter, where you readers get to choose what item Ken picks. None of the options have any major impact on the plot, but they'll all have slight differences here and there, and if this actually works, it can be done with more important choices later in the game. The choices are:**

 **A. A toaster**

 **B. A bag of sugar**

 **C. A ticket to Equestra-Con**

 **D. A vase**

 **Silly as it all is, feel free to relay your decision - if you have one - by a review on here, or on the poll on Superbeans' profile. Either way is acceptable. Any other thoughts you have will be greatly appreciated too. Thanks for your time. Over and out.**


	19. Cart-Mageddon

Ken cleared his throat. "Umm…"

Calvin simply waited on him. It wasn't like either of them were in any particular rush, he supposed. None of the options seemed like they'd make any real difference to his life. He was sure he could get toast and sugar with minimal effort if he really wanted, and the purpose of some vase seemed a little lost on him.

"I'll take… the ticket?"

"Ticket eh? A fair choice, my boy." Calvin handed it to him with a smirk. "You're learning fast, Ken. Most people would see it as just a ticket to some weird horse convention, but you my boy, you see the _sentimental_ value of it, don't you? I knew you had potential!"

"Err… sure?" Ken wasn't sure how to respond to this. If he were completely honest, it was the only one of the four options that had an obvious use. But he wasn't going to tell Calvin this. Why break that illusion?

"Anyway Ken, it's about time we go our separate ways, wouldn't you agree?" Calvin dug into the breast pocket of his suit. "Will I see you for dinner tonight?"

Ken simply nodded.

"I look forward to it," said Calvin. With a sage nod, the man turned tail with a swish of his cloak and went the other way, leaving Ken to his own devices.

He glanced around for a bit of perspective. The sun was starting to get low in the sky, which meant he only really had a couple of hours to himself at best. What was he going to do for a couple of hours? A casual wander about town?

Ehh, it was better than just standing there, he shrugged. Maybe he'd find something to do along the way. With that weird bird book still tucked under his arm, he paced his way down the busy streets of Bog Harbour wondering exactly what he could do with that ticket to Equestra-con or whatever it was called. Did he know anyone who liked to dress up in fantasy horse costumes? Somehow he doubted it. If he tried to sell it online he could probably make a bit of money for it he supposed. That would probably depend on how popular this convention was though, and if the man who had it was any indication, the people it was popular with were generally not popular people. It was a conundrum, to say the least. Even if he were to just give it away to someone, how was he going to bring that up in conversation?

' _Hey, do you like casually dressing up as a horse?'_

Ken shuddered at the thought. That was the kind of thing that could get you slapped with a restraining order. Granted he was just a kid, so that probably wouldn't happen, but hey.

He groaned, then pocketed the ticket. A week to find a use for it. Maybe it wasn't the best decision after all. At least seeing Gene in a sugar coma would've provided entertainment. Now he had to make an effort to find someone who liked horses, otherwise this expensive ticket was going to turn into an expensive scrap of paper in a week. The payoff would be better if he succeeded though, so there was that.

The man at the crosswalk turned green, granting him passage. Ken gave the disgruntled looking driver a grateful wave as he jogged across. It wasn't going to make the light change any faster, but he felt less inconvenient to the drivers so it was something he supposed. Despite his best efforts for a 'casual wander' about town however, it seemed fate itself had allured him towards the friendly glow of Bob's Burgers once again. Maybe it was just the best way to get home, he considered, or just the way he'd gotten used to taking because of Gene and his siblings, but once again he found himself outside the restaurant. Bob seemed busy scrubbing at that stain on the counter that never seemed to shift, while that Teddy guy was just sat at the counter next to him watching him scrub at it and Louise was helping to clear tables. Ken was about to open the door and say hello, but a noise in the alley between the restaurant and that weird hat shop caught his attention. Ken withdrew and instead poked his head around the corner, where an active scrabbling, squabbling noise was revealed as not just one, but a small colony of raccoons.

Two of the largest, scruffiest looking ones seemed to be engaged in a turf war of sorts, keeping a distance of about two feet from each other while snarling at each other. One would pace to the side, and the other would match its rival, making for a nearly perfect circle of hissing and fury between them both.

Ken backed away. The last thing he wanted to do was disturb them. Raccoons were cute sure, but they were also full of sharp claws and rabies, which he definitely didn't want to provoke. He figured Bob should probably be informed of this too, because the thought of someone getting mugged and eaten by raccoons was only funny in a cartoon or something.

The bell tinkled as he pushed the door open and immediately the welcoming smell of grease and some sort of spiced meat. Ken followed his nose to the chalkboard, where the Burger of the Day today was the 'Pepperonly You Burger'. That didn't really explain the spicy smell.

"Ken, good evening." Bob called from behind the counter. "You been out having fun today? I heard from the kids about your uhh, long weekend."

"Yup," Ken took a seat two away from Teddy. "Something about mould and fumigation. So uhh, what's the Burger of the Day? Peppers?"

"Well, actually it's pepperoni, but I couldn't think up a better pun name." Bob admitted with a shrug.

"Red Hot Chilli Pepperonis." Gene immediately countered, poking his head out from the kitchen.

"Don't Fear The Reaperoni." Louise called from one of the booths.

"Sergeant Pepperoni's Lonely Hearts Club Band." Tina's voice echoed from the kitchen.

"Too confusing, too long, didn't think of that one." Bob chastised each of his kids in turn. "Either way, want one?"

"Sorry, can't. I promised Calvin I'd see him for dinner today." Ken glanced at his phone to check the time. "I came in just to say hi, really. Oh, and to tell you that there's a bunch of raccoons in the alley. Is that… normal?"

Louise's face withered at the mention, while Bob merely said "How… how many?"

Ken just nodded. So it was a normal occurrence then. "Err, about ten or so?"

"Huh." Bob deadpanned. "Alllrighty then. H-hey Lin!" He called up the stairs. "The raccoons are outside…"

There was an audible flourish of energy as a table or something was knocked over upstairs. "They are?!" Linda spluttered, and clambered down the flight in about four leaps. "Is-is Little King Trashmouth there?!"

"How should I know?" Bob frowned.

"Oh c'mon Bobby don't be dumb. I've pointed him out to you so many times." Linda flattened herself against the back door. "Oh he is! He's there! Ohhh no, El Diablo's there too! We gotta stop it!"

About as quickly as Ken could process movement, Linda had dashed out of the kitchen and through the main body of the restaurant, out onto the street.

"Will she… be okay?" Ken had noticed just how little concern everyone else was showing. Raccoons in the alley seemed to be the norm, but Linda giving them all names and dashing into the alleyway to break up a fight between them?

Yet still no one seemed worried. This must have been an every day thing.

"I'll… go check on her." He volunteered after what felt like an age.

"Yeah, you go do that." Louise dismissed him with a wave. She disappeared behind a stack of plates while Bob remained behind the grill and Tina kept washing dishes. At least Gene appeared to be vaguely interested, peering out the back window.

Ken pursed his lips and headed into the alley, where Linda was standing between the two raccoons as if she were their idol or something. They continued snarling, but neither was willing to attack Linda it seemed.

"No! No! You go away, El Diablo. This is Little King Trashmouth's alley, and he had his honeymoon here, so you go find another alley."

She nudged the snarling raccoon with her foot, which resisted, yet still backed away from her. It made a strange chittering noise before scarpering off into the distance and knocking over a trash can in the process.

"Whoo! That was close…!" Linda wiped her brow. "Don't you worry, Little King Trash _mouth!_ Ain't no one gonna hurt you while I'm here!"

The raccoon she'd protected started purring, and even rubbed itself against her leg as she pulled a ham sandwich out of… somewhere. "Here ya go you little scamp!"

It was then that she turned around and noticed Ken. "…ohh, hiya Ken. How… long have you been standin' there?"

"Few minutes," Ken admitted. "Saw you treating those raccoons like they were cats. You… do this a lot?"

"Well they're my little babies." Linda didn't even blush. "I wanna make sure they're happy an' healthy an' feelin' special!"

Ken knelt down to get a better look. "And you've given them all names and stuff?"

"Uh huh…" Linda's eyes sparkled. "You saw Little King Trashmouth, he likes ham, and wine, and potato salad! His husband Gary's not here right now. That mangy one that ran away is El Diablo. He keeps fightin' with The King, and I gotta keep breakin' them up. This little one over here? That's Lady Suzie Q-tip, an' she likes bananas. Then we've got Timmy Tomato Stealer, Dumpster Divin' Steve, and Chubby Laverne. Lotta boys."

Ken followed Linda's descriptions. The usually vicious raccoons remained calm despite how close she was to them. "They've _all_ got names?"

"Nah, not all of them." Linda smiled down at her 'pets'. "There's a couple I can't quite place just yet. Like Bobby with his burgers, sometimes you gotta wait for inspiration to strike."

"Could I… name one?" Ken took the plunge. He wasn't going to pretend he cared, but this seemed pretty important to Linda, so making half an effort sounded like a good idea.

"You wanna name one of my babies?" Linda's smile only grew wider.

"That's… not an issue is it?" He stammered.

"Ohh, of course not! I'd love it if you did!" Linda actually reached out and hugged him. "The kids don't care about my babies, and Bobby thinks I'm nuts for doin' this, but I feed them the stock from his supply cupboard so HAH! W-which one d'you wanna name, honey? You got a choice of that one or _that_ one."

Ken looked at his two options. One was slightly fatter than the other, but they were otherwise pretty much identical. Both were a rough, granite grey sort of colour, with the same shiny black eyes, ringed tail and ski mask feature on their faces.

"Err… that one?" Ken pointed to the fatter one. It clutched at a pizza crust in its paws and stared at him with an obvious mistrust. Upon closer inspection he noticed that it also had a little notch, maybe a scar, on one of its ears.

"What about… Pudgy Pizza Pincher Peter?"

"Pudgy pizza… oooh, that's a lotta P's. Oh my god I love it!" Linda cried. "I even think she might be a girl, but screw it, girls can be Peter now. By law of Linda!"

A surge of pride burst within Ken. Like a harsh breeze blowing about his depths, it somehow felt warm and inviting yet still all too familiar;

" _I am thou,_

 _Thou art I,_

 _Thou hast acquired a new vow,_

 _It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,_

 _With the birth of the Empress Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"_

"Ha, Pudgy Pizza Pincher Peter," Linda giggled to herself. "Are you wanting to stay for dinner tonight Kenny-Benny? I think we're havin' meatloaf?"

"Sorry, not tonight," Ken instantly felt guilty for turning her down. "I promised Calvin I'd have dinner at home."

"Aw, that's a shame," Linda pulled him into a hug. "Well, I'll let everyone know so you don't have to do all the back an' forth. Say hi to Mr Fish for me okay?"

"Will do, thanks." Ken waved her goodbye and backed out of the alley.

"C'mon Pudgy Pizza Pincher Peter, let's see if we can pick ya up a peach!" Linda's mad cackle echoed from the alleyway as Ken made his way home. Once again, Dinner with Calvin was plentiful if a bit forced, featuring mostly plates of some meat Ken couldn't identify. A few games of _Salad Samurai_ , followed by some small talk about how his golf cart had been completely repaired by 'those ruffians', and Ken was ready to retire for the night.

* * *

His second day as 'apprentice landlord' started almost identically to the first, only with a different choice of cereal. Oh, and Calvin was wearing a cowboy hat for no apparent reason.

To no surprise, Calvin took a different route this time, instead taking a right after leaving the main driveway. The roads had fancier names like 'Parkland Drive' and 'Freedom Avenue', while the houses were obviously nicer than yesterday's. For starters, they weren't attached to other houses, and most of them even had garages. The lawns were attended, the fences were… there, people had pools and things _in_ their back lawns. So this was obviously the 'nicer' part of town. It was no more interesting than yesterday's though, so Ken found himself opening the bird book again before long.

' _Birds are nature's sob story. What was once the mighty dinosaur has dwindled down to the pitiful chicken. But despite the size change, birds still function on their primitive dinosaur brains, meaning they will attack anything pathetic enough. However, if you can harness the powers of nutrition, cunning, and big cages, any bird you desire will be yours.'_

…what was he reading?

Though it did raise concerns about poor Frank, he was definitely regretting his book choice. All of the books Calvin had in his house and he ended up picking up one about abducting birds?

Nevertheless, it was something to do at least. With the golf cart trundling along at its usual crawl and the rent collecting experience proving more or less identical with each subsequent house. The pages turned, the minutes dripped by, and Ken hadn't seen anything more exciting than a broken fencepost. Tenants paid their rent to him dutifully, and aside from occasionally getting held up by someone's Bentley or whatever at traffic lights, nothing untoward happened. At least yesterday had people throwing stuff at them. This was just _dull._

"Ohh, talk about a change of mood, Ken." Even Calvin seemed bored. "What I wouldn't give for some miscreant to throw a toaster at us. Make for a bit of a thrill, eh my boy?"

"Heh. Yeah," Ken found himself snorting. "You'd think it was a different town."

"Well you'll be glad to hear that tomorrow, we'll head to the _rough_ parts. We might even catch _fire,_ Ken. You excited?"

"…sure, we'll go with that." Ken couldn't help but smile. He wasn't sure 'excited' was the word for it, but a promise of a more 'interesting' day was at least something to look forward to. His book had run out of pages too, so he had retired to just staring at the same boring old houses as they dripped past. They'd stop once or twice a street, Calvin would approach the houses and collect their rent without so much as a fuss. He hadn't even taken out the cattle prod today.

"I suppose I'll have to jab Felix a few times with this baby to make me feel better." Calvin stared at it. "Would you care for a shot at _that_ , Ken? He makes the best noises!"

"Umm…" Ken hesitated. While it was in a private home, thus technically not assaulting the public, and the promise of 'the best noises' did intrigue him, he had to be honest. But Felix hadn't done anything wrong… probably.

"Still not keen? Ahh well, more for me."

Day two ended much like the first, with a forgettable dinner of some vague purple mush followed by a few more games of _Salad Samurai._ Honestly, Ken could've skipped the second day with how much actually happened. Grabbing another optimistic book from the same shelf as the last one, he helped himself to some toast and waited for Calvin to get ready. The man appeared from nowhere wearing one of those hard hats you saw on construction sites and what looked like a bulletproof vest this time. Ever the prepared, Ken proposed with a shrug.

This time Calvin took a left out of his driveway. The 'fancy' side of town had three storey mansions, while the 'normal' side of town had houses that were a bit run down maybe, but generally they were in one piece. This part (the 'rough' part as Calvin called it) wasn't all that different at first; mostly run-down houses and overgrown gardens, but all of that changed when the road in front of them was literally ignited. Someone had thrown a bottle into the street, which had exploded and covered about ten metres of road in bright, violent flame.

"Right on schedule!" Calvin was as ready as always, screeching to the left and jumping the kerb to go around the flames. "Here Ken! Ready for some brunch on the road?"

Ken wasn't even going to ask where he got them, but Calvin had pulled out about four of five link sausages, already speared on skewers. Ken shielded his eyes with one hand and held the sausages prone over the flame with the over. The heat was stifling, but the sausages were charcoal black on the outside in moments.

"Ahh, I love a good wiener roast." Calvin brought the golf cart to a stop. "Remember to rotate those sausages every couple of minutes, otherwise they'll just end up burned and useless."

Casually sidestepping a snare trap, Calvin approached the first house of the day with a smile on his face. He knocked twice at the door as a brick bounced off his hard hat and shattered into the pavement. Calvin didn't even flinch.

"Good morning, Mister Wiener." He readied his cattle prod. "I trust you have my rent for me."

The guy in the doorway just glared at him. Calvin held the stare for an uncomfortable amount of time until the guy simply gave up and dug in his pocket.

"Why thank you, Richard." Calvin smirked in victory.

"Why do you remember _my_ name?" The man groaned.

"If you didn't want me to learn it, you shouldn't have such a hilarious name." Calvin dismissed him with a wave over the shoulder. "Those sausages cookin', Ken my boy?"

"Pretty good." Ken bit a chunk from one. It seared his mouth to hell and back but the juicy, smoky texture was worth it.

"Fantastic." Calvin grabbed one from him on their way to the next house. What started off as a normal approach soon turned sinister when he stopped just in time for a literal meat cleaver to swing out of nowhere, burying itself in the tree behind him.

"Hm. That's a new one." He nodded approvingly. "Passable aim too. I may have to lower their rent."

The family in question brandished another knife upon opening their door, but the body language softened measurably when Calvin praised their 'audacity' and took $50 off their rent. The fact that a minor discount to Calvin was more money than Ken had to his name was a bit of a shock to the system. Fifty whole dollars was nothing to this man. Just how much did he have?

Ken shook his head. That probably wasn't a question he should be asking.

His third day as a landlord's apprentice soldiered on at a steady pace, proving constant and dangerous enough to keep his full attention. He didn't even need to open his book, though if he were honest with himself it probably wasn't wise to distract himself. They stopped for lunch at about 1, where Calvin received two more sandwiches and a scathing stare from the guy behind the counter of 'Central Eating'. Avoiding more assaults from a badly aimed rock, a few square metres of thumbtacks (which the guy was bold enough to run out into the road and personally empty the box in front of them) and a literal t-shirt cannon, the cart finally turned down a familiar road. Calvin brought it to a stop outside some arts and crafts store.

"Hmm. Might keep that one for later." Calvin seemed to approve of the t-shirt. "Well, this is our last stop for the day, Ken. After this you're home free!"

The moment he stepped out of his cart though, the old man behind the counter had already ran around and pressed himself against the door.

"Hmm. This again," Calvin simply pressed a thoughtful hand to his chin. "Ready to assist, Ken my boy?"

"Um. No?" Ken couldn't attempt enthusiasm for this. Both of the store's elderly inhabitants looked ready to declare full scale war on Calvin this time, with the old man acting as a living doorstop and the old woman – his wife, maybe? – backing him up aggressively, cane in hand.

"Oh, sure you do!" Calvin 'encouraged'. "You see, I'll never get in with those two crones blocking the door. Did you want to be the distraction or the _action_?"

"The… second one I guess." Ken shrugged. Something told him they'd know something was up if Calvin left a small boy in his place, and he didn't trust Calvin to use a non-destructive means of getting into their store.

"Atta boy!" Calvin didn't even move. He just kept staring down the two pensioners with a half-cocked smirk.

So Ken supposed he had to find some alternate way into the store. Calvin had their attention firmly planted on the front door, so that was obviously a no go. He couldn't see any reachable windows around the front, so it looked like the side alley was his best option. He wouldn't have been able to get to the far side without being seen though, so that one was probably off limits too. But the near side only had a high up ladder that he couldn't reach. Even if he jumped.

Ken poked his head back around the corner. Their back door must've been on the far side. Talk about a pain.

Calvin was still standing in the middle of the street opposite them, and Ken could literally feel the rage emanating from the front of their store. Calvin had found a yo-yo from somewhere, and was walking it along the asphalt and back. Another layer to his distraction, maybe?

A thought struck. What if he just passed by casually? They two old people hadn't seen him yet. With his hands in his pockets, he paced his way past the front of the store. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the elderly store owners as they continued screaming silently at Calvin. They didn't even react to his presence due to Calvin's. Once he was sure he was out of sight he made a dash down the opposite alley and snuck in through their back door into what looked like a store room or something. All he had to do was make enough noise that it drew both of their attention away from the door. Squeaky floorboards weren't going to do it. They were old. They were probably half deaf.

"What was that?!" A haggard old voice shrieked from the next room. He could've sworn he hadn't actually done anything, yet they'd _heard_ it?

Maybe he was underestimating them. Moments later the old woman had swooped around the corner like something out of a vampire film.

"Vermin!" She screeched. "Harold! Get rid of it!"

Ken wasn't sure how exactly, but it worked. Her presumed husband rounded the corner a few moments later, and both of them looked betrayed and bewildered when the front doorbell tinkled.

"Worked like a charm!" Calvin's voice rang through the store. The old lady uttered some swear word Ken had never heard before and the pair of them slowly retreated back into the store front. Ken walked through after them to see the old lady pulling money out of the cash register to hand to him.

"Always a pleasure doing business." Calvin bowed and simply walked back out without any drama.

"Curses!" The old lady cawed after him. "You!" She swung back around, grabbing Ken by the scruff of his shirt and lifting him _off his feet_. "You're the little rat that ruined us! We'll make you pay, vermin!"

Things went from surreal to terrifying to downright bewildering in barely a moment;

" _I am thou,_

 _Thou art I,_

 _Thou hast acquired a new vow,_

 _It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,_

 _With the birth of the Hanged Man Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"_

The old lady's arm started shaking. There was a look in her eye Ken couldn't quite identify. Her husband – Harold, was that his name? – gave her a reproachful look, and Ken simply braced for the worst. Next thing he knew his feet were on the ground.

"Get out." The old lady spoke, turning her back to him. Ken didn't need telling twice. One rush of a doorbell later and he had met back up with Calvin.

"Fantastic work, Ken." His guardian smiled at him. "We sure showed those sheep, huh?"

"Sheep aren't that dangerous…" Ken rubbed at his neck.

"Oh, they're not dangerous boy. Just stubborn. But you've got a fair point. Mutton! They're like mutton. Old, tough and stubborn, but useless! Not even good in a pot roast!"

Ken was genuinely starting to dissociate at this point. After all the madness he'd seen today, a lot even by Bog Harbour standards, that last compounded metaphor was just too much. He barely even noticed when Calvin slapped him on the shoulder;

"Perhaps this is a sufficient way to say thanks."

Ken saw the flash of green leave Calvin's pocket, followed by the amount of it the old man handed to him, and could've sworn his jaw had fallen off.

"Hah…" He spluttered, eyes bulging at the number of notes. "A-a hundred dollars?!"

"Yesss, my boy. Consider it thanks for spending some time with me." Calvin gave him a warm smile. "Perspective is the most valuable thing we can earn, dear Ken. A hundred dollars is nothing to me, but rather a lot to you, wouldn't you say?"

"Uh huh…!" Ken managed little more than a gurgle. The wad of cash in his hand was burning like an expensive flame, and he reacted without realising, wrapping both arms around his guardian.

"Oho, glad you liked it my boy. Perhaps I should bribe some more children with money." Calvin chuckled. "An-yway, it's getting late, wouldn't you say Ken? Ready to go home?"

Ken glanced up at the sky, where the sun was readily setting. How long had that last collection taken?

It had been a long day though, and school was back tomorrow, Ken remembered with a bump. With a smile and an extra _hundred_ bucks to his name, he looked to his guardian and smiled,

"I'd like that."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

 **End of Chapter stats:**

 **Your Hierophant Rank is currently at; Three**

 **Your Empress Rank is currently at: One**

 **Your Hanged Man Rank is currently at: One**

 **You finished reading the book. Your Knowledge has increased!**

 **You dealt with a difficult tenant. Your Charm has increased!**

 **Hey there guys. Nice and busy chapter today. A total of two votes was a few less than I'd hoped for, but still, two is two. That meant the ticket to Equestra-Con won, and it'll come in useful pretty soon. This wraps up the 'filler' part between saves, and Courtney is now fully available for otherworld raids. The week's drama isn't quite over yet however, as some foreshadowing comes into play next chapter. Also I named a few raccoons. Hope you guys enjoy them.**

 **As always, feel free to leave feedback. Over and out. :)**


	20. Mourning Has Broken

**WARNING: Some viewers may find sections of this chapter hard to read. Please don't subject yourself to anything emotionally damaging.**

Chapter Text

The mood of Thursday morning just felt so alien compared to the last few. Not only had the happy free energy of 'extra day off' dissolved away with the oncoming threat of 'back to school', but something about the very air felt different. Steely grey skies warned of worse to come as Ken yawned into his cereal.

"Ohh, what a sad day today," Even Calvin seemed affected. "How can one get drunk to such depressing weather…"

He sniffed at a bottle of colourless liquid and then took a sip. "Oh, that's how."

"Busy day?" Ken mustered the energy.

"Ohh, terribly," Calvin took another swig from the bottle. "So much time, so much nothing to do…"

Ken just frowned at him. At least someone was going to be having fun today.

The first commute back to school was just as dull and empty. There wasn't even a breath of wind. It was as if the entire day had just given up before it even really started. Two of the three Belchers had the same disgruntled stare as they left their restaurant for the morning, and even Bob's Burger of the Day was bland and uninspired; The 'Pleased Tomate You Burger'. Didn't his burgers already have tomatoes in them?

The only interesting thing so far was that traffic seemed to be twice as hectic as usual. The closer they got to school the denser it got. Maybe a bunch of parents had forgotten to take their kids in too?

"Ughhh…" Gene was bent double, trudging along at half his usual speed. "Why can't it be yesterday every day?"

"Pretty sure space time would collapse if that happened." Louise deadpanned.

"It'd be worth it!" Gene groaned. "Just for one more day of not school!"

"Hey, it'll be okay," Tina tried to reason. "It's like they say, it's time to get down to – whoa."

Tina and Louise stopped in their tracks, with Gene a moment after.

"I'm always down to whoa," he echoed her, but then saw what they both had. "…whoa."

The group of kids ground to a halt and simply stared. The front right of the school was entirely cordoned off by police tape, with Mr Frond out the front of the building doing his best to deter people.

"Pay no attention to where I'm standing!" He whooshed both hands to his left, shepherding students past him and into the school. "There is nothing to see here! Do not look right here!"

"Seems like you're drawing attention to it by saying there's nothing to see here." Louise rolled her eyes at him.

"Quiet Louise," Frond shushed her. "…wait, do you really think so?"

"Well yeah, look at what happens when I say 'don't look at this thing!'." Louise's hands splayed out wide.

"Ooh, don't look at what?" Gene played right into her hands.

"See what I mean?" Louise smirked. "Reverse psychology, yada yada."

"Hmm," Frond scratched at his chin. "N-no, I'm not falling for your tricks! Move along, people! Nothing to see here!"

"That's okay, we weren't interested anyway," Louise waved a hand at him and made for the door.

"You might not care, but other people do," Frond's arms were folded again. "As a guidance counsellor I am going to have my hands full all day giving advice to her grieving friends!"

"Her grieving friends?" A grin touched at the wrong corner of Louise's mouth.

"…okay, you got it out of me." Frond threw his hands towards her. "A Wagstaff student was found here during the long weekend, and now I'm going to have to offer a lot of students counselling to help them during this troubled time. Which reminds me; Tina, while you're here? I'd like to see you in my office later on today."

"Um. Okay." Tina mumbled, following after Ken and her siblings into the school. "Weird. Wonder what he wants."

"Isn't it obvious?" Louise said amidst the weird deathly silence in the hallway. "You knew the kid they found here over the weekend. What else could it be?"

"I guess…" Tina adjusted her glasses. "Wonder what she was doing here? Was she lost or something?"

"Or something." Louise groaned, meanwhile Ken and Gene had shared a glance. There were a few holes, sure, but there was a very real chance this kid might have something to do with their situation.

And speak of the devil, Bosco himself rounded the corner.

"Whoa kiddos, you can't come in here. Cause there's a dead body in there and I don't wanna see you punks taking selfies with-"

Finally, he realised who he was talking to. "Huh. It's you. What're you doing here, Alley Boy?"

"…Learning?" Ken gave the only logical response he could think of. "Shouldn't we be asking you why you're here? I mean, you are a grown up in a school full of kids."

"Why am I here? I just said, there's a dead body in there and I'm the guy they call when bodies get dead. Whaddya think I – wait a minute, why am I answering to you? I'm supposed to be asking you dangit! Where were you over the last few days?"

"Helping my guardian with his landlord…ing." Ken didn't miss a beat. He didn't even have to cover up for once because it was the truth.

"Huh. And he, she or they will be able to confirm that?" Bosco narrowed his eyes at Ken.

"Yup. Can call him if you want." Ken showed Bosco his phone, with Calvin's number highlighted on the screen.

Bosco's eyes bulged. Just a little.

"That… won't be… necessary." He saved face. "But stick around kid, 'cause I'll have questions for you later."

Bosco pointed two fingers at Ken and stalked backwards away from him, almost bowling over a kid in the meantime.

"Why not just ask him now?" Gene cried.

"I didn't say how much later!" Bosco called as he stalked off down the hallway.

"Probably something they need to keep secret." Louise was weirdly impassioned about all of this. "Okay, time to find out who it is. Tina, Frond says you know her. Who do you know?"

"I don't… I don't know," Tina started quivering. "There's uhh, Jimmy Junior of course, and uhh…"

"Okay, forget it, we'll come back to that." Louise dismissed. "Ken, that detective says he's gonna ask you questions later, right? Tell me everything when he does. Until then, just be on the lookout for anyone missing from class. We'll find out who it is if it kills you."

"Don't you mean 'kills us'?" Gene frowned.

"Well yeah, but I don't wanna die." Louise scoffed.

"Ehh, fair point." Gene nodded approvingly.

Louise glanced at the double doors leading into the cafeteria. "Why there of all places…?"

The kids dispersed and went to class, which had a muted, sullen ambience, like all of the colour and life had been sucked out of the building. Despite a dead body apparently being found within the building, Ms Twitchell still insisted on taking homeroom attendance. It was such an alien experience, a completely quiet classroom. Aside from the occasional muttering of 'here' from a student, or Ms Twitchell talking them through the situation while obviously avoiding any revealing information. Ken looked to Gene in front of him, and then back to Peter Pescadero's empty seat. Had this other girl gone through the same ordeal as Peter?

That was the first hole. They had to bring Peter back manually, yet this kid was already here? Things were little more than a coincidence at this point, but Ken couldn't help himself. A young girl turning up dead in a school was by no means tame, but something about this whole situation seemed a bit sinister.

Other kids weren't even calling him names today. The whole school must have been in mourning mode while the staff scrambled to keep order, because apparently, they'd already had enough free days off. Even the teachers seemed barely interested in their lessons, making the bare minimum of efforts to keep kids' attention and being all too willing to send ones away when requested by either Mr Frond or Bosco for whatever reason. Aside from occasional whispers – maybe comparing notes or whatever – the awkward silence continued all the way through lunch, which had been moved to the gym due to the cafeteria still being out of bounds.

"So, anyone find anything out?" Louise was surprisingly serious about all of this. "Tina's busy with Frond as we speak so she'll let us know soon. Probably."

"Why do you want to know so bad?" Ken felt the need to ask. He would be the first to admit that he didn't know Louise all that well yet, but she generally seemed the type to explicitly not care about situations like this. Why was the death of a random student so important?

"All this hush hush between the teachers, I can't not know." Louise hissed at him. "Why don't you wanna know?"

Ken opened his mouth to respond, but oddly enough it was Gene who took the podium.

"Because someone died, Louise. Whether you like or hate them, they were a Wagstaffian. One of us. There's someone out there targeting schoolkids like us, a-and I don't wanna know too much. Because a world without a Gene is not a good one, and that's goes for everyone else too. Someone's world just ended, s-so maybe we should respect that."

Louise's fork clattered from her hand, and the youngest Belcher retired to staring at her plate of lukewarm fish sticks. "…you're right. M-maybe we should back off a bit."

"They'll tell us in the news or whatever when they find out, I'm sure." Ken made an attempt at bridging the awkward silence. "So we'll find out in a couple days or some-"

Any chance at keeping the peace instantly shattered when Tina burst into the makeshift lunch hall, in floods of tears. She slammed herself onto the bench beside them and continued sobbing into her arms. Literally no one in the room even reacted.

"…so uhh, you know who it is then." Louise dared. It wasn't exactly subtle.

"I-it was Tammy Larsen!" Tina cried into her arms. "They found her in the kitchen and she was dead and it's all my fault because I said those nasty things to her before we left!"

If the mood was bad beforehand, Tina had somehow made it worse. Like an engine revving up, whispers began to culminate in deathly ripples;

"It was Tammy Larsen? What grade is she in?"

"Wasn't she that kid that moved here about six months ago?"

"Then does that mean…"

Suddenly about a thousand eyes turned on Ken. It stood to reason he supposed, being the new new kid.

"I-I… don't plan on dying any time soon." He put his hands up.

Instantly the energy in the room withered.

"Shame," someone muttered. This place sure knew how to make a guy feel welcome.

The surly atmosphere was severed with a painful screech from the tannoy as Ms LaBonz barked out an announcement;

"Attention all students, there will be a full school assembly in the gym after lunch."

"Huh. That's convenient." Gene's voice rose just slightly.

"Those already in the gym because of lunch can help set up."

"Waaah?!" Gene shrieked. His tray of lukewarm mashed potatoes and green something or other was flipped into the air and the boy took off running, hiding himself in the nearest closet.

"Oh c'mon Gene, it's not that b-"

"WAAAH!" Gene shrieked even louder, bursting back out of the closet. "Naked Coach Blevins!"

"Oop. Sorry there… Gene." Blevins' voice was noticeably hesitant. There was a clattering of what sounded like metal and the man himself emerged a few moments later wearing a bathrobe.

"Just a bit of a… temporary situation right now." Blevins cleared his throat. "A-anyway, that's not important, huh? Wanna grab some chairs real quick?"

"Fiiine…" Gene groaned.

Dozens upon dozens of those cheap metal chairs were pulled out of every corner, cupboard and free space, and next thing Ken knew the entire school was crammed into the gym, complete with Blevins, who was still wearing his bathrobe, as well as Bosco for some reason.

"A-attention, attention everyone…" Frond tried to calm the crowds. "Now I know, this is highly unusual. B-but given today's events we felt an assembly was necessary."

The swarm of murmurs eventually settled and died, allowing Frond to take the stage properly.

"I'm sure some of you have noticed that there was police tape surrounding the cafeteria this morning. Truth be told, there has been an ongoing situation within these walls that concerns one of our students. Normally we would have sent you all home, but due to the events of last weekend, we simply couldn't afford any more 'unofficial vacations'." Frond's fingers bounced. "We took the liberty of contacting as many of your parents as we could first thing, however it is understandable that not all of your parents would be able to collect you at such short notice."

There was a ripple of dissent through the crowds. Did Frond actually contact anyone's parents, Ken wondered. He wouldn't be surprised if Calvin just hadn't bothered to turn up, even if Frond had made contact with him, but other kids' guardians were probably more reasonable?

Then again, he hardly knew anyone here. The other kids' parental situations could've been just as weird as his, if not more.

"The fact of the matter is," Frond let out a sigh, "The incident that occurred during the weekend concerns a member of our student bo – ohh, I've said that already. A-ahem!" He cleared his throat. "We at Wagstaff are devastated to inform you of the death of one of our own, Tammy Larsen. While the details are unclear as of right now, I think we can all agree that our thoughts are with her family at this trying time. If we could observe a minute's silence now…"

Frond placed his hands together and looked down. Surprisingly enough, the rest of the hall seemed to follow his lead. Ken obliged, bowing his head and staring at his lap. A concentrated silence reverberated through the crowded gym, as if the room itself were holding its breath.

That Tammy kid… all Ken knew about her was that she and Tina didn't get along. Tina must have been at least some sort of a friend to her though, otherwise Frond wouldn't have dragged her away for counselling, and she wouldn't have been so upset about all of this.

It begged another question about Peter Pescadero though. Was Tammy being the new kid just a coincidence? Three students from the same school was probably not a coincidence, but if Peter was also a new kid, that was definitely going to imply some horrible expectations for him.

"And… thank you." Frond looked up from his watch. "Now this may seem strange, but in light of recent events, our town's police chief Detective Bosco has kindly volunteered to step in and talk to you all for a little while. A round of applause, if you'd please."

A polite smattering of applause rippled through the hall as Frond took a seat and Bosco took his place at the podium.

"Kindly volunteered… give me a break," he scoffed. "Make no mistakes, I just happened to be in the neighbourhood. I don't really do the 'kindly volunteering' thing. But there are certain goings on going… on here that, quite frankly, have me concerned."

An unnerving energy shifted through the room as Bosco hitched up his pants and stared at everyone. "Y'know, this ain't a big town. Normally the most interesting thing that happens here is some idiot stealing Christmas crap. But in the past few weeks I have had three kids from your school turn up dead. Now that's a worrying statistic, because there's uhh…"

He glanced back to Frond. "How many kids are here? 'bout eight hundred?"

"Err, seven eighty th…two." Frond corrected himself just in time.

"Close enough," Bosco waved him away. "Eight hundred of you, give or take. By the time you kids graduate from this hellhole,"

Frond whimpered.

"You know I'm right," Bosco scoffed. "Anyway, by the time you get out of here, life's gonna be very different for a lot of you. I'll be generous with the numbers. By the time you graduate, about thirty of you will be lured in by the temptation of cigarettes or other drugs. Fifteen or so of you would've gotten on my bad side and thrown in jail for whatever reason. Roughly the same number of you ladies," he paused for a breather, "Will be taking care of a kid of your own, some of which may not have been your decision. And some of you," he furrowed his brow. "…won't be here at all. Like your friend here, some of you won't see the end of high school. Now, we're not sure whether she made this decision herself or someone made it for her, but what I am damn sure about, is that I don't wanna see another kid from Wagstaff on the coroner's slab. You hear me, kids? Don't become a statistic."

Bosco sat down to a chilling, almost ethereal silence. A couple of stale claps occasionally echoed, like a twig snapping in a graveyard, but the few weary efforts couldn't break the horrified stalemate.

Frond took the stage again. "O…okay, thank you Detective Bosco! Rest assured that my door is always open to anyone having concerns over their wellbeing! N-now… does anyone have any questions?"

The gym remained deathly quiet. The janitor behind him raised a hand, which went unnoticed, and someone even coughed for good measure.

"…well then!" Frond clapped his hands together. "Th-that's that, I guess! If you could uh, just make your way back to class then. We will have a memorial shrine set up for poor Tammy from tomorrow until next Friday, and anyone who wishes to extend their own personal eulogy may do so within that time period."

The assembly was adjourned, and kids began filtering out of the gym, finding their way back to class. While some were simply ferried home by their concerned parents, It seemed that neither kid nor teacher had the motivation to partake in an actual lesson. So Math class basically just turned into Ms Jacobson scribbling down various sums on the chalkboard, and no one making any real attempt to solve them.

The last hour or so of the school day dripped past. By the time they were eventually allowed out of the building Tina was practically an immovable lump.

"Uhhhh… it's all my fault." She muttered, dragging one foot and then the other at a snail's pace down the halls as other students easily overtook her.

"Come on Tina! Let's get out of here!" Louise tried to shunt her forwards with a shoulder to the back, but Tina didn't even seem to notice her, forget react.

"Don't make me exert myself!" Gene cried, his sneakers slipping on the floor in his efforts to push her. "I wanted another yesterday! At this rate we'll still be here tomorrow!"

"Uhhhh…!" Tina moped, still shuffling along helplessly.

"Maybe we should try and cheer her up?" Ken suggested with a grimace. All three of the siblings stopped in their tracks.

"Yeah 'cause that'll work." Louise deadpanned. "She was impossible last week and now it's worse. Unless you've got like twelve horses in your back pocket I don't think we're gonna-"

"Horse?" The lightbulb clicked. What was it Calvin gave him yesterday?

Ken rifled through his pockets.

"Huh?! Pocket horses do exist, I knew it!" Gene gasped. He was literally vibrating with excitement while Louise looked distantly intrigued and even Tina seemed hopeful as Ken finally extricated that ticket from his jeans pocket.

"I uh, got this yesterday. It's a ticket to some horse thing?"

Tina's shaking hand quivered forwards and received the Equestra-Con ticket from him.

"Equestra-Con?" Light shone in her eyes for the first time since lunch. "Wh-where did you get this? I thought they were all sold out!"

"Calvin… found it." Ken chose his words carefully. "But you looked like you needed cheering up and I… don't really have any use for it. So you can have it if you want?"

"I, um." Tina faltered. Before Ken knew what was happening, two awkward arms had stretched around him and pulled him into a hug;

"I am thou,

Thou art I,

Thou hast acquired a new vow,

It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,

With the birth of the Lovers Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…"

Uh oh, Ken muttered to himself. That wasn't a good implication. Every time that had happened so far – at least where another kid was concerned – they would end up in that Otherworld place. So there was every chance her fate was in his hands now, but there was no way he could tell her without someone committing him into an asylum or something. Gene and Courtney would be able to back him up, but Gene wasn't exactly stable and Courtney was a famous liar…

This was bad. This was so, so b-

"Hey, Ken! Let her go already!"

Louise's voice cut through his panic like a knife through butter.

"S-sorry," Ken split apart from Tina. "Was just uh, lost in thought."

"Thoughts about what? Her boob?" Louise snickered.

"Hah. Hah. Hah. Hah!" Tina flushed crimson almost instantly, meanwhile Ken tried to flail himself out of that situation before it could grow roots.

"…Kidding! Geez!" Louise just blew past the three of them. "Now let's get out of here today? Please?"

"Louise said please! It's a sign of the apocalypse!" Gene cried.

"The first of the four horsemen," Tina mumbled, her blush finally receding. The group were among the last to actually leave the building, only to be greeted by a manic Linda.

"Oh my baby baby babies!" She flailed out of the car window. "Mr Frond told us the news and we tried to get away but it was real busy in the restaurant for like the first time ever and we couldn't leave! But I'm here now so I thought I'd give you a lift home!"

"As always, your timing is impeccable!" Gene seemed ecstatic at the thought of not having to walk home.

"Impeccable would've been like five hours ago," Louise clambered into the back seat opposite him. "This is so peckable!"

"Well at least we don't have to walk home," Tina got into the passenger seat, Equestra-Con ticket still firmly ensnared in her hands.

"Are you wantin' a lift too, Kenny Benny?" Linda asked him through the driver's window.

"Do… you have room?" Ken glanced at the back seats. There seemed to be exactly two of them.

"Of course!" Linda smiled broadly. "Louise just needs to scooch over!"

"Again?!" Louise shrieked in complaint. "Why can't Gene do it?!"

"I would gladly, Louise." Gene just leant back. "But I am left-butted, and thus on the wrong side of the car!"

"Well that can be easily fixed!" Louise wrestled her seatbelt off and opened the door, but a stern look from her mother had her retreating.

"Just make it easy please, honey." Her lips were thin.

"Fiiiine…" Louise groaned, shuffling onto the lumpy middle seat. Ken just sidled in next to her and clipped on the seatbelt. Something told him saying anything would end badly.

Linda shifted into gear and pulled out onto the main road. Glancing between other motorists and various traffic obstacles, she noticed something;

"What's that in your hands, Tina-beena?"

"O-oh," Tina recoiled. "It's a, uh, ticket to Equestra-Con. You know, that one we couldn't find any tickets for on the internet?"

"And you found one? Yayyyy!" Linda fist pumped the air, and then swore at a passing cyclist.

"Uh huh." Tina swept her bangs to one side. "K-Ken… gave it to me."

"He did?!" Linda shrieked. "Oh, you're taking care of my little angel Kenny Benny?!"

Ken was lost for what to say, so he simply nodded.

"Well that settles it!" Linda cackled. "You kids've had a rough day and Ken's been a real sweetheart, so I think you deserve a treat. How's a trip to the Wonder Wharf sound?"

"Really?!" Louise cried.

"I love sitting in vibrating chairs!" Gene cheered.

"Alriiiight!" Linda joined in the celebrations, and the battered old Belcher-mobile pootled down the twisty streets of Bog Harbour.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **End of Chapter stats:**

 **Your Sun Rank is currently at: Three**  
 **Your Lovers Rank is currently at: One**

 **You managed to cheer Tina up. Your Understanding has increased.**  
 **You found a use for the Equestra-Con ticket.**

 **Hey there guys. Another big chapter. I know it's not entirely accurate, as any other school in this situation would be shut down entirely, but I twisted things slightly to make more of a story out of it. For any fans of Tammy Larsen, I do apologise, however we needed to kill off someone Tina was somewhat close to, so that her arc of the story could begin. Thanks to the Equestra-Con ticket however, her Social Link was created a wee bit earlier.**

 **But yeah; coming up next, a few hours of messing about at Wonder Wharf to round off an otherwise horrible day. :D**

 **As always, feel free to leave feedback. Over and out.**


	21. A Few Bumps in the Road

After a turbulent fifteen minutes of Linda shouting at other motorists, the clunky red station wagon screeched into what could scarcely pass for parallel parking.

"Uhh… aren't we supposed to be in the parking space?" Gene glanced out of the window.

"It'll be fine. We're only stopping for a second." Linda laughed him off. Quick as a flash, the four Belchers had burst into the burger shop and hounded Bob at the counter. Ken felt it best he just stay back and watch the anarchy unfold.

"Hey dad. Hey dad! HEY DAD!" Louise repeatedly shrieked over the counter. "We need money, stat!"

"I want twenty dollars!" Gene was standing on one of the spinny stools. "That's like ninety Wharf dollars!"

And Linda was only encouraging them. "Oh c'mon Bobby, be more fun. It's just money."

"It's not just money, Lin," Bob scoffed. "It's money we use to pay bills, to order stock, to feed us. I can't just give it to the kids to waste at Wonder Wharf."

"Yeah, cause wasting it on this place is sooo much better!" Louise rolled her eyes.

"May I suggest an alternative? Waste it on snacks!" Gene banged his hands on the counter.

"You can waste it on us though, can't you dad?" Tina kept herself quiet and earnest. Well, compared to everyone else anyway.

"Yeah, stop bein' such a meany pooper Bobby. They've had a bad day." Linda amped up the pressure.

"This man won't pay us!" Louise cried out to the four or five customers. "Breaking our backs all day every day here, and he doesn't have the balls to pay us a single-"

"Uggghhhhh…!" Bob growled into his palm. "Fine! Fine. Here's… twenty dollars. That's five bucks each, you hear me? Take this and have fun and be back to help clean up later."

"For five whole bucks I'll do anything you want, honey."

"Gene."

"Well I will!" Gene threw himself into a sitting position on the stool. About as quickly as it all started, the four Belchers were out of the store like a whirlwind and back in the car, twenty bucks richer.

"We'll split this when we get there," Linda handed the twenty to Tina, obviously the responsible one. Linda peered over her shoulder and pulled the car out onto the main road again. The azure blues of the coast loomed, and Ken noticed the frighteningly familiar silhouette of a Ferris wheel, towering above the wharf.

That wasn't just a coincidence, was it? He'd been seeing a lot of those lately. The cynic in him said no, but it had to be a coincidence. He wasn't even sure that the one Igor lived in actually existed.

"Hey! That was my bit!" Linda snapped at another driver. "Hey Betty White, the speed limit's thirty five not five!"

The car screeched around a corner and bundled into a parking space adjacent to the ocean. The salty breeze was less of a bittersweet wisp and more of an acrid slap to the face now they were actually at the coast and away from all the smelly cars and buildings.

"Wonder Whaaaaarf," Linda rose into song upon stepping out of the driver's seat, "the Wharf of Won-derrr! You kids wait here I'll go split this on somethin'."

She locked the car and disappeared across the road, ducking into a little corner store. Ken had noticed that these corner stores were in nothing short of abundance in Bog Harbour. Sure, it made sense, the whole point of a corner store was for convenience's sake. But they were everywhere here. Almost all of the businesses were either struggling or failing. The only succeeding businesses Ken had seen since his arrival here was that fancy Italian place opposite Bob's, and Calvin's vast empire. That used hat place had already closed down after only a week or so, which was concerning to say the least.

Linda returned after a couple minutes clutching onto not one, but four boxes of Chunky Blast-offs.

"Hi kids," she scuttled towards them. "Sorry I took so long! I tried to find somethin' that would make the numbers nice 'n' easy but it wasn't easy because everything was like ninety-nine cents or whatever. But these were on special; four for two bucks! Isn't that a fun coincidence?!"

Coincidence… Ken had heard that word a lot today. He happily received his box from Linda, fully prepared for Gene to 'require' it from him at some point.

"Eighteen left…" Linda scratched her head. "So that makes… how many fours in eighteen?"

"Nope!" Gene just shut himself out of that conversation.

"Sorry mom, no idea." Tina mumbled. "'Cause I'm bad at math."

"Sorry mom, no can do," Louise was equally defiant. "I've got a contract that forbids me from doing math outside of school. There are snipers posted on that roof ready to silence us all."

"Oh wow, better not risk it!" Linda was weirdly accepting of all this. "Sorry Mr Sniper!" She waved over to an imaginary nothing. "What about you Kenny Benny? Y'any good at math?"

Linda looked at him hopefully, and instantly Ken was transported back to that damn math lesson from last Friday. The question was even the same, more or less. What a coincidence…

"Um," He hesitated. "D-don't worry about me. Just split it between Gene, Tina and Louise. It means they'll get six bucks each."

"Noooo, no no no!" Linda was awash with sadness. "I can't do that! You're a guest here, Ken! We can't just let you sit and watch why we have all the fun!"

"But… what if you wanted to have fun?"

"I'll have fun watching my babies have fun!" Linda immediately countered. "A-and that means all of you! So… please?"

Linda offered him a handful of change and the widest smile he'd ever seen. Something told him this lady wasn't used to being declined. Especially not when she was being so generous…

"I-it's okay, honest." Ken grit his teeth and turned a palm to the offer. "I've got my own money, so don't worry."

Linda made a weird, panicky noise.

"Honest…" Ken made his efforts to reassure her. He reached into his back pocket and unfolded his wallet. Louise's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates in the half a second or so it took him to pull a ten out and put it back.

"Holy crap!" She blurted. "H-h-how much did you have in there?! That's a perfect ten, and you have more?!"

"…y-yeah." Ken felt the blush rising in his ears of all places. "I uh, did some work with Calvin the last few days and he paid me some money for it."

Linda's smile faltered… just a little.

"That's way more than 'some'," Louise was practically drooling. "You gonna share some with us, Ken old buddy? Wanna share with your best buddies?!"

"Louise, stop." Linda's voice was suddenly harsh. "You shouldn't ask people for their money."

"We asked dad!" Louise immediately protested.

"Dad is not a people." Gene raised a finger.

"Yeah, he's more like a walrus who makes burgers." Tina chipped in.

"Nevertheless!" Linda made sure to keep command. "I don't wanna see any of you three beggin' for money. Now let's go have a good time before mommy gets mad!"

She stomped off towards the entrance, leaving Ken to wonder if perhaps he'd said the wrong thing there.

"Spoiler alert; she's mad." Gene whispered into his ear. Well that solved it.

Ken followed after the Belcher kids into the wharf itself, where the reliable safety of tarmac and concrete was instantly replaced with the rickety uncertainty of wooden planks. Every movement he made resulted in a creak and immediately he was missing solid ground. Through occasional cracks and holes in the wood he could see the ocean below, sloshing and battering the supports. Despite his better judgement, not to mention the dozens of small children scampering about the place, he couldn't help but envision the place collapsing beneath them.

Out of nowhere came a noise that made Ken's blood run cold. It was quiet – barely even audible – but the unmistakeable repetitive piano tune was emanating from somewhere.

All three of the Belcher kids were busy arguing with each other over what to do first, none of them seeming to notice the chilling piano music. None of the wharf's many prize stalls seemed to have a radio or anything playing, yet the music never changed in volume no matter where he travelled.

And then he saw it.

At the base of the Ferris wheel there was a door, surrounded by a cold blue glow. Other theme park patrons were walking straight past it without seeming to notice, which did nothing to help his nerves. Was he… the only one who could see it?

Gene and the others were still arguing. Ken supposed there was only one way to find out.

The crowds of strangers seemed to thin out and disperse just a little bit more with every approaching step he took towards the door, until the point where there seemed to be literally no one within twenty feet of him.

His hand froze upon touching the door handle. Not because of cold, although it genuinely was freezing despite the heat of daytime, but because of the bizarre energy that had flowed into him the moment he made contact. Something a little bit beyond his understanding was at play here, and it seemed as though he'd just poked the beast in the eye by touching this door.

Ken swallowed down a golf ball of nerves and entered into the soft blue of the Velvet Room once again. The piano music was as menacing at ever, while Igor and Penelope were both sat on the couch opposite him, as if they had been merely waiting for him to arrive.

"Good afternoon, Ken," Igor's manic grin stretched wide. "I see you have found our portal."

"So you guys… exist? I-in real life?" Ken's eyes were wide. Just as he thought he was starting to understand things, the mere existence of this place threw him another curveball and suddenly he was right back to square one.

"An informed question," Igor ran his tongue across his lips. "I wouldn't go so far as to say we exist, rather we can be… contacted. Like a whisper you hear when alone, or the shadow that moves when you're half asleep, we are always there, yet never actually there."

And just like that, Ken was never sleeping again.

"…right." He forced a smile. "And you're here right now because…?"

"In order to maintain contact with you Ken, we have established a base of sorts in this world. Think of us as your Keys. As long as you can see us, you know that we can help. From our base here, we can offer you the same services as we would anywhere else. Should you need some advice, or some Fusing, or just a moment's respite, feel free to visit."

Ken just nodded. This whole situation had just gotten more confusing and terrifying so he made sure to plaster on the most genuine smile he could while wrenching the handle on the door and getting the hell out of there as fast as his legs would carry him.

"Hey mom, mom, can we go on the roller coaster first?!" Louise shrieked. Ken span around to see that the three Belcher kids were still arguing with Linda.

Wait, still? How long had they been arguing now? Had time even passed while he was in there?

His mind flashed back to a few minutes ago;

"Or just a moment's respite, feel free to visit."

A chill ran down Ken's spine. Did Igor's weird carriage thing actually have the power to halt time?

He couldn't tell if that was awesome or terrifying. Maybe both.

"Nooo, the bumper cars first!" Gene protested. "I love getting jiggled around!"

Had anyone even noticed that he'd disappeared?

"B-but what about the merry-go-round…" Tina mumbled. "Mr Goitre needs me!"

"Kids!" Linda yelled over the three of them. "You can't all go everywhere at once! Either settle things between yourselves or head off on your own!"

The three Belcher kids continued to yell over each other though, attempting to pull her in a different direction.

"Maybe…" Ken stammered, making himself known. The squirming cloud of Belchers ceased almost immediately. "M-maybe… you could decide with like a coin flip or rock paper scissors or something?"

The squirming and screaming resumed as quickly as they'd halted. Clearly that wasn't a solution.

"Or… let Tina go first?" Another suggestion wouldn't hurt. Tina flushed crimson. "She has had the worst day after all…"

"But I'm the youngest!" Louise cried.

"And I'm the sexiest!" Gene was just as quick to refute him.

"Oh, shush you two. Ken made a lovely suggestion. Tina Beena's had a horrible day so it's only fair she gets to have fun first. And everyone can join her, okay?!"

* * *

Thus followed the most awkward silence Ken had ever experienced. The four of them sat astride some of the creepiest, most deformed horses possibly in existence. A stormy looking Louise sat with lidded eyes atop a horse that seemed to have had its legs replaced with those of a human mannequin while Gene looked mortified at the saddle of his hump-backed cyclops horse. Ken's appeared to have vampire fangs and weirdly lumpy hind legs, but Tina seemed perfectly content, if not exhilarated, by the one with splayed eyes and a swollen neck. The worst thing was the carousel itself though. Aside from occasionally squeaking as it went round, Linda's overjoyed smiles were by far the loudest thing in the surrounding area. There wasn't even any music. Creepy carnival music would have improved the situation, Ken thought with a shudder.

After an agonising couple of minutes, the ride came to a rickety, whinnying halt, and Tina was the last to depart. Louise and Gene could barely wait for the thing to stop while Ken wanted to make sure he had his balance first. For something moving so slowly, it sure was effective at making him dizzy.

Tina shared a secret with her apparent favourite deformed horse before dismounting and rejoining her family.

"Finally!" Louise groaned. "Now can we do something else?!"

"Okay, okay, whoever loves me the most gets next pick!" Linda cackled. Louise simply fell to the ground in anguish as Gene took the win effortlessly.

"Talk about a cheap shot, mom…" she grumbled. Her bad mood still persisted determinedly as she, the three of them and a couple other kids from school bashed into each other on bumper cars. Every now and again the youngest Belcher would smirk as if, underneath it all, she actually was enjoying all this carnage, but she'd force it back into a frown should someone ever catch her eye.

With every bump and crash though, Louise's bad mood slowly melted away, even flickering into the positive when her and Gene pinned a short, brown-haired kid into a corner and rammed his bumper car repeatedly. The poor kid was so tiny he was literally being thrown about the inner compartment thing but seemed to be enjoying it just as much as the two Belchers. Meanwhile Tina was casually following some other boy Ken had seen once or twice around the school but wouldn't have been able to name. Wherever he went in his bumper car, she would follow religiously and then bump on occasion, but he didn't seem to notice. Whatever made her happy, he thought with a shrug, and joined in on Gene and Louise's dogpile. The tiny kid was still rattling around in his bumper cart yet no one seemed to be stopping the madness so it must've been okay… right?

After a few more minutes of chaos there was a sudden whirring noise and the ten or so bumper cars ground to a slow halt. Several kids groaned in annoyance but still left their bumper cars without too much of a fuss. The little short haired one that Gene and Louise were bumping repeatedly seemed a bit perturbed by the whole situation though. He practically fell out of the car and staggered away, wheezing heavily.

"Oh c'mon Rudy, don't be like that," Louise groaned at him. "You pick now to have an attack?"

"I… wish… I could choose… when to have them…!" This Rudy gasped out a response. His voice was all tightened and raspy, as if his lungs had turned to stone.

"Don't worry, I will re-inflate you manually!" Gene projected his voice like someone out of a superhero movie. He took in a mightily deep breath, sucking in air for several seconds until his cheeks were literally bulging, however his efforts quickly went to waste when this Rudy kid pulled an inhaler out of somewhere and did it the old-fashioned way.

"Ohh, that's the stuff." His voice was still nasal and a bit whiny, but downright charming compared to the squeak it was before. "So uhh, who's your friend Louise? I think I've seen him around school a couple times?"

"F-Friend!?" Louise spluttered. "Pshhh, miss me with that noise. This is Ken. He's Gene's weird friend."

"And I am his weird Gene!" Gene cried, wrapping two arms around Ken and lifting him about a foot off the ground.

Gene just let him dangle for a few awkward seconds before setting him down again, and Rudy offered him a limp handshake.

"I-I'm Rudy, as you might've heard," he wheezed. There was no strength in his grip at all. Even babies had a stronger grip than this. "Kids at school call me Regular-Sized Rudy."

"Regular?" Ken frowned. "Y-you mean there's a smaller Rudy at that school?"

"Uh-huh," Rudy nodded. "We call him Pocket-Sized, a-and that's 'cause he's literally small enough to carry around in your pockets… if you had really big pockets anyway."

"So… not that small?"

"Nah, about two feet tall."

"Huh." Ken shrugged. Meanwhile Tina was trying – and failing – to get that same boy's attention.

"So… funny seeing you here, Jimmy Junior." She went in with an awkward chuckle. The boy made eye contact with her for maybe a moment before looking away again and laughing at something another kid was doing.

"Take that ya durn thing!" A familiar voice yelled, before the thud of fist on metal clattered through the arena.

"Zeke! You're ssss'posed to put in a quarter!" This Jimmy Junior lisped at the familiar voice.

"No can do, JayJoo! We can't let that intelligence fall inta their hands!" Zeke – why did Ken know that name? – cried back at him.

"But they don't have handsss!"

"Well, this one don't," Zeke kicked it for good measure. "Ohh yeah! Free gumball!"

"That's not a free gumball, Zeke. You're s'posed to pay for it." Jimmy Junior chastised.

"Aw yeah, well here's a free leglock!" Zeke countered, "Now c'mere and get'm-grr-graw-m'yeah!"

"Agh, Zeke…!"

…that's who it was! Ken's memory was finally spurred. Zeke was the one he and Gene met in the bathroom that one time when they were hiding from Courtney.

That… probably wasn't the best impression to make, he had to be honest. Ken followed after a worried looking Tina, who was again trying and failing to separate the two of them.

"C'mon you guys, you shouldn't wrestle out in the open like this…" She tugged on Zeke's shoulders with absolutely no effect.

"Y'all sayin' that, T Bird, but you ain't the one wrestlin'." Zeke tightened his grip on Jimmy Junior's leg, to which the other boy yelped louder still.

"Okayyyy, who wants to go on the roller coaster!" Linda restored some control to the chaos.

"YES!" Louise cheered, running over towards her mother. Gene took after her at a casual pace and that Rudy kid followed the pair of them.

"I'm fine here, mom." Tina deadpanned, watching the two boys wrestle.

"Well, whatever makes you happy sweetie." Linda's flat grimace betrayed her words. Ken really didn't want to pick sides, but Tina seemed happy enough for now, so he followed after the rest of them towards the coaster.

"Well I guess Tina's sittin' out on this one," Linda muttered something under her breath. "But that's okay because it means more fun for the rest of us!"

The five of them stood at the base of a set of stairs, at the top of which was a skinny youngish guy and one of those height restriction bar things. He glanced to Louise and Rudy on his right. Those two weren't exactly towering giants.

Ken wasn't gifted with height himself, what with Gene standing a good four or five inches taller than him, but he felt tall standing next to the pair of them that was for sure.

"Alright, let's do this…" Louise muttered, cramming what looked like pencils under the hem of her bunny ears hat thing. "And a good afternoon to you Mickey! I'd like to ride on your roller coaster today, and I think you'll find that I am tall enough to ride."

She stood proud by the height bar, where the pointy tips of her bunny ears just barely crested over the minimum.

"O-ho, good afternoon Louise!" This Mickey responded in spirit. "And I gotta say, I love your enthusiasm. Unfortunately I'm gonna have to turn you away."

"Oh, WHAT?" Louise raged. "This is heightism, Mickey! To hell with safety regulations! If I wanted to stay safe I would've stayed home!"

"Well you might have to I'm afraid," Mickey knelt down to talk to her properly. "Y'see, the roller coaster's undergoing some uhh… repairs, and we can't have anyone ride on it until the repairs are completed! And that could take weeks!"

"Ugggghhhhhh…!" Louise's groan evolved into a full-fledged shriek just as the cart came screaming past, carrying not only Calvin, but also his brother Felix and even Frank the ostrich.

Louise grunted loudly and threw two unhappy arms in the direction of the cart.

"Oh. Talk about bad timing." Mickey scratched the back of his head. "Look, sorry kids but I really can't let you on. Mr Fischoeder is running extensive tests to check for weak spots and optimise your roller coaster experience!"

"And the OSTRICH?!" Louise screamed.

"I… can't really explain the ostrich." Mickey shrugged. "Emergency escape ostrich maybe?"

"Makes perfect sense!" Gene chipped in.

"Hrgg…" Louise grit her teeth. "Well you tell Mr Fischoeder that he is not the target demographic for a roller coaster! I am, and I would happily take his place!"

"Hey Louise, c'mon," Mickey beckoned her closer. "You know that. I know that. But we all know that you are waaay too irreplaceable. I mean, we got Fischoeders comin' out the wazoo, but where're we gonna find another Louise?"

"…hmph." Louise snorted. She thrust a finger at Mickey. "You win this round Mickey. But I'll be back! I will ride that roller coaster, and I will die trying!"

"Don't you mean 'or'?" Gene grimaced.

"I do not!" Louise remained steadfast.

"Well there'll be no more dyin' or tryin' today, sweetie." Linda pulled her youngest away from Mickey with a soft yet strong grip, despite Louise maintaining her death stare with Mickey. Ken had to credit the guy, he did not look away for the entire duration.

Tina caught wind of the situation and didn't even argue when Linda beckoned her back. She simply bid goodbye to the other two boys and joined up with her family.

Louise was scooped back into the car – the passenger seat this time, maybe Linda thought that would cheer her up. This meant Ken had to sit on the awkward middle seat between Gene and Tina though, meaning his butt was at risk of falling asleep before Linda even started the car, forget getting back.

The youngest Belcher remained stony faced and silent for the entire trip home. What Ken could see of her at least anyway. Gene and Tina would occasionally make attempts at conversation, but aside from the occasional half-hearted response from Linda, the entire journey remained awkward and tense, despite only lasting about ten minutes or so.

Linda had barely parked the car before Louise kicked herself out of it, stomping back into the restaurant and up the stairs without so much as a word to her father.

"…oh dear. She's gonna be fun tonight." Linda sighed. "Sorry about the roller coaster, kids. Was a bit of a let-down, huh?"

"You say that now?" Gene cried. "Where was that ice breaker on the way home?!"

"I didn't wanna upset Louise anymore." Linda kept her voice low. "Either way, sorry. It kinda put a dampener on a day that was supposed to cheer you up."

"Don't worry about it mom, it wasn't your fault." Tina smiled. "A-and I had fun anyway, so thanks."

"I haven't felt so jiggled in a while!" Gene cried, bashing his way into the shop. Tina followed, leaving Ken a moment alone with Linda while she was locking the car.

"Umm…" He swallowed down his nerves. "Linda?"

Linda stopped in her tracks. Keys still in hand, she didn't turn around immediately, taking just long enough for Ken to wonder if perhaps he'd made a bad deci-

"Hey, Kenny Benny!" Suddenly she was all beams and smiles again. "Did ya have fun with us today?"

Ken nodded. "Y-yeah, lots. I was uh, just wondering if maybe I did the wrong thing by not taking your money earlier?"

Linda's gaze hardened just a little. "Well…" she glanced downwards for a moment. "I-it's not that so much… I just felt sorta sad that you turned me down. You're a kid, you're supposed to be burnin' holes in your pockets. It's us grownups who're supposed to have all the money so we can hand it out to you kids."

"I just… didn't wanna take money off you when Gene and the others could've had it." Ken mumbled.

"And I'm glad you're lookin' out for my babies," Linda smiled at him. "But you're a family guest, which means it's my job to look out for you too, otherwise I'm doin' it wrong. We might not have much money, but anything we have spare is as good as shared, Kenny Benny. So I was a little sad because if I can't offer ya a little happiness, I'm sorta failing as a guest mom, ain't I?"

"Oh, no no no!" Ken immediately started flailing in denial. "You're doing a great j-"

"-But I am, sweetie," Linda shut him down. "If you're bein' the responsible one you're not bein' a kid, and that sucks because you can only be a kid for so long. It ain't right to see someone your age bein' responsible for me."

Linda rest an arm against the wall of the restaurant and took in a deep breath.

"But enough about that, Kenny. Are you wanting to stay for dinner tonight?"

And just as quickly as it started, the issue was dead and buried. Something told him Linda was good at this 'damage control' stuff.

"…I'd like that." Ken smiled.

* * *

 **Chapter stats:**

 **You made up with Linda. Your Understanding has increased!**  
 **You spent $4.00 on rides at the Wonder Wharf.**

 **Hey there everyone. Another update for you all.**

 **These chapters are just getting longer! O.o**

 **Anyway, a couple of new character introductions, and Ken says the wrong thing to Linda, plus people have some fun at the Wonder Wharf. Not the most plot heavy chapter, but a bit of filler every now and again won't hurt.**

 **Coming up next; Tina's arc. As always, feedback will always be appreciated. Over and out. :3**


	22. Crossing Over

Damage control dinner out of the way, and Ken could have almost forgotten that he'd even upset Linda. He'd offered to help the kids with their work on the restaurant floor, however that was quickly denied by both parents under the guise of him being a guest and that he 'shouldn't have to work' because of that. So instead he spent a couple of hours just sat in one of the booths feeling awkward while the three siblings half-heartedly got to work.

A few games of Salad Samurai with Calvin rounded off social expectations for the night, followed by a healthy bout of insomnia. The damn piano from Igor's room was still playing in the back of his head, which only reinforced the genuine concern over what Igor had said to him earlier that day;

'we are always there, yet never actually there.'

Ken felt the shiver bristle across every pore in his body once again. Every time the wind outside blew at the curtains, or the distant rumble of noise from a car or whatever, he felt as though Igor was in the room, watching his every movement. The fact that this man seemed to actually exist in the real world only made things so much worse, because that shattered the illusion of Igor only visiting him in his dreams, rather appearing out of nowhere, in his room, while he slept.

Suddenly Calvin sneaking into his room at night was no longer the creepiest thing imaginable. Calvin was a mere human, and at most a bit weird but harmless. Igor could open up portals wherever the hell he pleased. What other powers did he have?

It was about three o'clock before Ken finally persuaded himself into sleeping. What felt like minutes had past when the alarm clock was screeching the morning in.

Ken just felt himself deflate at the very thought of getting out of bed after only a couple hours of sleep. He couldn't be more thankful that it was Friday, because that meant he could more or less sleep through his classes.

A shower and some fresh clothes had him feeling a bit more human. Human enough to face the day's challenges at least anyway. He stumbled down the stairs and into breakfast, where the usual grand spread of cereal and stuff was awaiting him. Yawning at his toast and occasional conversation from Calvin saw him on his way to the school, where he met up with the Belchers on the way, and the three of them looked about as excited as he felt to be there. It was a Friday, after all.

School was still in a relatively sombre mood with the social hangover of yesterday still clearly very present. Ken noticed a lot of heavy eyes, even by Friday standards. The whole place just felt so much more vulnerable than usual, as if the entire building were holding its breath, waiting for something to happen.

The teachers were making their efforts to keep things as normal as possible, which had Ken torn. On one hand it was Friday, and who wanted to learn on a Friday, but things going back to normal was a huge relief from the oppressive atmosphere that comes with mourning. Sadly though, things returning to normal minimised his chances of getting a decent nap at school.

Ms Jacobson seemed especially eager;

"Alright kids, who can identify the key features of this sentence for me?"

On the chalkboard she had written the phrase, 'They had delivered the fresh apples to the greengrocer quickly.'

Shockingly, there were no sudden volunteers. Ms Jacobson simply put her hands on her hips and waited.

Still no takers. Someone even made the effort to fake cough, just to set the mood.

"Well, seeing as no one is volunteering," she dragged out that last bit. "I guess I'll have to volunteer one of you. Friday is no excuse to be slacking off, kids."

With her index finger hanging dangerously, Ms Jacobson scanned the room, clearly searching for a victim. Ken just stared at his desk. If you didn't make eye contact, they generally wouldn't pick you. Like Jehovah's Witnesses, or those people who shake charity cases at you on the high street.

"Courtney, how about you?"

Ken clenched a fist under the desk. Someone else was picked for once.

Courtney predictably flinched when addressed, looking about and stammering desperately. "I umm… I-I'd love to Ms Jacobson, but I don't think I can today, because my congen-"

"Fine," Ms Jacobson deadpanned, scanning the room with her index finger once again. But Ken had looked up when Courtney was picked. He couldn't break his gaze now, otherwise that would get him noticed and picked for sure.

"Ken, you look like you're not paying attention." Her voice was firm. "Wanna give it a go?"

Courtney eyed him guiltily as he stood from his seat and shuffled to the front of the class. He had to 'identify the key elements' of the sentence, whatever that meant.

"Okay, good. Now, you remember what verbs, nouns, adjectives and adverbs are, right? I want you to find them for me in the sentence on the blackboard. Nice and easy, huh?"

"…sure." Ken muttered. Chalk in his quivering hand, he tapped on the blackboard with it, analysing each of the words in turn. A verb was an action, right? Like reading or whatever was a verb?

That sounded about right. Ken underlined 'delivered' and put 'verb' underneath that.

Next up was nouns. Nouns were things. Like a chair was a noun. So apples were nouns, right?

He underlined 'apples' and put 'noun'.

Adjective… that was where you described a thing. Like the apples that were fresh. It only made sense to deliver fresh apples to the greengrocer, because why would a greengrocer want mouldy apples?

Ken shook his head. Now wasn't the time for wandering off in his thoughts. He underlined 'fresh' and put 'adjective' beneath that.

Last but not least, adverbs. Those were when you described how something did a thing… right?

Like when the dog jumped smoothly over something, or basically words that ended in '-ly', he'd noticed. There was one of those right at the end of the sentence, 'quickly'. It looked really out of place at the end of the sentence, but that wasn't important. The sentence was probably written with the sole purpose of pointing out the functions or whatever, so it didn't matter how 'nice' a sentence it was, rather underlining 'quickly' and labelling that it was an adverb.

So Ken did just that. Chalk still in hand, he backed away from the thing and motioned to Ms Jacobson.

"Uh huh. So you're done? Nothing else on there you wanna point out?"

That question sounded dangerous. Was there actually something else he needed to mention? Or was she just asking to try and trip him up? Ken studied the sentence once again. With a slight chuckle, he also underlined 'greengrocer' and put 'noun'.

"Not bad." Ms Jacobson smiled. "The only thing I would mention is that 'they' is a type of noun called a 'pronoun'. Just like 'he' or 'she'. But I didn't ask you to find that in the sentence, so that's my fault. Good work Ken,"

A smile threatened from deep within. He actually felt intelligent for once.

"Though you would've gotten a bonus point if you'd mentioned that 'quickly' was in the wrong place."

The intelligent feeling shattered. Ken groaned. He knew that something was off about that! And now he couldn't say anything about it because who would believe him?

Ken stumped off back to his seat. There was no point in arguing over it.

"Well I say the 'wrong' place, but honestly you'd be fine if you had it there," Ms Jacobson continued to stir the pot further. "You could say the 'best' place to put it would be before 'delivered'."

Her 'teaching' was followed by the lazy scribbling of pens on paper.

Morning fizzled into lunchtime and Ken met up with the Belcher siblings at what seemed to be their usual table. It was where they always ended up anyway.

But then Courtney turned up, inspiring only awkwardness.

"H-hi guys. Do you mind if I-"

"-Yes, we mind." Louise cut in. "Whatever you're doing we mind, Courtney."

And Courtney just stood there in response. Louise was perfectly happy to return to her meatloaf – at least that's what the cafeteria lady said it was – but the others showed varying levels of conscience towards her. Tray in hand she remained standing there. Silent, but as annoying as ever.

Tina looked from Gene to Ken and back again, and then to Courtney herself. "Is something wrong?"

"W-well, um…" she mumbled. "I just wanted to talk to Ken for a moment, b-but it can wait."

"Well if it can wait why're you still standing here?" Louise scoffed. "Won't you see him in your next lesson or something?"

"I uh, just wanted to say thanks for sticking up for me in English." Courtney chewed on her necklace.

"Okay great, you've said it." Louise sighed. "Now I think we're all in agreement that she should go somewhere else?"

Gene grunted in what could be mistaken for agreement while Tina looked torn. All three of them turned to Ken.

"…oh." He muttered. The three siblings looked at him with varying expressions of annoyed, all while Courtney just stood there and shivered like a lost chihuahua.

"I uh," he hesitated. "Don't think we should just exclude her like this?"

"Oh, Ken," Louise scoffed. "You're new here so you probably don't know, but we have like this unwritten rule that says we have to keep Courtney at a safe distance, otherwise her congenital heart thing could act up and kill her!"

Both Ken and Tina gave Louise the same expression.

"But isn't that… not how heart things work?" Tina said.

"N-no, that sounds about right." Even Courtney was agreeing with Louise. "A-after all, it could go at any second. So I'll just text you instead huh Ken?"

"Atta girl," Louise deadpanned as Courtney just wandered off to a different table to eat on her own. Moments later Ken's phone buzzed with the promised text message from Courtney;

'Received 12:19

i wanna lrn more abt that world. can u show me'

Ken gulped down some anxiety. That was a cause for concern. Meanwhile the three Belcher kids had returned to their state of eating peppered with occasional conversation. Tina was actually sounding excited about this Equestra-Con thing on Sunday, while Gene and Louise were happily mocking her for it. Lunch soon melted into the afternoon, where all they had to do was endure a Math and a Science lesson before they were released into the freedom of the weekend. Coach Blevins had them using some fancy paper on various foods and liquids and stuff to see if it was acidic or not, which helped soak the time up a little faster.

Courtney met up with them again as school finished, following quietly on the walk home.

"Is anyone gonna ask why she's here?" Gene muttered to Ken.

"I think I know why," Ken said back, and showed him his phone with the message from Courtney. Gene's eyes widened in a mixture of confusion and suspicion.

"We'll uh, let you gals go on ahead." Gene said to his sisters. "Ken and I have some manly stuff to do at the back!"

"Huh." Louise raised an eyebrow. "Alright, whatever. Do us a favour and see if you can get rid of Courtney, got it?"

With strangely little suspicion, the Belcher sisters just walked ahead of Gene and Ken, leaving Courtney free to catch up with them.

"Heyyy, Gene. Heyyy, Ken!" She lisped. "D-did you get my text?"

"I got it." Ken simply nodded. "You… wanna go back there? Why?"

"Well it's just, uh…" Courtney put her hands together. "We all unlocked some weird new power, huh? Isn't that exciting?"

"I… guess?" Gene just shared a look with Ken. "But uh, what did you wanna do? That place is full of monsters!"

"Uh huh, but remember how I knew where you guys were and stuff? W-well I also saw lots of numbers, like in a video game? W-what if we could train our monster things, to make the super strong?"

An odd feeling clicked somewhere inside of Ken. Monster training? It was as if this world wasn't weird enough already. But he couldn't deny, the prospect sounded interesting. Igor had said similar things too, about forging and growing bonds and stuff. What if these bonds were with those weird Persona creatures too, and not just other people?

The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. With another person to provide support it could only get easier, right? And her Persona had some sort of tracking ability too it seemed. So even if Courtney was terrible in fights she'd be useful in other ways.

"W-what do you think, Gene?" He immediately foisted the choice onto someone else. Like they'd said earlier, he was the new kid. Why was it his responsibility to make all the important decisions?

"What if… you had heart problems or something while we're in there?" Gene actually sounded concerned rather than just mocking for once. "Like, the air on that side is worse than in the real world so that'll probably make it worse for you?"

"I-I thought about that," Courtney rattled around in the little tote bag she was always carrying. "But that's why I got these, see? Just in case something goes wrong."

She pulled out not one, but about six bottles of pills. Far too many for one person to legally have, forget reasonably.

"And for a weapon?" Ken shrugged. "You'll need a weapon of some sort for over there, to defend yourself."

"I-isn't that what the little monster guys are for?" Courtney said. "Can't we just use those?"

"They run out of energy real quick, so you need a weapon for when you can't." Gene explained. "Like how you need a packet of chips when you've had some chocolate so you can balance the flavours and continue snacking!"

"Huh…" Courtney rose a finger to her lips in thought. "W-well, where did you guys get yours from?"

"I borrowed mine from Calvin's place. He's my, uh, guardian." Ken said.

"My keyboard just turned into it!" Gene exclaimed.

"Hmm." Courtney frowned. "Well what if something I've got turns into a weapon? I don't have much but… maybe?"

Both boys just shrugged to each other.

"Seems reasonable," Ken said. "You remember how to get into the world, right?"

"Err…" Courtney hesitated.

"We'll show you," Ken put a hand on her shoulder, and the three of the continued walking back towards the restaurant.

No one noticed the bushes nearby rustle.

* * *

"Weekend!" Gene cried, bursting in through the door into Bob's Burgers. "It's the best kind of end, and that includes Scottish Blend!"

"What even is that?" Ken frowned.

"My favourite brand of tea!"

"…you drink tea?"

Louise looked up, only to wither when she saw Courtney with him and Ken.

"Couldn't shake her huh?" She groaned. "Alright, guess it's time for you to owe me one again Gene. Courtney, prepare to be windmilled!"

Louise hopped down from the stool and began revolving both of her arms around in concentric circles, walking slowly towards Courtney. The blonde didn't even flinch at her approach, but Gene had the sense to stop her before she got too close.

"I-it's okay Louise, she's good today."

"B-but what about her heart thing!" Louise hissed back at him.

"It's okay, I've got pills if that happens." Courtney somehow heard her, again brandishing the pills.

"Ugh, fine then." Louise stomped off in a huff. "I hope you realise what this means, you two!"

Louise marched out of the restaurant and up the stairs in a green rage. Meanwhile the three of them were just looking at each other.

"W-which two?"

Ken couldn't help but ponder. It was a weirdly specific thing to threaten. Did she mean Gene and Courtney, or Gene and him? Him and Courtney seemed unlikely by context, but who knew?

"S-sorry about her, she seems a little more… chaotic than usual today." Bob said from behind the counter. "So uh, you know Gene and Ken huh? Friend from school?"

Courtney just nodded while slurping on her necklace. "Uh huh."

"Great, great," Bob made a very forced looking smile. "Well uh, if you're wanting to go upstairs and play or something, you can do."

Courtney gave both boys a confused look. Gene did nothing to help the issue, so Ken supposed he was going to have to be the one to do it.

"A-actually, we're here for a burger?"

"You are?" Bob frowned. "A-all three of you? For one burger?"

"I am not rich." Ken smiled.

"Yeahah, I guess so," Bob chuckled. "Well, you can get a normal burger or maybe the Burger of the Day? Today's is the 'Bok You Like a Hurricane' Burger, which has got Bok Choy in it. That's a kinda fancy cabbage."

"Huh." Ken nodded. "Well I'm pretty sure Calvin wouldn't complain about me eating more vegetables. Deal me in."

"Roger that," Bob said. "Tell you what, I'll do you two burgers for the price of one. Something tells me you two wouldn't get any if you had to share with Gene. He eats like a pelican."

"I could eat a pelican, father!" Gene replied immediately. "Where's my 'Like Pell I Can't?' Burger?"

"Pretty sure that's illegal," Bob just discarded that whole minefield. "Two Burgers of the Day, comin' up. Take a seat guys, and I'll get them out to you in a few."

The three of them sat in one of the booths while the sizzling of meat and smell of grease filled the restaurant. Courtney merely offered the boys a puzzled look.

"This is the only way we know how." Ken shrugged. "So it ain't cheap, heh."

"You… eat the burgers and they take you… there?" Courtney whispered. "…does that mean it works on everyone?"

"Nuh uh, only on some of us as far as we know." Gene said. "We don't know why, but it isn't a very reliable business model!"

Bob turned up at just the right moment, placing a pair of burgers onto their table.

"Here you go kids. I've brought a knife as well, so you can cut it in half or whatever."

"Thanks Bob," Ken said. "Here's a ten. Keep the change?"

"A-are you sure? I said two for one, remember?"

"Sure I'm sure. You gotta keep Gene fed somehow huh?"

"That is true…" Bob stroked his moustache. "Eh alright. Thanks, Ken!"

Bob walked away with a bit of a skip in his step, which Ken couldn't help but smirk a little at. Surely if anything he was ripped off slightly?

It wasn't important, he supposed. All they needed to do now was wait for him to not be paying full attention to the restaurant floor so they could slip out unnoticed.

Ken picked up the knife to cut one of the burgers in half, noticing that there was in fact only one left and that Gene had already finished his. Relying on luck it was, then.

"Give me s-"

"-you've already had." Ken batted his hand away, instead handing the half to Courtney. "How're we supposed to cross over if you just eat it all?"

Gene muttered something in vague disappointment while Courtney sniffed at the burger for a moment before biting into it. Ken followed, noting a satisfying crunch to the burger, accompanied by some peppery aftertaste and what was essentially just cabbage. It really was just fancy cabbage he supposed, though that peppery kick made a difference. Assuming that wasn't just pepper, anyway.

A few minutes later and the half-burger had slipped down his throat, starting the transition. As always, a weird sensation bubbled from within and the colour started bleeding away from the walls of the restaurant, washing out to a boring, dilute grey.

"Does it… normally look like this?" Courtney mumbled.

"Yup. Always grey and misty." Ken said. "Now, about the weapons thing…"

At first appearances, she didn't seem to be holding anything that looked dangerous in any way. Aside from the tote bag hanging off her shoulder, which he seriously doubted could be used as a weapon. Unless it blew up or something.

"I, uhh…" Courtney literally span around looking for one. "I don't think I have one. Where's yours? Maybe mine's there too?"

"There." Ken pointed to the counter, where both his spear and Gene's harp were patiently waiting for them. No extra weapon for her there either.

"Maybe we can go find it?" Gene shrugged. "Like, you can see where things are in this world, right?"

Courtney's eyes glazed over as she muttered to herself, clearly lost in thought over something. Maybe surveying the area or something, Ken supposed.

"W-well my map thing does say that there's two, three… four interesting things. Maybe we can go there?"

"Bit of an issue with you being unarmed…" Ken said. "Still, better than just standing here. Ready to go, Gene?"

The two boys grabbed their respective weapons and made sure to stand in front of Courtney. With her knowing the location of the bad guys and them protecting her from the front, they had a solid system going.

But then came the actual issue; actually attacking something. They couldn't just evade forever, because that defeated the point of coming out here to train.

With Courtney's affirmation that they were actually heading in the right direction, Ken eventually bit the bullet and struck one of the purple blob things in the back with his spear. It reared up in pain and split into three separate creatures, two ghostly looking snowmen and one that looked like an armoured knight on a horse. None of the three looked like they were ready to attack, so Ken took the initiative, summoning Changeling. The little blue goblin thing appeared in a flash and struck the knight with a blast of wind, who recoiled from the hit and took a couple of steps back, but didn't seem especially harmed by the attack. Neutral, he supposed.

Gene followed up after him and hit the same target with an ice spell which had the horse buckling. The red armour must've been an indication, Ken noted. With a nod to Ken, Gene got his second turn and struck a few notes on his harp, which in turn impaled the knight, practically disintegrating it.

"W-wow…" Courtney mumbled. "So you guys can do magic spells?"

"Uh huh," Ken nodded. "And hopefully, so can you."

"…how?" She just stared at him. "Do I have one of those creature things too?"

"Yup. I think you called it Lona last time? Hold up one of these and try calling out to it in your head." Ken gave her a Chunky Blast-Off.

Courtney closed her eyes in obvious concentration, holding the tiny chocolate in her hand. There was a burst of light and feathers as a little fat bird appeared on her shoulder. With splayed eyes and a distinct ruffled look, it certainly didn't seem very impressive at first glance. But hey, Gene just killed a knight with a mound of seaweed. Go figure.

"Huh…" Courtney stared at the weird bird on her shoulder. "Koo… ha? Die-a? What do those mean?"

Gene looked just as confused as her.

"Attack names, I think?" Ken stabbed a guess. He only had the vaguest of contexts, but when Igor showed him what Fusion was the other day, he saw words like Dia and Garu. Could they be the words she was reading?"

"Hmm…" She pondered. The little bird took off from her shoulder and released a small burst of light, which surrounded one of the two snowmen and knocked it off its feet. The snowman in return rubbed at its head and stood back up. Another neutral hit it seemed.

The snowman that was knocked over responded in kind by giving Ken a left hook, while the second launched an ice attack at Courtney, who predictably screeched on impact.

"W-what the?!" She cried, reaching into her tote bag. All sorts of things were withdrawn from it and thrown from it, including a thing of lipstick or whatever, her phone, and one of those bottles of pills. The latter spilled open and surrounded both snowmen with colourful explosions, stunning them both?

All three of the kids looked just as stunned. What had even just happened there?

Ken snapped out of the trance first. "Ugh, what're we doing? Attack!"

Both he and Gene lunged forwards, hitting and slashing at the two snowmen with the standard cartoonish fight noises. The usual cloud thing appeared, and then the snowmen were gone, leaving behind another one of those card challenge things. Ken picked one out at random and felt the burning in his pocket of the Chunky Blast-Offs being restored or whatever.

"And that…" He caught his breath, "Is how you fight, Courtney."

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **You played Salad Samurai with Calvin. Your Proficiency has increased!**  
 **You did well with the English problem. Your Knowledge has increased!**

 **Hey there guys. A bit of a filler chapter I guess, but it builds the world a bit more and introduces Courtney to the otherworld so to speak. As always, feel free to offer feedback if you've got any. Coming up next, more training stuff and Tina's experiences at Equestra-Con on Sunday.**


	23. The Quest For Stuff

"Take that!" Gene cried, watching as all three of the jack-o-lanterns crashed to the ground in sequence, all thanks to his seaweed thing.

The trio of jack-o-lanterns remained stunned and vulnerable on the ground, so he and Ken took to the usual strategy of beating them senseless while Courtney just… watched. She didn't seem fit for close combat due to not having an actual weapon, Ken supposed. Best case scenario she had bombs, which wasn't going to end well no matter how he looked at it.

One, two, three jack-o-lanterns disappeared into the mist, leaving the third treasure chest of the night free for the taking. Previous ones yielded a weird yellowish stone and what looked like a blank playing card, both of which Ken had no clue how to go about using. Junk shop maybe?

With a solid thunk, the latch came loose on the treasure chest, revealing a plush velvet interior and a friendly golden glow. Within it, a full box of Chunky Blast-Offs?

"Huh?" Gene gawped at it. "What're Chunky Blast-Offs doing here?! And are there more?!"

Gene's elation aside, that posed more questions than it answered. As always. If worldly items were appearing in this dystopian mirror, it offered more evidence than ever that the worlds were linked, and worse still that someone may have the ability to freely travel between them. Either that or he was just overthinking.

"Either way, free Chunky Blast-Offs. Means more spells I guess?" Ken shrugged. "H-how many more chests were there in the area Courtney? One?"

"I um, think so," Courtney nodded. "Is… is this gonna take much longer? I dunno if I can keep this up…"

"Shouldn't be too much longer if there's only one," Ken reassured her, and the trio took to the streets once again, calmly moving between hiding spots to evade the bigger shadows. All three of their Persona creatures were low on power, if the near empty boxes of Chunky Blast-Offs were any indication, so if they could get through this last bit without using one of the spare boxes that would've been ideal. It meant forgoing extra experience, but they could also gain that another day.

He wasn't sure if his eyes had just gotten used to the mist or not, but it seemed a lot easier to see in this world now. Or maybe it was tied to the number of shadow things?

That would be something he'd find out when they went back, Ken forced a chuckle.

As expected, the fourth and last treasure chest was guarded by another blob creature thing, and this was far bigger and nastier than the last, practically taking up the whole alleyway. It moved quickly and would glance over its 'shoulder' at seemingly random moments too, which made sneak attacks nigh on impossible.

"Ugh…" Ken groaned. With a nod to his accomplices, he snuck behind a fence and waited for it to pass the corner in the hope that it wouldn't glance at exactly the wrong time.

Spear in hand he went for the lunge, just in time for a pair of crimson eyes to lock onto his position. The shadow creature growled in disdain and threw a swampy purple arm at him.

"Hey!" Gene cried from somewhere else and the shadow monster stopped in its tracks. Suddenly deciding that Ken wasn't important it instead turned around to look for Gene instead. Ken just balked.

A golden opportunity had just fallen into his lap. Whatever possessed Gene to shout at the thing he didn't know, but either way it worked as a distraction. The shadow creature shuffled slowly down the alleyway in an attempt to sniff him out, meanwhile Ken crept behind it as quickly and quietly as he could. It moved at lot faster than he could manage while holding a heavy spear though, so he was going to have to take another lunge at the right moment…!

His spear sunk into the shadow monster's flesh and it roared in pain before splitting into two different creatures, one that looked like a monkey holding a book and another like lady with a sword in each of hand. Definitely not ones to be trifled with.

Ken gulped and summoned Changeling. Now a weird toddler, the thing could walk on its own feet rather than float. It struck the monkey with a Garu spell – Courtney confirmed to him that that was the spell's name. With his second turn he struck the lady with his spear and was just met with two swords blocking his progress.

The swordswoman was the bigger danger here, it seemed.

"My turn!" Gene cried from the other side of the two of them. His seaweed thing hit the lady with a Bufu spell for seemingly neutral damage once again. Courtney's bird followed up with a light attack – Kouha, apparently – which struck the woman down at last. The two boys took their chance, piling on while their opponents were down, however both were still there after the clouds dissipated.

The monkey thing was the first to get up, firing a plume of darkness at Ken, while the lady slashed at Gene with both of its swords. The first was blocked by his harp but he wasn't so lucky with the second, taking a slash across the arm for his troubles.

"Agh!" He winced at the attack. "S-seaweed buddy!"

"I told you, it's called Nokken!" Courtney sighed.

"I'll call him anything as long as he heals me!" Gene cried back, bathing in the light blue energy that Nokken had just summoned. Ken just did the same as he did before, knocking over the monkey with a Garu. It sure felt a lot better knowing the names of these spells and things rather than just having to guess. Occasionally Courtney would be able to tell him the names of some of their enemies too, but not all the time. That suggested that maybe it was the stronger ones whose names she couldn't tell. And the fact that she hadn't given these guys' names away said it all.

Courtney followed the same pattern as last time, knocking the woman down with another Kouha spell, and the boys followed up once again, assaulting the pair while they were downed. Only the swordswoman remained this time, which had to make things easier surely?

It recovered from its assault and slashed at Courtney twice with its swords, knocking her to the ground with ease, and then decided to hit Ken with the pommel of one of its swords immediately afterwards, making him see stars.

"Nooken, buddy? Time for a heal!" Gene cried, reaching into his box for a Chunky Blast-Off and finding none. "Uh oh…"

Unsurprisingly, nothing appeared to take the lack of candy from him.

"Uhh…" Gene just looked hopelessly between his Nokken and Ken, then back again. "What now?"

Nokken disappeared in a flurry of damp seaweed, leaving Gene exposed to the sword lady's attacks. His hesitation cost him, and he took a slash to the side as punishment. Meanwhile Ken continued to stagger about in confusion and Courtney was still finding her feet after the last assault.

"M-maybe…" she clutched at her chest. "We should use that extra box we found?"

"Even if I wanted to, Ken's got it." Gene grimaced at the cut down his side. "Proof that holding a monopoly on snacks is dangerous!"

"W-well can we snap him out of it?" Courtney cried, summoning her Lona. The bird screeched and released another blast of light, knocking the woman down once again. Lona disappeared and Courtney shook Ken at the shoulder. His eyes were still unfocused and his footsteps shaky. She snapped her fingers in front of his face, yet still no reaction.

Courtney let out a strange noise. "Looks like we're fighting without him for a bit longer, Gene. Take this!"

A pill bomb exploded at the swordswoman's feet, launching her across the floor. Gene followed up with a trio of notes from his harp, each of which impaled their way into the sword lady's armour with a heavy 'thock'. Ken remained unsteady on his feet however, and this gave the lady the chance to get back up again, instantly retorting with another slashing attack. Courtney was spared, however it was Ken who took heavy damage instead, not even able to defend himself because of his dizziness. Several cuts to the side did wonders for his awareness however, and he was able to stop himself faceplanting the floor with an extended elbow.

"Ugh…" Ken wrenched back to his feet. "S-sorry guys."

"Don't worry about it Ken!" Courtney cried. "H-here, let me heal you up!"

She reached for her Chunky Blast-Offs, but after a few lonely taps about the box her eyes widened in panic. "Uh oh…"

"You're out too?" Gene grimaced. "W-what about you, Ken?"

Ken rattled the box in his hand. "One left. That's… not ideal."

"Of all the times to have a chocolate shortage!" Gene dragged hands down his face. "I-I know we were trying to save the new box, but mayyybe we shouldn't? I don't wanna be dead!"

"…maybe it's for the best," Ken considered. If Courtney couldn't use her Persona at all, that was a big issue. Even if she was the best healer, that wasn't a catastrophe on its own because all of them had some healing spells, but it seemed to be only her Kouha that even affected the swordswoman opposite. If Courtney couldn't strike the swordswoman where it was weakest, then it could just pick them off one by one.

"A-alright," Ken stammered, peeling open the little box of chocolate drops. A heat surged through the box in his hands and disappeared almost as quickly, taking the box with it. The same heat then exploded in his pants pocket, where Ken opened up the other box and found not just one, but eight whole chocolates now.

"By the power of chocolate I smite thee!" Gene adopted a weird, old fashioned voice and summoned his Nokken once again, who struck the swordswoman with another blast of Bufu. It fell to one knee but remained mostly unharmed from the attack. It couldn't even brace for a Kouha from Courtney however, collapsing onto its butt.

"Okay, this time!" Courtney lisped, and both boys took to the close combat once again. With Gene using his harp as more of a club than anything else and Ken just slashing blindly with the spear, the pair of them attacked until nothing remained for them to attack. One of the swordswoman's blades clattered to the ground as its body dissipated into the ether, which Ken promptly picked up.

"A… free sword?" He shrugged. He had nothing to put it in beside his pockets. Maybe it was time to invest in a rucksack or something, because there was no way he was going to be able to carry a foot-long sword about in his pockets. This wasn't The Sims.

"Might as well keep it." Courtney suggested. "Either way, we beat the bad guys! Woohoo!"

"And there's the last of the treasure chests!" Gene cried. "C'mon Ken, let's open it up!"

Ken simply nodded to Gene and fiddled with the latch on the treasure chest, which snapped away. A heavy hinge slowly folded outwards, inviting the three of them to the happy glow of…

"…a fancy metal sports bra!" Gene seemed elated. "Fashionable and safe!"

"Er, I think it's chainmail," Ken felt he had to correct there. He couldn't claim to know all that much about bras, but it was a pretty safe bet that they didn't come in metal.

"Or that too," Gene shrugged. "Who's gonna get it? Because I for one-"

"I think Courtney should," Ken handed it to her. "She did the most work and needs more protection from the heavy hits. Seem fair to you, Courtney?"

"U-umm…" Courtney was already blushing. Please don't read into this, Ken grimaced to himself.

"I-if you say so, Ken," she stammered, receiving it from him and slipping her arms through. "Ooh. It's all cold and heavy…"

She fiddled with the cold metal links on her chainmail as the three of them just looked around. What were they supposed to do now? They'd found all of the treasure chests as far as Ken was aware. Unless more spawned randomly or something like they did in online video games? He wasn't going to lie, that would've been a cool feature. They had more spells to use up now too, thanks to the fresh batch from that new box of Chunky Blast-Offs, but that was all well and said and done. As for actual energy levels, that was a different matter altogether. Gene was doubled over and heaving while Courtney had already collapsed into a sitting position on the cold stone floor. More spells or not, it looked like it was time to go home.

"So uh, home time?" Ken asked.

"We can go home?" Courtney sounded helpful. "You know how?"

"Uh. Sorta." Ken shrugged. "We kinda just have to wait for it to happen. But I think we're done with fighting for today right?"

"So you mean we wait for it to digest?" Courtney said. "That's super weird."

"Heh. Yeah, it's not the best system." Ken offered a meek smile. "Best we got so far though."

And then they were waiting. For how much longer, he had no clue. Maybe there was a way to speed it up?

He summoned his Changeling with another Chunky Blast-Off. Maybe using up energy would help. They had spare spells to waste anyway. Three blasts of Dia them, and Changeling disappeared as quickly as it came. No change of scenery, however.

"So uh. What now?" Courtney said.

"Waiting, I guess." Ken sighed. "Gotta find a better way of getting in and out than this."

It wasn't even a nicety. This was a really inefficient system. Imagine getting transported back to the real world while fighting a monster. They'd lose all of the progress, or possibly worse.

"So…" he struggled for conversation. "Plans for tonight?"

"I think I need a nap…" Gene yawned. "Like, three naps all at once. A supernap…"

"I-I have to do something with my dad," Courtney shivered from the cold. "What about you, Ken?"

"Long walk back home to Calvin's…" Ken groaned. His legs were already pounding from all the running about in this place. Another 2 mile walk back to Calvin's place was already sounding like torture.

"You'll have the best shins in town!" Gene was weirdly optimistic about Ken's situation, and Ken couldn't help but chuckle in response. All the girls were totally into well-defined shins.

The stifled conversation helped move time along just enough however, and Ken could feel the telltale gurgle in his stomach. His vision blurred as colour washed back into their surroundings, leaving them in some back alley he didn't recognise.

"Where… are we?" Courtney lisped, no longer wearing her chainmail vest thing. "This place doesn't look familiar."

"It'll be somewhere in town most likely." Ken muttered. "Let's wander a bit, see if we can find our bearings."

The three of them nodded to each other and ventured out of the grimy alleyway, then onto a main street. There were a few shops Ken thought maybe he recognised from his journeys with Calvin to collect rent, but there definitely wasn't anywhere he could guarantee to find his way home from. This could've been an issue.

"Look! There's the store where dad gets his fancy cheese from!" Gene pointed out to a dingy looking store across the road and down a few houses from them.

"Can you get home from there?" Ken asked.

"Uh, maybe?" Gene nodded. "I only ever see it when I'm in the car so I dunno if my feet remember the way."

"Better than nothing," Ken said. "Might as well start from there. Think you can find your way home from here Courtney?"

"Umm…" she hesitated. "I'll go with you guys for a while, see if there's anywhere I recognise on the way."

"Fair enough." Ken muttered. Taking advantage of a convenient red light, the trio crossed the busy street to enter into 'How Dairy', where Gene was able to ask the shopkeeper for directions. He split with Ken and Courtney, heading the opposite way back into the heart of town while Ken made sure Courtney was at least safely on her way back. That would've been all he needed, having something happen to her before she got home.

Taking the rural roads out towards Courtney's house proved the wiser option it seemed, with the nature and wildlife a lot easier on the eyes than constant traffic jams and angry motorists. Sure, there were still plenty even out this way, but it was nothing like the downtown chaos.

"Thank you for training with me today, Ken." Courtney smiled up at him as they approached the end of her street. "It was super helpful."

"No problem," Ken gave her the obligatory hug. "It answered a couple of questions for me too, so it was a useful day."

"Maybe we can do it again another time?" She asked.

"I've got a feeling we'll be needing to pretty often." Ken forced a chuckle. That incident with Tina was still pretty fresh in his mind, what with all of Igor's creepy foreshadowing.

Ken waved goodbye to Courtney and made his way back to the Fischoeder mansion, where Calvin was all too happy to see him at the end of the day. Ken could just about muster the energy for a couple games of Salad Samurai with his guardian before collapsing onto his bed for the night.

* * *

Morning came slowly, as if time itself was exhausted. Ken spent what felt like hours lost between dozing and semi-consciousness, shocking himself when only about 20 minutes had past since the alarm went off at 9.

Stretching his tired joints, Ken looked about his bedroom. Still as barren and lifeless as the day he'd moved in. He'd at least unpacked his travel case thing, he supposed. He made a mental note to perhaps decorate this place a little, because it didn't even look like he was living here aside from the occasional abandoned item of clothing strewn about the floor. There was the money issue of course, and while he was richer than the average kid thanks to Calvin basically throwing money at him, something suggested $90 or so wasn't going to go that far.

Calvin greeted him to breakfast as he made his way down, A small army of bacon was his breakfast it seemed. No complaints there. What young boy didn't like bacon?

Being off school so soon after the long weekend just three days ago was an alien experience. Like a forbidden respite that he didn't deserve. But it also felt just empty without anything to do. Going off to see Gene and the others again after yesterday was probably a bad idea if they were even half as tired as he felt, meanwhile he had a whole Saturday to waste. What to do, he wondered.

There were those items they found in the other world, he supposed he could go get those valued at some point. He supposed he could go find Igor and ask what the weird stone and blank playing card did. Igor seemed to know a lot about cards so that was at least one reliable answer. That might have killed… maybe an hour. Leaving him another twelve or so until he could realistically sleep again. A nap just sounded like a path to poor sleeping patterns, so that probably wasn't the best idea either. He could've just lost himself in the games room, but things didn't exactly turn out well last time he did that either. But then again, what were the odds that Felix would get in a fight with Frank over a hotdog again? He'd like to think it wasn't likely, but then again this was the Fischoeders. So he wasn't holding his breath in the hope of normality.

A few more games of Salad Samurai with Calvin soaked up another thirty minutes or so, but at this point Ken's tolerance for sociability was nearing its limit. Maybe it was time to just lock himself away somewhere and while the day away on something unproductive. Before he knew it, he'd sunk back into the game kart thing and was wasting time.

Occasional texts from Courtney breaking the time up nicely, the hours slowly melted away into evening, where Ken eventually decided enough was enough.

'March 14th' he scrawled into the diary. 'Did a whole lot of nothing today. Gene's sister is going to some horse thing tomorrow so I'll probably go with them just to see what that's like.'

After a dinner of colourless mush, or 'biscuits and gravy' according to Calvin, Ken indulged his guardian with a few more games of Salad Samurai had before rounding off the day, celebrating with a decent snooze.

Ken arose with his alarm at 9 once again, repeating yesterday's monotony of breakfast with Calvin and feeding Frank before heading out to the restaurant to see what was going on over there.

Unsurprisingly, Tina was a ball of nerves upon his arrival. Quivering like a leaf, she was barely able to jitter forget form coherent sentences. Gene had to literally prod her into the car, while Louise took advantage of her mental absence to call shotgun. Once again, Ken was stuck with the tiny middle seat, sandwiched between the two older Belchers.

This Equestra-Con thing was being held at an enormous grey building in the middle of town called the 'Wharf-Arts centre'. Everything about the building, from the weird cylinder roof to the seemingly random window placement and granite texture, was the sheer definition of pretentious. The kind of place that only the most pompous of events were held.

Linda pulled into a bay outside the complex and immediately leant over her shoulder, casting a concerned glance at her eldest.

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay at this Equestron, Teena Beena?" There was a worried quiver in her voice.

"I'll be fine, mom," Tina smiled. "It's just a bunch of old guys in horse costumes. O-oh, and it's Equestra-Con, not Equestron."

"I-isn't that what I said?" Linda tittered. "Anyway, I just don't wanna worry about you too much. You're all alone, and I can't say I'm too pleased about my little girl bein' surrounded by a bunch of old men. Ain't this Equesticles a girl's thing?"

"There are some girl fans," Tina nodded. "B-but I'll be fine, don't worry mom. I promise."

"Hnng…" Linda made a weird noise. "A-alright sweetie. I can trust you. Go be the best Equesticle ever."

Tina opened the door and stepped out of the car, standing on the sidewalk with the arts centre thing in the background behind her.

"…thanks mom," She said, waving her mother away with a smile. Linda made sure to hug her daughter properly before sidling back into the car, grey as the skies above.

"…she will be okay, won't she?"

"Surrounded by sweaty old men? She'll be fine!" Louise did nothing to help the situation.

"If anything, they're in the room with her, mom." Gene added his own brand of antagonism to the conversation.

"…she'll be fine, don't worry." Ken bit his lip. There was that worrying undercurrent playing in the back of his mind almost on repeat, like that one family video you could never quite forget. Ever since she'd given him that hug at school, he couldn't help but worry that something bad was going to happen. Igor's voice generally brought concern with it. But telling Linda wasn't going to help anything, he supposed. If worst came to worst, it was going to be up to him, Gene and Courtney. But until then, he guessed they were just going to have to see how things panned out.

Linda put the car into gear and pulled away, leaving Tina in her rear-view mirror.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **End of chapter notes:**

 **You acquired a Chainmail Vest.**  
 **You acquired a Life Stone.**  
 **You acquired a Blank Card.**  
 **You defeated a strong foe! Your Courage has increased!**  
 **You played many games of Salad Samurai! Your Proficiency has increased!**

 **Hey there guys. We won't be seeing too much of Tina for a few chapters, as you may have guessed. I'll be speeding up the plot a wee bit to accommodate the time difference, but she's next on the awakening list. Bonus points for anyone who can guess her element :)**


	24. Hot and Cold

The icy chill of piano music stirred Ken from his sleep, and once again he found himself in the Velvet Room, sat opposite Igor and Penelope in his pyjamas.

"A good evening to you, Ken." Igor tapped his fingers together. "Just a quick check. How are you holding up? Getting a better grasp of this world and its machinations?"

"Er, sure." Ken just looked around. Nothing had changed about the insides of his Ferris wheel carriage thing, yet it somehow felt so different. "Everything but how and when you appear."

A grin stretched across Igor's lips. "Ah, worry not Ken. A magician never reveals his secrets, after all. So you have no questions?"

"Well…" Ken's hand reached for his pockets but stopped when he realised that he was about to tear a hole in his pyjama pants. "I uh, found this blank card, but I can't show it to you because I'm not wearing my normal clothes…"

"A blank card you say?" Igor's eyebrow arched. "How interesting. Let's just say a blank card is not unlike a joker. Boundless potential awaits you, my boy."

Igor snapped his fingers and Ken's vision faded into white noise, followed immediately by the screeching of his alarm clock.

He awoke with a start into early morning sunshine. Yet again he couldn't tell whether the meeting with Igor was really a dream or not. Had valuable sleeping time been taken up by that man literally occupying a space in his mind? It was a concerning situation either way, really. Either he was having repeating dreams about a creepy, all powerful being in a Ferris wheel carriage, or the very same being was actively visiting him in his dreams.

Ken swung his feet over the end of the bed and groaned. This was far too much to think about on a Monday. After pulling some clothes on, he wandered downstairs and fed Frank a healthy bowl of pellets before tucking into a breakfast of his own; today's 'special' seemed to be eggs on toast?

A bizarre combination, but he wasn't going to begrudge it. Muttering the usual niceties to Calvin he headed off towards school. The first red flag popped up when only two Belchers met him outside the restaurant; Gene and Louise.

"W-where's Tina?" He tried to keep his voice calm. Maybe it was just a coincidence and he didn't need to start panicking, after all.

"She's not feeling well," Louise deadpanned. "Butt rot or something, probably."

"A serious case!" Gene said. "Mom said it's super contagious and that we should stay away, otherwise our butts will fall off!"

"…huh." Ken frowned. That didn't sound believable in the slightest. But Gene would surely know if Tina had disappeared, right? Both of them could venture into that 'other' world, along with Courtney.

He was going to have to think up a better name than 'other world'. A dystopian horror full of dangerous nightmares shouldn't be restricted to a name as boring as 'other world'.

With a shrug, Ken followed after the depleted Belchers and headed to school. Even if worst came to worst, the three of them could visit later on or something and have a look around, make sure she actually wasn't there. It would be an excuse for training, if nothing else.

School dripped by, as per usual, with the only real highlight being Coach Blevins accidentally setting his tie on fire in Science class. Despite Tina usually being the quietest of their little group, even more so than Ken himself, her lack of a presence was definitely felt. For starters it meant there was a gap at the lunch desk; one that Courtney seemed all too happy to fill.

Angry mutterings from Louise did little to fill in the space, however. Ken finished the afternoon without much of a fuss, following Gene and Louise back to theirs for a couple of hours after school to catch up with the rest of the Belchers.

Both Bob and Linda seemed equally oblivious to Tina's state, insisting she was in her bedroom feeling sorry for herself. Ken managed a sneaky knock on her door when no one was looking, but didn't get an answer.

She could've just been sleeping. That was very possible. Her parents wouldn't willingly lie to him would they? Lie about her being sick at home when a kidnapper was very much on the loose?

Something here didn't quite add up, but there wasn't any need to get worried just yet.

Ken bid his goodbyes to most of the Belchers at about six o'clock and found his way back home, where Calvin happily greeted and fed him. He couldn't really focus on the colourless mush Calvin was calling dinner due to Tina's situation, however. If she was still 'sick' the next day, he was thinking that maybe he'd have to do something about it.

And just as predicted, there was no Tina there the next morning either.

Neither of the siblings were saying much about it either. Were they honestly believing that she was ill in bed with butt rot? Was that even a thing?

But of course, there was nothing he could do about it with school being in the way. Math problem or no Math problem, he was going to have to be a student first, and then see what the issue was with Tina later.

At the end of lunch, he dragged Gene and Courtney to one side;

"Wanna go training after school today?"

"Huh? That's sudden." Courtney said.

"Yeah, aren't we super strong already?" Gene was in rare agreement with her.

"And what if the bad guys have gotten stronger?" Ken searched for a logical argument. "I think we wanna try and commit to training once, maybe twice a week or something?"

"Uhh… as long as it doesn't run into my snack time I'm good." Gene said.

"Wherever you go I'll follow, Ken." Courtney made her creepy addition.

So the evening's plans were made. He, Courtney and two Belchers made their way back to the restaurant after school, where Ken ordered another Burger of the Day. 'My Neighbor Potato' was a pretty obvious hint as to what the special ingredient was. It came as a fried slab of mashed potato on top of the patty.

An odd choice, but Ken had seen weirder. Bob wasn't as obliging this time however, offering only the one rather than a freebie. That meant Gene got a half and they both got a quarter, because he was screwed if he was going to try and figure out how to evenly cut a burger into thirds. Maybe it was time to adopt Louise's mantra of 'no Math out of school'.

Crossing over made them feel a little less nauseous each time they did so, but his head was still swimming for a good ten minutes of wandering in the misty nothingness. The shadow monsters seemed more on edge today than usual. Sure, maybe they just didn't like Tuesdays either, but there may have been an actual reason for the behaviour.

"Can you see anything interesting on your map Courtney?" Ken asked, splitting a shadow monster down the middle with his spear.

"Uhh…" she stared at nothing while the two monster halves surged into new shapes. "There's a couple of things out there but they're far away. Wanna go get them?"

"Yeah, sounds good to me." Ken nodded, blocking a slash attack from what looked like a greenish voodoo dull with a boomerang. He countered with a parry of his own, which knocked the creature back and let Gene pummel it with a Bufu. Courtney followed up with a couple of pill bombs, which vanquished the first of the two shadows. The second, some sort of ghostly looking dog, struck Courtney down with a darkness spell and then whipped Ken with its tail. Ken countered with a Garu spell, knocking it back. He and Gene then piled on it and vanquished it before helping Courtney up.

Every step he took throughout the other world felt different today. Until he thought up a better name it was going to stay as the other world, anyway. Like there was an unwelcoming presence here. Not that the place was exactly inviting in the first place, with its decaying walls, obscuring fog and murderous monsters but hey, the normal hostile environment was a picnic compared to today.

Courtney grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him back, just as a shadow rounded a corner. Eyes wide he plunged his spear into the creature's depths and split it into three, offering Courtney a thank you thumbs up.

Among these three were two 'Jack O'Lanterns' and a 'Jack Frost', according to Courtney. It was easy to tell which was which, with the obvious pumpkin and snowman aesthetics. Gene was quick to bring the Jack O'Lanterns down with a pair of Bufu spells and then whack the Jack Frost with his harp. Ken followed up by sinking his spear into Jack Frost's middle, which seemed to do little other than simply sink through its icy body. Jack Frost grabbed at his spear and instantly froze it, so Courtney took the initiative and blasted it with a pill bomb, which disintegrated much of its body.

Jack Frost stayed standing though, so there was to be no close combat this round. Logic told him that a fire attack would weaken it, but no one had any access to that. He supposed they'd just have to do it the slow way and knock it around for a few turns. The Jack O'Lanterns had recovered from their Bufu assault and retaliated with fire spells of their own, hitting Courtney and Ken respectively. Ken thanked the gods above that Gene was spared, meanwhile Jack Frost limped towards Gene and hit him with an icy fist. Gene seemed mostly unperturbed by it however, knocking both Jack O'Lanterns down with another barrage of Bufu spells. The first one vanished into nothing while the second needed a trio of notes from the harp to get the job done. Maybe it was a higher level than its cohort, Ken wondered.

That left just the Jack Frost remaining. Ken slashed at it with his spear while Courtney launched another pill bomb at it, blasting more of its body away. Yet again it just reformed and attacked however, this time striking Ken on the side of the head. Ken blinked away stars and countered with his spear, which sliced clean through the Jack Frost's middle. The creature made a confused face and disappeared into the mist, leaving the three of them with a light show of playing cards.

"This again, huh?" Gene frowned. "Want me to pick, Ken?"

"I wanna do it!" Courtney thrust herself in. "…what do I do?"

"Pick a card." Ken deadpanned. "Super easy."

"Hmm…" Courtney drew out the simple action of 'pick a card' as long as she possibly could. Looking around the other side, inspecting each of the eight or so from various angles – to which they rotated away from her in accordance – she ummed and ahhed over the simple decision for a pointlessly long time.

"Just pick already!" Gene groaned. "We'll be here all day otherwise!"

"Fine…" Courtney said darkly. "This one."

She grabbed a card at seemingly random and glared at it. "It's another one of those dumb snowmen. What does that mean?"

The card shot out of her hand and into Ken's, where it disappeared in a flash of gold. Did that mean what he thought it meant?

"J-Jack Frost." He muttered to no one. The surrounding mist clumped together in front of him, condensing to the shape of another one of those snowmen. It gave a little giggle and waved at Ken before disappearing again.

"…what does all of this mean?" Courtney sounded as confused as ever.

"It means I can now use one of those snowmen things." Ken said.

"B-but I picked the card!"

"I know you picked the card. Don't ask me why, but only I can use them it seems."

"Ugh, no fair."

"…thanks for picking it."

"Really? Ohh, it's no biggie!"

Fire and Ice seemed to be the day's theme, with plenty more of those Jack Frosts floating about and several other monsters that were obviously Fire based, from the Pumpkin Jacks to literal wisps of fire, and Ken just made the assumption that anything bright red was fire aligned. That was probably going to come back and bite him in the butt later but it was definitely working for just now so that was fine.

Courtney made a show of informing them that the first of the 'interesting' things on her map was getting near, which turned out to be another treasure chest guarded by a shadow. It wasn't as much of a pushover as the first few battles, but the weird prancing horse – Orobas according to Courtney – couldn't stand up to Gene and Ken's dual ice assaults for long, with repeated pummelling reducing it to mist in no time at all. Inside the treasure chest they found one of those dumb hats that looked like it was made out of a net curtain. Gene immediately decided he was wearing without any clue what it even did. Ken wasn't going to begrudge him that; Courtney got the last one after all.

It looked like their trailblazing was going to have to end there for the day however, as Ken could feel the usual gurgle emanating from his depths. Was there another way to control where they could enter and leave from? The current system was really working against them, forcing them to find their way in the mist world – that was already so much better than 'other world' – and then find their way back from wherever they'd gotten to. All that did was eat into their time.

If only this place had save points, he thought with a little snicker. It wasn't out of the question, but short of taking their burger to go they were going to have to just put up with the current system.

Colours bled back into the world, and three young kids found themselves in some apartment block with mouldy walls and equally grotty floors. Clearly one of the nicer parts of town.

"…meet back here on Thursday?" Ken suggested.

"Why here?" Courtney frowned. "It's so icky…"

"So we can pick up where we left off." Ken explained. "It'll be a pain in the butt travelling from the restaurant every time and we'll only be able to get so far before we have to leave again. At least if we pick up from here we can explore a bit more. Find more stuff?"

"Oh, you mean like the in-Gene-ious idea I had last week?" Gene stood proud.

It was a solid plan, and Ken still didn't know how Gene came up with it. The only real downside was finding their way there and back, regardless of which world they were in. It was a poor system at best, but what could he do? Weird portals into alternate worlds don't usually accommodate for you.

The apartment block was just a few blocks down from Courtney's house, so she peeled away from the pair of them quickly, while Gene and Ken took the longer route back to the restaurant. Ken was tempted to ask about Tina, but even Gene seemed fairly oblivious to the potential danger she was in. Surely someone must have known whether or not she was actually there…

One more day, he told himself. If they were still none the wiser after one more day, then she must've been in the mist world. There was no other way, aside from sheer ignorance.

Ken bid Gene goodbye outside the restaurant and gave Bob a wave before heading past. It looked like the store next door had changed hands again – he could almost bring himself to feel sorry for the used hats guy. This one had a sign with bold yellow letters, 'Batter Off Dead'.

Batter as in… battered food?

Hopefully not battered people, he chuckled. What was with these stores and their ambiguous names?

Either way, it killed time, and he didn't want to go back to Calvin's just yet. Through the doors he went, and the gentle tinkle of a bell was quickly swallowed by the rambunctious swell of bagpipes. Behind the counter sat the biggest creature Ken had ever met. This man must've stood at least six foot six or so, with scraggly red hair so bright that it was practically luminous.

"Y'a'righ', wee man?" He spoke in the thickest accent. "Glad te see we're gettin' noticed. What can I dae ye fer?"

Ken just stared up at him with his lips pursed. This man was sat down yet still taller than him. Almost as broad as he was tall, he seemed in every way the stereotypical Scotsman, right down to the kilt and weird pompom hat thing.

"I uh…" he hesitated. "I was just looking around, sorry."

"Och, it's nae bother pal. There's nothin' wrong wae just having a wee look. Ye wantin' somethin' battered?!"

The beast of a man pounded one fist into the other, and Ken was no closer to a conclusion as to exactly what was getting battered. The entire building smelled strongly of cooking oil and vinegar, so he was hoping that meant food, but there was no certainty in anything anymore.

"Er… what's available?" He asked. If he could narrow things down a bit that might've helped.

"Hah-hah! Surprise me, wee man. We'll batter anything!" The man grinned massively. "We've got ye a fish supper, tattie scones, yer wee chocolate bar, sausagees, pizza, you name it. You bring it, we'll batter it!"

"So… food?"

"Aye, if ye like. Just as long as it's deid pal."

Ken groaned internally. That only made things sound more suspicious.

"So you do… takeout?" He tried again.

"Aye, mostly." The huge man nodded. "But like I said, you bring it an' we'll – och, where're m'manners?! Pleasure te meet ye wee man. Name's Davie MacPherson! Come fae a place named Glesga in Scotland. Ye heardae'it?"

Ken could only manage a shake of the head. He'd heard of Scotland. That was where the Loch Ness monster was from. An actual place in Scotland was a different beast altogether. "Och, nae bother wee man. Cannae say am surprised. Aye, moved o'er wi m'wife an' weans. Figured I'd bring what I ken wi me, ye ken?"

Ken? That was his name. What did it even mean when used in that way?

He was sure this Davie person was speaking English, but he'd be damned if he understood more than a couple of words. Like a tin of syrup with the label missing, his accent was just too thick and heavy, and he couldn't be sure.

Ken just nodded politely and looked around. If he was about to go back home and have a dinner with Calvin – as good as this place smelled – then it probably wasn't wise to fill up on a greasy something or other. The vending machine to his right did catch his eye however. He didn't recognise any of the brands within it, but soda was soda, right. He couldn't just waste the man's time, otherwise they'd end up going under like every other store that seemed to rent this place out.

"Er, just this please?" He placed a can of what looked like orange soda on the counter. Davie looked at it, then him, then it again, and smirked.

"Ah, warms m'heart? Grand. That'll be $2.50."

Ken flinched a bit at the price. All that for a can of soda?

Maybe it was imported or something. He didn't recognise it, so it made sense. Either that or it was unexpectedly fancier than he'd first expected. Did soda even come in fancy?

Regardless, he thanked Davie, got his arm wrung by Davie's shovel of a hand, and exited the store.

Door clinking shut behind him it was time to see what he'd just wasted $2.50 on. That was like three American sodas. The tab clinked back with a pleasant hiss, and Ken gave it a tester sip. The harsh tang of citrus something or other was balanced with a chaotic amount of sugar and some other tang he couldn't identify. It was nothing special, but it was ice cold, and he quickly found himself taking longer and longer draughts of it. Whatever it was, the can was empty by the time he'd made it to the end of the street, and he made the trip slowly back to Calvin's, where his temporary guardian was happy to treat him to a dinner of… pizza?

Ken frowned. Finally, something normal for dinner. He still didn't like pizza much, but at least he knew what this was rather than the colourless something or other from yesterday.

After indulging Calvin with a couple more games of Salad Samurai, he made his excuses and went to bed, only to meet with the icy cold presence of Igor.

It took everything Ken had not to scream at the man.

"…we have got to stop meeting like this."

"Do not be alarmed, Ken." Igor raised a hand to disarm the situation. "Dear Penelope just wants a quick word with you."

Igor gestured to his right, where Penelope herself was sat.

"Hello there," she smiled. "I'm glad to see that you've accomplished my first task. A congratulations are in order!"

She waved her hand and a playing card appeared out of nowhere, which she then floated over to him. Ken studied it for a moment and saw a lot of blue sparkly stuff on one side of it. Whatever that meant.

"You've been progressing at quite the clip," she smiled again. "I wouldn't have expected you to tame a Jack Frost so quickly."

Jack Frost? Ken muttered internally. The weird snowman thing? How these two both knew he'd even encountered one was questionable enough, but exactly when was he told to do so? The only 'request' he remembered getting from her was that one about creatures who bite noses? Something told him a snowman couldn't do that.

"Yes, a fortuitous encounter indeed," Igor placed his fingertips together. "Speaking of which, do you have any requests of us Ken? A Fusion perhaps?"

"Err…" Ken stammered. The whole concept of Fusion was still beyond him, if he was completely honest with himself. Igor definitely knew more than he was letting on, and had far more power than Ken could even comprehend – that much was obvious. Maybe it was better to not tempt fate and ask about Tina?

"N-not that I can think of," he forced a smile.

"A wise decision." Igor grinned. "Sometimes we find that there is safety in strength, and other times safety comes in numbers. You seem to possess the brass to know which is best, Ken. Choose wisely and you may yet overcome even greater foes…"

Ken just groaned. So, he was definitely going to fight much stronger opponents in the future. How encouraging.

"Remember Ken," Igor's body began to fade into the nothing, "A flame burns brightest just before it dies."

Igor and Penelope faded from the room, however it got no warmer. Prickly goosebumps flared across Ken's skin. What in the hell did he even mean by that?

He couldn't even bear to change into pyjamas, it was that cold. His breath misting before him, he just bundled up beneath the bedcovers and stared, wide eyed, at the ceiling.

It looked like he wasn't going to sleep much tonight either.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **Another chapter down.**

 **We're another day closer to finding Tina, however no one's really sure that she's even gone yet. A mechanic I'm introducing is that people who aren't 'awake' to the Mist World remain blissfully unaware to the state of anyone trapped in it, at least initially. The become increasingly aware as time goes on, eventually waking up to the truth unless the person is saved in time. So yeah, time pressure etc.**

 **Anyway, another update for everyone. Some more foreshadowing and Igor being creepy etc, plus a new part time store. Enjoy! :)**


End file.
